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  • Facebook has been in the news this week,

  • and the fallout from its data sharing scandal

  • shows no sign of stopping.

  • In fact, people have even started a movement online

  • called #DeleteFacebook,

  • which people are using on Facebook.

  • Which, if you think about it, is like seeing an abstinence video

  • being the top clip on Pornhub.

  • That's why, last night, Facebook CEO

  • and walking peanut allergy Mark Zuckerberg

  • made a rare appearance on CNN to try and stop the bleeding.

  • What happened? What went wrong?

  • So, this was a major breach of trust,

  • and... and I'm really sorry that this happened.

  • You know, we have a basic responsibility

  • to protect people's data, and if we can't do that,

  • then we don't deserve to have the opportunity

  • to serve people.

  • So our responsibility now is to make sure

  • that this doesn't happen again.

  • Why do tech CEOs always speak

  • like they're launching a new product?

  • He's like, "I'm proud to announce our newest innovation,

  • "the Apology.

  • "This excuses everything.

  • I'm really sorry."

  • But look, at the very least, Zuckerberg knows

  • that he's in hot water, which is why he's willing

  • to take his apology wherever it's needed.

  • Will you testify before congress?

  • So, the-the short answer is, is I'm happy to

  • if it's the right thing to do.

  • What we try to do is send the person at Facebook,

  • um, who will have the most knowledge

  • about what congress is trying to learn.

  • So if that's me, then I am happy to go.

  • Oh, wow, that's right.

  • Zuckerberg says he's willing to testify.

  • But if I was a congressman, I wouldn't want him to testify.

  • Yeah. Because you realize that dude knows everybody's secrets.

  • Right? If they try and grill Zuckerberg,

  • he can just be like, "Sure, let's talk about transparency.

  • "Every few days, Congressman,

  • "you click on your daughter's best friend's bikini photos.

  • Any more questions?"

  • (laughter)

  • And look, while Zuckerberg's comments

  • may not have been entirely reassuring,

  • I did sympathize with him on one thing.

  • If you'd told me in 2004,

  • when I was getting started with Facebook,

  • that a big part of my responsibility today

  • would be to help protect the integrity of elections

  • against interference by other governments,

  • um, you know, I wouldn't have really believed

  • that that was gonna be something that I would have to work on

  • 14 years later.

  • Yeah, you have to admit, that is a weird situation to be in.

  • This guy started out by basically making

  • a "hot or not" website for his college,

  • and now America is counting on him to protect the integrity

  • of its elections.

  • That's an insane world to be in.

  • It's like if an asteroid was headed towards the Earth,

  • and then for some reason we turned to the guy

  • who invented Tinder, and were just like,

  • "Tinder guy! We need you to save us!"

  • And he's like, "Aah! Aah! Has anyone tried swiping left?

  • Aah! It's my only move!"

  • For more on the Facebook fallout,

  • we turn now to our senior tech correspondent

  • and computer owner, Ronny Chieng, everybody!

  • (cheering, applause)

  • Ronny...

  • after learning that Facebook allowed random companies

  • to access their personal data, is it fair for people to feel

  • like Facebook betrayed their trust?

  • Oh, people are pissed off on the Internet?

  • Oh, wow, what a surprise.

  • The only people to blame here are the dumbasses

  • who share everything about themselves online!

  • Every day! It's, like, "Look at the food I'm eating."

  • Or, "Look at who I'm banging."

  • Or, "Look at the food I'm banging."

  • -Ridiculous! -Oh, but to be fair, Ronny,

  • not everything people share on Facebook

  • is superficial like that.

  • No, it really is.

  • Like, you don't need to tell the world

  • your relationship is "complicated." Okay?

  • Every relationship is complicated.

  • Especially when you're banging the best eggs Benedict

  • on the East Coast! #Brunch!

  • So I... I take it that you're not on Facebook?

  • What? No. Of course I'm on Facebook.

  • I just don't care if they take my data,

  • because I'm not naive enough to post anything real about myself.

  • If you check my profile, it's just pictures of Iceland

  • and Sunday mimosas.

  • I don't even know what a mimosa is.

  • And Iceland isn't even real, okay?

  • I just steal pictures of a white girl's Instagrams.

  • Yeah, but-but... but, Ronny, I don't get it, then.

  • What's the point of having a Facebook profile

  • if everything you put on there is gonna be fake?

  • Uh, because it's fun?

  • This is the Internet, Trevor. You can be anything.

  • Why would you want to be yourself?

  • Think about playing a game like World of Warcraft.

  • You could choose to be a wizard with magical powers

  • or an orc with super strength.

  • But no, I'm just gonna go into battle as Ronny,

  • a guy who bleeds every time he flosses.

  • (laughter)

  • It's the same thing with Facebook.

  • On Facebook, I'm not a five foot seven Asian dude.

  • I'm six foot five,

  • and I'm half black.

  • Wait-wait, why only half black?

  • Oh, because I still want to be able to book Airbnb.

  • -You know, that's... -(laughter, groans)

  • Well, I mean, that's... that's fair enough,

  • but then, aren't people weirded out

  • when they meet you in real life?

  • Oh, what? No, I never meet those psychos from the Internet.

  • They're never who they say they are.

  • Well, I guess that makes sense. Ronny Chieng, everybody.

Facebook has been in the news this week,

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