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  • G'day, mates, this is rap news on your radio waves

  • reporting today on that distant Australian state

  • where on the 26th of January they annually celebrate

  • a date that they denominate "Australia Day"

  • But, much as in the US of A with Columbus Day,

  • or Canada Day, in Canada, eh, each year a debate takes place

  • as to the way societies built on colonial occupation

  • should celebrate the genesis of their cherished nation.

  • So today, we have an Australian correspondent from Channel Mine

  • Can you hear me, Ken Oathcarn? - Ken Oathcarn!

  • how ya goin'! I'm reportin from Straya, hey!

  • coming live and that, providin' facts on this amazin day

  • when we take a national holiday off from hard yakka

  • and celebrate with barbies, beer, charred tucker

  • mates, eskis, sheilas, the Thorpedo

  • Vegemite, miners, Tony Abbot, short speedos

  • - But... what exactly are you celebrating?

  • - I'll tell ya, Robbo... but first, before we begin

  • I'd like to acknowledge the traditional robbers of this land

  • d'you like what we've done with the place? Ain't it grand?!

  • Yehhh, it all started here in 1788,

  • after Captain Crook discovered this pristine real estate,

  • We were Stray-aliens looking for a place to settle in

  • So we landed in Sydney with the First Fleet of 11 ships

  • it was no-one's land, unpopulated, terra nullius

  • so we built fences, bridges, opera-houses, and deforested

  • made heaps of land for growing LAMBS and, in time

  • since that land was ours we started to mine! mine! mine!

  • And now, regardless of footy-team, creed or ethnic persuasion

  • we celebrate this day as One Nation

  • - Hmm... It seems strange that in order to be a proud Australian

  • you celebrate a British military occupation.

  • - Eh? - Moving on: Aboriginal people

  • - You mean, 'blackfellas'? - Are they included in this day?

  • - Ken oathcarn! - Then tell us, why they name it "Invasion Day" and "Survival Day"?

  • Did it mark the start of war, even genocide - as some say?

  • - Nahhh, we had a peaceful settlement, an Intervention:

  • brought those poor natives blankets, medicines;

  • raised them from the stone age, gave 'em income management

  • and even tried to smooth their pillows to content them

  • That's the Strayian way - so we now enjoy our conquest

  • and worship this altar of flamin' gas with clear consciences

  • We brought the CROWN and TB to this land, cunt

  • And Arnott's Tim Tams - what more could you want?

  • - Well, how about changing Australia Day to a less... offensive date?

  • - Such as? - Any other day would be better to celebrate:

  • How about the date Australia was federated?

  • - January 1st? Mate, on that date, we already get wasted.

  • - How about May 27, then, the day when, back in 'sixty-seven

  • Australians voted in a great referendum

  • in which ninety per-cent of you said, "fair dinkum:

  • Aboriginals are humans too, let's make them citizens."

  • - Listen, Robbo, Straya Day is here to stay.

  • Chrissakes, mate, we already had Sorry Day.

  • And who are you anyway - some pommy poofter, trynna judge me?

  • If you don't like it here, then get the fuck out of me country!

  • Australia!

  • Australia!

  • Straya day!

  • yeah, cunt!

  • Comin' again, to celebrate invasion

  • Straya day!

  • yeah, cunt!

  • Denial is the only way, cunt

  • Refugees, you're fucking screwed, if you try to come into

  • Australia! yeah, cunt!

  • Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt!

  • This is Ken Oathcarn; reporting for channel Mine, from the Lucky Cunnnnt-ry.

  • Thank you, Ken, you've helped us all to see

  • why this date, and no other has got to be the national holiday

  • 'Australia Day'; it reflects an honest memory

  • of the first day of systematic robbery

  • and denial of the natives' sovereignty

  • on which was built this great settler-colony.

  • To change the day without acknowledging this

  • well... wouldn't that simply be massive hypocrisy?

  • 'Lest we forget' - we often say of our brave heroes.

  • But if we take pride in our ancestors' achievements

  • shouldn't we also recognize their malfeasant ways?

  • 'Til then, I bid you all, happy 'Amnesia Day'

G'day, mates, this is rap news on your radio waves

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