Name: STOP SOUNDING WEAK!
Uploaded: 2018-10-18T01:15:35.000Z
Duration: 25 min 41 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Future simple

Hi, everyone. In this lesson we're going to
look at ways our language shows that we're

To-infinitive

not very confident people, and it shows that
we're afraid to give our opinions in case

we upset someone or they get angry at us, or
we offend them because we have a different

opinion. And without realizing it, many of
us soften and change our language, and use

particular phrases so that we seem to agree with
more people and we say everything politely.

In some situations, this is a good thing because
this means using our words with tact; using

our words in a way that respects other people,
but sometimes if we use this language all

the time, it's because that shows us as being
weak people who can't give an opinion about

anything, and who are afraid to speak their
minds. So we're going to look at examples

of the kind of language where we... We lack
confidence. And we'll go through some examples,

starting with speaking with disclaimers. When
you speak with disclaimers; before you get

to what you really want to say, you go around
it slowly first because you're scared to upset

So we'll start here. Let's imagine the situation:
You want to give your opinion about your friend's

shoes. She's decided to wear green shoes, and
you just don't think they look good with

that outfit she's wearing - that pink dress;
it doesn't look the best thing you've ever

seen but you want to show that, unlike your
friend, you disagree that it's a good thing,

you could say: "This is just my opinion but I
don't think those green shoes look the best

with that pink dress." And when I say it like
that, it's a sensitive way to disagree. And

for an issue about shoes, it's not a big deal;
it's not going to make you sound really weak.

So it depends on the situation
that you're talking about.

The next situation, here: "You might disagree
but..." Imagine there's an issue where you

think one thing and someone else you know thinks
something else; you have opposite opinions.

An example could be: You think it's unhealthy
for children to eat chocolate every day, and

you don't think they should. And, in fact,
you've got a son and you don't want him to

eat chocolate every day, but the son's grandma
might disagree and think it's good for children

to eat chocolate all the time. You could say:
"You might disagree but I don't think kids

should eat chocolate all the time,
every day; it's unhealthy for them."

Moving on: "I'm not a professional but..."
And: "I'm no expert but..." We can use these

phrases when we're in a situation where it
looks like... It seems like the other person

there has got more experience than us. Perhaps
it's... They've got a proper job, and perhaps

we're just an intern. So we want to say something,
but we're also thinking: "Oh, I could be wrong",

before I say that. So, here's an example: I'm
wearing a microphone, here. Let's imagine

this wasn't on the right way, and I'm the intern
and I realize that, I could say something

like: "I'm no... I'm no expert but shouldn't
the microphone be the other way around?"

Or the same situation: "I'm not sure if this
is always the case, though in my experience,

those microphones usually go that way around."
And the reason we would say... In this situation

I gave then, the reason I would say that very
carefully is because in that situation there

might be a reason that we don't have a lot of
authority there. We might really know everything;

we might really know our stuff, but because
we don't officially work there or we're not

an important person, we have to use our words
in more careful ways. And also, we might be

afraid about being wrong, so we
don't want to say the wrong thing.

Here's some other examples: "It might just
be me but..." We can say this if we happen

to disagree with the other... With the other
people around us. We could also say: "Perhaps

I misunderstood", and: "Forgive me if I'm
wrong but..." All these examples we could

use in a situation similar to the microphone
example where we... Where we... We think something

different, but we're not 100% certain. So,
if I'm going back, using the microphone as

an example, I could say: "Perhaps I misunderstood
but aren't microphones supposed to go this

way around?" Same example: "Forgive me if I'm
wrong but aren't the microphones supposed

to go this way?" So there's some different
phrases for communicating the same kind of

idea there. "I'm not 100% sure about this,
but I'm going to say it very carefully."

Okay, now let's look at evading opinions.
This... "Evading" means avoiding, missing

out, or giving opinions. We use this kind
of language... Or people use this kind of

language in situations where they are cautious
about sharing their opinion with that person.

Perhaps they don't want to get in an argument,
perhaps it's about a political issue, and

they know: "If I start talking about that -
well, things could get uncomfortable." So

there are ways that people close down those
kind of talks; and they won't say anything.

So, these... These situations could be a hot
political issue that people disagree about.

For example, this could be: "What do we do
with refugees?" And someone doesn't want to

talk about it, so they say: "It must be hard.
I don't know much about it. Sorry, I don't...

I don't know much about it. It must be hard
to do... What to do with them; I don't know

much about it." And that has the
result of finishing the conversation.

Or they could simply say... One person could say
loads and loads of things about the refugees

and what they think should happen, and the
other person at the end could just say: "It's

not really something I know about",
and that finishes the discussion.

This example, here, would be more if someone
was talking about a whole area or field of

expertise or study that you didn't know, so
you didn't have a lot of confidence in that

area. Perhaps they were talking about something
in... For me it would be if they're talking

about something in physics or mathematics; I
don't know really much about that, and someone

could be telling me lots of things about it,
and I could just say: "I haven't studied that,

so I don't know." Now, this... If that's true,
that's fair... That's fair enough, in a way.

If you really don't know about it, what can
you say on that subject? But sometimes people

will use: "I haven't studied that, so I don't
know about lots of things." We don't have

to study everything in the world to have an
opinion on; so just something to be aware

And this one: "I think it's a complex situation,
so I don't know." Again, we could use this

for the political issues that we don't want
to talk about, or issues to do with society

or culture, things like that. If it's a sensitive
topic and you don't really want to talk to

that person or say what you really
think, sometimes people will say this.

Now let's look at signs of self-doubt. This
is a sign where you don't really... Let's

say if you've been talking about something,
giving an opinion, you don't... You know that

you haven't really explained it 100% and you
haven't really convinced yourself that you

explained it in a really good way, or you
said something that was correct or accurate,

you could just say at the end: "Blah, blah,
blah, here's my really long thing that I'm

saying. I really don't believe I've said it
in the best way possible", then at the end

you say: "Does that make sense?" Now, people
often use that at the end. And as well as...

In some... Sometimes it shows self-doubt,
that they already know it didn't make sense;

and other times they say it after it's, like,
long and complicated, and it doesn't make

sense - they say: "Does that make sense?" at
the end because they just want you to say:

"Yes", even if it doesn't. Because it's a
question at the end and it makes you agree,

it sometimes... And it's also a way of them
ending their long point. "Does that make sense?"

so you just say: "Yeah." And if you want, you
can carry on talking about it after that.

And a similar example is: You have been explaining
something for a while, perhaps it was something

quite complicated, and at the end you say:
"Have I managed to get my point across?" And

in most situations, the other person will
say: "Yeah. Yes" because you're... When you

ask a question like this, you're pushing them
to give you a positive answer and say yes.

Now let's look at ways of making oneself small;
making myself small. When I make myself small,

I... On one side, we could look at it as...
Look at it like modesty. "I'm not going to

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