Name: 【TEDx】Finding Courage to Talk About Child Sexual Abuse | Jill Tolles | TEDxUniversityofNevada
Uploaded: 2018-01-06T17:34:38.000Z
Duration: 13 min 11 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Translator: Theresa Ranft Reviewer: Ellen Maloney

Modal verbs - A2

In fact, I believe that every single one of us can be a hero,

the courage to have an uncomfortable conversation.

But first, I have a confession to make; I hate uncomfortable conversations.

I have spent the better part of the last 20 years

studying or teaching communication, in part, honestly, because I want to avoid

that uncomfortable feeling in a conversation.

But I've also learned, over the years, that oftentime any real change

starts with an uncomfortable conversation.

So, today I'd like to invite you into a conversation

The CDC estimates that one in four girls,

will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.

Can you think of four girls that you know?

Are they on a soccer team, or in your neighborhood?

Can you think of six boys in your extended family or in a classroom?

and as one of my friends so aptly put it,

"If this were Ebola, the whole world would shut down,

Where are the bracelets, where are the ribbons,

where's the race to the cure for this disease?

There's one woman, I will even call her a hero.

Her name is Erin Merryn, and she made it her personal mission

to ensure that every child across America would learn about personal body safety,

and that if someone is harming them who to go to for help.

As a result of what's been aptly named "Erin's Law",

I was appointed to a task force to study this issue in our state.

Over the course of eight months we learned some uncomfortable truths.

We learned that 93% of the time the child knows their abuser,

oftentimes a close family member or friend.

We learned that 90% of the time the child does not report,

and that statistic is even higher for boys

where the stigma still stands that this doesn't happen to them,

When the truth is that predators can come in any shape or size,

gender, age, or socioeconomic background.

We learned about grooming strategies that predators use

to get them to trust them, and to keep secrets.

We learned about the difference between a safe surprise and an unsafe secret.

A safe surprise is when you bake a cake for mom,

and, "Shh! We're not going to tell her until she gets home!"

"Why don't you come over after school and I'll let you play that game.

You know, the one that your parents won't let you play,

But, we also learned about some courageous heroes.

We learned about teachers, counselors, neighbors, and family members,

who saw the signs of abuse, who reported and helped to save that child.

We learned about organizations that teach personal safety to kids.

We learned about hotlines where a child can call and find help in their area.

We learned about organizations that help to spread awareness about this issue,

online forums, and support groups for survivors to begin to heal.

We got a chance to hear from one particularly courageous young woman

who happened to be a student of mine at the university where I teach.

As she sat there and testified to our task force,

And I also couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.

You see, I was appointed to this task force

because I'm an active member of the community,

What most members of the task force didn't know

was that I too was one of the one in four.

When I was six years old, I was staying at my grandparent's house,

when my step-grandfather came in while I was taking a bath

When it was over, he asked why I was crying,

because he said I was supposed to enjoy it,

and that if I told anyone I would get in trouble.

It was my first, and by far my worst experience with an abuser,

When I was 11, I went to one of my best friend's birthday parties

and I kept noticing her uncle taking pictures of me in my bathing suit.

he asked me to take a walk with him in this wooded area next to their house.

He held my hand and told me how pretty and mature I was,

and he told me that he hoped I would stay good friends with his niece,

so that in three or four years he could have me for himself.

This time, although it took me two weeks,

I did tell because every night I was scared.

I was afraid of what that meant, and what he might do.

They told me that you can't take anything he says seriously,

he's always had just an "odd sense of humor."

we had a crazy eighth grade science teacher.

He was known for getting chalk on his hands

and slapping girls on the butt so he could leave a hand-print.

"Asbestos, asbestos, I've always loved ass-bestos."

Subtitles ListPlay Video

【TEDx】Finding Courage to Talk About Child Sexual Abuse | Jill Tolles | TEDxUniversityofNevada

epidemic

force

stigma

conversation