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  • We wish you happy holidays whoever you may be

  • So Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa Hanukkah or heck all three

  • We've modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie

  • Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team

  • You'd better not judge, you better not hate

  • You better not bully or

  • discriminate

  • Progressive Santa's coming to town

  • He's making a list of gluten free foods

  • He won't take a peek at J-Law's nudes

  • Progressive Santa's coming to town

  • He's 50 different races

  • And all for tax reform

  • He'll protect all your children

  • Well, as long as they've been born

  • You better watch out...

  • That's to far?

  • Okay.

  • Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)

  • Had an advantageous nose

  • (he outlived his friends)

  • He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)

  • Darwin said that's how it goes

  • (evolution's not a theory)

  • Mary did you know

  • that your baby boy

  • supports the NRA?

  • Mary did you know that your baby boy

  • is white

  • Did you know

  • Deck the halls with kujichagulia

  • Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza

  • Give zawadi, hang benderas

  • Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza

  • Throw your hands up in the air-a

  • You're a green one, Mr. Grinch

  • You're lacking in finesse.

  • That greenish epidermis determines your succes

  • Mr. Grinch

  • Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress

  • lalala lala la lalala

  • You're an outlier, Mr. Grinch

  • You give the Whos a fright

  • They say your heart is 3/5ths normal

  • You're either wrong or white

  • Mr. Grinch

  • Don't walk the streets of Whoville

  • You might fight a cop the Whos will not indict

  • La -

  • I'm

  • dreaming

  • of a racially ambiguous holiday

  • Away in a manger with Jesus and crew

  • His schmeckle got cut

  • cause hey Christ was a Jew

  • O holy night

  • the stars are brightly shining

  • It is the night

  • Jesus did

  • something holy

  • (I don't know the whole story)

  • Joseph watched golf, right?

  • His leather chair reclining

  • As Mary birthed a child,

  • I think a donkey was involved

  • any help here? God?

  • Three wise men came

  • with GPS they found him

  • aside in a barn

  • as his omniscient baby daddy tucked him in

  • Jesus crawled on his knees

  • his mom

  • shared it on snapchat

  • Oh bright

  • Device

  • Oh night

  • When Christ celebrated Christmas

  • P-A-I-N-T Subscribe

We wish you happy holidays whoever you may be

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