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  • We all want of course to be happy

  • But the strange thing about being properly happy is that it's a state that requires us to learn and regularly

  • practice a slightly odd sounding related skill

  • knowing how to be sad

  • Everyday a lot of stuff happens to us which is in one way or another pretty hurtful

  • Someone doesn't call someone says no a project isn't going to work out

  • You'd think we then just spontaneously feel sad for a bit and that would be the end of it

  • But that's not ,it seems,how many of us actually work.

  • Frequently our minds which are squeamish by Nature

  • Rigorously shut out unfortunate negative feelings and go into a state of what psychologists called denial

  • Where difficult but true information is refused access

  • We may as a result of burying our feelings develop a number of symptoms

  • We can't sleep, bits of our bodies start a twitch, we develop an addiction

  • Or there's another option

  • We become extremely surely not happy as such

  • But brittle and insistent in a fake kind of upbeatness , the sort of happiness that can't tolerate any

  • sadness

  • Here's a couple Ben and Freya. There's a lot of sadness in Freya

  • But she's learned not to let any of it in to consciousness

  • So she's often extremely cheery and rather bad at picking up on other people's need to be sad

  • Let's watch a little film about these people

  • ah,what's wrong with you, looking all gloom?

  • Nothing to be gloom about, it's the weekend!

  • [what] should we do this weekend party party was it's all Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday

  • [we] love that don't you know what I think about the other day you're so good at karaoke. [I] love it when you do karaoke

  • Saturday night and I like the way you move yeah

  • You don't know you're ticklish around in here. You can [whisper] [all] open

  • We need to be sympathetic the origins of jolliness are pretty painful

  • They're often to do with having had a parent or early caregiver who for one reason or another

  • Couldn't tolerate problems or any difficulties

  • They were perhaps depressed or otherwise

  • Fragile so quite early on the manically jolly person got into the role of being an upbeat cheerleader

  • Not because they were but because they had to be

  • Pain is of course horrible thing to feel

  • But because it is a part of our reality we need to have the courage to allow it to work its way

  • Properly through our system. We need to learn to feel the pain of our lives authentically

  • Before it's joys can feel real as well

  • Pushing problems aside is deeply tempting but our pleasures will only feel authentic

  • when we've first given the pain all the space it truly deserves in our lives

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We all want of course to be happy

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