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  • Babada-dooba-doodu- bang-bang

  • Booba-dooba-doo-bee bado-daba-dabeep-bop

  • I believe in this health and wellness.

  • I believe in this fitness lifestyle.

  • You know what? Why not drag

  • one of my closest friends in with me?

  • So I'm waiting on Conan O'Brien to come outside now.

  • I'm about to take his old ass to the gym with me,

  • his old, pale ass.

  • - There he is. - Hey.

  • - Good to see you. - Hey. Good to see you too.

  • How you doing?

  • - Not good. - Not good? What happened?

  • I'm here. Long night, Conan.

  • Okay. Nothing's gonna make you feel better

  • than a good workout. Here's my thought,

  • nothing gets the endorphins going like wrestling

  • with large naked men.

  • - Okay. That's... - You wanna hear what we're

  • - gonna do today? - What are we gonna do?

  • We're gonna sumo wrestle.

  • ( music playing )

  • ( yelling in foreign language )

  • It was interesting because I was watching

  • male pornography when a pop-up ad came up

  • for male sumo wrestling and I thought,

  • - "That's what I see when I look in the mirror." - ( laughs )

  • So...

  • You're a damaged soul.

  • It's not my fault.

  • Grew up in a rough neighborhood.

  • Enough.

  • - Conan, enough. - (laughs)

  • How does your wife do it?

  • How does she do it?

  • Well, I'll be honest, she never seems quite happy.

  • - Oh, my God. - ( laughs )

  • Oh, my God.

  • So listen, sumo wrestlers burn

  • up to 30,000 calories a day.

  • - Are you serious? - Yeah.

  • So here's what we got to do,

  • - we got to carbo load if-- - We got to what?

  • There's a new school of thought, very new.

  • It says, before you exercise

  • you have to get as many fats,

  • and as much sugar into you as possible.

  • This is what I always do when I walk into a restaurant.

  • Watch this.

  • Hey, folks, everyone settle down, yeah.

  • Some pretty big celebrities

  • just walked into the room.

  • Let's not get crazy, all right?

  • This happens every day, just settle down.

  • I do that every time I walk into a joint.

  • ( laughs )

  • Waitress: Good morning. Can I get you guys

  • some coffee maybe?

  • Yeah, actually let me get a...

  • black coffee.

  • - Okay. - Do want a coffee?

  • Yeah. Do you have beer?

  • - I do, yes. - Wait, what?

  • - Do you have Sam Adams? - I sure do.

  • - Give me a Sam Adams. - No, no. Stop. No

  • - I want a Sam Adams. I want to carbo load. - I'll go ahead

  • - and get that for him. - I order for me,

  • - he orders for him. - it's a good starter for the morning.

  • - I'll get a Sam Adams. - And you're old enough, right?

  • - I love you. ( growls ) - I'll be right back. ( laughs )

  • Women love it when you... ( growls )

  • Conan.

  • All right, that's it.

  • Do you want some of this?

  • This is free. You can have as many of these

  • - as you want. - Hey, Conan, don't do that.

  • I take these when I go...

  • - All right, all right. - ...to a restaurant.

  • - All right. - We don't need the Sam Adams.

  • - There you go. - Sam Adams is a good beer.

  • Would you guys like to order?

  • - Conan: Yeah. - Kevin: Give me some scrambled

  • - egg whites. - scrambled egg whites, okay.

  • Turkey bacon, and let me get

  • - the whole wheat toast. - Would you like that

  • with butter?

  • - No. Ugh. - No butter?

  • - No butter. - Eat healthy all the way.

  • - Yeah. Healthy all the way. - Okay.

  • - Thank you. - What about you?

  • All right, I would like two Belgian waffles

  • - with whipped cream. - Okay.

  • I would like bacon,

  • I would also like sausage.

  • Give me a ham steak.

  • I would also like to have pancakes.

  • How many do you want?

  • - I want like nine pancakes. - Nine of them.

  • - Stop. - Okay. I would also like--

  • Excuse me, did I interrupt your order?

  • - Okay. Stop. - Did I interrupt your order?

  • - Okay? - Okay, perfect.

  • Does anybody else here not care about their heart?

  • - ( laughter ) - Waitress: All right, all set.

  • We got some sausage, nine pancakes,

  • waffles, second waffle.

  • I'm not paying for this ( bleep ).

  • I'll pay for it, okay?

  • ( music playing )

  • - Can we get that pie to go? - You sure can.

  • - Yes, can I get another beer? - All right, that's enough.

  • - Right. - That's enough, let's go.

  • - Let's go. - Wait up.

  • - Just give me a second. - Thank you, ma'am.

  • - Check. - Conan: No, no.

  • - I think we're good. - Check!

  • Check!

  • That's enough, you don't need this.

  • - I'm gonna take that with me. - That's enough.

  • - Oh, what did you do that for? - Just pay the bill.

  • - Pay the bill. - That was a good beer.

  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • thank you. Everyone have a great meal

  • - and a terrific day, right? - Man: Yeah.

  • U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

  • What the hell is wrong with you, people?

  • - ( laughter ) - ( Conan grumbles )

  • - Waitress: Have a good day, thanks. - Conan: Thank you.

  • Kevin: Listen, listen,

  • - U.S.A. U.S.A... - Yeah. And I love nobody...

  • - Nobody says... - Nobody says anything.

  • - "What's wrong with you people?" - ( laughter )

  • ( music playing )

  • You chanted "U..."

  • - Do you want pie? - No.

  • I don't want pie.

  • ( music playing )

  • To be completely honest,

  • I don't feel great right now.

  • I think the beer might have been a mistake,

  • might have been. I'm not putting it

  • in the definite mistake column yet.

  • Belgian waffle was a mistake.

  • - What are you talking about? - Pancakes.

  • I just don't feel great.

  • I feel a little sluggish because of--

  • I think because of what I ate.

  • I think I'm gonna have diarrhea

  • in like half an hour.

  • Of course you are. That's great.

  • This is your car, right?

  • - Of course. - I'd hate to have diarrhea

  • - In my car. - Of course. Right.

  • Are you-- are you serious right now?

  • I wish I was wearing an adult diaper.

  • That's great. That's perfect.

  • Because then I would just ( bleep ) right now.

  • Of course you would.

  • Of course, it'd be an odor

  • - not pleasant for you, but... - That's right.

  • - if it's a good diaper... - That's right.

  • Maybe if we could just refrain

  • - from... - Okay.

  • - from doing it now. - Okay.

  • Listen to me, when we get there

  • I'm gonna have diarrhea,

  • - we'll get that out of way, - That's good.

  • we'll evacuate my bowels,

  • - Then I'm ready to sumo wrestle. - Okay.

  • ( music playing )

  • Kevin: I can't believe you dragged me into this ( bleep ).

  • Doesn't it feel good to not be in a gym?

  • Doesn't it feel good to be

  • - in this beautiful setting? - I'm not knocking that,

  • I'm not knocking that.

  • I'm not a negative Nancy.

  • I'll embrace what you said and what-- Oh, my god.

  • ( music playing )

  • ( yelling in foreign language )

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • ( grunting )

  • Yup.

  • Nice, very nice.

  • We honor you.

  • Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

  • ( man speaks in foreign language )

  • - Yes. - I have Nakashi.

  • - He's from Japan. - Kevin: Nakashi.

  • Nakashi, I honor you

  • - and I accept you. - Nakashi.

  • You're from Idaho?

  • - Kevin: From Idaho? - I'm not gonna bow to Idaho.

  • He's not real.

  • - Are you a champion? - Five-time champion,

  • - U.S. champion. - From Idaho?

  • - Kelly: Yup. - That's a yes!

  • - U.S.A.! U.S.... - No, stop it, stop it,

  • Don't do that. Okay, well,

  • hey, hey, good, hey, baby,

  • Conan: I honor you

  • - and the state of Idaho. - There you go.

  • Kevin: Okay.

  • Can we put it on over? 'Cause no one wants

  • to see my body.

  • Time out. I'm not--

  • I'm not gonna put nothing in my ass like that.

  • I got way too much ( bleep ) for that.

  • ( gong strike )

  • - Yeah, me too. - I'm being honest.

  • We have large penises.

  • Well, I mean, come on.

  • - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - That's not--

  • - that's not-- that's not... - What's that? I wanted to do it

  • - and, get, include myself and... - That's not--stop it.

  • - What's that? - Stop it.

  • Wrap me up, cuz.

  • I feel like I'm getting violated, cuz.

  • Conan: This feels good. Did you like that feeling?

  • It's just right up in there.

  • - This is crazy, guys. - See, well, this is--

  • this is what it looks like.

  • There's no-- it's a kind of white

  • - you don't see a lot. - Oh, God.

  • ( strained ) Yeah, that's good.

  • ( grunting )

  • I think that's enough.

  • Hold on, keep pulling. Keep going, that's good.

  • Kevin: Oh, come on, that's not...

  • - That's good. - Okay, you're ready.

  • - ♪ Give it up ♪ - Now,

  • I'm gonna show you that matawari,

  • it's very important for sumo wrestlers.

  • It's flexibility.

  • Y'all need to start throwing tights up

  • - under to this ( bleep ). - Okay, go ahead guys.

  • Idaho, that's enough. Hey, hey, guys!

  • - Conan: Oh, God! Look at that! - Kevin: That's enough.

  • Conan: That isn't right.

  • - Jesus. - Kevin: No, man!

  • I'm not looking at that.

  • I'm married, cuz.

  • Okay. ( grunts )

  • - What are you doing, man? - I was just admiring.

  • - Right. - If you dip low on me,

  • that mean I get to... pop, pop,

  • No, you cannot kick or you can't punch.

  • - No punching? - No.

  • Excuse me, let me handle this.

  • What about scratching?

  • - Can we scratch? - No.

  • - Poke, can we poke? - You have to push--

  • no, no poking.

  • - No poking? - What about this salt

  • right here? Look, what about this stuff?

  • - Yeah. - If you get close to me,

  • can I do this? Eh.

  • Conan: Throw salt at someone?

  • No, you cannot do that.

  • - Yeah. - You can't throw salt?

  • Jean-Claude Van Damme did.

  • So, before the matches,

  • we have the ritual.

  • When you come the ring,

  • - you have to bow first. - Conan: Yeah.

  • And then go down,