hate being serious. Serious, in common usage, often means “Stop having fun and think inside

the box.” Serious means no items, Fox only, Final Destination. Great if you want to know,

absolutely and objectively, who’s better than whom. Terrible if you want to have, you

know, a good time. Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 is fine-tuned for the highest echelons of

tournament play, with better networking, new and rebalanced characters, and a brand-new

Heroes and Heralds mode for additional customization.

Unfortunately, everyone on the net is a jerk (and probably better than you), if you do

win, your opponent’s got a foot on the power switch to the router, ready to disconnect,

and that Heroes and Heralds mode hasn’t been implemented. The game’s greatest innovation

doesn’t exist yet.

So what you’re spending forty bucks on right now is twelve new characters. And at this

point at least, that’s largely it. If you’re just looking to have fun with Phoenix Wright

or Frank West, or if you think a Felicia/Amaterasu/Rocket Raccoon team would be a hoot to play... well,

that option is open. And you can do just that. Also joining the lineup are a Nemesis Type-T

zombie, Firebrand from Ghosts ‘n Goblins, Virgil from Devil May Cry 3, Iron Fist, Hawkeye,

Dr. Strange, Nova, Ghost Rider, and the return appearances of Strider Hiryu. If you’ve

already paid for the DLC characters Jill and Shuma-Gorath, they will in fact carry over

into this new version, as will the old costume pack. Unfortunately, Shadow Battles are no

longer supported. Most notably, if you’ve played the original, you’re going to notice

that the mechanics are slightly different, and they’re rarely different in your favor.

Now, I can do fighting games. I cut my teeth on Mortal Kombats 1 through 3, Regular and

Super Street Fighter 2, Killer Instinct, Six different flavors of Guilty Gear, and enough

King of Fighters to choke a camel. But, at the time, I was really all there was. I won

with alarming regularity, and no one tried to dethrone me. So I could beat this handful

of friends, what’s that worth at the end of the day? I find myself in a larger forum,

where competition actually exists, and POW. TJ puree, all over the walls and ceiling.

It’s shameful, but it’s the truth.

Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 will punish you for that very weakness. Right from the arcade

mode, the difficulty is much higher than the norm. I get bored to tears if I don’t have

the AI in Guilty Gear XX or KOF ‘06 cranked up to the maximum, but even normal mode here

can give me a run for my money. You’ve played fighting games for fun, but this game plays

for keeps. The biggest question then becomes: Are you ready for it?

I really want to be. My difficulty adjusting to the new controls, the more stringent timing,

the significantly more advanced user base makes this feel like a glaring hole in my

gaming experience. It’d be like a chef who can prepare wonderful and diverse dishes,

but for whatever reason just cannot poach a *** egg. And that’s pitiful. Fortunately,

there are a multitude of resources out there if you - like me - see this game as a stepping

stone to finally being able to understand fighting games past “Beat on the other guy

until he stops moving.” My goal is to be at least respectable by the time Skullgirls

hits next year.

I have reservations calling this a “Review,” since the largest addition isn’t even playable

yet. And that’s a sad indictment of the state of gaming, isn’t it? I’m going to

revisit this game when Heroes and Heralds is online, because it deserves it. In the

meantime, I’ll catch you in the training room.