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  • I don't really like tips; tips about communicating well, tips about writing.

  • What I would prefer is a process that transforms you so the tips take place automatically.

  • I mean for instance, very often a tip is given: “When you're speaking to a crowd, vary the

  • pace of your speech, vary the volume.”

  • Well, those are two good things, but if they happen mechanically it gets to be kind of boring.

  • Some people are encouraged when they're coached: “At this point leave where you're standing

  • and walk over there and take a pause.”

  • Well, maybe that makes sense in terms of how it's written; at the end of that paragraph

  • you want to make a space before the next paragraph, but it doesn't necessarily make sense in terms of how you're talking and relating to the people you're talking with.

  • Thatrelating to themshould be the source of a pause, the source of moving, because

  • it comes out of the thought process I'm going through and it comes out of the thought process I sense you're going through.

  • Have you understood that last part?

  • So now I'm thinking, if you have what's the next thing that I can tack onto that that will mean something to you?

  • And if you haven't, should I clarify it a little more?

  • So there's a dynamic relationship between us that leads to a change in pace, to a change

  • in volume and that kind of thing.

  • A tip is just an intellectualization of that, which might be okay to give somebody once

  • they've got the grounding in the ability to connect, but it ought to come out of the connection.

  • It shouldn't be a checkbox that you tick off.

  • So I really don't like tips.

  • If I'm pressed really hard there are three tips that I do kind of follow.

  • Probably it's a good idea to follow these tips after you get used to being connected

  • to somebody, but there are three things that I like to do, I call it the three rules of three.

  • So the first rule is, I try only to say three important things when I talk to people.

  • No more than three.

  • If it's one thing that's maybe even better, but usually there's a lot to say.

  • When I make notes on what I want to talk about, if I see I'm going on past three to four and

  • five I start eliminating them or seeing if I can fold them into the other things.

  • Because three things are really all I can remember and I don't work from notes when I talk to people and I advise other people not to.

  • I never read it because reading just excommunicates you; it's not communication it's excommunication, in my view.

  • So I can't remember more than three things, and I don't think they can remember more than

  • three things, so what's the point of telling them stuff they're not going to remember?

  • So I stick to three.

  • That's rule number one of the rule of three things.

  • The second rule is, if I have a difficult thing to understand, if there's something

  • I think is not going to be that easy to get, I try to say it in three different ways because

  • I think if you come in from different angles you have a better chance of getting a three-dimensional

  • view of this difficult idea, so I try to say it three different ways.

  • And the third tip, which I always forget, is that if I have a difficult thing that's

  • hard to get, I try to say it three times through the talk, so that the first time you hear

  • it you start to get used to it, the second time it's familiar and the third time you say, “Oh yeah, right. Okay.”

  • Now, I do follow those three tips, but I don't think I tell somebody: “You're going to

  • get up to talk, here are three tips to remember.”

  • It's a process.

  • You've got to get transformed into being a better communicator.

  • You've got to go through steps where it's like going to the gym, only it's a lot more

  • fun than going to the gym because it involves connecting with another person and we're built to connect with another person.

  • In spite of the fact that we often avoid it, it actually is fun when we get into that position.

  • So if we could get ourselves transformed into liking connecting with the audience we're

  • talking to or writing for, then these tips will happen automatically or finally we'll

  • be able to put them to work in terms of that transformed way we have of connecting.

  • It really feels good.

I don't really like tips; tips about communicating well, tips about writing.

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A2 US transformed rule connecting process relating paragraph

3 Ways to Express Your Thoughts So That Everyone Will Understand You | Alan Alda

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    Samuel posted on 2018/11/03
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