Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles You know, when Chris first approached me to speak at TED, I said no, because I felt like I wasn't going to be able to make that personal connection, you know, that I wanted to. It's such a large conference. But he explained to me that he was in a bind, and that he was having trouble finding the kind of sex appeal and star power that the conference was known for. So I said fine, Ted -- I mean Chris. I'll come on two conditions. One: I want to speak as early in the morning as possible. And two: I want to pick the theme for TED 2006. And luckily he agreed. And the theme, in two years, is going to be "Cute Pictures Of Puppies." (Video) (Music) [How to Dance Properly BASIC TWIRL] [NEW SCHOOL] [OLD SCHOOL] [WHO'S YOUR DADDY?] ["RIDE THE PONY"] [MAKE LOVE TO THE CROWD] [SMACKING THAT ASS] [STIR THE POT OF LOVE] [HANGING OUT ... CASUAL] [WORD.] (Applause) I invented the Placebo Camera. (Laughter) It doesn't actually take pictures, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper, and you still feel like you were there. (Laughter) (Clears his throat) (Laughter) "Dear Sir, good day, compliments of the day, and my best wishes to you and family. (Breathes in) I know this letter will come to you surprisingly, but let it not be a surprise to you, for nature has a way of arriving unannounced, and, as an adage says, originals are very hard to find, but their echoes sound ouder. So I decided to contact you myself, for you to assure me of safety and honesty, if I have to entrust any amount of money under your custody. I am Mr Micheal Bangura, the son of late Mr Thaimu Bangura who was the Minister of Finance in Sierra Leone but was killed during the civil war. (Laughter) Knowing your country to be economical conducive for investment, and your people as transparent and trustworthy to engage in business, on which premise I write you. (Laughter) Before my father death, he had the sum of 23 million United States dollars, which he kept away from the rebel leaders during the course of the war. (Laughter) This fund was supposed to be used for the rehabilitation of water reserves all over the country, before the outbreak of war. When the war broke out, the rebel leader demanded the fund be given to him, my father insisted it was not in his possession, and he was killed because of his refusal to release the fund. Meanwhile, my mother and I is the only person who knows about it because my father always confide in me. (Sighs) I made an arrangement with a Red Cross relief worker, who used his official van to transport the money to Lungi Airport, Freetown, although he did not know the real contents of the box. (Laughter) The fund was deposited as a family reasure, in a safe, reliable security company in Dakar, Senegal, where I was only given temporary asylum. I do not wish to invest the money in Senegal due to unfavorable economic climate, and so close to my country. The only assistance I need from you, which I know you would do for me, are the following: one, be a silent partner and receive the funds in your account in trust; two, provide a bank account under your control to which the funds will be remitted; three, receive the funds into your account in trust; take out your commission; and leave the rest of the money until I arrive, after the transfer is complete. Sincerely, Mr Micheal Bangura." (Laughter) (Applause) This is really embarrassing. I was told backstage that I have 18 minutes. I only prepared 15. (Laughter) So if it's cool, I'd like to just wait for three. (Laughter) (Laughter ends) I'm really sorry. (Laughter) (Applause) What's your name? (Laughter) Mark Surfas. It's pretty cool, huh? Pursuing happiness. (Laughter) Are you a virgin? Virgin? I mean -- no, I mean like in the TED sense? (Laughter) Are you? Oh, yeah? So what are you, like, a thousand, two thousand, somewhere in there? Huh? Oh? You don't know what I'm talking about? (Laughter) Ah, Mark -- (Laughter) Surfas. (Laughter) 1,860 -- am I good? And that's nothing to be ashamed of. That's nothing to be ashamed of. (Applause) Yeah, I was hanging out with some Google guys last night. Really cool, we were getting wasted. (Laughter) And they were telling me that Google software has gotten so advanced that, based on your interaction with Google over your lifetime, they can actually predict what you are going to say -- (Laughter) next. And I was like, "Get the fuck out of here. That's crazy." (Laughter) But they said, "No, but don't show anyone." But they slipped up. And they said that I could just type in "What was I going to say next?" and my name, and it would tell me. And I have to tell you, this is an unadulterated piece of software, this is a real Internet browser and this is the actual Google site, and we're going to test it out live today. What was I going to say next? And "Ze Frank" -- that's me. Am I feeling lucky? (Laughter) (Shouting) Am I feeling lucky? Audience: Yes! Yeah! (Sighs) (Laughter) Ze Frank: Oh! Amazing. (Laughter) In March of 2001 -- (Laughter) I filmed myself dancing to Madonna's "Justify My Love." On a Thursday, I sent out a link to a website that featured those clips to 17 of my closest friends, as part of an invitation to my -- an invitation to my th -- th -- 26th birthday party. (Laughter) (Clears throat) By Monday, over a million people were coming to this site a day. (Sighs) (Laughter) Within a week, I received a call from Earthlink that said, due to a 10 cents per megabyte overage charge, I owed them 30,000 dollars. (Laughter) Needless to say, I was able to leave my job. [WAS LAID OFF] (Laughter) And, finally, you know, become freelance. (Laughter) [UNEMPLOYED] But some people refer to me more as, like, an Internet guru or -- [JACKASS] swami. (Laughter) I knew I had something. I'd basically distilled a very difficult-to-explain and complex philosophy, which I won't get into here, because it's a little too deep for all of you, but -- (Laughter) It's about what makes websites popular, and, you know, it's -- [DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT AND DON'T SELL ANYTHING] It's unfortunate that I don't have more time. Maybe I can come back next year, or something like that. (Laughter) I'm obsessed with email. I get a lot of it. Four years later, I still get probably two or three hundred emails a day from people I don't know, and it's been an amazing opportunity to kind of get to know different cultures, you know? It's like a microscope to the rest of the world. You can kind of peer into other people's lives. And I also feel like I get a lot of inspiration from the average user. For example, somebody wrote, "Hey Ze, if you ever come to Boulder, you should rock out with us," and I said, "Why wait?" [rocking out] (Video) (Music) And they said, "Hey Ze, thanks for rocking out, but I meant the kind of rocking out where we'd be naked." (Laughter) And that was embarrassing. But you know, it's kind of a collaboration between me and the fans, so I said, "Sure." [rocking out naked] (Video) (Music) (Laughter) I hear a lot of you whispering. (Laughter) And I know what you're saying, "Holy crap! How is his presentation so smooth?" (Laughter) And I have to say that it's not all me this year. I guess Chris has to take some credit here, because in years past, I guess there's been some sort of subpar speakers at TED. I don't know. And so, this year, Chris sent us a TED conference simulator. (Laughter) Which really allowed us as speakers to get there, in the trenches, and practice at home so that we would be ready for this experience. And I've got to say that, you know, it's really, really great to be here. (Pre-recorded applause) I'd like to tell all of you a little joke. (Pre-recorded applause and cheering) Not just the good stuff, though. You can do heckler mode. Voice: Hey, moron, get off the stage! ZF: You get off the stage. (Laughter) Voice: We want Malcolm Gladwell. (Laughter) (Baby cooing) (Huge crowd applauding) In case you run over time. (Heroic music) Just one last thing I'd like to say, I'd, really -- (Laughter) I'd like to thank all of you for being here. (Loud music) (Laughter) And frog mode. (Singing) (Sings) "Ah, the first time that I made love to a rock shrimp --" (Laughter) [Spam jokes are the new airplane jokes] (Sighs) It's true. Some people say to me, "Ze, you're doing all this stuff, this Internet stuff, and you're not making any money." (Laughter) "Why?" And I say, "Mom, Dad -- (Laughter) I'm trying." I don't know if you're all aware of this, but the video game market, kids are playing these video games, but, supposedly, there's tons of money. I mean, like, I think, 100,000 dollars or so a year is being spent on these things. So I decided to try my hand. I came up with a few games. (Laughter) This is called "Atheist." I figured it would be popular with the young kids. OK. Look, I'll move around and say some things. (Sighs) [Game over. There is no replay.] (Laughter) So that didn't go over so well.