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  • I am going to be talking about secrets.

  • Obviously the best way to divulge a secret

  • is to tell someone to not say anything about it.

  • (Laughter)

  • Secrets. I'm using PowerPoint this year

  • just because, you know, I'm into the TED thing.

  • (Laughter)

  • And when you use these things you don't have to go like that.

  • You just press it.

  • (Laughter)

  • Oh, man. Um, yes.

  • (Laughter)

  • Yes. I'm sure! Just change it!

  • (Laughter)

  • Is Bill Gates here?

  • Change it! Come on! What?

  • (Laughter)

  • Ah! Okay.

  • That's not my slides, but it's okay.

  • (Laughter)

  • As you can see, these are all maps.

  • And maps are important devices for transferring information,

  • especially if you have human cognitive ability.

  • We can see that all formulas are really maps.

  • Now, as humans, we make maps of places

  • that we seldom even go,

  • which seems a little wasteful of time.

  • This, of course, is a map of the moon.

  • There're some very delightful names.

  • Tranquilacalitis, [unclear]. My favorite is Frigoris.

  • What are these people thinking? Frigoris?

  • What the Frigoris you doing? Names are important.

  • Frigoris? This is the Moon. People could live there one day.

  • I'll meet you at Frigoris. No. I don't think so.

  • (Laughter)

  • There we see Mars, again with various names.

  • And this is all done, by the way,

  • by the International Astronomical Union.

  • This is an actual group of people

  • that sit around naming planetary objects.

  • This is from their actual book.

  • These are some of the names that they have chosen, ladies and gentlemen.

  • I'll go through a little of them. Bolotnitsa.

  • That, of course, is the Slavic swamp mermaid.

  • (Laughter)

  • Now I think the whole concept of a mermaid

  • doesn't really blend into the swamp feel.

  • (Laughter)

  • "Oh look! Mermaid come out of swamp. Oh boy!

  • It's time for Bolotnitsa!"

  • (Laughter)

  • Djabran Fluctus.

  • If that don't flow off the tongue, what does?

  • (Laughter)

  • I mean kids are studying this stuff

  • and they've got the word "fluctus" up there. That's wrong.

  • (Laughter)

  • One dyslexic kid and he could be ruining his life.

  • (Laughter)

  • "It fluctus up, Mama."

  • Hikuleo Fluctus.

  • That's a little more flowing. Hikuleo

  • sounds like a kind of a Leonardo DiCaprio

  • 17 syllable thing.

  • And that's the Tonga underworld.

  • And one of my favorites is the Itoki Fluctus,

  • who is the Nicaraguan goddess of insects, stars, and planets.

  • Now, if you're a goddess of stars and planets

  • wouldn't you relegate insects to somebody else?

  • (Laughter)

  • "No, no, really, I'm so busy with the stars.

  • Would you mind taking the insects? Thank you darling.

  • Oh take the spiders too. I know they're not insects, but I don't care.

  • Monkeys, chimps, just get rid of the hairy creatures."

  • (Laughter)

  • Now, we're going to be going to Mars one day. And when we do,

  • it's going to be unfair for the people that are living there

  • to have to live with these ridiculous names.

  • So, you'll be on Mars, and you're at

  • Hellespointica Depressio

  • which has got to be a really "up" place.

  • (Laughter)

  • Yeah, I'm at the Depressio, and I want to get over to Amazonis

  • so I plug it into the Mars map,

  • and click the button and there's my directions.

  • I go to Chrysokeras.

  • (Laughter) Left to the Thymiamata.

  • Then to Niliacus Lacus,

  • which is not a bad name.

  • Niliacus Lacus, try to get the practice, slick-a-tick-a-bacus.

  • That's a cool name. I will say that.

  • So, I hold back a little of my venom

  • for these astronomical misnomers.

  • And then of course Arnon to Thoth.

  • And of course there will be advertisements.

  • This is from their rule book, the International Astronomical Union.

  • And you know they're international because

  • they put it "en Francais" as well.

  • L'Union Astronomique Internationale,

  • for those of you who don't speak French.

  • I thought I'd translate for you.

  • From the rulebook: Nomenclature is a tool.

  • The first consideration, make it clear, simple and unambiguous.

  • And I think that Djabran Fluctus,

  • that fits that mode.

  • (Laughter)

  • That's simple, the goddess of goats, very simple.

  • Djabran Fluctus.

  • "Now, Frank is this clear to you, Djabran Fluctus?"

  • "Yeah, that's the goat goddess right? The Abacazanian?

  • (Laughter)

  • It's clear to me."

  • "Listen, I'm going back to the swamp mermaid. Can you call me in a little while?"

  • (Laughter)

  • Also, from the actual document

  • I highlighted a part I thought may be of interest.

  • Anyone can suggest changing a name.

  • So, I look to you, fellow member of the Earth community.

  • We've got to change this stuff up fast.

  • So, these are actual names of people that work there.

  • I did some more investigation.

  • These are more people working for this group.

  • And, as you can see, they don't use their first names.

  • (Laughter)

  • These are people naming planets, and they won't use their first names.

  • Something is askew here.

  • (Laughter)

  • Is it because his name is really Jupiter Blunck?

  • (Laughter)

  • Is that Ganymede Andromeda Burba?

  • (Laughter)

  • Is that Mars Ya Marov?

  • I don't know. But it's investigative material, no doubt.

  • There are some mapping people who do use their names.

  • Witness please, Eugene Shoemaker,

  • who, diligently, from a young boy

  • decided he wanted to make maps of celestial bodies.

  • Must have been a very interesting day in the Shoemaker house.

  • "Mom, I want to make maps."

  • "That's wonderful Eugene. You could make maps of Toronto."

  • "No, I want to make maps of planets."

  • "Yeah, go to your room."

  • (Laughter)

  • Martians, Venusians, Jovians.

  • We have names for places where people don't exist.

  • That seems a little silly to me.

  • There are no Jovians.

  • Getting back to my premise, I used stamps, by the way,

  • because you don't have to pay anybody for the rights.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Applause)

  • There is obviously Einstein, Niels Bohr,

  • de Fermat's last theorem, and I'm not sure whether that's James Coburn

  • or Richard Harris.

  • (Laughter)

  • It's definitely one of the two. I'm not really clear which one.

  • But obviously the point is that numbers are maps.

  • And within numbers, is there an underlying secret to the universe?

  • That is the premise of this particular presentation.

  • By the way, that's a natural picture of Saturn,

  • no adjustments. I mean that's just beautiful.

  • So beautiful that I will even give up a laugh

  • to explain my love of this particular planet,

  • and the day Saturday, named after it, wonderfully.

  • So, formulas relate number to form.

  • That's Euler, his formula

  • was one of the inspirations that lead to the beginning of string theory

  • which is kind of cool, not that funny, but it is cool.

  • (Laughter)

  • He was also famous for having no body.

  • (Laughter)

  • Which a lot of you are like, "How did he figure that out?"

  • He's got no body, no man, just a head floating high.

  • Here comes Euler.

  • (Laughter)

  • And that's an icosahedron,

  • which is one of the five sacred solids, very important shapes.

  • You see the icosahedron again.

  • The dodecahedron, it's dual.

  • There is a dodecahedron which I had to do in my room last night.

  • The five sacred solids, as you can see there.

  • Which is not to be confused with the five sacred salads.

  • (Laughter)

  • Blue cheese, ranch, oil and vinegar, thousand islands and house.

  • I suggest the house.

  • The reality, now here is something important.

  • What's important about this is

  • these shapes are duals of each other.

  • And you can see how the icosahedron

  • withdraws into the dodecahedron

  • and then they just merge into each other.

  • So, the whole concept of branes in the universe,

  • if the universe is shaped like a dodecahedron

  • this is a very good map of what could possibly be.

  • And that is, of course, what we are here to talk about.

  • What a coincidence!

  • October 9th, in France, Jean-Pierre Luminet

  • said that the universe is probably shaped like a dodecahedron,

  • based on information that they got from this probe.

  • This would be a normal wave pattern.

  • But what they're seeing, way out there in the far reaches

  • of the microwave background,

  • is this kind of odd undulation.

  • It doesn't plug in to what they suspected a flat universe would be.

  • So, you can kind of get an idea from this

  • extrapolating that back under this huge picture,

  • so we get this idea of what the primal universe looked like.

  • And judging from this, it looks a little like a cheeseburger.

  • (Laughter)

  • So, I'm thinking the universe is either a dodecahedron or a cheeseburger.

  • And for me, that's a win-win.

  • Everybody goes, I'm happy.

  • (Laughter)

  • Better really hurry up.

  • I just threw this in because

  • as important as all of our intellectual abilities are,

  • without heart and without love it's just -- it's all meaningless.

  • And that, to me, is really beautiful.

  • (Laughter)

  • Except for that creepy guy in the background.

  • (Laughter)

  • Getting back to the point of my particular presentation,

  • Kepler, one of my great heroes,

  • who realized that these five solids, which I spoke of earlier,

  • were related somehow to the planets,

  • but he couldn't prove it. It freaked him out.

  • But it did lead to Newton discovering gravity.

  • So, maps of things leading to organized understandings

  • of the universe in which we emerge.

  • Now this is Isaac from a Vietnamese stamp.

  • (Laughter)

  • I am not suggesting at all that my Vietnamese brothers and sisters

  • could maybe use a little art class here and there. But ...

  • (Laughter)

  • that's not a good picture.

  • (Laughter)

  • Not a good picture. Now, my friends in the island of Nevis

  • are a little better. Look at that! That's Isaac Newton.

  • That guy is rockin'.

  • (Laughter)

  • What a handsome cat.

  • Once again, Nicaragua let me down.

  • (Laughter)

  • And Copernicus looks like Johnny Carson, which is really weird.

  • (Laughter)

  • I don't get that at all.

  • Once again, these guys rock it out.

  • Isaac is kickin' ass. Man, he looks like a rock star.

  • This is freaky is a major way.

  • This is Sierra Leone.

  • They got little babies in there, floating in there.

  • (Laughter)

  • Man. I don't really need to comment on this.

  • But I didn't know that Isaac Newton was in the Moody Blues. Did you?

  • (Laughter)

  • When did this happen?

  • (Laughter)

  • It's a different kind of course. And they've got five apples?

  • I mean these guys are extrapolating in realms

  • that are not necessarily valid.

  • Although five is a good number, of course.