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  • 10:45 AM.

  • Has one snack of peanuts and water.

  • Oh, hi, I'm not doing anything suspicious.

  • Have you ever had a certain person you think is really awesome, and you want to spend all your time with them?

  • You write their name over and over again in your journal.

  • You make sacrifices to an effigy of them made of glitter and straw.

  • No? Just me?

  • Okay.

  • Your first instinct might be to jump down a well or into a bottomless mine where you will seamlessly assimilate into bat culture, because crushes are terrible.

  • They consume your thoughts.

  • Does this person like me?

  • Will they ever talk to me?

  • How can I make them like me?

  • Oh, God, maybe they're dating someone.

  • Just chill, relax.

  • Do you want a massage?

  • No? Personal space, I get it, I get it.

  • First things first, try your darndest not to stalk them on the Internet.

  • The only thing that results in is more anxiety.

  • You start thinking everyone in every picture is their significant other.

  • Is that a cousin or a girlfriend?

  • Is that a grandpa or a sugar daddy?

  • It's confusing, I know.

  • The bad news, you can't force anyone to like you.

  • Usually, when you do that, they end up not liking you at all.

  • Just sending some letters.

  • Come in.

  • Excuse me, sir.

  • Huh?

  • Have you seen a young lady around here, about yea high, pink hair?

  • Nope, nothing like that.

  • Okay, I'll see myself out.

  • That's the third time this week.

  • I'm gonna tell you a secret that's only been transcribed in the oldest, most ancient and spooky of tomes.

  • The absolute only way to get your crush to notice you: talk to them.

  • Use those weird flaps you call lips and form noises into words in their general direction.

  • Find out about them, their favorite brand of toothpaste, what kind of masks they like to wear, normal stuff.

  • If you say nothing, they'll never know you're interested, as friends or otherwise.

  • People are nicer than we give them credit for.

  • We imagine the worst, but inside, everyone's a weird, wiggly ball of anxiety.

  • And even if it doesn't work out, you did something that took courage, and that's something to be proud of.

  • Changing your clothes or acting differently and hopes they take notice and ask you out just won't work.

  • Think, would that work on you?

  • Hmmmmmmm...?

  • And besides, if you have to change yourself to gain their attention, they're not worth it.

  • Good luck, you loopy lovesick weirdos.

  • Well, you've got a crush to talk to, and I've got a plane to Fiji to catch.

  • See you later. (sirens wailing)

10:45 AM.

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B1 US crush anxiety wailing personal space bottomless notice

What You Should Actually Say To Your Crush

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    Vivian Chen posted on 2019/07/15
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