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I'd like to apologize, first of all, to all of you
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because I have no form
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of PowerPoint presentation.
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So what I'm going to do
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is, every now and again, I will make this gesture,
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and in a moment of PowerPoint democracy,
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you can imagine what you'd like to see.
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I do a radio show.
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The radio show is called "The Infinite Monkey Cage."
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It's about science, it's about rationalism.
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So therefore, we get a lot of complaints
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every single week --
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complaints including one we get very often,
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which is to say the very title, "Infinite Monkey Cage,"
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celebrates the idea of vivisection.
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We have made it quite clear to these people
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that an infinite monkey cage is roomy.
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(Laughter)
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We also had someone else who said,
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"'The Infinite Monkey Cage' idea is ridiculous.
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An infinite number of monkeys
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could never write the works of Shakespeare.
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We know this because they did an experiment."
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Yes, they gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week,
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and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.
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(Laughter)
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So the main element though, the main complaint we get --
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and one that I find most worrying --
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is that people say, "Oh, why do you insist
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on ruining the magic?
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You bring in science, and it ruins the magic."
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Now I'm an arts graduate;
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I love myth and magic
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and existentialism and self-loathing.
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That's what I do.
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But I also don't understand
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how it does ruin the magic.
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All of the magic, I think,
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that may well be taken away by science
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is then replaced by something as wonderful.
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Astrology, for instance:
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like many rationalists, I'm a Pisces.
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(Laughter)
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Now astrology --
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we remove the banal idea
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that your life could be predicted;
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that you'll, perhaps today, meet a lucky man
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who's wearing a hat.
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That is gone.
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But if we want to look at the sky and see predictions, we still can.
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We can see predictions of galaxies forming,
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of galaxies colliding into each other, of new solar systems.
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This is a wonderful thing.
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If the Sun could one day -- and indeed the Earth, in fact --
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if the Earth could read its own astrological, astronomical chart,
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one day it would say,
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"Not a good day for making plans.
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You'll been engulfed by a red giant."
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And that to me as well,
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that if you think I'm worried about losing worlds,
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well Many Worlds theory --
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one of the most beautiful, fascinating,
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sometimes terrifying ideas
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from the quantum interpretation --
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is a wonderful thing.
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That every person here, every decision that you've made today,
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every decision you've made in your life,
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you've not really made that decision,
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but in fact, every single permutation of those decisions
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is made, each one going off into a new universe.
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That is a wonderful idea.
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If you ever think that your life is rubbish,
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always remember
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there's another you that's made much worse decisions than that.
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(Laughter)
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If you ever think, "Ah, I want to end it all,"
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don't end it all.
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Remember that in the majority of universes,
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you don't even exist in the first place.
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This to me, in its own strange way,
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is very, very comforting.
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Now reincarnation, that's another thing gone -- the afterlife.
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But it's not gone.
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Science actually says
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we will live forever.
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Well, there is one proviso.
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We won't actually live forever. You won't live forever.
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Your consciousness, the you-ness of you, the me-ness of me --
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that gets this one go.
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But every single thing that makes us,
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every atom in us,
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has already created a myriad of different things
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and will go on to create a myriad of new things.
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We have been mountains
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and apples and pulsars
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and other people's knees.
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Who knows, maybe one of your atoms was once Napoleon's knee.
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That is a good thing.
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Unlike the occupants of the universe,
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the universe itself is not wasteful.
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We are all totally recyclable.
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And when we die,
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we don't even have to be placed in different refuse sacs.
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This is a wonderful thing.
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Understanding, to me,
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does not remove the wonder and the joy.
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For instance, my wife could turn to me and she may say,
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"Why do you love me?"
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And I can with all honesty
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look her in the eye and say,
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"Because our pheromones
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matched our olfactory receptors."
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(Laughter)
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Though I'll probably also say something
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about her hair and personality as well.
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And that is a wonderful thing there.
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Love does not die because of that thing.
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Pain doesn't go away either.
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This is a terrible thing, even though I understand pain.
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If someone punches me --
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and because of my personality,
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this is recently a regular occurrence --
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I understand where the pain comes from.
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It is basically momentum to energy
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where the four-vector is constant -- that's what it is.
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But at no point can I react and go,
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"Ha! Is that the best momentum-to-energy fourth vector constant you've got?"
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No, I just spit out a tooth.
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(Laughter)
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And that is all of these different things -- the love for my child.
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I have a son. His name is Archie.
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I'm very lucky,
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because he's better than all the other children.
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Now I know you don't think that.
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You may well have your own children
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and think, "Oh no, my child's best."
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That's the wonderful thing about evolution --
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the predilection to believe
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that our child is best.
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Now in many ways, that's just a survival thing.
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The fact we see here is the vehicle for our genes,
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and therefore we love it.
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But we don't notice that bit; we just unconditionally love.
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That is a wonderful thing.
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Though I should say that my son is best
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and is better than your children.
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I've done some tests.
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And all of these things to me
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give such joy and excitement and wonder.
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Even quantum mechanics can give you an excuse
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for bad housework, for instance.
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Perhaps you've been at home for a week on your own.
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You house is in a terrible state.
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Your partner is about to return.
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You think, what should I do?
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Do nothing.
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All you have to do
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is, when she walks in, using a quantum interpretation,
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say, "I'm so sorry.
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I stopped observing the house for a moment,
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and when I started observing again,
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everything had happened."
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(Laughter)
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That's the strong anthropic principle of vacuuming.
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For me, it's a very, very important thing.
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Even on my journey up here --
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the joy that I have on my journey up here every single time.
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If you actually think, you remove the myth and there is still something wonderful.
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I'm sitting on a train.
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Every time I breathe in,
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I'm breathing in a million-billion-billion
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atoms of oxygen.
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I'm sitting on a chair.
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Even though I know the chair is made of atoms
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and therefore actually in many ways empty space,
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I find it comfortable.
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I look out the window, and I realize
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that every single time we stop and I look out that window,
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framed in that window,
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wherever we are,
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I am observing more life
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than there is in the rest of the known universe
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beyond the planet Earth.
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If you go to the safari parks
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on Saturn or Jupiter,
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you will be disappointed.
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And I realize I'm observing this
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with the brain, the human brain,
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the most complex thing in the known universe.
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That, to me, is an incredible thing.
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And do you know what, that might be enough.
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Steven Weinberg, the Nobel laureate, once said,
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"The more the universe seems comprehensible,
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the more it seems pointless."
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Now for some people,
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that seems to lead to an idea of nihilism.
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But for me, it doesn't. That is a wonderful thing.
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I'm glad the universe is pointless.
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It means if I get to the end of my life,
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the universe can't turn to me and go, "What have you been doing, you idiot?
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That's not the point."
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I can make my own purpose.
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You can make your own purpose.
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We have the individual power
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to go, "This is what I want to do."
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And in a pointless universe, that, to me, is a wonderful thing.
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I have chosen to make silly jokes
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about quantum mechanics and the Copenhagen interpretation.
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You, I imagine, can do much better things with your time.
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Thank you very much. Goodbye.
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(Applause)