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(upbeat techno music)
(whimsical whooshing)
- Here, in the trees of South America,
you can find the three-toed sloth.
- Oh, hey.
- Shit, what up?
- Yo, not much, man, I'm just hangin'.
- Totally. (giggles) - Totally.
- Totally.
- Mm, sloths aren't that cute.
- You kidding me?
These dudes are great.
Look at that face.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Yeah, have you seen the video where the sloth--
- Give me that. - Hey.
- We're not turning this into a YouTube party.
- Bummer. - Bummer.
- Sloths do almost everything here in the trees.
Eat, sleep, mate, even give birth.
- (chuckles) Shit, yeah.
I've got it all here in mi casa.
Place to hang, munchies, Planet Earth in real time.
- Sloths are dope.
- The only thing missing is (chuckles) a bathroom.
(stomach gurgling)
- That's cool, I can hold it.
- She sure can.
Sloths live with nearly constant constipation,
only shitting once per week. (stomach gurgles)
- Oh, I guess that once is right now.
Sorry, guys, I'll be super quick.
(stomach gurgles) Oh man, oh man.
Fuck, I'm not gonna make it.
Oh, this is the big one.
Why did I wait so long? (stomach gurgles)
Oh, fuck, the closer I get, the more I have to go.
Okay, okay, wait, I got it. (groans)
Fuck, I'm gonna shit myself, fuck.
- And when you eat mostly leaves
and only shit once a week, that shit is a real doozy.
- Ha, doozy.
(groaning in pain)
(triumphant music)
- A sloth's feces emerges as a single solid mass
and can be up to a third of the sloth's total weight.
(sloth groaning)
You can actually see its abdomen deflate as it shits.
Some people have likened it more
to giving birth than defecating.
- Oh, crap, I forgot my phone.
Oh, here's one.
- That's mine!
- This is so dumb.
Why would they evolve like this?
- Because they don't wanna leave the trees.
The forest floor is a scary place to shit.
- They're like those weirdos
who are afraid to poop in public bathrooms.
- But unlike those weirdos,
they have a legitimate reason to be afraid.
Sloths can only move on the ground by crawling very slowly.
They're highly susceptible to predators down there.
(sloths groaning)
Over half of all sloths' fatalities happen while shitting.
(spooky music) (cats growl)
- Our grandfather died the same way.
- Then why leave the trees at all?
- Yeah, can't they just poop over the side?
- Actually, nobody knows for sure.
Some say it's to make less noise
and avoid attracting attention,
some say it's to build a little shit pile
that will mark their presence to other sloths,
and some say it helps maintain the population
of moths that live in sloths' fur.
For now, it remains a mystery.
- Damn it, now I can only think
of sloths as dumb ass shit machines.
- But can't they be cute dumb ass shit machines?
(groaning in pain)
- Ugh, let's just go.
- Of course! (whooshing)
(kids yelling)
(whimsical music)
- If you liked that episode of What The Fuck 101,
I have good news.
There's way more of it on Dropout.
Dropout is the new premium, ad-free,
and uncensored comedy platform from College Humor,
which means we can finally show you hot babes like this.
(flies buzzing)
Oh, baby.
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- All right, everyone can disperse now.
- [Woman] That cop cut down our eel.
- Get him! - Fight!
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Sloths Risk Death When They Poop

476 Folder Collection
Liang Chen published on April 24, 2019
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