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  • If you thought my family owned a lot of hamsters,

  • Wait until I tell you about all the cats we had!

  • Hahaha!

  • Just a heads up though. Some of these cats are dead.

  • They all lived nine happy lives. None of them had a painful death.

  • ...

  • Except for one... maybe... we don't know.

  • We'll get into that.

  • Hahaha,

  • So, cats!

  • Some people think that cats are jerks and not as loyal or loving as dogs.

  • And they're right.

  • But if you think about it,

  • Cats im-PURR-ove our lives every day!

  • Think back to YouTube in 2006,

  • What was popular?

  • Cat videos.

  • If it wasn't for cats, we wouldn't have YouTube as a platform

  • Which, I could make the argument is another jerk thing that cats did.

  • Now, I'm a cat lover,

  • and anyone who says they dislike cats has obviously never snuggled up with a cat

  • and had a purr in your chest as you pet it for so long that you both fall asleep,

  • and all your anxieties melt away, and the only thing you care about is your fragile feline friend.

  • Or they're allergic.

  • Honestly, I think I'm slightly allergic to cats as well.

  • 'Cause every time I snuggle up with one,

  • my eyes get all watery,

  • my nose gets all stuffy.

  • But like...

  • *SnNNniFFFFFFff*

  • I can deal with that.

  • Maybe this is what love feels like.

  • People like to put everybody into 2 categories,

  • Either you're a dog person,

  • or a cat PURR-erson,

  • 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,340 but why do I have to pick just one?

  • Can't I look at these two animals and say

  • that both of them have good qualities that make them amazing pets,

  • why can't I pick both?

  • I...

  • I'm bisexual for animals!

  • ...wait...

  • That being said, here's all the cats I had growing up.

  • So our family had just moved to our new house

  • and we're all getting ready to go to church,

  • when my older brother, who was outside for some reason, instead of getting ready,

  • heard noises coming from a bush.

  • And when he went to investigate, he found a little baby tabby kitten.

  • He told my parents about the cat and they said, "It's mom is probably looking for it,

  • but if the cat was still there when we come back from church,

  • then we can let it inside."

  • And after we got back,

  • my brother checked the bush,

  • and the cat was still there!

  • So, we took her in, we fed her,

  • and we decided to name her Shady after Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady", because she was

  • an obnoxious cat, and didn't like us at all.

  • "Yeah, but you so cute though!"

  • And that's how our family got our one and only cat.

  • One cat is enough, there were no more cats.

  • Until one night, when I was sitting at the kitchen table,

  • and through the window of the back door,

  • I saw two yellow eyes staring at me.

  • And as a kid, I still thought monsters were real!

  • So I pointed it out to my family, "Hey, there's eyes outside."

  • And everyone turned and was like,

  • "What the?"

  • So we opened the back door,

  • and a piece of the night just walked into the house

  • like it lived there or something.

  • "Does this mean we have bad luck?"

  • Apparently, just waltzing in our house uninvited is a very effective strategy to get adopted,

  • because she ended up living with us for the rest of her cat life.

  • My older sister loved Sailor Moon,

  • and in the show there was this black cat named Luna-

  • Spoiler Alert: Luna's actually an alien that can turn into a human sometimes,

  • but most of the time she's just a cat-

  • so we named the cat after her!

  • And little ol' Luna fit great in our home.

  • We were your standard nuclear family with two cats.

  • Just two.

  • We never got another cat ever again.

  • UNTIL ONE DAY this other cat appeared in our backyard,

  • we put Luna's and Shady's food bowls outside,

  • which meant our backyard was basically a cat sanctuary for any cat that could jump our fence,

  • and sometimes we would see this calico cat hanging out in our backyard.

  • We didn't know if she already had a home,

  • and she would run away from us if we got close,

  • so...

  • We left out a third food bowl for her.

  • And then she invited some of her siblings along,

  • cause two other cats decided to chill in our backyard.

  • And one of the cats was a boy,

  • which meant we had to get all five cats

  • And just like that, we more than doubled the amount of cats we had.

  • We were FELINE pretty good.

  • Three more cats added to the family,

  • cause why not?

  • That's the PURR-fect amount of cats if you ask me!

  • Haha,

  • I'm gonna name them-

  • NO!

  • What?

  • We're not getting three more cats.

  • Two is enough.

  • Wha? We can't just kick them out.

  • *facepalm* We're gonna find them a new home,

  • but we're not keeping them.

  • ... *sighs* Okay.

  • Also, you're not allowed to name them.

  • wHaT?

  • If you name them, then you'll get attached to them.

  • And we're not keeping them.

  • So since our mom banned us from naming the cats,

  • we called them: the Calico cat,

  • and the two other ones.

  • And we kept on calling them this until our mom found them a new home.

  • Turns out that their new home was OUR home,

  • cause my mom never found them a new home!

  • So we just left them food outside, and they were happy with that relationship.

  • They would let you pet them, sometimes,

  • and even sit on your lap, but if you tried to pick them up,

  • they would hiss and bite you.

  • They did not like being picked up. Or being inside.

  • They were feral cats.

  • One time it was raining, so we thought it would be a

  • good idea to bring the calico cat inside, but she freaked out!

  • She hissed and scratched us,

  • She hated being inside more than she hated the rain.

  • And BY THE WAY, cats can be VERY loud.

  • Like, as loud as dogs.

  • They just never raise their voices.

  • They're too proper for that.

  • So since she didn't like being inside,

  • We just...

  • ...put her back outside in the pouring rain.

  • We ended up naming the boy cat Spot,

  • the other cat we named Pepper,

  • and the calico...

  • ...we didn't change her name.

  • We named her Calico.

  • That's like naming a dog Golden Retriever or Chihuahua.

  • I don't know if that's sad, but,

  • you know what is sad?

  • One day Spot just...

  • disappeared.

  • He stopped showing up to the house, and we never saw him again.

  • I hope he found a good home, but, who knows, y'know?

  • no i'm sorry but actually i don't know

  • Maybe he went off to start a second life-

  • or a fifth or sixth life-

  • haha, get it, cause they have nine lives...

  • wow apparently James isn't funny anymore maybe it's because of all the puns

  • Yeah, but he's probably dead.

  • And then...I was in high school when Shady died.

  • She had a good home with us, but...

  • It was her time to go.

  • So we were down to three cats and we never got another cat ever again.

  • BUT THEN ONE DAY my parents are out on a walk,

  • and my mom saw a scrawny black kitten on the side of the road and she said,

  • *gasp* "Can we keep it?"

  • But my dad said, "NO! KEEP WALKING, KEEP WALKING."

  • And then on their way back from the walk,

  • for some reason my dad didn't take a different route,

  • the cat was still, there, meowing at them!

  • So my parents brought her home, and my twin sister named her Pepsi.

  • My sister really loved Pepsi.

  • I was more of a Coke person myself.

  • But when my sister went off to college,

  • and I stayed home for community college,

  • we let Pepsi outside one day...

  • ...and she didn't come back.

  • We didn't know how to tell my sister that our cat was missing...