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  • WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, MR. CONAN O'BRIEN. [APPLAUSE] >> THANK

  • YOU. THANK YOU. PLEASE REMAIN SEATED. THAT IS NOT NECESSARY.

  • [APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] THANK YOU, DON'T STAND, THAT WOULDN'T BE

  • RIGHT. GOOD EVENING, THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT, MRS. OBAMA,

  • DISTINGUISHED MEMBERS OF THE PRESS AND BON JOVI. [LAUGHTER]

  • YES, IT IS AN HONOR TO SHARE THE STAGE WITH THE PRESIDENT. WHEN

  • YOU THINK ABOUT IT, HE AND I ARE A LOT ALIKE. WE BOTH WENT TO

  • HARVARD, WE BOTH HAVE TWO CHILDREN AND WE BOTH OLD -- TOLD JOE

  • BIDEN WE DID NOT HAVE EXTRA TICKETS FOR TONIGHT EVENT.

  • [LAUGHTER] WE ALSO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE IN COMMON, I TOO

  • RECENTLY GOT IN TROUBLE FOR TALKING ABOUT A PUBLIC OFFICIAL'S

  • GOOD LOOKS. IT WAS WHEN I WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THAT STONE

  • COLD FOX, SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION RAY LAHOOD. OH, MAN. I

  • LIKE THE CUT OF HIS JIB. [LAUGHTER] PRESIDENT OBAMA, YOU HAD

  • SOME GREAT JOKES. IT WAS A PLEASURE WATCHING YOU STAND HERE AND

  • DO WHAT I DO. NOW IT IS ONLY FAIR THAT I GET TO DO WHAT YOU DO.

  • THAT IS RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE NEXT 15 MINUTES I

  • WILL BE MIRED IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL STANDOFF WITH CONGRESS. THIS

  • IS GOING TO BE FUN. [LAUGHTER] I WOULD LIKE TO FORMALLY

  • CONGRATULATE THE PRESIDENT ON HIS REELECTION. CONGRATULATIONS.

  • [APPLAUSE] AS YOU ALL KNOW, HE IS HARD AT WORK READING JOBS.

  • SINCE HE WAS FIRST SELECTED, THE NUMBER OF POPES HAS DOUBLED.

  • [LAUGHTER] AND THE NUMBER OF TONIGHT SHOW HOSTS HAS TRIPLED.

  • CONGRATULATIONS. [LAUGHTER] WHILE I'M AT IT, I WOULD LIKE TO

  • CONGRATULATE PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH ON BIG DEDICATION OF HIS

  • PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY. YES, THE LIBRARY HAS MILLIONS OF BOOKS,

  • ARTICLES, AND DOCUMENTS AND IF YOU GO, YOU CAN BE THE FIRST TO

  • READ THEM. [LAUGHTER] YOU CAN'T HURT ME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

  • LET'S GET GOING. RIGHT HERE AT THE START I AM GOING TO SHARE

  • SOMETHING WITH YOU PEOPLE AND IT DOES NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM. I

  • SAY THIS WITH ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE, BECAUSE WE ARE ON C- SPAN.

  • [LAUGHTER] WHO DOESN'T LOVE C-SPAN, SERIOUSLY? C-SPAN. AN

  • ENTIRE CHANNEL SHOT THE BACKUP CAMERA ON A FORD EXPLORER.

  • CONGRATULATIONS TO C-SPAN FOR WINNING THE BID TO BROADCAST THIS

  • EVENT. THEY BEAT OUT HD TV TWO, TVC SOUTH AMERICA AND THE

  • HILTON HOTEL HOW TO CHECK OUT CHANNEL. [LAUGHTER] THAT IS

  • RIGHT, THE HILTON. IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE AT THE HILTON. IS IT

  • JUST ME OR IS IT TIME TO STOP USING PRICELINE TO BOOK THIS

  • EVENT CAP.? I LOVE THE HILTON. I LOVE THEIR MOTTO, SORRY THE

  • RADISSON WAS BOOKED. I WAS WORRIED THAT BECAUSE OF THE

  • SEQUESTER WE WOULD BE FORCED TO HOLD THIS EVENT AT A LESS

  • PRESTIGIOUS HOTEL THEN THE DC HILTON. THEN I WAS TOLD THAT WAS

  • NOT POSSIBLE. [LAUGHTER] I DO WANT TO THANK THE HILTON FOR

  • ACCOMMODATING US. THEY WERE KIND ENOUGH TO RESCHEDULE A CASH

  • FOR GOLD SEMINAR. [LAUGHTER] BY THE WAY, FOR THOSE OF YOU HERE

  • FOR THE CASH FOR GOLD SEMINAR, THAT HAS BEEN MOVED TO SALON BE

  • ON THE MEZZANINE. AND IF JOE BIDEN ASKS, THERE ARE NO EXTRA

  • TICKETS FOR THAT, EITHER. QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT, BEFORE WE REALLY

  • GET GOING, BEFORE WE CONTINUE, IF ANY OF YOU ARE LIVE TWEETING

  • THIS EVENT, PLEASE USE THE #INCAPABLE OFLIVINGINTHEMOMENT.

  • [LAUGHTER] YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. ALSO, TO ANY U.S. SENATORS HERE

  • TONIGHT, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SWITCH YOUR DESSERT OR YOUR

  • POSITION ON GAY MARRIAGE, PLEASE SIGNAL A WAITER. [LAUGHTER]

  • SPEAKING OF DINNER, TONIGHT ENTREES OR HOW ABOUT AND FILET

  • MIGNON -- HALIBUT, AND FILET MIGNON. OR AS CNN REPORTED,

  • LASAGNA AND COUSCOUS. [LAUGHTER] THERE IS A GAVEL HERE, AND I

  • DON'T KNOW WHY. [GAVEL POUNDS] HERE IS A FUN FACT ABOUT

  • TONIGHT'S FOOD, EVERYTHING YOU IT WAS PERSONALLY SHOCKED BY

  • WAYNE LAPIERRE. -- SHOT BY WAYNE MOTT THE AIR. DON'T WORRY IT

  • WAS DURING A HOME INVASION. THE FISH CAME IN THROUGH THE

  • WINDOW. IT WASN'T PEPPERCORN, IT WAS BUCKSHOT. INCIDENTALLY,

  • YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS, BUT WAYNE LAPIERRE IS MERELY THE

  • EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE NRA. WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION,

  • HOW FREAKING CRAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BE THE ACTUAL PRESIDENT

  • OF THE NRA? [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] HE IS NOT EVEN AT THE TOP.

  • [LAUGHTER] I WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EARLIER THIS

  • EVENING THERE WAS SOME CONFUSION WITH THE SEATING CHART. FOR A

  • MOMENT, SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY SAT GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE WITH

  • THE REPUBLICANS. THAT WAS AWKWARD, AND I APOLOGIZE. VERY

  • AWKWARD. SPEAKING OF TABLES, BEFORE DINNER, I HAD A CHANCE TO

  • MINGLE, YOU PROBABLY SAW ME. I WORKED THE CROWD, SHOOK SOME

  • HANDS AND SOLD MY TWITTER ACCOUNT TO AL JAZEERA FOR $500

  • MILLION. THEY WILL BUY ANYTHING. IT IS AN ABSOLUTE JOY TO BE

  • HER AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER. LAST YEAR, TOM

  • BROKAW CRITICIZED THIS EVENT FOR HAVING TOO MANY SUPERSTARS AND

  • A-LIST CELEBRITIES. WHEN I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE ATTENDING THIS

  • YEAR, HE SAID, THAT IS MORE LIKE IT. [LAUGHTER] THAT SHOULD NOT

  • BE FUNNY TO YOU. BUT THIS IS REALLY A STAR- STUDDED EVENT.

  • THIS YEAR, YOU HAVE TAKEN IT TO NEW HEIGHTS. I HAVE TO

  • CONGRATULATE YOU. IT'S. YOU HAVE SOME OF THE GUY FROM DUCT

  • MINUS TO HEAR. --- DUCK DYNASTY. WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING,

  • THE GUYS FROM STORAGE WARS SAID NO. I LOVE DUCK DYNASTY, DON'T

  • GET ME WRONG. I REALLY DON'T THINK THE WHISTLE -- ALL MY GOD,

  • IT WORKS. HE IS HERE. I ALWAYS HATED THAT ONE. AS SOME OF YOU

  • KNOW, THIS IS MY SECOND TIME SPEAKING AT THIS EVENT. I WAS 18

  • YEARS AGO IN 1995, A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE THEN. TODAY YOU CAN

  • GET REAL-TIME INFORMATION ON WORLD EVENTS FROM SOMETHING SMALL

  • ENOUGH TO FIT IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND. BACK IN 1995, WE CALLED

  • THAT GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS. [LAUGHTER] I CAN SEE IF GEORGE IS

  • HERE BECAUSE THERE IS A CROUTON IN THE WAY. [LAUGHTER] IT IS

  • AMAZING TO THINK HOW MUCH OUR COUNTRY HAS CHANGED IN 18 YEARS.

  • THINK ABOUT IT. IF IN 1995 HE TOLD ME THAT IN 2013, WE WOULD

  • HAVE AN AFRICAN- AMERICAN PRESIDENT WITH A MIDDLE NAME HUSSEIN,

  • WHO WAS JUST REELECTED TO A SECOND TERM IN A SLUGGISH ECONOMY,

  • I WOULD HAVE SAID, OH, YOU MUST HAVE RUN AGAINST MITT ROMNEY.

  • [LAUGHTER] BY THE WAY, NO OFFENSE, I DO CONGRATULATE YOU ON

  • YOUR VICTORY, BUT AS A LATE-NIGHT COMEDIAN, I WAS KIND OF

  • PULLING FOR THE RICH GUY WHO'S OR STANSTED THE OLYMPICS. --

  • WHOSE HORSE DANCED IN THE OLYMPICS. [LAUGHTER] THE DEMOGRAPHICS

  • OF THIS COUNTRY HAVE BEEN RAPIDLY CHANGING OVER THE PAST TWO

  • DECADES. I LOOK FORWARD TO HOSTING THIS EVENT 18 YEARS FROM

  • NOW. THEN, MY OPENING LINE WILL BE, [SPEAKING SPANISH] SI.

  • ESPECIALMENTE, PRESIDENTE MARIO LOPEZ. MY PRIOR EXPERIENCE HAS

  • TAUGHT ME HOW THESE DINNERS WORK. IF THE PRESIDENT LAUGHS,

  • EVERYONE LAUGHS. IF THE FOX NEWS TABLE LAUGHS, A LITTLE GIRL

  • JUST FELL OFF HER BIKE. [LAUGHTER] HOW ARE YOU DOING, BILL?

  • I'LL BE WASHINGTON NEWS MEDIATOR TONIGHT, INCLUDING THE STARS

  • OF ONLINE JOURNALISM. I DID THE HUFFINGTON POST HAS A TABLE.

  • WHICH HAS ME WONDERING, IF YOU ARE HERE, WHO IS COVERING MILEY

  • CYRUS'S LATEST NIP SLIP? WHO IS ASSEMBLING TODAY'S TOP 25

  • YOGURT RELATED TWEETS? [LAUGHTER] JUST BEFORE DINNER, I TRIED

  • TO SAY HELLO TO EVERY ON HUFFINGTON, BUT SHE MADE ME WATCH A

  • 32ND AD FIRST. -- 30-SECOND AD FIRST. [LAUGHTER] A LOT OF

  • ONLINE STARS IN THE ROOM, BUT UNFORTUNATELY NOT JUDGE COULDN'T

  • MAKE IT. HE HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT TO TEACH A WEB DESIGN CLASS

  • IN 1997. THE WASHINGTON PRINT MEDIA IS ALSO JOINING US THIS

  • EVENING. THE PRINT MEDIA ARE HERE FOR TWO VERY GOOD REASONS.

  • FOOD AND SHELTER. [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE SAY PRINT

  • MEDIA IS DYING, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT. NEITHER DOES MY

  • BLACKSMITH. [LAUGHTER] YOU HAVE GOT TO MEET ZACHARIAH, HE IS

  • GREAT. NEWSWEEK, WHICH AFTER 80 YEARS PUBLISHED ITS LAST PRINT

  • ISSUE. TIME MAGAZINE MIGHT BE GLOATING, BUT THEY REALLY

  • SHOULDN'T, BECAUSE TIME WILL OUTLIVE NEWSWEEK A WAY JULIETT

  • OUTLIVED ROMEO. READ THE PLAY, IT IS VERY SMART. [LAUGHTER]

  • THINGS ARE SO TOUGH FOR MEDIA, REUTERS IS HAVING ITS AFTER

  • PARTY RIGHT HERE AT THE HILTON. BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS WE ARE

  • HAVING A GREAT HERE LIKE HAVING YOUR AFTER PARTY AT THE SAME

  • TABLE WHERE YOU JUST HAD DINNER. [LAUGHTER] WITH THAT IN MIND,

  • REUTERS IS ASKING EVERYONE HERE TO LEAVE A LITTLE WINE AT THE

  • BOTTOM OF THE GLASS. [LAUGHTER] TO BE FAIR, PRINT MEDIA STILL

  • HAS A BIG STAR IN BOB WOODWARD. GOT TO GIVE IT UP FOR BOB

  • WOODWARD. [APPLAUSE] EARLIER THIS EVENING, A WAITER ASKED HIM

  • IF HE WANTED REGULAR OR DECAF AND HE SAID, THREATENING ME. --

  • STOP THREATENING ME! SOME BIG NAMES IN TELEVISION NEWS. WHEN

  • IT COMES TO TELEVISION NEWS, WE HAVE A DIVIDED LANDSCAPE. FOX

  • NEWS IS WATCHED BY CONSERVATIVES, MSNBC WATCHED BY LIBERALS AND

  • CNN IS WATCHED BY PEOPLE WHO CLEAN THE OFFICES AT CNN.

  • [LAUGHTER] [OOHS] OH, IT GETS WORST. CNN'S RATINGS ARE SO LOW,

  • WHEN IT COMES UP, JAMES EARL JONES SAYS, YOU ARE WATCHING CNN?

  • WHAT THE HELL? I HAVE TO SAY, IN THE PAST TWO YEARS, CNN HAS

  • MADE SOME ODD MOVES. IT REPLACED THE -- POPULAR LARRY KING WITH

  • ONE OF THE FOOTMAN FROM "DOWNTON ABBEY." IT IS GOOD TO SEE MY

  • OLD FRIENDS AT MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS IS HERE. CHRIS MATTHEWS

  • HAS THE ONLY SHOW WHERE THE COMMERCIAL EXISTS JUST SO THEY CAN

  • WIPE THE SPITTLE OFF THE LENS. [LAUGHTER] DURING THE BOSTON

  • COVERAGE ON MSNBC LAST WEEK, CHUCK TODD STOPPED A PUNDIT FROM

  • SPECULATING ON ON FIRE SIDE -- UNVERIFIED INFORMATION. THERE IS

  • NO JOKE HERE. I'M JUST LETTING THE PEOPLE AT CNN KNOW THAT YOU

  • CAN DO THAT. [LAUGHTER] THIS IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. FOX NEWS

  • STAR BILL O'REILLY, HE HAS BECOME QUITE THE AUTHOR. TWO RECENT

  • BESTSELLERS, " KILLING KENNEDY" AND "KILLING LINCOLN." BILL

  • O'REILLY IS NOW WORKING ON HIS NEXT BOOK, DUE OUT THIS FALL,

  • THIS TIME ABOUT THE KILLING OF JESUS. IT WILL BE THE FIRST TIME

  • IN HISTORY THAT HIS DEATH IS BLAMED ON OBAMACARE. [LAUGHTER]

  • TWO QUICK SHOUT OUTS TO PBS AND NPR. PBS -- YES! [APPLAUSE]

  • THOSE PEOPLE LOVE TO PARTY. BE SAFE, WHERE A TOTE BAG. IT

  • WORKS. YOU HAVE GOT TO LOVE NPR. STILL THE NUMBER ONE SOURCE

  • FOR NEWS DELIVERED AS IF THERE IS A TODDLER SLEEPING IN THE

  • NEXT ROOM. [LAUGHTER] SHH! NBC NEWS IS IN THE HOUSE. THEY HAVE

  • HAD A ROUGH GO OF IT. THE TODAY SHOW LET GO OF INQUIRY. AFTER

  • BEING TOLD THAT AN CURRY SAID, HOW BROKER TELLS THE WORLD THAT

  • HE CRAFTED ANSWER THE WHITE HOUSE AND I AM GETTING FIRED? AL IS

  • THE REASON THERE ARE NO MORE CHORES OF THE WHITE HOUSE, THEY'RE

  • STILL HOSING DOWN. [CROWD OOHS] BRIAN WILLIAMS IS HERE. I AM A

  • BIG FAN OF YOUR SHOW. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, IMAGINE BRAND

  • DELIVERING THE EVENING NEWS ON A DIFFERENT FLOOR OF THE

  • BUILDING, A LITTLE LATER, WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT TYPE. IT IS

  • A MIND BLOWER. CHECK IT OUT. AS I LOOK ALL AROUND THE ROOM, I

  • REALIZE THIS IS ONE BIG HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA. THAT IS ALL IT

  • IS. THINK ABOUT IT. FOX IS THE JOCKS. MSNBC IS THE NERDS.

  • LOGGERS ARE THE COSTS -- BLOGGERS ARE THE GOTHS. NPR IS THE

  • TABLE FOR KIDS WITH PEANUT ALLERGIES. [LAUGHTER] AL JAZEERA IS

  • THE WEIRD FOREIGN- EXCHANGE STUDENT NOBODY TALKS TO. AND MEDIA,

  • YOU ARE THE POOR KID WHO DIED SOPHOMORE YEAR IN A CAR CRASH.

  • [LAUGHTER] CHEER UP, WE DEDICATE THE YEARBOOK TO YOU. OF

  • COURSE, THE BIGGEST OR THAT PEOPLE COVERED THIS PAST YEAR WAS

  • THE REPUBLICANS FAILURE TO REPACK -- RECAPTURE THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • HARDLY FIT IN FAIR -- HARD TO BELIEVE THEY DID NOT FARE BETTER

  • WITH THIS PORT OF CELEBRITIES LIKE TED NUGENT AND MEET HOUSE.

  • -- MEATLOAF. THEY UNDERESTIMATED THE NUMBER OF VOTERS WHO STILL

  • DRIVE CARPETED VANS. [LAUGHTER] THE REPUBLICAN PARTY'S ON THE

  • MEND. ONE RISING STAR ON THE RIGHT IS SENATOR MARCO RUBIO. OR

  • AS HE IS KNOWN IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, OUR BLACK GUY.

  • [LAUGHTER] AS OF TODAY COME IN THE U.S. SENATE HAS A NUMBER OF

  • AFRICAN- AMERICAN SENATORS. TWO. TWO. IN OTHER WORDS, THERE ARE

  • NOW MORE AFRICAN-AMERICANS IN THE SENATE AND IN A MUMFORD AND

  • SONS CONCERT. THANK YOU, YOUNGER PEOPLE. PAUL RYAN -- I DON'T

  • UNDERSTAND! WHAT'S HE BABBLING ABOUT? [LAUGHTER] WHO IS THIS

  • MAN? PAUL RYAN RECENTLY -- HE REALLY BURST THROUGH WHEN HE RAN

  • FOR VICE PRESIDENT. AFTER THE ELECTION, HE SAID PRESIDENT OBAMA

  • WAS REELECTED BECAUSE OF THE HIGH TURNOUT OF URBAN VOTERS.

  • WHEN HE WAS ASKED HOW HE LIKED HIS COFFEE HE SAID, NO MILK, NO

  • SUGAR, JUST URBAN. [LAUGHTER] THERE IS RNC CHAIRMAN WRITES

  • PREVIOUS -- REINCE PRIEBUS. TONIGHT HE IS SITTING BETWEEN HIS

  • BROTHERS LATHER AND REPEAT. [LAUGHTER] HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER

  • ERIC CANTOR IS HERE. OR ACOLYTE REFERRED TO HIM, YET ANOTHER

  • JEWISH REPUBLICAN FROM THE SELF -- OR AS I LIKE TO REFER TO

  • HIM, YET ANOTHER JEWISH REPUBLICAN FROM THE SOUTH. ALSO JOINING

  • US, A CONDIMENT FROM NEW YORK NAMED STEVE ISRAEL. HE IS FROM

  • NEW YORK AND HIS NAME IS ISRAEL. THERE IS PANDERING, AND THEN

  • THERE IS PANDERING. THAT IS LIKE HAVING A CONGRESSMAN FROM

  • SOUTH CAROLINA NAMED JESUS H GONE TO -- JESUS H. GUN.

  • [LAUGHTER] YOU'VE GOT TO USE THIS THING, IT IS FANTASTIC.

  • [GAVEL POUNDS] I MENTIONED CHRIS CHRISTIE EARLIER, GOVERNOR

  • CHRISTIE AND SHAQUILLE O'NEAL ARE SITTING AT THE SAME DINNER

  • TABLE. LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR THE REAL UNSUNG HERO TONIGHT, THEIR

  • WAITER. [LAUGHTER] THAT POOR BASTARD. GOING TO LOSE AN ARM

  • WILL. -- AN ARM. AND WE HAVE ONE OR TWO SUPREME COURT JUSTICES.

  • THEY SEEM DIVIDED OVER SAME-SEX MARRIAGE. THE LIBERAL JUSTICES

  • FAVORITE WHILE THE CONSERVATIVES OPPOSE ANY LIFE LONG UNION

  • BETWEEN TWO MEN, UNLESS IT IS ANTONIN SCALIA AND CLARENCE

  • THOMAS. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER IS NOT

  • HERE TONIGHT. SPEAKER BANNER AND PRESIDENT OBAMA ARE STILL

  • STRUGGLING TO GET ALONG. PRESIDENT OBAMA AND JOHN BOEHNER, KIND

  • OF LIKE A BLIND DATE BETWEEN ANDERSON COOPER AND RACHEL MADDOW.

  • IN THEORY, THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER'S POSITION, BUT DEEP

  • DOWN, YOU KNOW NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE] [GAVEL POUNDS] SPEAKING OF NOTHING HAPPENING, WE ARE

  • ALL HOPING FOR NOTHING TO HAPPEN WITH NORTH KOREA. THAT GOT ME

  • WONDERING, WHAT IS WITH KIM JONG-UN? IN THE PAST, WE HAVE HAD

  • REALLY SCARY ENEMIES LIKE SADDAM HUSSAIN AND HITLER. NOW,

  • SUDDENLY OUR NEMESIS IS A POUTY TEENAGE BOY WHO DRESSES LIKE

  • ROSIE O'DONNELL AT THE EMMYS. KIM JONG-UN DOES NOT UNDERSTAND

  • THAT WE AREN'T AFRAID OF HIM. WHAT THAT GUY DOESN'T GET IS

  • THAT WE ALREADY HAVE AN UNSTABLE PENINSULA THAT WILL ULTIMATELY

  • BRING DOWN AMERICA. IT IS CALLED FLORIDA. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE]

  • YES IT IS. YES, PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS A LOT ON HIS PLATE RIGHT

  • NOW. HE IS AT THE VERY NICE STAGE WHERE THERE ARE NO MORE

  • SECRETS LEFT TO COME OUT ABOUT HIM. WE ALL KNOW THAT HE LIVED

  • IN INDONESIA AS A CHILD, STUDIED AT A MUSLIM SEMINARY AND

  • OCCASIONALLY A DOG. -- ATE DOG. FROM THE BEGINNING, A KID WHO

  • HAD HIS EYES SET ON THE U.S. PRESIDENCY. [LAUGHTER] CHECK HIM A

  • CHECK, AND CHECK. HERE I COME. I KNOW THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN

  • THE PRESIDENT AND THE PRESS CAN SEEM A BIT STRAINED AT TIMES.

  • SOME IN THIS ROOM HAVE ACCUSED HIM OF BEING DISTANT AND ALOOF.

  • WHEN I ASKED THE PRESIDENT ABOUT IT EARLIER, HE SAID, OH, AND

  • THEN WALKED AWAY. [LAUGHTER] IT IS ONLY NATURAL, BUT MR.

  • PRESIDENT ELECTION WAS LESS EXCITING THAN THE FIRST TIME AROUND

  • IN 2008. AN ELECTION NIGHT, YOU CELEBRATED WITH HUNDREDS OF