Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • My first job was at a hardware store.

  • I just needed a job for the summer, you know?

  • Get a little extra cash, buy a laptop, for... school.

  • And when the application asked "When are you available?"

  • I was like uh, ALWAYS!

  • It's summer, dummy!

  • Which was a mistake!

  • Cuz it got me the job.

  • On the first day, we did the whole orientation thing.

  • They taught us the history of the company and how to use the registers.

  • This was my first job, so I had no idea what to expect, and I really wanted to do well,

  • so I was paying close attention, and taking notes.

  • I don't want to brag (I do) but I'm pretty smart.

  • I graduated High School a whole year early, so I know how to pay attention.

  • Fun Fact: The first store in the chain I worked at put empty boxes on the top shelves to make

  • it look like they had more of everything in stock.

  • I know this, because I paid attention.

  • Early on, I was scheduled for the opening shift, so I had to be at the store at like

  • 5:30 in the morning.

  • There was a strict protocol for opening the store.

  • Everyone was supposed to wait in their cars until the manager walked outside and signaled

  • for them to come in.

  • If he didn't walk out by a certain time, we were supposed to call the cops.

  • Easy!

  • The only problem was, they didn't tell us that during orientation.

  • And I know, because I paid attention.

  • So I showed up early, parked my car, and headed to the building.

  • There was another employee out front, watering the flowers.

  • I went up to the automatic doors, but they didn't open.

  • So I thought I'd ask the flower guy.

  • And he was like "When did you say you were available when you applied for this job?"

  • Which was a little confusing.

  • I wrote "always" How do I get inside?

  • And he said "My nephew tried to get a cashier job, but he's got class on Tuesdays."

  • Ok, but the doors aren't working.

  • So...

  • Then he told me to just go bang on the doors a bunch cause the manager probably forgot

  • to unlock them.

  • So I did.

  • And guess what?

  • The manager came out and freakin' yelled at me!

  • When I told him nobody ever told me about the protocol, you know what he said?

  • You must not have been paying attention.

  • *deep breath in* *ARGHHH*

  • Later, I asked one of the other new cashiers if the protocol was even mentioned during

  • orientation, and they told me no, they had to have it explained to them by someone else.

  • So not only was the manager already mad at me for something they didn't tell me, the

  • flower guy was trying to get me fired!

  • Awesome!

  • I really tried to like that job, and some of the people that I worked with were super

  • nice.

  • But one thing that I didn't like was the garden center.

  • The garden register was in this glass box with a broken fan that felt like an actual

  • oven.

  • And there was a security camera that I'm pretty sure was only there to watch me, because if

  • I walked out of the oven or sat down someone would come out and tell me to climb back into

  • the oven and stand up.

  • I understand that it looks unprofessional if an employee is sitting down all the time,

  • but what difference does it make if nobody's around, for hours?!

  • You tying to bake me like a ham?

  • But every now and then, there would be a huge tsunami of customers all wanting to check

  • out at the same time.

  • The line would wrap all the way to the back of the store.

  • I'm working as fast as I can, and people are getting impatient, so I call for backup and

  • keep working.

  • But nobody shows up, so I get through everyone by myself.

  • That's when another cashier strolls into the garden center and asks "I thought you needed

  • help?"

  • I DID!

  • 30 minutes ago!

  • But that pales in comparison to the customers themselves.

  • First, I don't know how to fix a house, but the minute I put on that apron, everyone expects

  • me to be some kinda skilled craftsman.

  • *angel choir* I got paid eight bucks an hour, *apron falls* do you think they taught me

  • how to fix a bivalve?

  • I don't even know what that is!

  • So guess what, old people?

  • Don't get mad at me when I don't know how to replace your water heater, I'm a cashier,

  • not a plumber.

  • One time, this old lady was unloading stuff from her cart onto the counter real slow,

  • and I had scanned a few things, but I had to wait for her.

  • Not many people know this, but cashiers are timed from the moment the first item is scanned,

  • and I didn't want this lady to hurt my numbers, so I hit the button to start over.

  • She saw me clear the screen and started yelling at me for slowing everything down!

  • She was so mean for no reason.

  • Actually, you know, this was like five years ago.

  • She might be dead now...

  • Good!

  • At the end of the summer I was so ready to quit.

  • I had only been there for a couple months, but a guy can only take so much abuse, ok?

  • And on my last day I realized: I can do anything.

  • What are they gonna do, fire me?

  • Here's a little secret, cashiers where I worked could reduce the price of anything up to $50

  • without needing a manager's approval.

  • I was so sick of being abused by customers that I initiated project: *deep breath* Give

  • everyone 10% off so they wouldn't yell at me over insignificant things and my last day

  • wouldn't suck as much as it would otherwise because seriously people are so mean to cashiers

  • why do they do that?

  • .com

  • I kinda felt like Oprah.

  • You get 10% off!

  • You get 10% off!

  • I'm invincible!

  • EVERYTHING IS FREE!

  • MUAHAHA!

  • It was a good day.

  • Since I posted my last video I've gotten 120 thousand subscribers.

  • At one point I was the fastest growing channel in the world, *We are number one, hey!* which

  • is terrifying, but also amazing.

  • All I can say is thank you, to all you weirdos who thought it was a good idea to subscribe,

  • and to James from TheOdd1sOut, for sucking at Tetris.

  • I'm also flattered that people are sending me fan art, some kid even built a shrine to

  • me.

  • *heavy breathing* Which is... actually troubling.

  • Get some help.

  • I'd like to post a video every week, but there's no way I can get a full animation done that

  • quickly, so I'm thinking I should shoot for something like what James does, alternating

  • between telling a story and doing some kind of quick one-off video?

  • But I don't know what that would look like, so send me your ideas on Twitter.

  • I'm always on Twitter.

  • Did I mention I have Twitter? *real close to the mic* Follow me on Twitter.

My first job was at a hardware store.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it