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  • Mark Gungor The Tale of Two Brains 1/2

  • Hello and welcome to "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".

  • I am so glad you are here.

  • This is the marriage seminar for people who hate marriage seminars!

  • I've got a kick out of watching the couples when they first come in on Friday night.

  • The girls are all lit up and just...

  • "I got him here! I got him here! I got him here!"

  • And the guys are going: "Oh, man, I can't believe" you know "I got here!"

  • But it's cool, guys. You can relax. You're gonna love it.

  • This is not one of those "Let's beat up on the men for not being women" seminars.

  • Yes! That's what I'm talking about!

  • What is it with that anyway?

  • Man, you know, you ask a lot of women to describe their ideal man and they'll describe another woman.

  • What's up with that?

  • So, we're not gonna do that. We're going to just going with this thing in a normal healthy way.

  • We are men. Men are men. We are not sick, we're not perverted, we're not twisted.

  • Well, you know, we're not broken. We are men!

  • Alright? And God... Yeah... !

  • And God made us the way we are for a reason.

  • And I'm gonna show you, girls, what that reason is.

  • OK? And I'm gonna try to explain to you the world of men a little bit through this thing.

  • We will also discuss the women's side of things as well.

  • But I really want you to understand this men thing. Women are much more complicated than men.

  • Men are very simple. Simple. S-E-X simple. Alright? So...

  • That's what I'm talking about! OK?

  • So, we're gonna have... We should have a really really great time.

  • Now, tonight we're gonna do a session called "The Tale of Two Brains".

  • Hence, the two brains.

  • And we're going to be discussing how men and women think very differently from each other.

  • Why is that important? Because men and women are very quick to make into heart problems

  • what are essentially head problems.

  • A woman acts a certain way, a guy feels she doesn't care about him.

  • He says: "There's something wrong with your heart. You don't care about me." No, no.

  • It's the way she processes information.

  • And the same with the guy. A man thinks in a certain way.

  • And the woman thinks there's something wrong with his heart. No, it's his head. OK?

  • So, I'm gonna try and explain to you what that's all about.

  • Then tomorrow morning we're gonna do a session called: "Why does he do that?"

  • "Why does she do that?"

  • OK? So, you see, one thing is to understand men and women in general.

  • It's another one to understand the one you got stuck with, OK?

  • So I'm gonna show you how you can discover specifically what makes your spouse tick.

  • And it's powerful information that will absolutely revolutionize your relationship.

  • Alright? Then we're gonna do what I call: "The Yo Mama session".

  • And it's called: "The No.1 Key to Incredible Sex"

  • And boys, if you'll miss that, there's just something wrong with you! OK?

  • So, you gotta check it out. And then we're gonna end with:

  • "How to stay married and not kill anybody." OK?

  • All very deep emotional stuff.

  • Now lot of people say: "Well, what's your background, what's your deal"?

  • Well, my background is that I'm a minister. Now, if you're not much of a church-goer, don't let that make you nervous.

  • Some of my biggest fans are heathens. Alright?

  • And this isn't one of those things where we sneak you and then beat you over the head with the Bible. Alright?

  • But I do have a Bible verse I need to show you, OK?

  • Because I found a Bible verse that if you follow the advice from this one Bible verse,

  • you will never ever ever have a problem in marriage.

  • How many of you think that's worth seeing?

  • You follow the advice of this one verse, you'll never have a problem in marriage.

  • "It is good for a man not to marry."

  • It says: "It's good for a man not to marry."

  • Alright? "Why would he say that? That's such a terrible thing to say."

  • Because, he goes on to explain: "He who marries will have trouble in this life."

  • You know, people come up to me: "Pastor Mark! Pastor Mark! Something's wrong! Something's wrong!"

  • I say: "What is it?" "We've got trouble in our marriage."

  • I go: "No, that's about right."

  • There ain't nothing wrong! That's pretty normal.

  • Now, you don't hear these verses read at weddings very often.

  • We kinda downplay that.

  • You don't see those on hallmark cards.

  • You don't see 'em on cakes with pretty calligraphy:

  • "He who marries will have trouble... "

  • "...but it's too late for you!"

  • You see, if that's the case, you know, why you can't marry, because marriage is absolutely wonderful.

  • It's great! It's fantastic!

  • But it's not that's without trouble.

  • And I want to show one other verse to you. Now, you do not have the deep theological training that I have

  • so you might have a hard time understanding this verse

  • but I'll try to explain it to you. This one's found in Proverbs

  • and it goes like this: "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean."

  • Let me explain that to you, OK?

  • What does that mean? Well, it means if you're gonna have an ox,

  • you're going to have ox poo, alright?

  • Now, if you don't like poo, and most of us are not real big fans of poo,

  • if you don't like poo, the temptation is - get rid of ox!

  • "You're preaching, brother!"

  • I don't want to get rid of the ox, alright?

  • So why would you keep the ox around? Because, it goes, the second half of the verse, it says:

  • "But much increase comes by the strength of the ox."

  • Well, now, there's the Catch 22: on the one hand we all love the benefit of the ox,

  • but nobody likes the poo.

  • And what it's trying to tell us here is you cannot have one without the other.

  • There is no such thing as a poo-free marriage.

  • It just doesn't exist!

  • Unless you shoot the ox!

  • But that leads to other problems.

  • So this weekend is not about attaining a state of perfection in your life, alright?

  • It's about getting a proper positive to poo ratio in your life.

  • You see, because if all you get is poo, then you've got one sick ox.

  • Are you hearin' me? Alright?

  • So, there's no such thing as a poo-free marriage.

  • For those of you who are having hard times grasping this, I have a mathematical version of it.

  • It goes: Ox = poo / positive

  • Some would say positive / poo, but anyway, it's the ratio that we wanna get going here, OK?

  • Now, marriage is a wonderful institution.

  • Statistically speaking, we know that married people are healthier than single people,

  • they are actually happier than single people, assuming you are doing this right.

  • You can be profoundly unhappy.

  • They actually make more money than single people and I'll mention a little bit later why that's true, OK?

  • They have better sex than single people. Now, you don't see that in our culture.

  • You know, in all the movies and shows, you know, it's the single people all having a really great sex. And the married people...

  • You know, someone says: "How's your sex life?" "Are you kidding? I'm married. "

  • And it's not true. It's a bunch of baloney, OK!?

  • Married people have great sex compared to single... Single people don't even know what they're doing, for crying out loud!

  • And statistically speaking, married people live longer than single people.

  • It's particularly true for men.

  • Statistically speaking, one of the most dangerous things

  • a man can do in America today is to remain single.

  • It is the equivalent of smoking two and half packets of cigarettes a day.

  • It's true. They've found out that if you take someone who has two and half packets a day,

  • and health problems, and the shortness of life and all these difficulties,

  • and a single guy, it's pretty much the same.

  • I guess the worst would be a single guy who smokes two and half packets of cigarettes a day.

  • Alright? Marriage is wonderful, it's great, it rocks! I love it! OK?

  • If you do it right. Now, the problem here is, so many people don't do it right.

  • And it's not that they don't wanna do it, it's that they don't know what to do.

  • We live in a culture today that seems, somehow in a relationship area to be completely clueless.

  • We seriously do not know what to do. This weekend, what I want to do is show you specific things you can do

  • that will absolutely energize and transform your married life.

  • How many of you think that's worth hearing?

  • So...

  • Now I want to talk to you about what I call "the laws of relational physics".

  • You see, the laws of physics affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.

  • If I step off the stage, I'm probably in all likelihood going to go down.

  • If I start floating around you might gonna freak out and run.

  • Why? 'Cause the laws of physics... "Well, I don't believe that!"

  • ...no matter what I believe! I'm going down! Right?

  • It doesn't matter if I'm a born-again Christian, it doesn't matter if I'm a heathen, I'm goin... 'cause it affects everybody!

  • Well, just like that there are the laws of relational physics.

  • And they affect everybody, whether you believe them or not.

  • And this might come as a little bit of a shock to those of you who are church people,

  • especially hearing that from a minister.

  • But the truth is you don't have to be a Christian to have a great marriage.

  • I know a lot of heathens who have wonderful marriages.

  • I know a lot of born-again Christians who have horrible marriages.

  • Why is that? They're breaking all the rules.

  • And they assume that somehow the rules don't apply to them. But they do.

  • Here's an example: if you're driving a car at 80 mph around a curve that says only 40,

  • and you keep going 80, chances are you're gonna get hurt

  • even if you're listening to a Christian radio station.

  • Even if you have a statue of Jesus on the... He might be going: "Aaaaaaa!"

  • But...

  • Why is that? Because the laws of physics still affect you. But for some miracle you're going to get hurt.

  • Same true with relational physics. And I wanna explain that to you, I will take a look at that.

  • Now, this weekend I'm gonna be speaking to you in basic stereotypes.

  • In other words: "Women generally tend to be a certain way..." "Men generally tend to be a certain way..."

  • But they're not all that way, I get it!

  • Some of the people just have a cow: "That's not true for all....!"

  • I'm admitting, it's not! Alright?

  • Just generally speaking. We don't have time to get into all the shades of grey.

  • But generally speaking, men are certain way, women are certain way.

  • If I start describing something that's not you, don't have a cow, just interpolate for your relationships.

  • In Debbie's and I relationship there are areas where we are completely opposite of a typical man and woman.

  • I remember when I was first studying this stuff, I thougt: "Oh, man! I'm a woman!"

  • So just interpolate. I will say this: that if you tend to be one way in a certain relationship

  • your wife generally will be the other way. I don't think I've run across the couple yet, and I'm sure there are out there,

  • that act the exact same way.

  • So if you break the rules, chances are your spouse's breaking them right with you. And you'll just flip on the steel.

  • OK? For example, a typical stereotype: "Men are more interested in sex than their wives."

  • Why would you say that? Because, generally, it's true.

  • But it's not always true. There are lot of relationships where there wife is much more interested in sex than her husband.

  • And if you're here tonight, and your wife is much more interested in sex than you are

  • I think I speak for all the men here when I say that we hate you!

  • Please don't tell us who you are.

  • We will hurt you, alright? So...

  • So just go with the flow, it'll be cool. We'll have a great time discussing this thing about marriage.

  • I believe marriage is a life-giving institution.

  • We live in a culture today that believes marriage is a life-sucking institution.

  • "It will suck the life out of you!"

  • And that's why we say: "Make sure you're old enough, make sure you have enough money,"

  • "Make sure you have enough education, make sure you've been dating for 37 years first... "

  • "Make sure, you know, get all the stuff. Why?! You've gotta get everything together and ready, so when you say 'I do' you can withstand it."

  • But it's not that way. It'll give you life, if you'll do it right.

  • If you do this right, marriage can be the closest thing to heaven on earth.

  • If you do it wrong...

  • Well, you fill in the blanks, OK? So now,

  • we're gonna start discussing men's brains - women's brains.

  • and how they're very different from each other.

  • Now, I wanna start with men's brains.

  • Alright? Now, men's brains are very unique. Men's brains are made up of little boxes.

  • And we have a box for everything.

  • We've got a box for the car, we've got a box for the money, we've got a box for the job, we've got a box for you,

  • we've got a box for the kids, we've got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.

  • We've got boxes everywhere!

  • And the rule is: The boxes don't touch.

  • When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box,

  • we pull that box out, we open the box,

  • we discuss only what is in that box!

  • Alright?

  • And then we close the box and put it away

  • being very very careful not to touch any other boxes.

  • Sorry, my Catholic upbringing I didn't ever meant it, but...

  • I'm not a Catholic, but I went to Catholic school when I was little.

  • I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there. I mean, I'll never forget it.

  • It did me good, actually. It was a good thing.

  • Now, women's brains are very very different from men's brains.

  • Women's brains are made up of a big ball of wire.

  • And everything is connected to everything.

  • Money is connect the car, car is connected to your job,

  • and your kids are connected to your mother... ...and everything is connected to everything.

  • It's like the Internet superhighway.

  • And it's all driven by energy that we call emotion.

  • It's one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything.

  • Because, if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory

  • and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men, it just doesn't happen very often,

  • because, quite frankly, we don't care.

  • Women tend to care about everything!

  • And she just loves it.

  • Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of.

  • This particular box has nothing in it.

  • It is true.

  • In fact, we call it "the nothing box".

  • And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,

  • the nothing box is our favourite box.

  • If a man has a chance he'll go to his nothing box every time.

  • That's why a man can do something seemingly completely braindead for hours on in.

  • You know, like fishing.

  • And we love it. That's why a guy can sit in front of the TV and go...

  • "You're close!"

  • Of course, that drives our wives nuts because they'd come and say: "Stop that!"

  • "How can't possibly be watching anything?"

  • "I'm not."

  • "Go away!"

  • Now, they've actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study

  • and discovered that men have the ability to think