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  • You know, when Chris first approached me to speak at TED, I said no,

  • because I felt like I wasn't going to be able

  • to make that personal connection, you know, that I wanted to.

  • It's such a large conference.

  • But he explained to me that he was in a bind,

  • and that he was having trouble finding the kind of sex appeal

  • and star power that the conference was known for.

  • So I said fine, Ted -- I mean Chris.

  • I'll come on two conditions.

  • One: I want to speak as early in the morning as possible.

  • And two: I want to pick the theme for TED 2006.

  • And luckily he agreed.

  • And the theme, in two years, is going to be "Cute Pictures Of Puppies."

  • (Video) (Music)

  • [How to Dance Properly BASIC TWIRL]

  • [NEW SCHOOL]

  • [OLD SCHOOL]

  • [WHO'S YOUR DADDY?]

  • ["RIDE THE PONY"]

  • [MAKE LOVE TO THE CROWD]

  • [SMACKING THAT ASS]

  • [STIR THE POT OF LOVE]

  • [HANGING OUT ... CASUAL]

  • [WORD.]

  • (Applause)

  • I invented the Placebo Camera.

  • (Laughter)

  • It doesn't actually take pictures, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper,

  • and you still feel like you were there.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Clears his throat)

  • (Laughter)

  • "Dear Sir, good day, compliments of the day,

  • and my best wishes to you and family.

  • (Breathes in)

  • I know this letter will come to you surprisingly,

  • but let it not be a surprise to you,

  • for nature has a way of arriving unannounced,

  • and, as an adage says, originals are very hard to find,

  • but their echoes sound ouder.

  • So I decided to contact you myself,

  • for you to assure me of safety and honesty,

  • if I have to entrust any amount of money under your custody.

  • I am Mr Micheal Bangura, the son of late Mr Thaimu Bangura

  • who was the Minister of Finance in Sierra Leone

  • but was killed during the civil war.

  • (Laughter)

  • Knowing your country to be economical conducive for investment,

  • and your people as transparent and trustworthy to engage in business,

  • on which premise I write you.

  • (Laughter)

  • Before my father death,

  • he had the sum of 23 million United States dollars,

  • which he kept away from the rebel leaders during the course of the war.

  • (Laughter)

  • This fund was supposed to be used

  • for the rehabilitation of water reserves all over the country,

  • before the outbreak of war.

  • When the war broke out,

  • the rebel leader demanded the fund be given to him,

  • my father insisted it was not in his possession,

  • and he was killed because of his refusal to release the fund.

  • Meanwhile, my mother and I

  • is the only person who knows about it because my father always confide in me.

  • (Sighs)

  • I made an arrangement with a Red Cross relief worker,

  • who used his official van to transport the money to Lungi Airport, Freetown,

  • although he did not know the real contents of the box.

  • (Laughter)

  • The fund was deposited as a family reasure,

  • in a safe, reliable security company in Dakar, Senegal,

  • where I was only given temporary asylum.

  • I do not wish to invest the money in Senegal

  • due to unfavorable economic climate, and so close to my country.

  • The only assistance I need from you, which I know you would do for me,

  • are the following: one, be a silent partner

  • and receive the funds in your account in trust;

  • two, provide a bank account under your control

  • to which the funds will be remitted;

  • three, receive the funds into your account in trust;

  • take out your commission; and leave the rest of the money

  • until I arrive, after the transfer is complete.

  • Sincerely, Mr Micheal Bangura."

  • (Laughter)

  • (Applause)

  • This is really embarrassing.

  • I was told backstage that I have 18 minutes.

  • I only prepared 15.

  • (Laughter)

  • So if it's cool, I'd like to just wait for three.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Laughter ends)

  • I'm really sorry.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Applause)

  • What's your name?

  • (Laughter)

  • Mark Surfas.

  • It's pretty cool, huh? Pursuing happiness.

  • (Laughter)

  • Are you a virgin? Virgin?

  • I mean -- no, I mean like in the TED sense?

  • (Laughter)

  • Are you? Oh, yeah?

  • So what are you, like, a thousand, two thousand, somewhere in there?

  • Huh? Oh?

  • You don't know what I'm talking about?

  • (Laughter)

  • Ah, Mark --

  • (Laughter)

  • Surfas.

  • (Laughter)

  • 1,860 -- am I good?

  • And that's nothing to be ashamed of.

  • That's nothing to be ashamed of.

  • (Applause)

  • Yeah, I was hanging out with some Google guys last night.

  • Really cool, we were getting wasted.

  • (Laughter)

  • And they were telling me that Google software has gotten so advanced

  • that, based on your interaction with Google over your lifetime,

  • they can actually predict what you are going to say --

  • (Laughter)

  • next.

  • And I was like, "Get the fuck out of here. That's crazy."

  • (Laughter)

  • But they said, "No, but don't show anyone."

  • But they slipped up.

  • And they said that I could just type in "What was I going to say next?"

  • and my name, and it would tell me.

  • And I have to tell you, this is an unadulterated piece of software,

  • this is a real Internet browser and this is the actual Google site,

  • and we're going to test it out live today.

  • What was I going to say next?

  • And "Ze Frank" -- that's me.

  • Am I feeling lucky?

  • (Laughter)

  • (Shouting) Am I feeling lucky?

  • Audience: Yes! Yeah!

  • (Sighs)

  • (Laughter)

  • Ze Frank: Oh! Amazing.

  • (Laughter)

  • In March of 2001 --

  • (Laughter)

  • I filmed myself dancing to Madonna's "Justify My Love."

  • On a Thursday, I sent out a link to a website that featured those clips

  • to 17 of my closest friends,

  • as part of an invitation to my -- an invitation to my th --

  • th -- 26th birthday party.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Clears throat)

  • By Monday, over a million people were coming to this site a day.

  • (Sighs)

  • (Laughter)

  • Within a week, I received a call from Earthlink that said,

  • due to a 10 cents per megabyte overage charge,

  • I owed them 30,000 dollars.

  • (Laughter)

  • Needless to say, I was able to leave my job.

  • [WAS LAID OFF]

  • (Laughter)

  • And, finally, you know, become freelance.

  • (Laughter)

  • [UNEMPLOYED]

  • But some people refer to me more as, like, an Internet guru or --

  • [JACKASS]

  • swami.

  • (Laughter)

  • I knew I had something.

  • I'd basically distilled a very difficult-to-explain

  • and complex philosophy, which I won't get into here,

  • because it's a little too deep for all of you, but --

  • (Laughter)

  • It's about what makes websites popular, and, you know, it's --

  • [DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT AND DON'T SELL ANYTHING]

  • It's unfortunate that I don't have more time.

  • Maybe I can come back next year, or something like that.

  • (Laughter)

  • I'm obsessed with email. I get a lot of it.

  • Four years later, I still get probably two or three hundred emails a day

  • from people I don't know,

  • and it's been an amazing opportunity

  • to kind of get to know different cultures, you know?

  • It's like a microscope to the rest of the world.

  • You can kind of peer into other people's lives.

  • And I also feel like I get a lot of inspiration from the average user.

  • For example, somebody wrote, "Hey Ze, if you ever come to Boulder,

  • you should rock out with us," and I said, "Why wait?"

  • [rocking out]

  • (Video) (Music)

  • And they said, "Hey Ze, thanks for rocking out,

  • but I meant the kind of rocking out where we'd be naked."

  • (Laughter)

  • And that was embarrassing.

  • But you know, it's kind of a collaboration between me and the fans,

  • so I said, "Sure."

  • [rocking out naked]

  • (Video) (Music)

  • (Laughter)

  • I hear a lot of you whispering.

  • (Laughter)

  • And I know what you're saying,

  • "Holy crap!

  • How is his presentation so smooth?"

  • (Laughter)

  • And I have to say that it's not all me this year.

  • I guess Chris has to take some credit here, because in years past,

  • I guess there's been some sort of subpar speakers at TED.

  • I don't know.

  • And so, this year, Chris sent us a TED conference simulator.

  • (Laughter)

  • Which really allowed us as speakers to get there, in the trenches,

  • and practice at home so that we would be ready for this experience.

  • And I've got to say that, you know, it's really, really great to be here.

  • (Pre-recorded applause)

  • I'd like to tell all of you a little joke.

  • (Pre-recorded applause and cheering)

  • Not just the good stuff, though.

  • You can do heckler mode.

  • Voice: Hey, moron, get off the stage!

  • ZF: You get off the stage.

  • (Laughter)

  • Voice: We want Malcolm Gladwell.

  • (Laughter)

  • (Baby cooing)

  • (Huge crowd applauding)

  • In case you run over time.

  • (Heroic music)

  • Just one last thing I'd like to say, I'd, really --

  • (Laughter)

  • I'd like to thank all of you for being here.

  • (Loud music)

  • (Laughter)

  • And frog mode.

  • (Singing)

  • (Sings) "Ah, the first time that I made love to a rock shrimp --"

  • (Laughter)

  • [Spam jokes are the new airplane jokes]

  • (Sighs)

  • It's true.

  • Some people say to me,

  • "Ze, you're doing all this stuff, this Internet stuff,

  • and you're not making any money."

  • (Laughter)

  • "Why?" And I say, "Mom, Dad --

  • (Laughter)

  • I'm trying."

  • I don't know if you're all aware of this,

  • but the video game market,

  • kids are playing these video games,

  • but, supposedly, there's tons of money.

  • I mean, like, I think, 100,000 dollars or so a year

  • is being spent on these things.

  • So I decided to try my hand.

  • I came up with a few games.

  • (Laughter)

  • This is called "Atheist."

  • I figured it would be popular with the young kids.

  • OK.

  • Look, I'll move around and say some things.

  • (Sighs)

  • [Game over. There is no replay.]

  • (Laughter)