[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

GOHAN: Aaah!

Aaaaahh!!

Aaaaaaahhh!!!

Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

GOKU: Good try, Gohan!

But you can't just power up and become a Super Saiyan.

It comes from pure, raw, emotion.

You know where *I* was when I became a Super Saiyan?

GOHAN: Yes, you--

GOKU: I was on Namek. I thought I'd finally defeated Freezer with the Spirit Bomb.

But as it turns out... he was *still alive*!

GOHAN: Dad, I was ther--

GOKU: He killed Vegeta, [This already happened]

and he killed Krillin,

GOHAN: I saw everythi--

GOKU: Piccolo...

tripped or... something...

It was pretty bad for everyone.

Then, he threatened to do the same to MY SON!

Oh hey, you were there!

Why didn't you go Super Saiyan? [JOE BIDEN: 'Cause it was a "Big Fucking Deal" at the time.]

GOHAN: (Sigh)

[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that's Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Stop fisting me!

VEGETA: Okay.

SeP CELL: HURRHG! Not all at once!

Just... can I...

have a minute...?

VEGETA: Sure you can.

SeP CELL: Well, thank you. That's apprecia--

[

VEGETA: C-C-C-COMBO!

TRUNKS: (Sigh)

"ANDROID" 18: Wait, so I beat Vegeta...

ANDROID 16 [off-screen]: Data not found.

18: But now Vegeta is wrecking Cell...

16 [o-s]: Data not found.

18: Okay, do you have anything substantial to add to this?

16: ...Do you?

18: ...Data not found. [Translation: Touché.]

SeP CELL: Hurrrargh!

VEGETA: Ya know, maybe if you'd actually TRAINED instead of gorging yourself on a worthless species,

your punches might actually hit a little closer to home.

SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)

SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)

CELL'S ASS [as Imp. Cell]: Hahahaha, ah, this is an unfortunate turn of events. [Why would that be a design choice?]

VEGETA [genuinely disturbed]: Did you just... talk out your ass?

SeP CELL: Well... to be fair, Vegeta,

you are part of my DNA.

VEGETA: Oo, that is the closest thing you've done to damage since I've gotten here.

SeP CELL: Allow me to fix that...

KRILLIN: Is that Cell or Vegeta?

Dun' matter; steering clear o' that.

Except, if I were a bettin' boy, that's...

...probably where the Androids are.

Stealth Mode, don't fail me now.

SeP CELL: There we are.

Now,

do you understand, Vegeta?

VEGETA: What I understand is I'm about to pound you so hard, the boy's mother is going to be jealous. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

TRUNKS: Oh, can we not?!

VEGETA: But, if it makes you feel any better, I'll give you one free shot.

But I'm warning you,

if you waste i--

SeP CELL: UURGH!

VEGETA: (Chuckling)

*you're gonna regret it*...

SeP CELL: ...How?

Hooww?!

How did you get this strong?!

VEGETA: I trained *all* day yesterday.

SeP CELL: Oh, you think you're being *cute*!

VEGETA: Bitch, I'm adorable.

SeP CELL: Fine!

Then how about THIS?!

GALICK GUN...

VEGETA: Hohoho, and that's just precious...

SeP CELL: FIRRRRE!!!

TENSHINHAN: So we're *actually* rooting for Vegeta?

PICCOLO: Let's be honest - we're rooting *against* Cell.

TENSHINHAN: What do we do if he wins?

PICCOLO: Which one?

TENSHINHAN: Which one is worse? [That's a little harsh...]

BABY TRUNKS: (Making baby noises) BULMA: Ya know, Vegeta might be...

...*is* a total ass,

but he's not *that* bad. [Come again?]

TENSHINHAN: Says the woman he left a single mother. [Indeed.]

BULMA: Please, I'm rich; it's hardly the same.

PICCOLO: Really, him leaving was probably for the best.

BABY TRUNKS: Wohhh... BULMA: Wow! Really?!

PICCOLO: What? Would you really trust Vegeta with a baby?

BULMA: Well, not *my* baby...

TENSHINHAN: And there you go.

SeP CELL: '"Look at me, I'm Vegeta! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!"

'"And I both wear, and *am*, a unitar--"'

VEGETA: You call THAT a Galick Gun?

Dear God, get it together.

SeP CELL: I WILL END YOU!

VEGETA: You'll die trying.

SeP CELL: (Screaming in D#)

(Screaming in G)

(Screaming in C)

KRILLIN: 'Eesh... somehow I actually feel kinda bad for *Cell*...'

'Oh well, should probably start lookin' for the Androids.'

'Aaand found 'em.'

'Man, I am REALLY good at this...'

'Okay, Krillin...'

'Mission...'

'Mission... (Gulp)...'

'Mission... (Gulp)... *Start*.'

VEGETA: I know I kicked him into the water somewhere...

Damn it, he's pulling a bald one on me and hiding his energy...

Urgh, if I were a disgusting bug-man, where would I--

SeP CELL: SURPRISE!

Looky what I caught!

A walking, talking Napoleon complex. [He's not wrong. :P]

Huurgh...!

VEGETA: And looky what I caught!

SeP CELL: Oh no, *not again*!

VEGETA: So, what do you do with this... *thing*?

SeP CELL: I screw people!

VEGETA: Were you trying to screw me?

SeP CELL: N-n... no!

...Yes.

(Groans in pain)

Raarhhg--!

VEGETA: You feel that?

That's what honesty feels like.

SeP CELL: This... this is all wrong...

You can't be this strong!

Nothing about this makes sense!

VEGETA: Well if THAT'S wracking your brain, try drinking this in:

It may pain me to say it, but the boy over there is actually almost as strong as I am.

Then again, unlike you,

he's HALF me.

SeP CELL: What?!

VEGETA: 'Course the other half is his mother...

I mean, look at that hair!

TRUNKS: I-- VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!

VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!

TRUNKS: Y-you--

VEGETA: And not like a homosexual, I mean like a literal, walking fruit!

...EGGPLANT!

SeP CELL: DAMN IIIIIIIT!

I want to be perfect!

I wanna!

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna--

[muffled] I wanna-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa...

VEGETA: Excellent, I've broken both your body *and* your spirit.

Time to die.

SeP CELL: If only you had showed up just a minute later...

I would've had Eighteen...

Then NOBODY could've stopped me!

VEGETA: ...Oh really?

TRUNKS: Nooo...

SeP CELL: Vegeta...

I would've destroyed you without a second thought...

TRUNKS: ...Nooo!

[I think we all know what his answer is...]

VEGETA: ...Go on.

TRUNKS: NooooOOOO--!

[DBZ intermission (post-commercial)]

GOKU: Aaah...

GOHAN: Aaah...

You know, Dad,

it's honestly been kinda nice training with you.

GOKU: Right? I like training too.

GOHAN: Hm...

GOKU: But even though we're taking a nice, soothing bath,

we can't hold back.

We have to stay training at all times.

Soooo...