You are here because like me you believe that human potential is nearly limitless but you

know that having potential is not the same as actually doing something with it.

Our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that

are going to help you actually execute on your dreams.

All right, today’s guest is one of the most popular on air commentators and opinion writers

for CNN and her unique brand of raw and relatable advice has made her one of the most sought

after speakers and media personalities.

Watching her you get the feeling that this mother of three is just getting started.

Her well researched and really powerful insights into what it means to be a human come wrapped

in both science and lovely mid-western charm, allowing her to cut through the formality

of typical business jargon and grab her audiences by the emotions.

She has made a name for herself by being; blunt, unapologetic and yet totally vulnerable.

She says what everybody is already thinking but is just a little too scared to say and

it makes people absolutely love her.

It is not hard to understand why her Ted Talk titled; how to stop screwing yourself over

is one of the most watched Ted Talks of all time.

It’s also easy to see why she is an award winning talk radio host who is trusted by

some of the biggest brands on the planet to help motivate and advice their teams.

She has appeared on everything from Good Morning America and The Today Show to Dr. Phil and

Oprah.

Somehow she has also made time to found an inspirational news site called inspire52.com

and found and sell a retail and internet tech company.

Please help me in welcoming the former criminal defense attorney who has been called an explosion

of inspiration.

The bestselling author with a brand new book titled; The 5 Second Rule.

The master of motivation herself; Mel Robbins.

It’s really good to have you on the show.

Mel: Oh my gosh thank you.

Tom: Absolutely.

Mel: You called me the master of motivation and I think motivation is complete garbage

so maybe we should start there.

Tom: That is a perfect place to start so I totally agree with you but why do you say

that?

Mel: You do?

Tom: I do 100%.

Now I said that in the spirit of I know what you are trying to do so it is meant with absolute

reverence, but why do you say that it’s garbage?

Mel: Well and we’ll talk a lot about this but I think it’s garbage because at some

point we all bought into this lie that you’ve got to feel ready in order to change.

We bought into this complete falsehood that at some point you are going to have the courage,

at some point you are going to have the confidence and it’s total bullshit frankly.

Are we allowed to swear on this show?

Mel: Absolutely.

Tom: Okay, it’s complete garbage so there are so many people in the world and you may

be watching this right now and you have these incredible ideas and what you think is missing

is motivation and that’s not true.

Because the way that our minds are wired and the fact about human beings is that we are

not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult.

Our brains are designed to protect us from those things, because our brains are trying

to keep us alive.

In order to change, in order to build a business, in order to be the best parent, the best spouse

to do all those things that you know you want to do with your life, with your work, with

your dreams you are going to have to do things that are; difficult, uncertain or scary.

Which sets up this problem for all of us, you are never going to feel like it.

Motivation is garbage, you only feel motivated to do the things that are easy right?

Tom: Why do you think that is?

Mel: I know exactly why that is because I’ve studied this so much, because for me one of

the hardest things to figure out was why is it so hard to do the little things that would

improve my life.

What I’ve come to realize and what we’ll talk a lot about today is that the way that

our minds are designed is our minds are designed to stop you at all cost from doing anything

that might hurt you.

The way that this all happens is it all starts with something super subtle that none of us

ever catch and that is with this habit that all of us have that nobody is talking about.

We all have a habit of hesitating.

We have an idea you are sitting in a meeting you have this incredible idea and instead

of just saying it you stop and you hesitate.

Now what none of us realize is that when you hesitate just that moment that micro moment,

that small hesitation it sends a stress signal to your brain.

It wakes your brain up and your brain all of a sudden goes, “Wait a minute why is

he hesitating he didn’t hesitate when he put on his killer spiky sneakers, he didn’t

hesitate with the really cool track pants, he didn’t hesitate with a NASA t-shirt now

he’s hesitating to talk something must be up.”

Then your brain goes to work to protect you, it has a million different ways to protect

you one of them is called the spotlight effect.

It’s a known phenomenon where your brain magnifies risk, why?

To pull you away from something that it perceives to be a problem.

You can truly trace every single problem or complaint in your life to silence and hesitation,

those are decisions.

What I do and what’s changed my life is waking up and realizing that motivation is

garbage I’m never going to feel like doing the things that are; tough or difficult or

uncertain or scary or new so I need to stop waiting until I feel like it.

Number two, I am one decision away from; a totally different marriage, a totally different

life, a totally different job, a totally different income, a totally different relationship with

my kids.

Not like one decision I’m divorcing you in a marriage example but one decision on,

you could be having a conversation with your spouse and you feel your emotions rise up

and within a tiny window those emotions can take over and can impact how your marriage

goes.

You can learn how to take control of that micro moment and make a decision to act in

a way that actually shifts your marriage.

Your life comes down to your decisions and if you change your decisions you will change

everything.

Tom: That core concept comes through so powerfully in your book which is phenomenal and I would

love it if you would take a second to tell people the story of how, and by the way I

wore the NASA shirt because of the imagery.

Mel: Oh is that why you wore it?

Tom: Of course.

Mel: Oh my God I’ve like falling my glasses off that is, I did not even get that.

I was going to ask you why you wore that shirt oh my gosh, wow.

Tom: Break it down.

Mel: You actually do your homework.

Tom: Of course Mel absolutely.

Mel: Let me just take you back, so what you are talking about is the five second rule

which has become literally my life’s work and it was all a gigantic mistake.

I read up on you too and understand how quest like was born out of misery.

The five second rule and my life now and my 20 year marriage and everything that I’m

doing and the companies that I’ve built and sold and the company I’m building now,

it all comes back to a point in my life that completely and utterly blew.

I was 41 years old I was unemployed, my husband had started a restaurant business which was

his dream this is actually a funny story.

When he got laid off from a big job in high tech and I think he was really relieved, you

know how a lot of us wait to quit our jobs and then we get laid off and are like, “Yes.”

He said, “I’m not going to look for a job I’m going to go into the restaurant

business,” and I think I said the most famous lines of our marriage at that point.

I looked at him and I said, “Listen buddy inspiration is for strangers you get your

butt back to that job and you pay the mortgage.”

Again micro moment where … Tom: That is amazing.

Mel: ... I’m being a jerk instead of being a supportive wife.

That’s an example of where when he said he was not going to go get a job but he was

going to start a business, the first thing that was there was fear.

Fear was making the decision for me.

Tom: God I love that you could share that though, that’s so powerful.

Mel: What happened is the first restaurant was a home run and of course what do you do

when things are successful?

You grow it, you grow it really big.

They decided to raise money and we threw in our home equity line, the kid’s college

savings, they tried to open a second and a third and at the same point a grocery store

chain.

I encouraged them to go into wholesale, so it basically got way too big way too first

and the wheel started to come off.

They came off so badly that the second restaurant failed and they held on to it for too long

like a lot of us do.

It’s another trick our brains play on us called [inaudible 00:09:18].

When you throw a ton of time and a ton of money at something it’s really hard to let

go of it and if you haven’t done it in business, we all had a relationship in our past stayed

way too long that was a trick your brain played on you.

By the time that they closed the second restaurant it was an $800,000 loss.

Tom: Whoa.

Mel: I mean that meant our entire home equity line gone.

It meant kid’s college, I just choked just thinking about how terrifying it was.

I found myself at the age of 41 like just feeling like a complete failure and so did

Chris.

To make it worse not only had we lost all of our savings, but so many friends and family

members had invested so there was this real tension between the truth of what was happening

and what you had to do in public because it was public business; shame, failure, embarrassment

and the lien started to hit the house.

The phone started to ring and it was nothing but collection calls.

I just remember feeling this tremendous shame and at some point I think we all hit that

moment in life where things just are not going how you thought they would go.

What’s amazing about those moments is we all respond very differently.

My husband he would spring out of bed and he would head right out that door six o’clock

in the morning and he would go meet his partner and they would go to the bank and they would

dig right in and they would face their problems head on.

He is also a smart guy I mean he did not want to be in the house when yours truly woke up

because I was a raging bitch at that point in our lives.

The reason why is because when you are scared and you are afraid and you are jealous and

you are overwhelmed with emotions, it is so much easier to point the finger at other people.

That’s a decision by the way one you may not be aware that you are making but you are

still making it.

What would happen to me is the exact