Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Hi.

  • I've received hate online.

  • A lot of it.

  • And it comes with the territory of my work.

  • I'm a digital creator,

  • I make things specifically for the internet.

  • Like, a few years ago, I made a video series called "Every Single Word"

  • where I edited down popular films

  • to only the words spoken by people of color,

  • as a way to empirically and accessibly talk about the issue of representation

  • in Hollywood.

  • Then, later, as transphobic bathroom bill

  • started gaining media attention around the United States,

  • I hosted and produced an interview series

  • called "Sitting in Bathrooms with Trans People"

  • where I did exactly that.

  • (Laughter)

  • And then --

  • Sure, I'll take applause.

  • (Applause)

  • Thank you.

  • And then, are you familiar with those unboxing videos on YouTube

  • where YouTubers open up the latest electronic gadgets?

  • Great, so I satirized those in a weekly series,

  • where instead I unboxed intangible ideologies

  • like police brutality, masculinity and the mistreatment of Native Americans.

  • (Laughter)

  • My work --

  • Thanks.

  • One person applauding, God bless.

  • (Laughter)

  • Mom, hi.

  • (Laughter)

  • So, my work became popular.

  • Very popular.

  • I got millions of views, a ton of great press

  • and a slew of new followers.

  • But the flip side of success on the internet

  • is internet hate.

  • I was called everything.

  • From "beta" to "snowflake" and, of course, the ever-popular "cuck."

  • Don't worry, I will break these terms down for you.

  • (Laughter)

  • So, "beta," for those of you unfamiliar,

  • is shorthand online lingo for "beta male."

  • But let's be real, I wear pearl earrings

  • and my fashion aesthetic is rich-white-woman-running-errands,

  • so I'm not angling to be an alpha.

  • (Applause)

  • Doesn't totally work.

  • (Laughter)

  • Now, "snowflake" is a put-down for people who are sensitive

  • and believe themselves to be unique,

  • and I'm a millennial and an only child, so, duh!

  • (Laughter)

  • But my favorite, favorite, favorite is "cuck."

  • It's a slur, short for "cuckold,"

  • for men who have been cheated on by their wives.

  • But friends, I am so gay,

  • that if I had a wife, I would encourage her to cheat on me.

  • (Laughter)

  • Thank you.

  • Let's take a look at some of this negativity in action.

  • Sometimes it's direct.

  • Like Marcos, who wrote,

  • "You're everything I hate in a human being."

  • Thank you, Marcos.

  • Others are more concise.

  • Like Donovan, who wrote, "gaywad fagggggg."

  • Now, I do need to point out, Donovan is not wrong, OK?

  • In fact, he's right on both counts, so credit where credit is due.

  • Thank you, Donovan.

  • Others write to me with questions, like Brian, who asked,

  • "Were you born a bitch or did you just learn to be one over time?"

  • But my favorite thing about this

  • is that once Brian was done typing, his finger must have slipped

  • because then he sent me the thumbs-up emoji.

  • (Laughter)

  • So, babe, thumbs up to you, too.

  • (Laughter)

  • It's fun to talk about these messages now.

  • Right?

  • And it's cathartic to laugh at them.

  • But I can tell you that it really does not feel good to receive them.

  • At first, I would screenshot their comments

  • and make fun of their typos,

  • but this soon felt elitist and ultimately unhelpful.

  • So over time, I developed an unexpected coping mechanism.

  • Because most of these messages I received were through social media,

  • I could often click on the profile picture of the person who sent them

  • and learn everything about them.

  • I could see pictures they were tagged in,

  • posts they'd written, memes they'd shared,

  • and somehow, seeing that it was a human on the other side of the screen

  • made me feel a little better.

  • Not to justify what they wrote, right?

  • But just to provide context.

  • Still, that didn't feel like enough.

  • So, I called some of them --

  • only the ones I felt safe talking to --

  • with a simple opening question:

  • "Why did you write that?"

  • The first person I spoke to was Josh.

  • He had written to tell me that I was a moron,

  • I was a reason this country was dividing itself,

  • and he added at the end that being gay was a sin.

  • I was so nervous for our first conversation.

  • This wasn't a comments section.

  • So I couldn't use tools like muting or blocking.

  • Of course, I guess, I could have hung up on him.

  • But I didn't want to.

  • Because I liked talking to him.

  • Because I liked him.

  • Here's a clip of one of our conversations.

  • (Audio) Dylan Marrion: Josh, you said

  • you're about to graduate high school, right?

  • Josh: Mmm-hmm.

  • DM: How is high school for you?

  • Josh: Am I allowed to use the H-E-double-hockey-stick word?

  • DM: Oh, yeah. You're allowed to.

  • Josh: It was hell.

  • DM: Really?

  • Josh: And it's still hell right now, even though it's only two weeks left.

  • I'm a little bit bigger -- I don't like to use the word "fat,"

  • but I am a little bit bigger than a lot of my classmates

  • and they seem to judge me before they even got to know me.

  • DM: That's awful.

  • I mean, I also just want to let you know, Josh,

  • I was bullied in high school, too.

  • So did our common ground of being bullied in high school

  • erase what he wrote me?

  • No.

  • And did our single phone conversation

  • radically heal a politically divided country

  • and cure systemic injustice?

  • No, absolutely not, right?

  • But did our conversation humanize us to each other

  • more than profile pictures and posts ever could?

  • Absolutely.

  • I didn't stop there.

  • Because some of the hate I received was from "my side."

  • So when Matthew, a queer liberal artist like me

  • publicly wrote that I represented some of the worst aspects of liberalism,

  • I wanted to ask him this.

  • DM: You tagged me in this post.

  • Did you want me to see it?

  • Matthew (Laughing): I honestly didn't think that you would.

  • DM: Have you ever been publicly dragged?

  • Matthew: I have been.

  • And I just said, "No, I don't care."

  • DM: And did you not care?

  • Matthew: But it was hard.

  • DM: Did you not care?

  • Matthew: Oh, I cared, yes.

  • DM: At the end of these conversations,

  • there's often a moment of reflection.

  • A reconsideration.

  • And that's exactly what happened

  • at the end of my call with a guy named Doug

  • who had written that I was a talentless propaganda hack.

  • (Audio) Did the conversation we just had --

  • does it, like, make you feel differently about how you write online?

  • Doug: Yeah! You know, when I said this to you,

  • when I said you were a "talentless hack,"

  • I had never conversed with you in my life, really.

  • I didn't really know anything really about you.

  • And I think that a lot of times,

  • that's what the comment sections really are,

  • it's really a way to get your anger at the world out

  • on random profiles of strangers, pretty much.

  • DM (Laughing): Yeah, right.

  • Doug: But it definitely has made me rethink

  • the way that I interact with people online.

  • DM: So I've collected these conversations and many others

  • for my podcast "Conversations with People Who Hate Me."

  • (Laughter)

  • Before I started this project,

  • I though that the real way to bring about change

  • was to shut down opposing viewpoints

  • through epically worded video essays and comments and posts,

  • but I soon learned those were only cheered on

  • by the people who already agreed with me.

  • Sometimes -- bless you.

  • Sometimes, the most subversive thing you could do --

  • yeah, clap for him.

  • (Laughter)

  • Sometimes, the most subversive thing you could do

  • was to actually speak with the people you disagreed with,

  • and not simply at them.

  • Now in every one of my calls,

  • I always ask my guests to tell me about themselves.

  • And it's their answer to this question that allows me to empathize with them.

  • And empathy, it turns out,

  • is a key ingredient in getting these conversations off the ground,

  • but it can feel very vulnerable

  • to be empathizing with someone you profoundly disagree with.

  • So I established a helpful mantra for myself.

  • Empathy is not endorsement.

  • Empathizing with someone you profoundly disagree with

  • does not suddenly compromise your own deeply held beliefs

  • and endorse theirs.

  • Empathizing with someone who, for example, believes that being gay is a sin

  • doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to drop everything,

  • pack my bags and grab my one-way ticket to hell, right?

  • It just means that I'm acknowledging

  • the humanity of someone who was raised to think very differently from me.

  • I also want to be super clear about something.

  • This is not a prescription for activism.

  • I understand that some people don't feel safe

  • talking to their detractors

  • and others feel so marginalized

  • that they justifiably don't feel that they have any empathy to give.

  • I totally get that.

  • This is just what I feel well-suited to do.

  • You know, I've reached out to a lot of people for this podcast.

  • And some have politely declined,

  • others have read my message and ignored it,

  • some have blocked me automatically when I sent the invitation

  • and one guy actually agreed to do it

  • and then, five minutes into the call,

  • hung up on me.

  • I'm also aware that this talk will appear on the internet.

  • And with the internet comes comment sections,

  • and with comment sections inevitably comes hate.

  • So as you are watching this talk,

  • you can feel free to call me whatever you'd like.

  • You can call me a "gaywad," a "snowflake," a "cuck," a "beta,"

  • or "everything wrong with liberalism."

  • But just know that if you do, I may ask you to talk.

  • And if you refuse or block me automatically

  • or agree and hang up on me,

  • then maybe, babe, the snowflake is you.

  • Thank you so much.

  • (Applause)

  • (Cheering)

  • (Applause)

Hi.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B1 US TED laughter josh snowflake matthew beta

【TED】Dylan Marron: Empathy is not endorsement (Empathy is not endorsement | Dylan Marron)

  • 1748 219
    林宜悉 posted on 2018/05/18
Video vocabulary