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  • s9oMr. James, On Saturday morning at 10:03 AM,

  • You were observed to colouring a picture of a dinosaur.

  • Is that true?

  • *Loud*: YEAH,

  • Can we go to wecess?

  • Even though your mom had repeatedly asked to clean up your toys,

  • you disobeyed her and coloured ANYWAY?

  • Uhh....

  • I plead the fifth.

  • Your Honour, I have no further questions.

  • James, I hereby sentence you to 15 minutes in the time-out corner.

  • *SMACC*

  • I'M NOT GOING BACK TO TIME-OUT!

  • I'm no scientist, but I think moms play a very important role in society.

  • Without moms, who would drive us to FOOTBALL* practice?

  • Who else would tell us that it's not okay to eat cupcakes for breakfast?

  • And who else would point at construction workers and say:

  • Mom: That's why you need to get a college education James.

  • O O F

  • Oh and I guess they also give birth to you and take care of you, but like...

  • PHHFFT.

  • Anyone could do that.

  • Now before I talk about how I was raised,

  • I just wanna give out this disclaimer,

  • That my mom is a great mom.

  • She loves me.

  • At least she used to.

  • If you asked me when I was 15 if my mom was a great mom,

  • 15 year old me would've said:

  • NO.

  • Okay, but like...when I was a little, I'd be talking with my friends,

  • and we would be talking about our parents and they would say stuff like:

  • Brownie: Yeah, my mom lets me stay up till midnight, and let's me play really graphic and vulgar video games.

  • Blackie: Yeah, my mom doesn't care if I wear clothes with skulls on them.

  • And she let's me eat an entire tub of ice-cream for dinner.

  • Gingy: My mom let's me play with

  • KNIVES!

  • And I used to think that their moms were so much cooler, for letting my friends have that much fun.

  • But NOW,

  • as an adult,

  • I realized the sad truth.

  • But these kids' moms weren't cooler...

  • They just cared about them less.

  • I'm not saying every mom out there is perfect.

  • But a mom who takes the time to make a responsible member of society,

  • is pretty high up on the good mom list.

  • Anyways,

  • I love ya mom!

  • And now I'll immortalise and monetise some of that love.

  • When I was younger and still in need of adult supervision,

  • My mom would take me and my twin sister out to run errands with her.

  • And, as you would expect,

  • we were rowdy and wanted to do our own thing.

  • But my mom was PREPARED for this.

  • She would bring two plastic baggies filled with 10 M&Ms,

  • and every time my sister or I misbehaved,

  • She would eat an M&M right in front of us.

  • And she made SURE, we saw her eat our M&Ms.

  • She didn't give us a warning either!

  • If we did anything remotely bad, she would say:

  • Mom: Hey, HEY!

  • *snap snap*

  • Look at me!

  • *nom*

  • *GASP!*

  • And I think that parenting technique is the psychological reason that M&Ms are my favourite candy bar.

  • *distressed noises*

  • *still distressed*: I'm a gooD Boy!

  • I'M a GoOd BoOoOyY

  • Something me and my sister really like doing,

  • was hiding in those circular racks of clothes that they have in department stores,

  • Being in the middle of one of those racks is such a surreal experience.

  • I totally recommend it.

  • But, my mom didn't like when we had fun, so she had to reach out and try and grab us.

  • Do you need any help?

  • Oh, no! I'm just trying to get something in the back.

  • There's a really nice belt that would be great for

  • spanking my MIS-BEHAVING CHILDREN!

  • I was spanked as a kid.

  • Nothing,

  • TOO bad.

  • I probably deserved it anyway.

  • I don't remember any specific actions I did that earned a spanking.

  • But I do remember

  • outrunning my mom a lot.

  • Another thing my mom did when I was very little,

  • was sometimes when she was washing her hands,

  • She would turn to me and go

  • Atchoo!

  • And flick water at my face.

  • It really bothered me, but I never spoke out about it.

  • And one day, I just...couldn't handle it any more and I started crying.

  • Mom: Why are you crying?

  • But I was too sad to articulate how it was really feeling.

  • *sobbing*

  • Yo--*sobbing*

  • *still sobbing* were flicking water at me and

  • ATCHOO!

  • *SOBBING INTENSIFIES*

  • If you ask about her about this today, she'll say that she doesn't remember doing that sneeze gag ever.

  • But I remember it.

  • Vividly.

  • So to get back at her, I put a rubber band around the dish sprayer...

  • So when you turn on the sink it would spray water at you.

  • Come to think of it, I do remember one reason I was spanked.

  • Every time one of my siblings insulted another sibling, or told them to shut up,

  • We would have to pay them 50 cents.

  • This resulted in a really weird dynamic when it came to insults.

  • We would get excited when someone called us a name.

  • *distant*: MOOOM!

  • LUKE CALLED ME A BUTT-HOLE!

  • Mom: That's fifty cents!

  • *distant*: WOOOOOOOOOOO!

  • I'M RICH!

  • But sometimes, us kids would just be messing around with each other or we didn't really mean the insults.

  • So we would feel bad taking someone else's fifty cents.

  • Like someone would say:

  • Faith: Hey James, what's 6+6?

  • and I would say:

  • James: Uh nine, idiot.

  • and my mom would hear me and say:

  • Mom: James, that's fifty cents!

  • and my sister would feel bad so she would insult me back and say:

  • Faith: JAMES!

  • Y-y-you're an...

  • Unpleasant person.

  • Aww :) .

  • Swear words cost ya five dollars.

  • That's why I don't swear in videos.

  • But now I can afford it.

  • Soooo...

  • F— you mom!

  • You piece of ————————————————————

  • ___________________

  • My mom never washed out our mouths with soap, she wasn't /that/ kind of person.

  • But she did threaten to if we swore.

  • And one time after I said a pretty naughty word,

  • P E N I S

  • She said:

  • Mom: If you don't behave, I'm going to get the soap!

  • And I said:

  • James: I don't care, soap tastes good!

  • Mom: Alright you big dingus, shove this in your mouth. You won't do it. No balls.

  • So I bit into it, and...

  • immediately regretted it.

  • Now people are eating soap for views.

  • So I guess we never grow up.

  • Did any one else's parent's put a password on the family computer?

  • Because my parents did, and I didn't know we were the only family that did that.

  • We had a rule in the house that we were only allowed to be on the family computer for however long we read a book for.

  • But luckily, I would just read a book for 15 minutes,

  • get my mom to type in the password,

  • and then she would just forget that I was on the computer,

  • and let me stay on for hours.

  • And I played a lot of Neopets and Runescape.

  • Also I wasn't allowed to have a TV or computer in my room,

  • Because than I would have easy access

  • toooo...

  • Inappropiate.

  • Animes...

  • When I was little, cellphones were a thing.

  • But my mom didn't let me have one,

  • I had to talk to all my friends over a landline.

  • I hope I don't have to explain what that is,

  • cuz that would make me feel very old,

  • and I'm supposed to be in the

  • Prime of my life.

  • But basically it meant, if I was upstairs in my room talking to a friend,

  • My mom could grab a phone downstairs in the kitchen,

  • And just join in our conversations completely uninvited.

  • Didn't matter who I was talking to,

  • I'd be having a converation like this.

  • *sigh*

  • I think the reason I internalise and hide away all my problems,

  • is because of how invasive my mom is in my personal life.

  • Mom (on the phone): James, get off the phone and do the dishes.

  • James: Mom!

  • I'm on the phone!

  • Mom: Wow! I can't believe you said that to the person who gave birth to you!

  • So what are you two losers talking about?

  • Luckily, I would almost never be talking to a girl.

  • So at least,

  • /that/ didn't happen.

  • This other time, my mom was giving me and my sister a ride to school and,

  • on the radio, she was listening to the worst sub-genre of rock music.

  • Christian rock...

  • *whispers*: Just kidding, you can like whatever you want.

  • Anyway, we were pulling up to the school, and I told my mom to turn the music down.

  • Mom: What?

  • Why?

  • James: Because I don't want people to think I listen to this mom!

  • You see, I was in Junior High, so I cared a lot about what other people cared about.

  • So she turned the music down,

  • But as we stepped out of the car,

  • She turned the volume all the way back up, and blasted the music for everyone to hear!

  • JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEL!!!

  • *LOUD CHRISTIAN ROCK*

  • *INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCREAMING*

  • Looking back at the situation,

  • I think that's pretty hilarious.

  • GG mom.

  • These aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me,

  • But those are all the ones I'm gonna include in this video.

  • I didn't even mention the time when I was 4 when my twin sister wanted to do balle lessons

  • But, she didn't want to do them alone,

  • So my mom signed me up for lessons too.

  • But that's a story for another video.

  • And that video will be titled,

  • Top 10 Reasons I'm

  • Gay.

  • That was- That was a joke mom.

  • Love you mom! You made me like this!

  • And there you have it everyone! That was my mom.

  • Again I just wanna say that, despite whatever I say in my videos, that my mom is a great mom.

  • I wouldn't be here without my mom.

  • She also reads all of my scripts so,

  • all of my videos James' mom approved.

  • Okay, well I shouldn't say that, she does tell me to take out a lot of jokes, and I'm like:

  • Oh their-but their funny!

  • And also speaking of my mom,

  • my mom's birthday is coming up,

  • So happy early birthday mom!

  • and if you guys wanted to wish her a happy birthday, that'd be cool too.

  • I was serious when I said these aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me.

  • I definitely have enough material to make a part 2.

  • Again, I love you mom.

  • Thanks for not being one of those moms that are like:

  • Those moms: NO! You're not allowed to be an artist, you have to finish college and be a doctor.

  • eyhh!

  • In other news, if you can't get enough odd1sout videos, then you should check out theodd2sout.

  • A couple days ago, I posted a video where I answer riddles, so that was a lot of fun.

  • Also thank you to my 4 colourers who helped colour this video, you guys should all check them out.

  • And if there's anything you should take away from this video,

  • Is that you should always...

  • call your mom.

  • And wear your seatbelt.

s9oMr. James, On Saturday morning at 10:03 AM,

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