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  • Hello.

  • My name is Emma, and in today's video we are going to talk about something very, very important

  • in English, and that is small talk.

  • Okay?

  • So, I'm first going to talk about: What is small talk?

  • And then I'm going to talk about the good things to do in order to make good small talk,

  • and the don'ts - the things we don't do when we're making small talk.

  • Okay, so first of all, what is "small talk"?

  • Very good question.

  • So, I've written some question words up here: "What?", "Who?", "Where/When?", "Why?", and

  • "How?"

  • So, what is "small talk"?

  • "Small talk" is a type of conversation.

  • It's conversation we make with people we don't know that well.

  • Okay?

  • So, it's conversation we make when we don't really know people that well.

  • We use small talk not with our family, not with our friends; we use small talk with strangers

  • - with people we don't know.

  • We use it with acquaintances.

  • And for those of you who don't know, "acquaintance" is somebody you know, but not really well.

  • So, for example, your neighbour might be an acquaintance.

  • Your friend's friend might be an acquaintance.

  • So, with strangers, with acquaintances, people you know their name but you don't really know

  • them well.

  • With your co-workers, with your boss, with your neighbours, with the clerk at the store

  • maybe - if you like to go to a cafe, you might use it with the person who works at the cafe.

  • So, small talk is for people you don't know that well.

  • So, where and when?

  • We've already talked of a couple of examples.

  • Have you ever been on an elevator, and everybody's look at their phone; nobody's making eye contact?

  • A lot of people will make small talk on elevators.

  • At parties.

  • We use small talk at parties.

  • We use them when we're in line ups; sometimes we talk to people near us.

  • We use them at conferences when we're in business or academics.

  • We use them in our classes.

  • When you have a classmate, you don't know them that well, you would probably use small

  • talk.

  • And there are many, many other situations you use small talk.

  • So, why do we use small talk?

  • Well, number one, we want to be friendly.

  • Okay?

  • When we meet somebody, we don't want to seem rude, we don't want to seem unfriendly; we

  • want to seem friendly, so we use small talk.

  • We use small talk to meet new people.

  • A lot of students, when they come to other countries, they want to meet new people.

  • A good way to do that is by using small talk.

  • We want to not feel uncomfortable.

  • Okay?

  • We want to feel comfortable; not uncomfortable.

  • If, for example, you're in an elevator and nobody's talking, it makes everybody feel

  • a little bit uncomfortable.

  • Small talk could make that situation feel more comfortable.

  • We also use small talk to make other people feel comfortable.

  • Okay?

  • We're trying to make a connection with other people and make them feel comfortable, too.

  • All right?

  • So, key point: Small talk we use for people we don't know that well; we use it for strangers,

  • acquaintances, neighbours.

  • Do we use it for family and friends?

  • Not really.

  • We use it for many different types of situations, and we use it for multiple reasons.

  • So now I'm going to teach you some great ways to make small talk.

  • Okay, so remember small talk is for everybody.

  • So, we want to keep the conversation easy, and things everybody can talk about.

  • Okay?

  • So, what are some things that would make great small talk?

  • Well, first of all, I want you to imagine you're at a party and you don't know anyone,

  • and you want to talk to somebody.

  • Here are some great things you could say.

  • So, to start, you can talk about the place you're in or the venue.

  • Okay?

  • So, for example, if music is playing, you can just say to someone: "Oh, I love this

  • song", and that can start a conversation.

  • Or maybe you can say: "What a great apartment this is" or "Isn't that such a beautiful painting?

  • You know, it's such a nice painting."

  • So, what you can do is you can start by talking about the place you're in; whatever is around

  • you.

  • "You know, this restaurant, it's so busy; it's packed" is another thing you could say.

  • So, you can talk about the place you're in.

  • Another good thing to talk about, if you want to start a conversation, if you want to start

  • small talk, you can compliment somebody.

  • So, for example: "Wow, I love your earrings.

  • Where did you get them from?"

  • Or: "What a beautiful shirt.", "I love your purse.", "That's such a nice scarf."

  • Okay?

  • So, if you compliment someone, you can ask them where they bought it from, and that can

  • open up a conversation.

  • Another good thing you can use for small talk is you can talk about your connections to

  • people in the area.

  • So, for example, if you're at a party, you might want to know how the person knows the

  • host of the party.

  • So, you might ask: "So, how do you know the host?", "How do you know Frank?", "How do

  • you know Amy?", "How do you know my sister?"

  • Okay?

  • So, this just establishes how you...

  • How the person fits into your life.

  • So, it's a really good question to ask if you're at a party, if you're at any type of

  • event.

  • You can also ask: "Do you know many people here?"

  • If yes: "Who do you know here?"

  • Okay?

  • Another good question you can ask is you can ask people where they're from.

  • So, this I'm calling location.

  • You can ask them: "Oh, are you from Toronto?" if you're in Toronto.

  • If you're in Paris, you can ask them: "Are you from Paris?"

  • If they say: "Yes", you can ask them: "What neighbourhood did they grow up in?"

  • If they say: "No", you can say: "Where are you from?

  • You know, how long have you lived here for?

  • You know, what do you think of this city?"

  • So these are types of questions you can ask about a city or a location you're in.

  • These all make for great small talk topics.

  • So, let's look at some more.

  • Another great thing you can talk about, another great topic for small talk is asking somebody

  • for recommendations.

  • Okay?

  • So, for example, if you're at a party and, you know, you've already said hello, you can

  • ask them: "I'm new to this city.

  • Anything you would recommend to see?"

  • Or: "Anything you would recommend to do?"; "I'm new to this neighbourhood" - maybe you've

  • just moved to a new neighbourhood.

  • So, it's always good to ask people for recommendations and suggestions on what to do.

  • You might ask them: "What's a good restaurant in this city?", "Do you have a favourite restaurant?"

  • You know, and then...

  • The purpose of this is it can lead to other topics.

  • So, this is a way to open up conversation.

  • You might ask: "What's a good coffee shop?", "What's a good cafe?"

  • So this is a really good thing to do.

  • Sometimes we, in small talk-it's very simple-we just want to know what somebody does for work.

  • So, we might ask them: "So, what do you do for a living?", "Are you a student?", "Where

  • do you work?"

  • Okay?

  • Very common questions we ask in small talk.

  • We talk often about weather, especially for those elevator situations or if you're in

  • a line up and, you know, there's an older person in front of you, a lot of the times

  • we talk about weather.

  • So, you might ask...

  • Or you might even just say a comment: "What a beautiful day.", "What a horrible day.",

  • "What a snowy day.", "What a cold day.", "What a hot day."

  • Now, this is really good to talk about if you're in a country where the weather changes

  • a lot.

  • So, the US, this is great; Canada, England.

  • But if you're in a really hot country where the weather is always hot and always the same,

  • then weather is not really the best subject.

  • It's good to choose weather if it actually does change a lot.

  • Another example: "Can you believe the weather today?

  • It's so beautiful out."

  • Okay?

  • So, this is a great thing you can talk about, and this leads to other conversation topics.

  • Sports and movies, or hobbies are also great small talk topics.

  • So, you might ask somebody: "What sports do you follow?"

  • Maybe there's a local team.

  • Maybe you live in a city where there's a local hockey team, or a soccer team, or a baseball

  • team, and you can ask the person: "Oh, did you watch the hockey game last night?", "Did

  • you watch the soccer game last night?

  • What did you think?"

  • Or you can ask them about movies: "Have you seen any good movies lately?", "What kind

  • of movies do you like?"

  • So, these are all great questions.

  • And remember, with all of these questions, these are just openings.

  • So, the purpose of this is you want to make the conversation longer.

  • The way to do this is to ask more questions.

  • Ask questions about the other person.

  • These are just ways to start small talk.

  • Now I'm going to tell you about some things you should not do when you're making small

  • talk.

  • Okay?

  • The don'ts of small talk.

  • Okay, so the point of small talk is to have light, easy conversation.

  • I'm now going to tell you some things that are not good topics for small talk, and I'll

  • tell you why.

  • The first one is religion.

  • Okay?

  • An example is: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour yet?"

  • This is not good small talk.

  • Asking somebody about religion: "Have they converted to this?"

  • You know, telling them they should convert to somebody.

  • It really...

  • It can really annoy people, maybe people already are that religion but they don't want to talk

  • about it, and you might even offend somebody; you might make somebody angry or upset, so

  • we try to avoid religion.

  • Now, if you're at a church making small talk, religion might be fine; or if you're at a

  • mosque, or if you're at a synagogue, or a temple - it's fine to talk about religion

  • depending on the context.

  • So, if you're in a place of worship - yeah, religion's great; but if you're at a party,

  • at a conference, in the elevator - it's not usually good to talk about religion.

  • Politics.

  • Now, politics is sometimes okay to talk about in small talk.

  • If you ask somebody politely: "Oh, are you going to vote?", "Who do you think is going

  • to win the election?"

  • "You know, which party do you like?"

  • That's okay.

  • But if you become aggressive, this is when politics is no good for small talk.

  • So, for example, if you tell somebody: "Oh, you know, you're voting for this person?

  • You're so stupid.

  • You shouldn't vote for this person" - that's not good small talk.

  • People don't like to be told what to do, so it's good to avoid politics for the most part.

  • And if you do bring up politics, try to be friendly about it.

  • Money.

  • We don't ask people how much money they make or what their salary is.

  • So, if somebody tells you about their job, don't ask: "How much money do you make?"

  • Even if you really, really want to know, it's not acceptable small talk.

  • Appearance.

  • Talking about somebody's weight or their looks - this is not good small talk.

  • So, for example: "You see that man over there?

  • He's so ugly."

  • Okay?

  • That's not a good small talk conversation, or you know, telling somebody: "Oh, you know,

  • you'd be pretty if you lost some weight."

  • These are not good topics for small talk.

  • Heavy subjects.

  • "Heavy subjects" are subjects that make people feel very sad and depressed.

  • Remember, you're trying to make people feel comfortable.

  • You want people to have a smile on their face during small talk.

  • If you talk about death, disease, war, crime - this can really make people feel sad, and

  • so because you don't know these people that well, it's not a good topic for small talk.

  • Gossip.

  • So, "gossip" is when we talk about somebody in a bad way when they're not there.

  • So, if you're at a party and you just meet somebody for the first time, it's not good

  • to start gossiping because you don't know them and it might look bad on you.

  • Okay?

  • So that's not appropriate for small talk.

  • Controversial subjects.

  • So, usually we try not to talk about abortion, you know, divorce, depending on who you're

  • talking to.

  • If you're in an elevator and you've just met somebody for the first time, you don't want

  • to start the conversation by talking about abortion or anything that's really controversial.

  • Also, your problems.

  • It's great to talk about your problems with your friends and your family, but when you're

  • meeting a stranger or an acquaintance for the first...

  • You know, you're meeting somebody you don't really know that well, they don't really want

  • to know about your problems because they don't know you.

  • So, if you start talking about your money problems, you know, you have a gambling addiction,

  • you have no money left, your wife or your husband is cheating on you-okay?-you have

  • all these relationship problems - these types of things, they're great to talk about with

  • your friends or family, but not for small talk.

  • The...

  • The topic will make other people feel a little bit uncomfortable or maybe very uncomfortable,

  • depending on what you're talking about.

  • Okay, so one other thing you should not talk about in small talk.

  • Small talk is friendly conversation, and you're trying to talk about things everybody can

  • talk about; you want to include everybody.

  • So, if you have your PhD in quantum physics or quantum mechanics, or if you're the world's

  • leading expert on, you know, penguins - maybe certain people, they have no idea what you're

  • talking about, they won't be able to add to the conversation, so it's good to choose conversation

  • that people can actually get involved with; easy topics.

  • Okay, so now we're going to talk a little bit more about small talk.

  • Okay, so we've talked about the good things to talk about for small talk, and the things

  • we shouldn't talk about for small talk.

  • Now in this last part of the video I just want to talk about: How do you end small talk?

  • So imagine you're at this party, you've had a great conversation, and now you want to

  • leave.

  • What do you say?

  • Well, the first thing you can do is you can say: "I need": "I need to get something to

  • eat.", "I need to get a drink.", "I need to use the restroom.", "I need to talk to my

  • friend."

  • So, saying: "I need" and what you want to do is a great way to start.

  • The next thing you can do is tell the person that it was nice talking to them.

  • So: "I need to get some food.

  • It was nice talking to you."

  • After that, it's good to think about something that you really enjoyed talking to them about.

  • So, if you were talking about movies, you can say: "I enjoyed talking about movies with

  • you.", "I enjoyed talking about sports with you."

  • Okay?

  • And then, finally: "I hope to talk to you again soon.", "It was really nice talking

  • to you.

  • I hope we can talk again soon."

  • Okay?

  • So, these are three different things...

  • Or, sorry.

  • One, two, three, four?

  • Four things you can say which will help you get out of a small talk conversation.

  • So, I hope you've enjoyed this video.

  • I want you to come visit our website at www.engvid.com.

  • There, you can find a quiz where you can do some practice; you can practice small talk,

  • you can practice understanding small talk better on this quiz.

  • So, until next time, take care.

Hello.

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