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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME BACK.

  • WE'RE HERE WITH THE LOVELY AND TALENTED CONAN O'BRIEN.

  • YOU IS HAVE GONE TO SEVEN COUNTRIES IN LAST TWO YEARS.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: YOU WENT TO CUBA.

  • >> YUP.

  • >> Stephen: ARMENNIA.

  • QATAR, SOUTH KOREA, GERMANY, MEXICO, AND MOST RECENTLY YOU

  • WENT TO ISRAEL.

  • >> YUP, YUP.

  • >> Stephen: INCREDIBLE TRIP.

  • >> YUP.

  • >> Stephen: I LOVE FOLLOWING IT, AND YOU POSTED IT ON

  • TWITTER, TOO.

  • WHAT DID YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT GOING TO ISRAEL?

  • BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS A FANTASTIC IDEA, YOU GO TO BE A

  • COMMON FOOL, YOU KNOW, FOR-- FOR TWO PEOPLE WHO DONT TALK TO EACH

  • OTHER OTHER LIKE THE PALESTINIANS AND ISRAELIS.

  • YOU'RE THE COMMON ELEMENT AND THEY BOTH THINK YOU'RE

  • RIDICULOUS, I IMAGINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> THAT'S NOT THE WAY I WOULD HAVE PUT IT, BUT YES.

  • >> Stephen: I MEANT THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

  • >> I KNOW.

  • I-- I LOVE-- MY GREATEST JOY IS TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH THAT

  • DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH, DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

  • I LOVE THAT.

  • I LOVE GOING TO THESE OTHER COUNTRIES.

  • AND THIS IDEA STARTED VERY NATURALLY WHEN WE WENT TO CUBA

  • AND THEN IT SORT OF TOOK OFF FROM THERE.

  • IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF QUASI-DIPLOMACY THROUGH COMEDY.

  • I LIKE TO SHOW THAT AMERICANS ARE CURIOUS.

  • WE'RE HUMBLE.

  • WE'RE OKAY TO LOOK RIDICULOUS.

  • IT'S OKAY IF YOU LAUGH AT US.

  • BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: EVERY TIME I SEE

  • YOU DOING ONE OF THESE, I THINK, "OH, DAMN IT, THAT WAS SUCH A

  • GREAT IDEA" I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE STOLEN SOMETHING GREAT FROM THE

  • REST OF US.

  • >> YES, MORE OR LESS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: REALLY, HONESTLY.

  • >> YOU KNOW WHAT WAS NICE IS THAT IT'S-- IT'S SOMETHING THAT

  • HAS ENERGIZED ME THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.

  • IT'S GIVEN ME-- SINCE WE STARTED DOING IT, I LOVE IT SO MUCH,

  • THAT IT GIVES ME, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE WHO GETS TO MY POINT

  • WITH ONE OF THESE SHOWS MIGHT THINK IT'S TIME TO GO JOIN THE

  • HORSE AT THE EQUINE MASSAGE SCHOOL.

  • >> Stephen: SOUNDS GOOD.

  • >> I HAVE ALL OF THIS ENERGY NOW, BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE

  • DOING IT, AND THEY LET US GO ANYWHERE.

  • WHEN I SHOW UP WITH A CAMERA CREW, THEY LET US INTO PLACES

  • THAT NORMALLY THEY WOULDN'T LET OTHER PEOPLE --

  • >> Stephen: YOU WERE IN THE HOLY LAND.

  • >> WE WERE IN THE HOLY LAND -- >> Stephen: ROMAN CATHOLIC.

  • >> YUP.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE?

  • DID YOU GO TO THE VIA DEL LA ROALSA.

  • >> WE ASKED, IS IT OKAY IF WE SEE THE CHURCH OF THE NATIVITY?

  • AND THEY SAID YES.

  • THE CHURCH OF THE NATIVITY, THIS IS WHERE THEY SAY THAT CHRIST

  • WAS BORN ON THIS SPOT.

  • >> Stephen: THE MANGER?

  • >> THEY SAY THE MANGER IS DOWN THERE.

  • AND THEY SAID, "COME ON IN.

  • YOU CAN COME IN, AND YOU CAN COME DOWN WITH YOUR CAMERA CREW

  • AND WITH YOUR SOUND OPERATOR.

  • YOU CAN COME DOWN AND SHOOT THIS FOR YOUR SHOW.

  • THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

  • WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

  • WE KNOW YOU HAVE COME TO ISRAEL ON THIS MISSION OF PEACE.

  • COME ON DOWN."

  • WE START GOING DOWN LONG, WINDING STEPS-- BEAUTIFUL,

  • AMAZING CHURCH, AND THEN IT GETS CLAUSTROPHOBIC, INTO THE GROUND,

  • SPIRALG.

  • I HAVE A CAMERAMAN WITH A BIG CAMERA.

  • I HAVE A SOUND GUY WHO HAS A GIANT MACHINE STRAPPED TO HIS

  • CHEST WITH SOUND DIALS AND HE HAS A LONG BOOM MICROPHONE.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE ONE.

  • IT'S LIKE SIX FEET LONG-- I'LL BUY YOU ONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOT, LIKE, A BIG FLUFFY MIC

  • AT THE END, AND THAT'S HOW HE GETS THE SOUND.

  • WE'RE GOING DOWN THE STEPS, AND I'M NOIG THE THING SWINGING

  • AROUND KIND OF WILDLY.

  • AND WE GET DOWN TO THE BOTTOM.

  • AND THEY SAY, "THIS IS, THIS IS THE SITE WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."

  • AND IT'S VERY POWERFUL.

  • THEY'RE SHOWING YOU, "THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."

  • AND MY SOUND GUY IS STRUGGLING WITH HIS BIG, LONG STICK.

  • AND I DON'T WANT TO SELL HIM OUT AND GIVE HIS NAME OR ANYTHING

  • BUT IT'S JASON MIEWN YEZ.

  • HIS GOD NUMBER IS 21445.

  • HE'S DOING THE BEST HE CAN.

  • AND THEY SAY, "THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN."

  • AND THEY HAVE ANOTHER STAR ABOUT FIVE FEET AWAY AND THEY SAY,

  • "THIS IS WHERE HE WAS LAID IN THE MANGER.

  • THEY SAY THIS IS WHERE CHRIST WAS BORN, AND I SEE JASON SWING

  • AROUND WITH THE BOOM, HIT AN 800-YEAR-OLD LAMP, HOT OIL OFF

  • THE CANDLES.

  • DOWN ON JASON, SOME GOT ON THE PRIEST, HE WAS FINE.

  • AND THE THING IS EEK-EEK.

  • AND THE GUY IS SAYING, OVER HERE IS WHERE-- "THREE STOOGES"

  • SKETCH, WHAM!

  • BANG!

  • I'M SURE SOMEWHERE CHRIST IS LIKE, "GET HIM OUT OF THERE!

  • GET HIM OUT!

  • GET HIM!

  • >> Stephen: SOMEWHERE?

  • CHRIST IS SOMEWHERE SAYING THAT?

  • HE'S EVERYWHERE SAYING THAT.

  • >> HE'S SOME PLACE SPECIFIC IN MY MIND.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY.

  • >> WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT THEORIES ABOUT WHERE CHRIST MAY

  • BE EXACTLY, STEPHEN.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T DESTROY THE CHURCH OF THE

  • NATIVITY.

  • GOT OUT OF THERE.

  • >> I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.

  • >> Stephen: NOBODY MEANS TO.

  • >> I I AM TELLING-- ( LAUGHTER )

  • I AM TELLING YOU, I AM TELLING ALL COUNTRIES THAT MIGHT SEE

  • THIS, LET US IN.

  • LET ME IN.

  • DON'T LET THE SOUND GUY IN.

  • THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

  • >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK.

  • I'M SORRY, BUT WE DO.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE CONAN O'BRIEN, DON'T GO

>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

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