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[Disclaimer read by Semi-Perfect Cell]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
GOHAN: Aaah!
Aaaaahh!!
Aaaaaaahhh!!!
Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!
GOKU: Good try, Gohan!
But you can't just power up and become a Super Saiyan.
It comes from pure, raw, emotion.
You know where *I* was when I became a Super Saiyan?
GOHAN: Yes, you--
GOKU: I was on Namek. I thought I'd finally defeated Freezer with the Spirit Bomb.
But as it turns out... he was *still alive*!
GOHAN: Dad, I was ther--
GOKU: He killed Vegeta, [This already happened]
and he killed Krillin,
GOHAN: I saw everythi--
GOKU: Piccolo...
tripped or... something...
It was pretty bad for everyone.
Then, he threatened to do the same to MY SON!
Oh hey, you were there!
Why didn't you go Super Saiyan? [JOE BIDEN: 'Cause it was a "Big Fucking Deal" at the time.]
GOHAN: (Sigh)
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that's Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Stop fisting me!
VEGETA: Okay.
SeP CELL: HURRHG! Not all at once!
Just... can I...
have a minute...?
VEGETA: Sure you can.
SeP CELL: Well, thank you. That's apprecia--
[
VEGETA: C-C-C-COMBO!
TRUNKS: (Sigh)
"ANDROID" 18: Wait, so I beat Vegeta...
ANDROID 16 [off-screen]: Data not found.
18: But now Vegeta is wrecking Cell...
16 [o-s]: Data not found.
18: Okay, do you have anything substantial to add to this?
16: ...Do you?
18: ...Data not found. [Translation: Touché.]
SeP CELL: Hurrrargh!
VEGETA: Ya know, maybe if you'd actually TRAINED instead of gorging yourself on a worthless species,
your punches might actually hit a little closer to home.
SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)
SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)
CELL'S ASS [as Imp. Cell]: Hahahaha, ah, this is an unfortunate turn of events. [Why would that be a design choice?]
VEGETA [genuinely disturbed]: Did you just... talk out your ass?
SeP CELL: Well... to be fair, Vegeta,
you are part of my DNA.
VEGETA: Oo, that is the closest thing you've done to damage since I've gotten here.
SeP CELL: Allow me to fix that...
KRILLIN: Is that Cell or Vegeta?
Dun' matter; steering clear o' that.
Except, if I were a bettin' boy, that's...
...probably where the Androids are.
Stealth Mode, don't fail me now.
SeP CELL: There we are.
Now,
do you understand, Vegeta?
VEGETA: What I understand is I'm about to pound you so hard, the boy's mother is going to be jealous. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
TRUNKS: Oh, can we not?!
VEGETA: But, if it makes you feel any better, I'll give you one free shot.
But I'm warning you,
if you waste i--
SeP CELL: UURGH!
VEGETA: (Chuckling)
*you're gonna regret it*...
SeP CELL: ...How?
Hooww?!
How did you get this strong?!
VEGETA: I trained *all* day yesterday.
SeP CELL: Oh, you think you're being *cute*!
VEGETA: Bitch, I'm adorable.
SeP CELL: Fine!
Then how about THIS?!
GALICK GUN...
VEGETA: Hohoho, and that's just precious...
SeP CELL: FIRRRRE!!!
TENSHINHAN: So we're *actually* rooting for Vegeta?
PICCOLO: Let's be honest - we're rooting *against* Cell.
TENSHINHAN: What do we do if he wins?
PICCOLO: Which one?
TENSHINHAN: Which one is worse? [That's a little harsh...]
BABY TRUNKS: (Making baby noises) BULMA: Ya know, Vegeta might be...
...*is* a total ass,
but he's not *that* bad. [Come again?]
TENSHINHAN: Says the woman he left a single mother. [Indeed.]
BULMA: Please, I'm rich; it's hardly the same.
PICCOLO: Really, him leaving was probably for the best.
BABY TRUNKS: Wohhh... BULMA: Wow! Really?!
PICCOLO: What? Would you really trust Vegeta with a baby?
BULMA: Well, not *my* baby...
TENSHINHAN: And there you go.
SeP CELL: '"Look at me, I'm Vegeta! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!"
'"And I both wear, and *am*, a unitar--"'
VEGETA: You call THAT a Galick Gun?
Dear God, get it together.
SeP CELL: I WILL END YOU!
VEGETA: You'll die trying.
SeP CELL: (Screaming in D#)
(Screaming in G)
(Screaming in C)
KRILLIN: 'Eesh... somehow I actually feel kinda bad for *Cell*...'
'Oh well, should probably start lookin' for the Androids.'
'Aaand found 'em.'
'Man, I am REALLY good at this...'
'Okay, Krillin...'
'Mission...'
'Mission... (Gulp)...'
'Mission... (Gulp)... *Start*.'
VEGETA: I know I kicked him into the water somewhere...
Damn it, he's pulling a bald one on me and hiding his energy...
Urgh, if I were a disgusting bug-man, where would I--
SeP CELL: SURPRISE!
Looky what I caught!
A walking, talking Napoleon complex. [He's not wrong. :P]
Huurgh...!
VEGETA: And looky what I caught!
SeP CELL: Oh no, *not again*!
VEGETA: So, what do you do with this... *thing*?
SeP CELL: I screw people!
VEGETA: Were you trying to screw me?
SeP CELL: N-n... no!
...Yes.
(Groans in pain)
Raarhhg--!
VEGETA: You feel that?
That's what honesty feels like.
SeP CELL: This... this is all wrong...
You can't be this strong!
Nothing about this makes sense!
VEGETA: Well if THAT'S wracking your brain, try drinking this in:
It may pain me to say it, but the boy over there is actually almost as strong as I am.
Then again, unlike you,
he's HALF me.
SeP CELL: What?!
VEGETA: 'Course the other half is his mother...
I mean, look at that hair!
TRUNKS: I-- VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!
VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!
TRUNKS: Y-you--
VEGETA: And not like a homosexual, I mean like a literal, walking fruit!
...EGGPLANT!
SeP CELL: DAMN IIIIIIIT!
I want to be perfect!
I wanna!
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna--
[muffled] I wanna-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa...
VEGETA: Excellent, I've broken both your body *and* your spirit.
Time to die.
SeP CELL: If only you had showed up just a minute later...
I would've had Eighteen...
Then NOBODY could've stopped me!
VEGETA: ...Oh really?
TRUNKS: Nooo...
SeP CELL: Vegeta...
I would've destroyed you without a second thought...
TRUNKS: ...Nooo!
[I think we all know what his answer is...]
VEGETA: ...Go on.
TRUNKS: NooooOOOO--!
[DBZ intermission (post-commercial)]
GOKU: Aaah...
GOHAN: Aaah...
You know, Dad,
it's honestly been kinda nice training with you.
GOKU: Right? I like training too.
GOHAN: Hm...
GOKU: But even though we're taking a nice, soothing bath,
we can't hold back.
We have to stay training at all times.
Soooo...
Splash attack!