Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [Disclaimer read by Semi-Perfect Cell] [WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~] GOHAN: Aaah! Aaaaahh!! Aaaaaaahhh!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! GOKU: Good try, Gohan! But you can't just power up and become a Super Saiyan. It comes from pure, raw, emotion. You know where *I* was when I became a Super Saiyan? GOHAN: Yes, you-- GOKU: I was on Namek. I thought I'd finally defeated Freezer with the Spirit Bomb. But as it turns out... he was *still alive*! GOHAN: Dad, I was ther-- GOKU: He killed Vegeta, [This already happened] and he killed Krillin, GOHAN: I saw everythi-- GOKU: Piccolo... tripped or... something... It was pretty bad for everyone. Then, he threatened to do the same to MY SON! Oh hey, you were there! Why didn't you go Super Saiyan? [JOE BIDEN: 'Cause it was a "Big Fucking Deal" at the time.] GOHAN: (Sigh) [♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫] ♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫ ♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that's Ultra-Z) ♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~) ♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫ SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Stop fisting me! VEGETA: Okay. SeP CELL: HURRHG! Not all at once! Just... can I... have a minute...? VEGETA: Sure you can. SeP CELL: Well, thank you. That's apprecia-- [ VEGETA: C-C-C-COMBO! TRUNKS: (Sigh) "ANDROID" 18: Wait, so I beat Vegeta... ANDROID 16 [off-screen]: Data not found. 18: But now Vegeta is wrecking Cell... 16 [o-s]: Data not found. 18: Okay, do you have anything substantial to add to this? 16: ...Do you? 18: ...Data not found. [Translation: Touché.] SeP CELL: Hurrrargh! VEGETA: Ya know, maybe if you'd actually TRAINED instead of gorging yourself on a worthless species, your punches might actually hit a little closer to home. SeP CELL: (Cries of pain) SeP CELL: (Cries of pain) CELL'S ASS [as Imp. Cell]: Hahahaha, ah, this is an unfortunate turn of events. [Why would that be a design choice?] VEGETA [genuinely disturbed]: Did you just... talk out your ass? SeP CELL: Well... to be fair, Vegeta, you are part of my DNA. VEGETA: Oo, that is the closest thing you've done to damage since I've gotten here. SeP CELL: Allow me to fix that... KRILLIN: Is that Cell or Vegeta? Dun' matter; steering clear o' that. Except, if I were a bettin' boy, that's... ...probably where the Androids are. Stealth Mode, don't fail me now. SeP CELL: There we are. Now, do you understand, Vegeta? VEGETA: What I understand is I'm about to pound you so hard, the boy's mother is going to be jealous. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) TRUNKS: Oh, can we not?! VEGETA: But, if it makes you feel any better, I'll give you one free shot. But I'm warning you, if you waste i-- SeP CELL: UURGH! VEGETA: (Chuckling) *you're gonna regret it*... SeP CELL: ...How? Hooww?! How did you get this strong?! VEGETA: I trained *all* day yesterday. SeP CELL: Oh, you think you're being *cute*! VEGETA: Bitch, I'm adorable. SeP CELL: Fine! Then how about THIS?! GALICK GUN... VEGETA: Hohoho, and that's just precious... SeP CELL: FIRRRRE!!! TENSHINHAN: So we're *actually* rooting for Vegeta? PICCOLO: Let's be honest - we're rooting *against* Cell. TENSHINHAN: What do we do if he wins? PICCOLO: Which one? TENSHINHAN: Which one is worse? [That's a little harsh...] BABY TRUNKS: (Making baby noises) BULMA: Ya know, Vegeta might be... ...*is* a total ass, but he's not *that* bad. [Come again?] TENSHINHAN: Says the woman he left a single mother. [Indeed.] BULMA: Please, I'm rich; it's hardly the same. PICCOLO: Really, him leaving was probably for the best. BABY TRUNKS: Wohhh... BULMA: Wow! Really?! PICCOLO: What? Would you really trust Vegeta with a baby? BULMA: Well, not *my* baby... TENSHINHAN: And there you go. SeP CELL: '"Look at me, I'm Vegeta! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!" '"And I both wear, and *am*, a unitar--"' VEGETA: You call THAT a Galick Gun? Dear God, get it together. SeP CELL: I WILL END YOU! VEGETA: You'll die trying. SeP CELL: (Screaming in D#) (Screaming in G) (Screaming in C) KRILLIN: 'Eesh... somehow I actually feel kinda bad for *Cell*...' 'Oh well, should probably start lookin' for the Androids.' 'Aaand found 'em.' 'Man, I am REALLY good at this...' 'Okay, Krillin...' 'Mission...' 'Mission... (Gulp)...' 'Mission... (Gulp)... *Start*.' VEGETA: I know I kicked him into the water somewhere... Damn it, he's pulling a bald one on me and hiding his energy... Urgh, if I were a disgusting bug-man, where would I-- SeP CELL: SURPRISE! Looky what I caught! A walking, talking Napoleon complex. [He's not wrong. :P] Huurgh...! VEGETA: And looky what I caught! SeP CELL: Oh no, *not again*! VEGETA: So, what do you do with this... *thing*? SeP CELL: I screw people! VEGETA: Were you trying to screw me? SeP CELL: N-n... no! ...Yes. (Groans in pain) Raarhhg--! VEGETA: You feel that? That's what honesty feels like. SeP CELL: This... this is all wrong... You can't be this strong! Nothing about this makes sense! VEGETA: Well if THAT'S wracking your brain, try drinking this in: It may pain me to say it, but the boy over there is actually almost as strong as I am. Then again, unlike you, he's HALF me. SeP CELL: What?! VEGETA: 'Course the other half is his mother... I mean, look at that hair! TRUNKS: I-- VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT! VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT! TRUNKS: Y-you-- VEGETA: And not like a homosexual, I mean like a literal, walking fruit! ...EGGPLANT! SeP CELL: DAMN IIIIIIIT! I want to be perfect! I wanna! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna-- [muffled] I wanna-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa... VEGETA: Excellent, I've broken both your body *and* your spirit. Time to die. SeP CELL: If only you had showed up just a minute later... I would've had Eighteen... Then NOBODY could've stopped me! VEGETA: ...Oh really? TRUNKS: Nooo... SeP CELL: Vegeta... I would've destroyed you without a second thought... TRUNKS: ...Nooo! [I think we all know what his answer is...] VEGETA: ...Go on. TRUNKS: NooooOOOO--! [DBZ intermission (post-commercial)] GOKU: Aaah... GOHAN: Aaah... You know, Dad, it's honestly been kinda nice training with you. GOKU: Right? I like training too. GOHAN: Hm... GOKU: But even though we're taking a nice, soothing bath, we can't hold back. We have to stay training at all times. Soooo... Splash attack!