Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Many of you know my story and you know that I grew up

  • in a cultural environment where

  • I faced tremendous gender disparity.

  • I actually grew up believing that women

  • are the inferior gender.

  • That women are inferior to men

  • and I carried that belief with me well into adulthood.

  • As a young adult, I even allowed myself to be coerced

  • into an arranged marriage because it was actually

  • ingrained in me that I had to relinquish control

  • of my life to men, whether it was my father,

  • or to my future husband.

  • And maybe some of you come from cultures

  • who can relate to this but we are actually taught,

  • or it's ingrained in us, it's part of our cultural paradigm

  • that women have to be looked after by men.

  • So it starts out with being looked after by our fathers

  • and we are expected to stay at home with our parents

  • until we get married and then

  • our husbands look out after us.

  • That's the kind of cultural environment I grew up in.

  • If I went out in the evenings, at night,

  • I couldn't go out with just women friends or girlfriends,

  • this was before I was married.

  • There had to be a male chaperone who was trusted

  • by my family, like it could even be my brother

  • or somebody who my family knew and trusted.

  • And women were treated like we were very vulnerable

  • and that we were prone to danger.

  • So just think about this.

  • Think about the kind of messages this sends to us

  • or gives us, think about the kind of beliefs

  • that this forms with in us.

  • It makes us feel that we need to be protected

  • by men all the time but it also makes us doubt

  • our own abilities as women to think, to react,

  • to create, to be all that we can be.

  • It makes us doubt our own strength.

  • It makes us doubt our confidence in our own emotions

  • and our own reactions.

  • In addition to this, at home, there were a lot of chores

  • around the house, like for example, kitchen chores

  • and things like that which were just assigned to me

  • and not my brother for example, when I would ask my parents

  • why he didn't have to help with the washing up

  • or the cooking, they would just say, because you're a girl

  • and he's a boy.

  • Did you hear that?

  • That was my phone ring tone.

  • And if you recognize it, that was Abba "Dancing Queen".

  • Sorry about that.

  • So when I was growing up, no other explanation was needed

  • other than that you are a girl and he is a boy.

  • And that was it.

  • And I actually grew up believing that women were

  • the inferior culture and that our role was

  • a supportive role, that we existed to support men.

  • Looking around even at my world at that time

  • as a young woman, as a teenager, as a young girl,

  • looking around, all the leadership roles

  • were held by men, doctors were all men.

  • People in government were all men

  • and leading figures, news readers at that time

  • were all men but the supporting roles

  • were all held by women.

  • For example, assistants, secretaries, nurses,

  • all these roles were held by women.

  • Now think about this, what kind of an impression

  • does that give you and when you're young

  • and you're impressionable, you don't question it.

  • You just take it as factual.

  • So how many of you grew up in

  • this kind of cultural environment?

  • I'm really interested to know.

  • I'm interested to hear from you and to know

  • whether you grew up in a similar cultural environment.

  • I know that a lot of people say that in Western culture

  • particularly in American culture, we have nothing

  • to complain about, that women are very free

  • and very liberated from all these beliefs.

  • That is true to an extent but only to an extent

  • and I'll get into that a little bit more in a moment

  • what I mean by that.

  • So here's what I want to say next though.

  • When I died, when I reached end stage cancer

  • and crossed over to the other realm,

  • I realized that there is no gender in the other realm.

  • There is no gender because we have no biology.

  • We are just pure spiritual beings.

  • We are powerful beyond belief.

  • We are strong, we are powerful and everything about us

  • is needed here, our empathy, our sensitivity,

  • all the way down to our assertiveness, our masculinity,

  • our femininity, it's all equally important.

  • Like yin and yang, there's no judgment in that realm

  • about which is more positive and which is more negative.

  • There is absolutely no judgment in that realm.

  • I realized that the roles we play, the roles

  • we stick to, the gender roles that have been taught to us

  • are actually cultural roles.

  • They're not something that is given to us

  • from the other realm at birth.

  • Our biological gender comes with us at birth

  • and this is for the purpose of reproduction

  • but the roles that we carry emotionally,

  • the guilt that women carry if they go to work,

  • the self-sacrificing as opposed to self-love

  • that women are taught to believe in.

  • The suppression of the ego which women

  • are more encouraged to suppress than men are.

  • All these things are cultural conditionings.

  • They're not a "there" thing,, they're a "here" thing.

  • That's what I want you to know.

  • Our genders are actually both equally important

  • like yin and yang, one without the other creates

  • an imbalance and that's what we see happening

  • in our world right now.

  • We're seeing this imbalance come into play

  • and it's happening everywhere including in the USA

  • which is the country which is supposed to be

  • the freest, with the least amount of gender disparity.

  • So here's why I said I wan to come back to talking

  • about gender disparity in the US.

  • What's happened is that in many cases,

  • when women realize that they are equally powerful,

  • equally important in the world,

  • what we do is we tend to sometimes believe

  • we have the right to be like men

  • in order to get what is ours.

  • Here's what I want to encourage you to do as women listening

  • and I want to say this as well though.

  • Is that I honor all of you.

  • It doesn't matter whether your emotional gender

  • matches your biological gender, that's irrelevant.

  • It doesn't matter to me what your biology is

  • and what your emotions are,

  • so that's completely irrelevant.

  • But what I want to say to you is that if you are

  • somebody who is empathetic, if you are somebody

  • who is more emotional than other people,

  • if you're somebody who's more sensitive,

  • embrace those as your strengths.

  • Embrace them as your strengths,

  • whether you're a man or a woman.

  • We label them as feminine qualities

  • but not only that, they are feminine qualities

  • but in a yin sort of way.

  • We don't have to give it a gender.

  • They are equally important.

  • They are equally important in every way as having

  • assertiveness, as being headstrong, as being stubborn,

  • all those yang qualities.

  • The yin qualities are equally important.

  • So what we are seeing today is a rise in male energy.

  • And it doesn't matter what gender you are.

  • We're seeing a rise in male energy because I know

  • there's a lot of men out there who embrace sensitivity,

  • who are more sensitive and empathetic

  • but they're afraid to show it.

  • They're afraid to show it because they're afraid

  • of being labeled, they're afraid of being labeled as weak.

  • There are women who believe that they need to

  • become more like men in order to succeed in this world.

  • I want you to know that's not true.

  • Today we need those feminine qualities more than anything.

  • The other thing is that we need more women

  • in role model roles.

  • We need more women, strong women role models

  • who are embracing feminine qualities, we really do.

  • That's one of the things that I want to speak about

  • more and more as we move forward generally in life

  • as I move forward because that's become so important.

  • Women more so than men, are discouraged

  • from embracing their egos.

  • Women from a young age are told that

  • we mustn't be so egotistical.

  • I know that I was told that.

  • I know that I was also told not to raise my voice,

  • not to lose my temper, all these things purely

  • because I was a women, no other reason.

  • I found that so frustrating.

  • So what I encourage women to do is embrace your ego

  • because you need your ego in order

  • to take on leadership roles.

  • Your ego is not your enemy.

  • The enemy is in suppressing your spiritual awareness

  • and it's only when you are pure ego with no

  • spiritual awareness, then you have a problem

  • but if you have incredible spiritual awareness,

  • incredible empathy, sympathy, balance

  • and you really do feel what everyone else is feeling,

  • you need to embrace your ego in order to know

  • that your message is important and needs to be shared.

  • What we are lacking in the world today

  • is people who are spiritually aware

  • who are willing to take on leadership roles

  • and I believe that one of the reasons

  • why we lack that is because most people

  • who are spiritually aware are afraid to embrace

  • their egos because that's what we've been taught.

  • So please share my message if you feel it makes sense

  • to people around you or anybody you know.

  • In the meantime I would love to hear some of your questions.

  • Yeah, sorry I sprang it on you all of a sudden.

  • And sorry my emojis, thank you for all your love

  • and your hearts and everything and right back

  • at you everybody, thank you.

  • Patty Lamb asks "are we that powerful here on Earth

  • "but just don't know it or believe it?"

  • Yes absolutely.

  • So we are extremely powerful.

  • We were born powerful, we are everything that we

  • want to be, we are everything that we're trying to be.

  • We already are spiritual but it's been conditioned

  • out of us so it's not about learning about things.

  • It's about unlearning, undoing, releasing, letting go.

  • Let go of everything that you are not.

  • It's not about trying to be something.

  • It's about letting go of what you're not.

  • There's a quote that is not coming to my mind

  • but I think it's a Michelangelo quote about

  • how did he create that statue of David

  • and he said that it was already there in the marble

  • but he just chipped away what wasn't necessary

  • or what wasn't wanted.

  • You already are powerful, just let go

  • of what holds you back.

  • Denise asks, "did you ever feel alone after

  • "your experience?"

  • Oh that's a great question because I did, I really did.

  • And it really took me awhile to find my tribe

  • and to fit in again because what happens is that

  • when you start to change and grow and you grow into

  • being all that you can be, you may find that you're

  • different from the person that you used to be

  • but you need to honor this person that you're becoming

  • because it's who you are and it may mean letting go

  • of some of your old friendships or relationships.

  • You can still love them.

  • You can still love them but don't hold on to your

  • old self just because you're afraid of disappointing them

  • because the only way to help them to come to where you are

  • is for you to continue to move forward into being

  • all that you are.

  • If you continue to not disappoint them by being

  • who you used to be, not only will you be stagnating

  • yourself, you won't be doing them any favors either.

  • You won't be helping them grow either.

  • Liz Dawn asks "how did you deal with your family

  • "trying to oppress you?"

  • Okay that is a great question.

  • So this is a really cool story because my family

  • tried to arrange a marriage for me

  • and they found me a real challenge.

  • So when I was growing up, I was a rebellious teenager.

  • My favorite role model was Cyndi Lauper.

  • Remember her, the one who sang,

  • "Girls Just Want to Have Fun?"

  • Don't you love that track?

  • Okay, so she was my role model

  • and I used to dress like her.

  • I used to emulate her clothes.

  • I used to spray my hair in luminous pink and green

  • stripes down the side and it used to freak my parents out.

  • Now can you imagine, imagine you have a daughter

  • like Cyndi Lauper and you're trying to get her into

  • an arranged marriage?

  • That's what it was like for my parents.

  • Finally, I gave in, I did agree to an arranged marriage.

  • And if you know anything about what Indian weddings

  • are like, there was a huge wedding arranged for us

  • with the hotel rooms booked and the temples booked

  • and the horses and everything.

  • It's supposed to be a week long affair.

  • Three days before the wedding, I ran away.

  • Of course it shocked my parents

  • but it also shocked the entire community

  • because all our relatives had flown in for the wedding

  • so it was quite a shock at my time, it was 1987.

  • So it was a shock for everyone but after that incident

  • my parents stopped forcing me into an arranged marriage

  • after that and so yeah it was pretty drastic.

  • So that was a great question Liz.

  • And today I am so thankful that I didn't go through

  • with the arranged marriage because I had met

  • my wonderful husband Danny who is my soulmate

  • and by the way, Danny is a feminist

  • and it's very very attractive for men to be feminists

  • and I'll tell you why.

  • Because when a man is feminist, that means he's looking

  • out for the woman's best interest.

  • When he does that, she can relax and just be herself.

  • Then she doesn't feel that she's got to defend herself

  • or defend herself as a woman or fight for her rights

  • or any of those things because she knows that the man

  • that she's with, her partner, that her partner

  • completely honors her as a woman.

  • Audrey says "my sister passed away, how can I know

  • "if she's okay?"

  • Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this Audrey

  • but I want you to know that your sister is fine

  • regardless of whether you feel her presence of not.

  • She is totally fine and she wants you to be happy.

  • She truly wants you to be happy

  • and nothing will make her happier than to see you happy.

  • Also, she will try and communicate with you

  • but you will feel it and sense it when you least expect it.

  • The more you look for it, the more it will elude you

  • but she'll surprise you and when you stop looking for it,

  • you'll sense it, but she's completely fine.

  • You just do whatever you need to do to heal yourself.

  • Christina asks if you can talk about finding

  • your purpose or work to do in life.

  • Okay that's another great question Christina.

  • So your purpose actually aligns with who you are.

  • So the way to find your purpose is to figure out

  • who you are, ask yourself this question,

  • "who am I, who am I?"

  • And when I say, who am I, you chip away what you're not.

  • I had to go through this again recently

  • because it sometimes is a lifelong thing.

  • Your purpose unfolds from you honoring who you are

  • and six months ago I started to realize that my work

  • had taken me in a direction where I started

  • accumulating a lot of baggage related to the work

  • I was doing and I started to find my days filled

  • with things that I didn't want to do.

  • They were things I didn't sign up for.

  • Things that I had inadvertently taken on

  • and I was so stressed out, I almost had a break down

  • and I thought, why am I doing this?

  • Again, I had to go inward and ask myself,

  • "who am I, who am I?"

  • And once I got clarity on that, it's who am I,

  • I am someone who has a message and I want to share it.

  • How do I want to share it?

  • What is the message?

  • I got really clear on the message.

  • I got really clear on what my purpose is,

  • which is to share the message

  • and then it become much easier to chip away, chip away

  • the things that I didn't want to do.

  • So once you get clear inside here and inside here,

  • really important, inside here, get really clear

  • on what is my message, what am I here to do, who am I,

  • what honors my truth, my soul?

  • Get clear in here, your purpose will unfold before you.

  • We tend to have an outside-in view

  • but I recommend an inside-out view.

  • An outside-in view means going out into the world

  • and looking for your purpose,

  • that's not where you'll find it.

  • You have to go inside and find out who you are,

  • why you're here and then the world will respond to you.

  • Ackee asks "how much time does it take to heal ourselves?

  • "What are your views about how long it would take

  • "to heal ourselves?"

  • Okay so that question is totally dependent on you

  • and I want to be really sensitive about this

  • because if you are not healing as quickly as you want

  • or you're not making progress,

  • I don't want you to blame yourself.

  • It's not your fault.

  • Healing is a journey and part of your journey

  • might be what you're going through.

  • Maybe healing is not what you're supposed to be looking

  • for right now.

  • Maybe you're supposed to be actually experiencing

  • that health challenge right now

  • so get into it, love it, embrace it.

  • Embrace yourself through it.

  • Embrace yourself through your healing challenge

  • and stop seeing it as an enemy

  • and something that has to be fought or battled with.

  • Your body is not something that has to be fought

  • or battled with, your body is something that has

  • to be loved and nurtured, especially through challenges.

  • Like you would a small child, if a small child was sick,

  • you wouldn't put any stress on that child

  • and blame that child if they weren't getting better

  • so don't do that to yourself.

  • Don't say things like, "why am I not getting it?

  • "What am I still not getting?

  • "Why am I not getting well?"

  • Remove all of that from your verbiage,

  • from your language, from your psyche

  • and just embrace yourself through the journey

  • and it will come.

  • Thank you for that questions.

  • I think there were people that need to hear it.

  • So let's do one last question before we finish.

  • Barbara says, "I am more masculine than feminine

  • "and have been judged for it by my family

  • "and society, how can I stay my ground,

  • "love myself for how I am

  • "and give me and them love?"

  • Well firstly, it starts with you giving yourself love

  • and thank you for that question

  • because I'm sure there are a lot of people

  • that would relate to you.

  • There are lots of people, you know, it's a spectrum.

  • It isn't just hard lines, masculine, feminine.

  • Masculinity to femininity, it's like a spectrum

  • and we all fall somewhere in that spectrum,

  • in our thinking, in our emotions, we all do,

  • regardless of what gender, what physical body,

  • what gender our biology is.

  • So regardless of what gender our biology is

  • we all fall somewhere in the spectrum

  • so realize that and embrace you who are.

  • The more you can accept yourself,

  • the more you can accept other people's views about you.

  • If other people's views are triggering something within you,

  • it means you haven't accepted that about yourself,

  • but here's the most loving thing that you can do.

  • If you need to be away from other people,

  • don't judge yourself for that.

  • Remove yourself from other people.

  • Be with people for as long as you need to.

  • People who understand you, people who relate to you,

  • people who embrace you and love you for who you are.

  • If you need to avoid people who are going to judge you

  • for awhile, do that, it doesn't matter, it's totally fine.

  • You have to take care of yourself first

  • in order to be there for other people

  • and to love other people.

  • So just do that, I honor you and I thank you

  • for asking that question, I really do.

  • I honor each and every one of you.

  • Thank you so much for your questions.

  • Thank you so much for tuning in.

  • I love you, every single one of you.

Many of you know my story and you know that I grew up

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it