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  • "No" doesn't feel so good.

  • We feel a little uncomfortable.

  • We feel bad saying no.

  • "No" to something is "yes" to something else.

  • And that's the first thing you need to think about to give yourself permission to say no.

  • My husband actually put a sticky note on my computer for about a year with the word "no" on it.

  • And it really did give me permission to say no and to remember that that's allowed.

  • So that's the first thing.

  • Then you want to think about how to say no and how to say yes.

  • Because yes and no are never one-word answers.

  • My favorite on the no side is "no, but...".

  • "No, not this...not right now."

  • "No, but I could do this instead."

  • "No, but this person might be interested."

  • I look to give a no with the opportunity for a yes later.

  • For example, somebody asked me to do a pro bono talk.

  • Happy to do those things if they meet certain criteria.

  • This criteria was driving two hours in rush hour to talk to 30 people.

  • It wasn't going to meet that criteria.

  • And I said, if you can get x number of people in the room, and we can do it during this time of day, then I'm happy to do it.

  • So "No, but here's how you can get a yes" is a great way to enable somebody to feel OK and for you to feel OK and not want to avoid that extended relationship.

  • So when we use a "no, but," we give them an opportunity for a "yes" down the road.

  • But we also can use the "no, but" to help them find another way to get that help.

  • No, but there's this great resource you may want to look into.

  • No, but I do know somebody who's working on that.

  • Let me ask if they might be interested in connecting.

  • No, but.

  • I might not be able to help you.

  • But I'm happy to give you ideas on how you can get the help you're looking for.

  • Sometimes you want to and get to say yes.

  • So we want to sometimes qualify our yes: "Yes, if..."

  • "Yes, if you can get this done for me."

  • Or "yes, if you can get this many people in the room."

  • Or "yes, if."

  • It could be "yes, after."

  • Yes, I'd love to get on the phone with you after I'm done with this big project that I'm working on, or after I get back from vacation.

  • Just giving yourself a little breathing room in when and the timing of when that follow through will actually happen.

  • So we have "yes, if."

  • We have "yes, after."

  • We could have "yes, with."

  • "Yes, with your assistance."

  • Or "yes, with another party, I'm happy to work on that."

  • "Yes, with some training."

  • So "yes, if," "yes, after," "yes, with," or even "yes, when."

  • And when could be, when I feel that I'm really ready to do that.

  • Yes, when I have gotten that training that we talked about.

  • "Yes, when."

  • So all of these things help give you a little bit of space and manage the expectations of the follow through of that yes.

"No" doesn't feel so good.

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A1 US happy permission room training interested opportunity

Saying no is hard. These communication tips make it easy. | Michelle Tillis Lederman

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    Liang Chen posted on 2019/04/08
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