Name: 【TED】LB Hannahs: What it's like to be a transgender dad (What it's like to be a transgender dad | LB Hannahs)
Uploaded: 2018-06-01T17:04:46.000Z
Duration: 13 min 45 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

So the other morning I went to the grocery store

with a "Good morning, sir, can I help you with anything?"

The person smiled and we went our separate ways.

I grabbed Cheerios and I left the grocery store.

And I went through the drive-through of a local coffee shop.

After I placed my order, the voice on the other end said,

I was understood both as a "sir" and as a "ma'am."

But for me, neither of these people are wrong,

This cute little human is my almost-two-year-old Elliot.

this kid has forced me to rethink the world

I identify as transgender and as a parent, that makes me a transparent.

As you can see, I took this year's theme super literal.

More specifically, I identify as genderqueer.

And there are lots of ways to experience being genderqueer,

but for me that means I don't really identify as a man or a woman.

I feel in between and sometimes outside of this gender binary.

means that sometimes I get "sired" and "ma'amed"

in the span of less than an hour when I'm out doing everyday things

But this in between lane is where I'm most comfortable.

This space where I can be both a sir and a ma'am

feels the most right and the most authentic.

But it doesn't mean that these interactions aren't uncomfortable.

Trust me, the discomfort can range from minor annoyance

when a bouncer physically removed me by the back of the neck

But for me, authenticity doesn't mean "comfortable."

It means managing and negotiating the discomfort of everyday life,

And it wasn't until my experience as a trans person

collided with my new identity as a parent

that I understood the depth of my vulnerabilities

and how they are preventing me from being my most authentic self.

Now, for most people, what their child will call them

is not something that they give much thought to

or variations on a gendered theme like "mama," "mommy," or "daddy," "papa."

But for me, the possibility is what this child,

who will grow to be a teenager and then a real-life adult,

And I spent nine months wrestling with the reality that being called "mama"

or something like it didn't feel like me at all.

And no matter how many times or versions of "mom" I tried,

it always felt forced and deeply uncomfortable.

I knew being called "mom" or "mommy" would be easier to digest for most people.

The idea of having two moms is not super novel,

And when I played around with "daddy," it felt better.

It felt like a pair of shoes that you really liked

And I knew the idea of being a female-born person being called "daddy"

was going to be a harder road with a lot more uncomfortable moments.

and Elliot came screaming into the world, like most babies do,

I decided on becoming a daddy, and our new family faced the world.

Now one of the most common things that happens when people meet us

And when I get "momed", there are several ways the interaction can go,

and I've drawn this map to help illustrate my options.

So, option one is to ignore the assumption

and allow folks to continue to refer to me as "mom,"

which is not awkward for the other party,

And it usually causes me to restrict my interaction with those people.

"Actually, I'm Elliot's dad" or "Elliot calls me 'daddy.'"

And when I do this, one or two of the following things happen.

Folks take it in stride and say something like, "Oh, OK."

because they feel bad or awkward or guilty or weird.

But more often, what happens is folks get really confused

and look up with an intense look and say something like,

Subtitles ListPlay Video

【TED】LB Hannahs: What it's like to be a transgender dad (What it's like to be a transgender dad | LB Hannahs)

awkward

authentic

journey

grocery