Name: "Terrorists vs Indians" | Russell Peters - Outsourced
Uploaded: 2018-11-02T13:23:10.000Z
Duration: 5 min 37 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Past simple

I did so much traveling, my passport expired. Last summer I had to renew my passport.

To-infinitive

I don't know about in America, but in Canada, on your new passport photos, you're not allowed to smile.

Gerund

That's new rule,  you're not allowed to smile.This is their way of fighting terrorism.

This is how they're going to catch the terrorists. You can't smile.

That's the message they're sending you. If you can't-- if you're traveling, you'd better not be happy.

I didn't know, right? I'm in the mall, I walk into one of those places that says,

"We do passport photos." I walk in, I'm like,

"Yo, I need some passport photos." The guy goes,

[Indian accent] "No problem, buddy, sit down."

Which really pissed me off, because he was a white guy, and I don't know why he was talking like that, right, so--

So, I sit down, the guy goes, "You ready?" I go, "Yeah."

It's a picture, and I'm a happy guy so I figure, "alright." He goes, "You ready?"

That's their way. This is how they really think they're gonna find the terrorism.

By making you not smile. You want to find  the terrorists? Make everybody smile.

The people that don't want to smile - question them!

When have you ever been watching CNN, and they show you the terrorists that they're looking for,

You never see, like, a shot of the terrorists standing around going--

You know, there's never the one joker terrorist guy, with his thumb on the detonator--

[Middle eastern accent] "I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll--"

"Ha! You flinched, you bastard! I saw you flinch!"

So, I wasn't allowed to smile. So now, if it wasn't bad enough,

being a brown man, going through the airports, now, when I give thme my passport,

It's hard, man, 'cause security at the airport, Customs, Immigration--

they really need to learn the difference, between a terrorist, and an Indian.

We're not from the same part of the world, we don't speak the same language,

we don't eat the same food-- we don't even hate the same people!

[indian accent] "That would be counter-productive."

I know a lot of white people are nervous, about flying, nowadays, and I understand, to a certain degree,

but I had one white dude come up to me, he goes,

"You never know when shit's gonna go down up there."

I go, "What? Nothing's going down up there, dude!

[White guy] "Yeah, well, you never know."

And I understand, you know what I mean? You're a little panicked, a little bit,

but think about it reasonably, you know what I mean? Think about it logically.

Think about what airline you're getting on, where you're getting on the plane, where you're flying to,

you know what I mean? That all factors into your whole "terrorist theory."

I was on a JetBlue flight, from Buffalo, New York to Laguardia.

Oh my God, my "Indian Tourette's," is acting up!

So, I get on board this little plane. It's a 45-minute flight

I walk on board, this older white lady sees me, grabs her bag, and goes,

"You think I'm a terrorist?! On friggin' JetBlue?!"

"What am I, the 'low self-esteem terrorist?"

"Yeah, I don't want to kill a lot of us today."