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  • I have yet to give a speech or have a meeting where somebody doesn't ask me

  • the Millenial question what's the Millenial question apparently

  • Millennials as a generation which is a group of people who were born

  • approximately 1984 and after are tough to manage and they're accused of being

  • entitled and narcissistic self-interested unfocused lazy but

  • entitled is the big one and and because they confound leadership so much what's

  • happening as leaders are asking the Millennials what do you want and

  • Millennials are saying we want to work in a place with purpose love that we

  • want to make an impact you know whatever that means we want free food and bean

  • bags and so somebody articulates some sort of purpose there's lots of free

  • food and there's bean bags and yet for some reason they are still not happy and

  • that's because you that they're missing there's a there's a missing piece what

  • I've learned is that there I can break it down into four pieces right there are

  • four four things four characteristics one is parenting the other one is

  • technology third is impatience and the fourth is

  • environment the generation that we call the Millennials too many of them grew up

  • subject to not my words failed parenting strategies you know where for example

  • they were told that they were special all the time they were told that they

  • have anything they want in life just cuz they want it they were told some of them

  • got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents

  • complained and some of them got a is not because they earned them but because the

  • teachers didn't want to deal with the parents some kids got participation

  • medals you got a medal for coming in last right which the science we know is

  • pretty clear which is it devalues the medal and the reward for those who

  • actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last to

  • feel embarrassed because they know they didn't deserve it so that makes me feel

  • worse right so you take this group of people

  • and they graduate school and they get a job and they're thrust into an it into

  • the real world and in an instant they find out they're not special

  • their moms can't get them a promotion that you get nothing for coming in last

  • and by the way you can't just have it because you want it right and in an

  • instant their entire self-image is shattered and so you have an entire

  • generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations

  • the other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a facebook Instagram

  • world in other words we're good at putting filters on things we're good at

  • showing people that life is amazing even though I'm depressed right and so

  • everybody sounds tough and everybody sounds like they got it

  • all figure it out and the reality is there's very little toughness and most

  • people don't have it figure it out and so when the more senior people say what

  • we do they sound like this is what you got it it and they have no clue so you

  • have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous

  • generations right through no fault of their own through no fault of their own

  • right they were dealt a bad hand right now let's add in technology we know that

  • engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called

  • dopamine that's why when you get a text it feels

  • good all right so you know we've all had it where you're feeling a little bit

  • down or feeling a bit lonely and so you send out 10 texts to 10 friends you know

  • high high high high high because it feels good when you get a response right

  • right it's why we count the likes it's why we go back 10 times to see if and if

  • it's going if our mints and my Instagram is growing slower I would I do something

  • wrong do they not like me anymore right the trauma for young kids to be

  • unfriended right because we know when you get it you get a hit of dopamine

  • which feels good it's why we like it it's why we keep going back to it

  • dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke when we

  • drink and when we gamble in other words it's highly highly addictive right we

  • have age restrictions on smoking gambling and alcohol and we have no age

  • restrictions on social media and cell phones which is the equivalent of

  • opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers hey by the way this

  • adolescence thing if it gets you down

  • but that's basically what's happening that's basically what's happening right

  • that's basically what happened you have an entire generation that has access to

  • an addictive numbing chemical called dopamine through social media and

  • cellphones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence why is this

  • important almost every alcoholic discovered

  • alcohol when they were teenagers when we're very very young the only approval

  • we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make

  • this transition where we now need the approval of our peers very frustrating

  • for our parents very important for us that allows us to acculturate outside of

  • our immediate families into the broader tribe right

  • it's a highly highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we're

  • supposed to learn to rely on our friends some people quite by accident discover

  • alcohol and numbing effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and

  • anxieties of adolescence unfortunately that becomes hardwired in their brains

  • and for the rest of their lives when they suffer significant stress they will

  • not turn to a person they will turn to the bottle social stress financial

  • stress career stress that's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic

  • drinks right what's happening is because we're out allowing unfettered access to

  • these dopamine producing devices and media basically it's becoming hardwired

  • and what we're seeing is as they grow older they - many kids don't know how to

  • form deep meaningful relationships their words not mine they will admit that many

  • of their friendships are superficial they will admit that their friends that

  • they don't count on their friends they don't rely on their friends they have

  • fun with their friends but they also know that their friends will cancel out

  • them as something better comes along deep meaningful relationships are not

  • there because they never practice the skill set and worse they don't have the

  • coping mechanisms to deal with stress so when significant stress starts to show

  • up in their lives they're not turning to a person they're turning to a device

  • they're turning to social media they're turning to these things which offer

  • temporary relief we know the science is clear we know that people who spend more

  • time on Facebook so far higher rates of depression than people spend less time

  • on Facebook write these things balanced alcohol is not bad too much alcohol is

  • bad gambling is fun too much gambling is dangerous right there's nothing wrong

  • with social media and cell phones it's the imbalance right if you're

  • at dinner with your friends and you're texting somebody who's not there that's

  • a problem that's an addiction if you're sitting in a meeting with people you're

  • supposed to be listening to and speaking and you put your phone on the table face

  • up or face down I don't care that sends the subconscious message to the room

  • that you're not just you're just not that important to me right now right

  • that's what happens and the fact that you cannot put it away it's because you

  • are addicted right if you wake up and you check your phone before you say good

  • morning to your girlfriend boyfriend or spouse you have an addiction and like

  • all addiction in time it'll destroy relationships it'll cost time and it'll

  • cost money and it'll make your life worse right so you have a generation

  • growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn't have the coping mechanisms to do

  • with stress stress right now you add in the sense of impatience right they've

  • grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something

  • you go on Amazon it arrives the next day you want to watch a movie log on and

  • watch a movie you don't check movie times you want to watch a TV show

  • binge you don't even have to wait week to week to week right I know people who

  • skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season right Instagram if

  • occasion you want to go on a date you don't even have to learn how to be like

  • you don't even have to learn and practice that skill you don't have to be

  • the uncomfortable into assists is yes when you mean nun says no when you mean

  • no but yes when you you have to swipe right Bing I'm a stud right you don't

  • have to learn the social coping mechanisms right everything you want you

  • can have instantaneously everything you want instant gratification except job

  • satisfaction and strength of relationships

  • there ain't no app for that they are slow meandering uncomfortable messy

  • processes and so I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic idealistic

  • hard-working smart kids they've just graduated school they're in their

  • entry-level job I sit down with them when I go how's it going they go I think

  • I'm gonna quit I'm like why they're like I'm not making an impact I'm like you've

  • been here eight months it's as if they're standing at the foot of a

  • mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to

  • have in the world which is the summit what they don't see is the mountain I

  • don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly but there's still a

  • mountain and so what this young generation needs to learn is patience

  • that some things that really really matter like love or job fulfillment joy

  • love of life self-confidence a skill set any of these things all of these things

  • take time sometimes you can expedite pieces of it but the overall journey is

  • arduous and long and difficult and if you don't ask for help and learn that

  • skill set you will fall off the mountain or you will the worst case scenario the

  • worst case scenario and we're already seeing it the worst case scenario is

  • we're seeing increase in suicide rates we're seeing an increase in this

  • generation we're seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses

  • we're seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due

  • to depression unheard of these are this is this is really bad the best case

  • scenario the bet those are all bad cases right the best case scenario is you'll

  • have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really

  • finding joy it'll never really find deep deep fulfillment

  • work or in life they'll just just walk through life and it'll GE just it's fine

  • how's your job it's fine the same is yesterday how's your relationship it's

  • fine like that's that's the best-case scenario which leads me to the the

  • fourth point which is environment which is we're taking this amazing group of

  • young fantastic kids who had just dealt a bad hand it's no fault of their own

  • and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the

  • numbers and they do about the kids they care more about the short-term gains

  • than the long-term life of this young human being we care more about the year

  • than the lifetime right and so we are putting them in corporate environments

  • that aren't helping them build their confidence that aren't helping them

  • learn the skills of cooperation that aren't helping them overcome the

  • challenges of a digital world and finding more balance that isn't helping

  • them overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them the joys

  • and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard over on something for

  • a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year and so we're

  • thrusting to them them in corporate environments and the worst part about it

  • is they think it's them they blame themselves they can't they think it's

  • them who can't deal and so it makes it all worse it's not I'm here to tell them

  • it's not them it's the corporations it's the corporate environments it's the