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  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • Welcome back to the Trump News Network,

  • the only network where you can't turn down the volume

  • no matter how hard you try.

  • Let's get to tonight's top story.

  • My former aide Omarosa's new tell-all memoir came out today,

  • and you shouldn't believe a single word of it.

  • It's fake. It's phony.

  • And worst of all, it's a book.

  • Can you believe it?

  • Omarosa calls me a racist and a misogynist.

  • But that is ridiculous. I am not a racist!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • My cabinet is full of African-Americans.

  • There's Ben Carson...

  • Anyway.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Kellyanne Conway already addressed this issue perfectly.

  • Roll the clip.

  • -Omarosa was the most prominent high-level African-American

  • serving in the West Wing on President Trump's staff.

  • Who now is that person?

  • -African-American? -Yes.

  • -Uh, you -- We have Ja'Ron,

  • who's done a fabulous job and very involved.

  • -Yeah, we have Ja'Ron.

  • Everyone knows who Ja'Ron is.

  • He's so involved, I even know his full name.

  • It's Ja'Ron...James.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's right. Ja'Ron James.

  • I know it sounds like LeBron James.

  • But Ja'Ron is way better, and he's gonna fit in great

  • with our newest hire, Jarmelo Anthony.

  • Look, folks, what I'm saying

  • is that wacky Omarosa is a total liar.

  • I mean, in her book, she says

  • she once walked in on me eating paper.

  • I have never eaten paper.

  • Unless you count when the receipt was stuck to my Big Mac.

  • She also says I have a tanning bed in the White House.

  • Of course I do!

  • What am I supposed to sleep on, a tanning futon?

  • I'm the President.

  • And now Omarosa says she has secret recordings of me.

  • But two can play at that game.

  • Because I've been secretly recording things, too.

  • I even taped a recent meeting I had with Vladimir Putin.

  • I hid my phone right under the table.

  • Listen to this.

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ]

  • -That was Putin. That was Putin.

  • [ Fart ]

  • [ Fart ] That one was me.

  • [ Fart ]

  • That's a D.T. original right there.

  • All right. Those are mostly me.

  • All right, look, anyway,

  • maybe I should have put the phone above the table.

  • What can I say? It's very hard to digest paper.

  • Space Force! Everyone loves the Space Force.

  • Everyone's talking about how much they love it.

  • And it will be up and running by 2020.

  • It's taking longer than expected.

  • But that's totally normal.

  • Plenty of presidents my age

  • have trouble getting their rockets up.

  • In entertainment news,

  • "Crazy Rich Asians" hit theaters this week.

  • It is getting fantastic reviews.

  • Fantastic.

  • I'm very excited about this movie.

  • In fact, I went ahead and made a sequel with my family,

  • "Rich Crazy Caucasians."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • In collusion -- I mean, in conclusion...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ...my star might be removed from the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

  • You'd think I'd be sad, but I'm actually glad

  • because it involves the two things

  • I hate more than anything -- Hollywood and walking.

  • Oh, it looks like some more breaking news is coming in.

  • This is the Trump News Network. We'll be right back.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • [ Fart sounds ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

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