It's just a movie.

You see, Natalie, life's not a fairy tale.

Girls like us don't get that.

But, why?

Well, look in the mirror, doll, we're no Julia Roberts.

♪ Pretty woman ♪

What are we talking about?

Natalie is saying that romantic comedies are bad.

All those movies are lies set to terrible pop songs.

I think people would have an easier time seeing you if you were a little more open.

Hey. I'm Jack.

Natalie.

Give me the purse.

Why does this shit always happen to me?

Where am I?

You're in the emergency room.

This isn't an emergency room, this is a Williams Sonoma.

It looks like somebody's put a beauty filter across New York City.

9-1-1, what's your emergency?

Someone's broken in to my apartment and they've taken everything, and replaced it all with much nicer stuff.

So your emergency is that your apartment is too big and you have every shoe you could ever want?

- Yeah, exactly, that's what I... - Bye.

I think I might be going crazy.

I hit my head really hard and I woke up in this alternate universe.

And now I have a gay sidekick who's setting gay rights back, like, a hundred years.

I love working the legs.

Jesus!

And guys look me in the eyes.

You're quite beguiling, aren't you?

Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

No.

Oh, my God.

I think I'm trapped in a...

My life's become a mother [truck beep] romantic comedy.

And it's PG-13!

Okay, booch, what's the update?

I have to get a man to fall in love with me.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Yes!

I'm Josh.

That is such a beautiful name.

Good morning, beautiful!

Last night was amazing.

I don't think we actually did anything. It just cut to the next morning.

What?

- Just get back here. - Okay.

Good morning, beautiful!

Last night was amazing. Natalie, I...