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  • [WIND CHIMES CLANGING]

  • [GRUNTING]

  • [MONKEYS CHATTERING]

  • Dilbert.

  • So good to see you.

  • You simply must disturb us more often.

  • Actually, I'm trying to sleep,

  • which is what normal people do at 3:00 in the morning.

  • Normal people?

  • Oh, how dreadful.

  • Which brings me to my point.

  • Your wind chimes are making so much noise

  • I can't go to sleep.

  • We got those on a trip to the Congo.

  • It was the Canary Islands, dear.

  • I didn't see any canaries, but they could have been hiding.

  • They'll do that.

  • It doesn't matter where you got them.

  • Can you please keep the noise down?

  • Well, it's not us, dear, it's the wind.

  • You can't hold the wind, son.

  • I learned that in the Aussie outback.

  • Look, I'm begging you.

  • All day long, I have to listen to my pointy-haired boss,

  • my yammering co-workers, the traffic, the phone ringing,

  • and my computer beeping at me.

  • But knowing I can return to the quiet of my home--

  • that little bit of comfort allows me to cling to my sanity.

  • It's my fortress of solitude.

  • I thought only Superman had a fortress of solitude.

  • Are you comparing yourself to Superman?

  • Rather cheeky, I should think.

  • Please, the wind chimes?

  • Would you take them down?

  • Yes, yes, we'll take care of it.

  • We always comply with our neighbors.

  • Especially the ones who have super powers.

  • [BOTH LAUGHING]

  • Did you see the look...

  • Thank you.

  • [LOUD CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

  • [CONGA DRUMS PLAYING]

  • What is it now?

  • Is the moonlight bouncing off our house

  • and hurting you in some way?

  • You're playing conga drums

  • and singing at 3:15 in the morning.

  • Oh. It seems the list of things you don't like

  • is growing by the minute.

  • Please, could you keep the noise down

  • for three more hours?

  • That's all I ask.

  • MRS. PIERPONT: Look, lovey,

  • it's the item we purchased in Zimbabwe.

  • I thought it would never come.

  • [TRUMPETS]

  • That means he's got to go.

  • Hey! Hey, get him away from my lawn!

  • Stop it! Shoo!

  • He is a nervous fellow.

  • Yes, he should try to get more sleep.

  • Oh, no!

  • [EXPLOSION]

  • [music]

  • [CHANTING]

  • [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

  • REPORTER: What does the Tree Lover Society expect from its lawsuit?

  • Big companies have been hurting our trees for too long.

  • We want to show the world that trees have feelings too.

  • Are you a nut?

  • If so, what kind are you?

  • I am not a nut.

  • I am a man who loves trees.

  • I love them in every way a man can love wood.

  • Would you mind

  • handcuffing yourself to a tree

  • when my photographer gets here?

  • That's original.

  • There is nothing wrong with the classics.

  • What have you got?

  • I interviewed an owl.

  • People, whoo-hoo,

  • a little more attention up here, please?

  • What matters is that

  • the big corporations who hurt our trees

  • must be stopped.

  • Long live the trees!

  • That's the man who's suing us--

  • Elmer Oakley,

  • the president of the Tree Lover Society.

  • Why is he mad at us?

  • We don't harm any trees.

  • Actually, we do, thanks to Alice.

  • It wasn't my fault.

  • We'll be the judge of that.

  • It all started with benchmarking.

  • Benchmarking?

  • Is that even a word?

  • Benchmarking is when you study world-class companies

  • to learn the processes that make them successful.

  • Then you try to duplicate those processes

  • using less intelligent employees.

  • So you try to blatantly copy

  • another company's success,

  • knowing fully that you can't do it as well?

  • He's a tack, isn't he?

  • In this case,

  • I studied a company that makes paper.

  • I found out that they have great training programs,

  • fully automated systems, and excellent management.

  • And they completely raped the forest,

  • don't forget that.

  • Just laid waste to it.

  • So, naturally, we had

  • to completely rape a forest too.

  • Apparently, this damn Tree Lover Society

  • was somehow offended.

  • DILBERT: Only another 10 hours and I'll be home.

  • Dilbert. Dilbert!

  • Yes?

  • That's better.

  • For a moment, it looked like you weren't suffering.

  • What shall we do about the Tree Lover Society?

  • Why don't we have a meeting?

  • I think this is A MEETING.

  • Loud Howard is on to something.

  • I'm not on anything!

  • I'm always like this!

  • I mean, your idea to have an off-site meeting

  • and invite the Tree Lover Society

  • to work out a compromise.

  • He didn't say that.

  • It was implied!

  • Quiet, I'm trying to think.

  • That won't work.

  • We'll use Dilbert's house.

  • Why my house?

  • Because it's the nearest one to my house

  • without actually being my house.

  • We can trash your place until rush hour

  • and I'll still be home in 10 minutes.

  • Your logic escapes me.

  • Well, you'd better go catch it.

  • I don't see why I should suffer.

  • I had nothing to do with this Tree Lover situation.

  • Dilbert, do you realize that the letter "I"

  • and the word "I" are one and the same?

  • Yes.

  • Good. I think I've made my point.

  • Now, who's handling the refreshments?

  • Alice will.

  • Why? Because I'm the only woman in the group?

  • Hard to refute the logic of that.

  • Let me try.

  • [GRUNTING]

  • Apparently, I'll be in charge

  • of the refreshments.

  • Alice, I want you to organize the icebreaker games.

  • I love Chutes and Ladders!

  • I think I'd prefer Russian roulette.

  • American games only.

  • You'd better do more than dust

  • if your co-workers are coming over here for a meeting.

  • That's all this house needs.

  • My program of ongoing tidiness pays big dividends

  • in these situations.

  • Your co-workers are going to see you

  • in your natural habitat.

  • So?

  • They'll form lasting opinions based on your possessions...

  • opinions that will influence your career for years to come.

  • What do I care what others might think?

  • I'm not... like what?

  • You have no athletic trophies on display--

  • says you're a loser.

  • If I had trophies on display,

  • wouldn't it say I was a braggart?

  • Yes, but if anyone asked you about the trophies,

  • you could say you were lucky.