A2 Basic US 271 Folder Collection
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WE DO OUR SHOW RIGHT ON
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
ACTION.
AND I HAVE A STRANGE INTERACTION
LAST NIGHT.
AFTER THE SHOW I WENT TO THE
MOVIES, WENT TO SEE THE NEW
"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" AT THE
THEATER RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET
FROM US.
AFTER THE SHOW I WALK OUT ON
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, I GOT A HAT
ON AND SUNGLASSES, DISGUISED.
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ATTENTION
AWAY FROM THE SUPERHEROES,
THEY'RE OUT THERE WORKING.
WHEN I STEP OUT THE FRONT DOOR I
SEE A WOMAN TAKING A PICTURE OF
MY STAR ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
SHE'S BENT OVER AND THERE'S A
STAR WITH MY NAME ON IT.
AND SHE'S TAKING A PHOTO WITH
HER PHONE.
SO I FIGURE, WHAT THE HELL, I'LL
GIVE HER A LITTLE THRILL.
SHE'S LOOKING DOWN AND I SAID,
DID YOU WANT ME TO GET IN THE
PICTURE TOO?
AND SHE LOOKS UP AND SHE GOES,
"NO, GO AWAY!"
[ LAUGHTER ]
KIND OF SHIELDS HER BODY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AND SHE'S ALARMED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THIS STORY AIN'T OVER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO AROUND HERE WHEN A STRANGER
STARTLES YOU ON THE STREET, YOU,
YOU KNOW -- YOU DON'T EXACTLY
HUG THEM, YOU MACE THEM, YOU
KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I SAY, HI, I'M JIMMY KIMMEL.
AND SHE LOOKS AT ME.
AND SHE GOES, "NO YOU ARE NOT."
AND SHE'S NOW LITERALLY GRABBING
HER DAUGHTER, TRYING TO GET AWAY
FROM ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I THINK NOW FOR A SECOND, I
THINK ABOUT PULLING MY WALLET
OUT TO SHOW HER MY DRIVER'S
LICENSE.
BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE TOO MUCH.
HOPING SHE'LL JUST FIGURE IT OUT
BY HEARING MY VOICE I SAID,
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
SHE GOES, BEIRUT.
AND I SAID, WELL, WELCOME TO
HOLLYWOOD.
AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER DAUGHTER
LIKE THIS SHE'S SHIELDING HER
LIKE I'M THE CLOWN FROM "IT" OR
SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SHE GOES TO CROSS THE STREET TO
GET AWAY FROM ME, BUT I AM ALSO
WAITING TO CROSS THE STREET TO
GO TO THE MOVIE.
NOW WE'RE STANDING THERE NEXT TO
EACH OTHER WAITING FOR THE
LIGHT.
WHICH TAKES FOREVER.
WHICH I'M LOOKING AROUND NOW
HOPING SOMEBODY RECOGNIZES ME
AND GOES, "HEY, JIMMY, HOW YOU
DOING?"
I WENT FROM HUNCHED OVER IN THE
CAP AND THE THING, RUSHING TO
THE THEATER, TO WALMART GREETER.
HELLO, EVERYONE!
DO I LOOK FAMILIAR?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PERHAPS YOU SAW ONE OF THE TWO
TIMES I HOSTED THE OSCARS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT NOBODY NOTICES ME AT ALL.
SO I'M NOW STANDING THERE IT'S
UNCOMFORTABLE.
I SAY, I AM JIMMY KIMMEL.
SHE GOES, "YOU WISH YOU HAD HIS
MONEY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AGAIN, I THINK ABOUT GOING TO MY
WALLET TO SHOW HER THAT I
LITERALLY HAVE HIS MONEY.
I HAVE HIS MONEY AND HIS COSTCO
CARD AND EVERYTHING ELSE OF HIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN AND I
JUST SAID, "HAVE A NICE TRIP."
AND SHE MUTTERS, SHE GOES, "I
GUESS PEOPLE AROUND HERE CAN
PRETEND TO BE WHOMEVER THEY
WANT."
AND THEN I WENT TO SEE "MISSION
IMPOSSIBLE."
BUT YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WAS
PRETENDING TO BE DENZEL
WASHINGTON.
[ APPLAUSE ]
ANYWAY.
I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO HIRE A
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Jimmy Kimmel's Fan Didn't Believe He was Jimmy Kimmel

271 Folder Collection
Jingjiang Li published on February 1, 2019
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