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  • We have a big problem here.

  • Drop everything you're doing and solve it.

  • I'm going to be late for work.

  • Oh, this is far more important than your career.

  • You always say that.

  • This time it's true. The TV's not working.

  • I've been sitting here for nearly a minute

  • without entertainment.

  • Change the battery in the remote.

  • The one on the left.

  • "The one on the left"?

  • Well, that's just spooky.

  • Not really.

  • I have the knack.

  • The knack?

  • For technology.

  • My mom says I always have.

  • I'm worried about little Dilbert.

  • He's not like other kids.

  • What do you mean?

  • Yesterday, I left him alone for a minute

  • and he disassembled the TV, our clock and the stereo.

  • That's perfectly normal.

  • Kids take things apart.

  • Ooh.

  • The part that worries me is he used the components

  • to build a ham radio set.

  • Oh, dear.

  • Is that bad?

  • Normally, I'd want to run an EEG on him,

  • but the machine isn't working.

  • [BUZZING AND BEEPING]

  • It's worse than I feared.

  • What is it?

  • I'm afraid your son has...

  • the knack.

  • The knack?

  • The knack.

  • It's a rare condition

  • characterized by an extreme intuition

  • about all things mechanical and electrical...

  • and utter social ineptitude.

  • Can he lead a normal life?

  • No.

  • He'll be an engineer.

  • [SOBBING]

  • No!

  • There, there, don't blame yourself.

  • Will it go away over time?

  • It might, but pray it doesn't.

  • If an engineer loses the knack,

  • the results can be devastating.

  • NEWSCASTER: And in further news...

  • Thanks for filling in for our regular doctor

  • on such short notice.

  • I was in the neighborhood.

  • [music]

  • Huh?

  • [BEEPING]

  • Waah!

  • DILBERT: Here.

  • I bought a Double-A yesterday

  • because I sensed this coming.

  • You're freaking me out.

  • I don't know why.

  • I told you, I have the knack.

  • The knack.

  • [BURST OF STATIC]

  • [SPEAKING SPANISH]

  • [ECSTATIC SIGHING]

  • Oh... Oh... Oh, yes.

  • Good.

  • [EXPLOSION]

  • [music]

  • [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

  • As you know, humanity has pretty much destroyed

  • the ecological balance of the planet.

  • It's not my fault!

  • I recycle!

  • No one's blaming you, Loud Howard.

  • I blame him.

  • Why do you blame me?!

  • When you recycle your newspapers

  • do you iron out the wrinkles first?

  • No!

  • Well, maybe you should, planet killer.

  • All right, then, that's settled.

  • The point is...

  • the earth is polluted beyond repair.

  • That leaves us one viable business strategy.

  • We're going to clean up the earth?

  • [LAUGHING] Oh, gee...

  • No.

  • I should say not. Clean up the...

  • No, we're going to start polluting outer space.

  • I didn't become an engineer

  • so I could pollute the solar system.

  • Why did YOU BECOME AN ENGINEER?

  • Isn't it obvious?

  • She picked the one profession

  • where she'd be surrounded

  • by sexy men all day.

  • So, tell me more

  • about this polluting- of-space idea.

  • Oh, no, no, no.

  • Shh...

  • We won't be calling it "polluting."

  • Negative connotation.

  • We prefer the word "advertising."

  • I'm talking billboards in space.

  • No one can read a billboard in space.

  • They can if we make them really big.

  • Do you have any idea how much that would cost?

  • $1000?

  • Maybe $50 billion.

  • Well, then, we'll just have to amortize the costs.

  • Amortize the costs?

  • That doesn't even mean anything.

  • We'll find a way to get it done.

  • "Failure" isn't in my vocabulary.

  • Neither is "amortize," apparently.

  • Here we go again.

  • You're drinking out of my cup.

  • You have drunk from the cup of management.

  • Now you're infected!

  • What are you talking about? That's ridiculous.

  • Soon, your technical skills will evaporate

  • like the fine mist on a summer lawn.

  • They warned us about this in school.

  • There was management DNA in the backwash of that cup.

  • Now it's in you.

  • It's like a virus.

  • People...

  • I'd like to get the first space billboard launched in 30 days.

  • Does anyone see a problem with that?

  • No way in hell.

  • That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

  • [OBJECTIONS OVERLAPPING]

  • ...nincompoop who knows nothing.

  • A pointy-head idiot who stinks like old socks!

  • Sounds like we have consensus.

  • I don't know what's wrong with this pen.

  • I'm going out on a limb here,

  • but I'll say it's out of ink.

  • That management DNA must have infected you.

  • You've lost the knack.

  • I have not lost the knack.

  • I'll show you who's lost the knack.

  • I'll design this thing myself.

  • Out of my cubicle.

  • I need privacy.

  • This is my CUBICLE.

  • Sense of direction.

  • It's the first thing that goes

  • when you lose the knack.

  • Dilbert. Just THE MAN I NEED.

  • What's it mean when you get a system error number 53?

  • [SIGHS]

  • Watch me solve this

  • with intuition alone.

  • Okay.

  • Error 53.

  • I haven't seen that one before,

  • but I have a feeling

  • it's your network interface card.

  • What should I do?

  • Press "Control" and "F9."

  • Thanks.

  • Hey, Dilbert.

  • Do you know how to subnet an IP address?

  • It's been a while, but I think this will work.

  • [SCREAMING]

  • I haven't lost my engineering knack

  • just because a few things go wrong.

  • Even great athletes have dry spells.

  • Like the great Olympian, Emil Gartanamo.

  • World record holder

  • in both the javelin and the 100-yard dash.

  • Only person who ever died

  • by throwing a spear into his own back.

  • Did you just make that up?

  • Clever, wasn't it?

  • Can we talk about me instead of made-up people?

  • Sure.

  • Pass the bread.

  • [LOUDLY] Okay, tell me about your day.

  • I've got to design

  • a low-Earth-orbit advertising satellite

  • as big as New Zealand

  • and get it launched in 30 days for under $1000.

  • That is so sad and pathetic.

  • And then what?

  • Well, that's kind of the whole story.

  • They're not laughing at YOU.

  • They're laughing with YOU.

  • I didn't say anyone was laughing at me.

  • You're only ugly on the outside.

  • What are you talking about?

  • They say swimming is the best exercise.

  • Well, I've always agreed with that, but...

  • Hey!

  • [music]

  • A light sail.

  • Well, you still need

  • a huge ground-based laser to push it.

  • We can borrow the one at the particle accelerator lab.

  • We only need it for a few minutes.

  • Are you done yet?

  • Good lord, man, you're working me to the bone.

  • Has it been tough?

  • Well, this coffee cup doesn't carry itself around.

  • Get some rest, Wally.

  • You two, start pulling your weight.

  • The components are all off the shelf.

  • We can put this thing together in a week.

  • It looks good on paper,

  • but how do we know you haven't lost the knack?

  • I haven't lost the knack.

  • [BEEPING]

  • [BUZZING]

  • There's something wrong with it.

  • Let me have a look.

  • There.

  • It should be fine.

  • Thanks, Dilbert.

  • Smart men are so sexy.

  • Do you think we could go out sometime?

  • [BEEPING]

  • [BUZZING]

  • MAN: Attention all workers: Has anybody seen my pen?

  • The one that writes in four colors?

  • It's not worth a lot of money or anything,

  • but my mom gave it to me...

  • This is a terrible program.

  • What else is on?

  • Hey, where's the clicker?

  • Why aren't I sitting in my recliner?

  • Oh, for crying out loud.

  • For the last time, this is not a TV show.

  • You're telling me.

  • Look at this guy.

  • He hasn't moved the whole time I've been watching.

  • Although it does build suspense.

  • You know what? Leave this on.

  • Oh, what the hell. I can't take it.

  • Tell me the ending.

  • 40 minutes after liftoff

  • the ship will achieve orbit.

  • At that time,

  • the tissue-thin balloon material will unfurl,

  • creating an advertising banner over five miles wide.

  • MAN: Ten seconds...

  • Seven...

  • [RAPIDLY] Four, three, two, one.

  • [SCREAMING]

  • [SCREAMING FADING]

  • [CHUCKLING]

  • [MUMBLING] ...blooper.

  • All systems are green.

  • The laser should kick in in 15 seconds

  • and put our baby on target.

  • Are you sure you gave the right coordinates

  • to the laser operator?

  • You've been off your game lately.

  • Me?

  • Off my game?

  • Ha!

  • [MUSIC ON BOOMBOX CUTS OFF]

  • Uh-oh.

  • [MUSIC RETURNS AND CUTS OFF]

  • Hm.

  • [CONFUSED MURMURING]

  • [GRUNTS]

  • Nah.

  • [LAUGHING]

  • [MEN AND WOMEN YELLING AND CHEERING]

  • LOUD HOWARD: What should we do?

  • Party.

  • [WHOOPING]

  • [music]

  • music I'll sharpen your knives You simple housewives music

  • music I'll sharpen you knives! music

  • music I've got raisins Shriveled and brown! music

  • music Who wants raisins The finest in town?! music

  • music Bow and arrows Kill some birds music

  • music Then you shove 'em In a pie music

  • Hi, Dilbert.

  • Do I know you?

  • What do you mean?

  • We're your neighbors.

  • I'm Arnie from across the street.

  • The insurance salesman?

  • What happened to you?

  • Well, ever since that satellite got knocked out...

  • That was yesterday.

  • Yeah, well, things fell apart pretty fast

  • without power and communications.

  • Luckily, Denise over there,

  • she went to a Renaissance festival last summer

  • so she knew what to do.

  • So...you want to be a blacksmith?

  • We also need a guy to sweep little piles of dung

  • into big piles of dung.

  • I'll get back to you.

  • DILBERT: We have to realign the satellites

  • and restore power and communications.

  • Oh, forget it.

  • Stop being a stick-in-the-mud.

  • Everybody's having a great time.

  • No more multitasking, no more fax modems,

  • e-mail, voicemail,

  • videoconferencing, teleconferencing,

  • pointing, clicking and all that other stuff

  • I never did anyway.

  • Where's Alice?

  • Just follow the sounds of tambourines

  • and drunken laughter.

  • [MEDIEVAL MUSIC PLAYING AND PEOPLE CLAMORING]

  • [HOOTING AND CHEERING]

  • Alice!

  • Hey, buddy, you're going to have

  • to wait your turn like the rest of us.

  • Quiet, knave.

  • [ALL LAUGHING]

  • What the hell is going on?

  • We're celebrating the return to simpler times.

  • You mean, the downfall of civilization?

  • No. I mean, the rebirth of the human heart.

  • With technology gone,

  • we're free to enjoy our true nature.

  • To release the animal within

  • and let it live wild and untamed!

  • So you're not going back to work?

  • I am at work.

  • This is my job now.

  • You're a...?

  • Free spirit.

  • A child of nature.

  • I live for the moment and follow my whims

  • wherever they guide me!

  • How's the pay?

  • I'm paid in joy.

  • And my hours are from yesterday until forever.

  • And if you don't like it, I'll kick the crap out of you!

  • Terrific.

  • Where's the boss?

  • He's over there fulfilling his role

  • in the natural order of things.

  • music A dialogue about maximizing Quality, productivity music

  • music Would bring about a consensus Within the time parameters music

  • music Of our earlier Proactive assessments music

  • [ALL LAUGHING]

  • And to think, Dilbert, we have you to thank

  • for all of this!

  • No, don't thank me.

  • This is awful.

  • Let's raise a glass of mead to Dilbert.

  • ALL: To Dilbert!

  • Yuck! Ugh!

  • What's MEAD?

  • What's wrong with you people?

  • Don't you see what's happened?

  • ALL: Yeah!

  • Fine. If I have to repair

  • those satellites single-handedly,

  • then that's what I'll do.

  • Who's with me?

  • ALL: None of us!

  • [GRUNTS]

  • If only I hadn't drunk the boss's coffee,

  • I would still have my knack for technology.

  • I'm afraid your son has the knack.

  • Can he lead a normal life?

  • You're drinking out of my cup.

  • Now you're infected!

  • You've lost the knack.

  • That management DNA must have infected you.

  • You're only ugly on the outside.

  • I've got it.

  • I know how to get my knack back.

  • Hello? Hello?!

  • Somebody answer me!

  • There's got to be someone out there!

  • I'll pay any roaming charges!

  • I'll accept a collect international call!

  • [SOBBING]

  • What did I tell you

  • about trying to contact the outside world?

  • [GRUNTS]

  • music To facilitate The implementation music

  • music Of our business system Transition strategy music

  • music We must maximize our talent Base and thereby determine music

  • music Our propensities For consensus building music

  • [ALL LAUGHING]

  • Here, drink this.

  • Oh, kind sir,

  • you offer me a tipple to slake mine thirst.

  • Alas, I have but recently imbibed

  • a goblet of ale.

  • Just a sip then.

  • A sip?

  • A sip you say? To wet one's whistle.

  • Why, what harm could it do?

  • But verily, I am already quenched.

  • Drink it!

  • [COUGHING]

  • Oh, good sir,

  • your generosity will not be circumvented.

  • [COUGHS] Ooh, whew!

  • I salute you.

  • I don't feel any different.

  • I hope you washed your cup.

  • Dirty rags for sale.

  • Who buys dirty rags?

  • You'd be surprised.

  • I don't need any rags.

  • What I need is to find my knack.

  • Yes, the knack.

  • It's like trying to find the one good rag

  • in a huge pile of bad ones.

  • How is that the same?

  • Sometimes the harder you look, the better it hides.

  • When you stop looking for the knack,

  • it will find you.

  • [WIND WHISTLING]

  • You look familiar.

  • You know, if you shorten the axle about eight inches,

  • you'll reduce the stress and you won't have this problem.

  • Exactly.

  • Looks like you found your rag.

  • [ALL SHOUTING]

  • I know you've grown accustomed to the new ways,

  • the authenticity and the relationship with nature,

  • but it's a lie.

  • We live in a cold, mechanistic technocracy.

  • We have to make that work.

  • I know life is unfair.

  • You'll get no argument from me.

  • I know it's not fun and it's not novel, but it's real.

  • To that end, I've turned this silo into a rocket

  • by loading it with 20 tons of match heads.

  • It's going to reorient the satellites

  • and give us back our technology.

  • Thank God.

  • I am tired of sleeping in dung.

  • And wearing these unflattering clothes.

  • I miss TV.

  • Yes, me too. I need my shows.

  • Don't you miss it? I need it.

  • ALL: Ooh!

  • It didn't work.

  • Everything is still ruined.

  • But now it's worse,

  • because for a few moments, we had hope.

  • Time for a human sacrifice!

  • [PHONE RINGS]

  • Just let me get this.

  • Yeah.

  • [CELL PHONES RINGING]

  • Hmm, too bad.

  • I was beginning to enjoy the simple life.

  • Everyone likes the simple life,

  • until it gets complicated.

  • Where's Dad tonight?

  • He's still at the all-you-can-eat

  • buffet place in the mall.

  • How long has he been there?

  • Since 1979.

  • You got to hand it to him.

  • He doesn't give up.

  • For him, it's the principle.

  • He's not coming home until he's sure

  • it's all HE CAN EAT.

  • It was a mistake for them to put bathrooms in that place.

  • You remind me so much of him.

  • What little I can remember.

  • How can they say

  • it's the world's favorite snack?

  • I'd like to see the evidence

  • that supports that.

  • Maybe you should write to them and demand proof.

  • Now you've done it.

  • And how do they know

  • this is 30% of my daily recommended fat?

  • Isn't everyone a different size

  • to begin with?

  • Let's go in the living room.

  • He'll be a while.

  • Are they telling me a jockey needs

  • the same amount of cookie protein

  • as a professional weight lifter?

  • They must think we're idiots or something.

  • Without a weight chart, this is completely unhelpful.

  • [music]

We have a big problem here.

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