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  • I can't even imagine how many times I've made you tell this story now.

  • That you've made me tell the story, I think ...

  • ... five, certainly, that I can remember.

  • I'm saying 'tell the story' like I'm some kind of raconteur.

  • How does it come up? - So it came, it came up ...

  • How does it come up when I don't bring it up?

  • It comes up because I'm discussing my stupid name, Caspar Salmon.

  • Once from the top.

  • In the past, in I think 1986 or 1987

  • possibly 1988

  • In the 80s, when I was a child

  • my grandmother was invited to attend the opening of

  • some kind of sea ...

  • ... thing.

  • Sea thing?

  • Yeah, well I couldn't remember what it was, d'you see?

  • Cos I was a kid, I couldn't think what thing she'd been to.

  • And then I subsequently had it confirmed to me.

  • It was the Anglesey Marina.

  • So she attended the opening of the Anglesey Marina

  • and she attended it in the company of

  • other people from the area in North Wales, where she lives, who also happened to have

  • fish surnames

  • because my grandmother's called Pauline Salmon.

  • So there would've been a Mr. ...

  • You know, Mr. and Mrs. Crab, or ...

  • Carp

  • Cos this is a key point as well, actually, that I've not really scrutinised.

  • How many fish surnames are there?

  • - Cos, for instance, you've listed two. - Yeah.

  • And I've never heard of a Carp.

  • Jenny Carp.

  • There are loads of others.

  • Think of more fish, there are them.

  • - Like ... - Anchovie.

  • Uhh ... Pollock. Jackson Pollock.

  • - Okay. - Fucking eat it.

  • - Cod. - Yeah.

  • Okay, no one's called Cod.

  • So they get there ...

  • They get there, and everybody who is there

  • including the Crabs and the Herrings and everybody else

  • receives ... uhh ...

  • A copy ... I keep saying a copy, what's the word for ...

  • They receive their own surname as a fish

  • as a present.

  • So the people who are called Salmon receive a salmon

  • and the Herrings receive

  • I suppose more than one herring cos a herring is a smaller fish.

  • But you got a version of your name

  • so my grandmother received a salmon and she was able to take it home and cook it

  • and it was given to her by Sir Michael Fish

  • the weather presenter from the BBC

  • who was there to open the marina officially, so he was the person ...

  • and he was there giving out the fish to everyone.

  • What point in Michael Fish's career is this?

  • Sir Michael Fish of the BBC.

  • Well, I think this is ...

  • This is the thing I'm not sure about cos

  • he had the nadir of his career when he failed to predict a hurricane I think maybe.

  • Good afternoon to you.

  • Earlier on today apparently a woman rung the BBC and said she heard

  • that there was a hurricane on the way.

  • Well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't.

  • I think that was in 1988 or something and if I'm correct then ...

  • In 1986 he'd have been at the height of his powers, and fame.

  • And wonderfully he fit the theme perfectly, because he was famous and ...

  • ... his name is Fish, and the theme was fish.

  • Your call cannot be taken at the moment, so please your message after the tone.

  • Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Bass

  • It's about the opening of a marina in the 1980s that I'm hoping he might know something about

  • Is that Mrs. Crab?

  • It is.

  • I'm looking into the opening of a marina in the late 1980s.

  • I don't suppose that rings any bells?

  • Where was the marina? What town was it in?

  • On Anglesey somewhere.

  • There are lots of places on Anglesey.

  • The reason I ask is that apparently the organisers filled the opening

  • with people from the area who had fish-related names.

  • You've been trawling through the directory, have you?

  • More or less.

  • Please leave a message after the tone.

  • Hello, I'm hoping to reach the Mullet family

  • regarding the opening of a marina.

  • Hello, is that Mrs. Haddock?

  • Yes.

  • Is that Ms. Pike?

  • Yes.

  • Is that Mr. Plaice?

  • Hello.

  • ... fish-related surnames, like yourself.

  • I think we went there, perhaps, when the kids were little

  • but I don't think we got invited there, you know, with a fish-related name.

  • Hello?

  • Is that Mr. Whiting?

  • It is, yeah.

  • ... to get as many people there as possible with fish-related surnames.

  • That's a new one on me.

  • Hello?

  • Hi, is that Mrs. Turbot?

  • Yes.

  • I'm calling about the opening of a marina in Anglesey

  • I don't know anything about it.

  • - The reason I ask is ... - Okay, thank you, goodbye.

  • Maybe it was because of the time I called,

  • or just because young people don't really have landlines any more ...

  • Right.

  • ... but most people were in the right sort of age bracket

  • to have been around at the time ...

  • Okay.

  • ... and the most common response was one of amused bafflement.

  • But so, perhaps it's a lie.

  • Well, so I also reached out to Michael Fish's agent

  • and let me read you the response I got back.

  • Oh god, this is a nightmare.

  • Hi Charlie, I'm afraid that this isn't for Michael

  • as first and foremost he doesn't remember opening a marina in Anglesey

  • so possibly you don't have the correct person.

  • Best, Nick

  • Oh my god.

  • But there are a lot of fish people in this phonebook, so I figured I'd keep trying.

  • 449?

  • Ooh, hello. Is that Mrs. Herring?

  • Yep.

  • I'm calling cos I'm looking into the opening of a marina, in Anglesey

  • and the reason I'm phoning you is cos for the opening, the organisers invited

  • people from the local area, from North Wales, who had fish-related surnames.

  • As far as I'm aware, this was some point in the late 1980s ...

  • 1980s? No, we didn't come here til '88.

  • The only thing we've done is ... we went to a thing at, um ...

  • Anglesey Sea Zoo

  • with Michael Fish.

  • You are kidding.

  • Yes, yes.

  • So it wasn't a marina then, it was a ...

  • It was at the Sea Zoo, at Anglesey, on Anglesey.

  • Sea Zoo? Is that like an aquarium?

  • Yeah yeah yeah, big aquarium.

  • I don't suppose, while you were there, you were given anything?

  • Um, hang on, me husband's here, he might remember a bit more, hang on.

  • Love?

  • What was we given?

  • We was given two of our fish, weren't we?

  • We was given herrings, weren't we?

  • On a white tray.

  • Oh my god, this is brilliant.

  • So it was a bit vague, but she was very specific about where it was

  • which was this Anglesey Sea Zoo

  • which is an aquarium.

  • - Okay. - Not quite sure why they've called it a Sea Zoo.

  • As though the word aquarium didn't come to mind when they were doing the naming.

  • So three weeks from now, on May 27th, I'm going up to Anglesey

  • - No! - On the 8am train, via Chester.

  • Yes.

  • - Have you done that route? - A million times.

  • What should I look out for?

  • There's nothing there, absolutely nothing.

  • There's nothing to do.

  • Go to Anglesey, and just look at the sea, and go and see ...

  • ... the lighthouse, that's nice

  • and then get the hell out.

  • Oh no, and go and see the bridge as well.

  • Thingy did a bridge there, Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

  • Very nice bridge.

  • Actually I've been an arsehole, Anglesey is lovely.

  • I'm thinking of Colwyn Bay

  • which is just awful.

  • I honestly can't tell you how excited I am to be here.

  • Maybe we could start by talking about what makes the Sea Zoo special?

  • I love talking about what makes the Sea Zoo special, that's why I'm here.

  • We are completely unique because we have only native species,

  • all British species.

  • Our water comes from the Menai Strait, which is right on our doorstep