Name: Why You Aren't Happy
Uploaded: 2018-06-24T23:10:58.000Z
Duration: 2 min 54 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

There's a great book by Aziz Ansari called Modern Romance. It's fantastic.

Modal verbs - A2

If you haven't read it, you really should, because in that, he breaks down how we

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fell in love 20, 25, 50 years ago, versus how we fall in love now,

or find people now. And of course, he talks about the obvious,

in the fact that we're now doing online dating, people are using dating apps,

but the really interesting thing that I found there is that he talks about how

most people in the olden days used to find people that lived in a five-mile radius of

People ended up marrying the person that they went to high school with.

People met people through their family friends and their parents' introductions,

and he also talks about how today, majority of people are more positive about

finding someone through online dating. Now, I don't judge either method.

I'm actually...think that there's a lot of progress that's been made,

too. People have a lot more choice, people are a lot more involved in their

decisions, people have a lot more options, as well, but at the same time,

the problem is, is that we also look for this ideal. I think what has massively

changed is that we're looking for someone to complete us, and that, for me,

The more choice you have, the more likely you feel there is someone out there who

will complete you, and you don't choose to complete yourself, yourself.

There's a great quote by this philosopher and writer named Cooley where he says,

"I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you

think I am," and we're lost in this paradigm where our identity is built up

from the belief we have that other people have of our identity.

And that means we're constantly trying to complete something that is already

And so, the point I'm trying to make here is that where we get lost in today's world

is that we believe choice means anything's possible. It is, but at the same time,

we're losing the fact that actually, I need to become complete first,

I need to understand myself first, and then, when I do that, I'm then able to

find someone who enhances the good in me, who advances the greatness in me,

who is able to grow me, and grow together.

And so, I think today, we're looking for the instant fix, but we're not really

broken. So we're looking to fix something that's not broken, but we think we're

broken because society's made us think we're broken, because people have made us

feel we're broken, and we kind of need to take a step back and go,

"No. Who am I? What am I? What do I stand for? What do I believe in?" and then find

what complements that, and that just goes right to the root of it.

So, I'm not against online dating. I'm not against people finding people in bars,

or restaurants, or wherever you're deciding to find the person you end up

with. I think what I'm trying to say is that be more conscious and intentional

about what you're looking for and you won't be going around in circles.

Otherwise, we're just trying to fit a puzzle where it doesn't match.