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  • WE DO OUR SHOW RIGHT ON

  • HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

  • WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

  • ACTION.

  • AND I HAVE A STRANGE INTERACTION

  • LAST NIGHT.

  • AFTER THE SHOW I WENT TO THE

  • MOVIES, WENT TO SEE THE NEW

  • "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE" AT THE

  • THEATER RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET

  • FROM US.

  • AFTER THE SHOW I WALK OUT ON

  • HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, I GOT A HAT

  • ON AND SUNGLASSES, DISGUISED.

  • I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ATTENTION

  • AWAY FROM THE SUPERHEROES,

  • THEY'RE OUT THERE WORKING.

  • WHEN I STEP OUT THE FRONT DOOR I

  • SEE A WOMAN TAKING A PICTURE OF

  • MY STAR ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

  • SHE'S BENT OVER AND THERE'S A

  • STAR WITH MY NAME ON IT.

  • AND SHE'S TAKING A PHOTO WITH

  • HER PHONE.

  • SO I FIGURE, WHAT THE HELL, I'LL

  • GIVE HER A LITTLE THRILL.

  • SHE'S LOOKING DOWN AND I SAID,

  • DID YOU WANT ME TO GET IN THE

  • PICTURE TOO?

  • AND SHE LOOKS UP AND SHE GOES,

  • "NO, GO AWAY!"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • KIND OF SHIELDS HER BODY.

  • [ APPLAUSE ]

  • AND SHE'S ALARMED.

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • THIS STORY AIN'T OVER.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • SO AROUND HERE WHEN A STRANGER

  • STARTLES YOU ON THE STREET, YOU,

  • YOU KNOW -- YOU DON'T EXACTLY

  • HUG THEM, YOU MACE THEM, YOU

  • KNOW.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • SO I SAY, HI, I'M JIMMY KIMMEL.

  • AND SHE LOOKS AT ME.

  • AND SHE GOES, "NO YOU ARE NOT."

  • AND SHE'S NOW LITERALLY GRABBING

  • HER DAUGHTER, TRYING TO GET AWAY

  • FROM ME.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • SO I THINK NOW FOR A SECOND, I

  • THINK ABOUT PULLING MY WALLET

  • OUT TO SHOW HER MY DRIVER'S

  • LICENSE.

  • BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE TOO MUCH.

  • HOPING SHE'LL JUST FIGURE IT OUT

  • BY HEARING MY VOICE I SAID,

  • WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

  • SHE GOES, BEIRUT.

  • AND I SAID, WELL, WELCOME TO

  • HOLLYWOOD.

  • AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER DAUGHTER

  • LIKE THIS SHE'S SHIELDING HER

  • LIKE I'M THE CLOWN FROM "IT" OR

  • SOMETHING.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • SHE GOES TO CROSS THE STREET TO

  • GET AWAY FROM ME, BUT I AM ALSO

  • WAITING TO CROSS THE STREET TO

  • GO TO THE MOVIE.

  • NOW WE'RE STANDING THERE NEXT TO

  • EACH OTHER WAITING FOR THE

  • LIGHT.

  • WHICH TAKES FOREVER.

  • WHICH I'M LOOKING AROUND NOW

  • HOPING SOMEBODY RECOGNIZES ME

  • AND GOES, "HEY, JIMMY, HOW YOU

  • DOING?"

  • I WENT FROM HUNCHED OVER IN THE

  • CAP AND THE THING, RUSHING TO

  • THE THEATER, TO WALMART GREETER.

  • HELLO, EVERYONE!

  • DO I LOOK FAMILIAR?

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • PERHAPS YOU SAW ONE OF THE TWO

  • TIMES I HOSTED THE OSCARS?

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • BUT NOBODY NOTICES ME AT ALL.

  • SO I'M NOW STANDING THERE IT'S

  • UNCOMFORTABLE.

  • I SAY, I AM JIMMY KIMMEL.

  • SHE GOES, "YOU WISH YOU HAD HIS

  • MONEY."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • AGAIN, I THINK ABOUT GOING TO MY

  • WALLET TO SHOW HER THAT I

  • LITERALLY HAVE HIS MONEY.

  • I HAVE HIS MONEY AND HIS COSTCO

  • CARD AND EVERYTHING ELSE OF HIS.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • BUT THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN AND I

  • JUST SAID, "HAVE A NICE TRIP."

  • AND SHE MUTTERS, SHE GOES, "I

  • GUESS PEOPLE AROUND HERE CAN

  • PRETEND TO BE WHOMEVER THEY

  • WANT."

  • AND THEN I WENT TO SEE "MISSION

  • IMPOSSIBLE."

  • BUT YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WAS

  • PRETENDING TO BE DENZEL

  • WASHINGTON.

  • [ APPLAUSE ]

  • ANYWAY.

  • I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO HIRE A

WE DO OUR SHOW RIGHT ON

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