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  • I know what you're thinking.

  • This looks bad.

  • But I assure you,

  • I have everything under contr-UGH!

  • Okay, maybe not.

  • Ugh, such a dirty shoe.

  • First things first.

  • I'm not your average teenager.

  • I never get to grow up with a family with bikes and candy.

  • My family was an international network of killers.

  • I bike with a Falcon Recon 23X,

  • and the closest thing I ever got to candy was...

  • Well, I did get a lolipop once

  • but that's not the point!

  • As long as I remember, I've been trained to become an A.S.S.,

  • an Agent of Secret Stuff.

  • For 17 years I trained alongside with one of the cruelest, boldest, most heartless killer of all the A.S.S.es,

  • Tracy.

  • - It's a man's name...!

  • 3 months ago, on the final day of my training,

  • Tracy brought me in front of a panel,

  • the highest ranked A.S.S.es.

  • I'm talking top quality A.S.S.

  • - Aden, for the past 17 years you have been like a son to me.

  • We've been on missions around the world,

  • prevented various global disasters and saved countless lives.

  • And now, it's time for you to become an official Agent of Secret Stuff.

  • But, before I give you your Honorary Operative License Entitlement,

  • your H.O.L.E.,

  • you have one more assignment you must complete.

  • - But... Sir! With all due respect, I devoted my life to training.

  • - You will follow orders!

  • - But... But why?! I already did all the hard stuff!

  • - We are A.S.S.es!

  • We do not complain when things get too hard.

  • We push on through, and we take it.

  • - But you said...

  • - Enough!

  • Please, tell Aden his assignment.

  • - Aden, we need you for a special assignment that only you can execute!

  • The Society Involving Not-so-good Stuff, a.k.a. the S.I.N.S.,

  • they have been our mortal enemies for decades.

  • And now, they have found a new target,

  • Taylor Rentrol, a high school senior.

  • We need an agent on the inside.

  • We believe that the S.I.N.S. have already infiltrated the school with assassins of their own!

  • Your mission is to pose as a high school student and protect Taylor from impending threats!

  • - But... why are they after Taylor?

  • - That will be revealed at a later time,

  • in like, 30 minutes?

  • We have already made preparations for your enrollment.

  • A spot has been made available in all of Taylor's classes.

  • She must not know that she is in danger!

  • This is a new world for you!

  • High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!

  • You must operate cautiously.

  • - I will not fail.

  • - Cool, peace out.

  • - Oh yea, come here.

  • Guys, I need your attention just for one second.

  • Hey!

  • Shut up. We have a new student.

  • His name is um... Jose McDonald.

  • Yea, obviously.

  • Why don't you say Hi, Jose.

  • Right on man, you're gonna fit in perfectly.

  • Why don't you take a seat in front of Bieber there?

  • You guys open up your Visions book to Chapter 14.

  • - Hey, I'm Taylor, Can I help you with something?

  • - Ho-lah, I'm "Joezy".

  • - Isn't it pronounced as "Jose"?

  • - Is that what you want it to be?

  • So it's gonna be like our code word for "danger"?

  • - What are you talking about?...

  • - You know, I'll be "Hose A", you'll be "Hose B".

  • - Are you okay?

  • - Taylor, zip it up and shut your face hole.

  • These kids are trying to learn.

  • - Thanks a lot.

  • - You're welcome.

  • - Hey Taylor, can I borrow your pencil sharpener?

  • - Yea sure, Melvin.

  • Suspect will require a pencil sharpening tool to convert the writing stick into a weapon.

  • By inserting the yellow thing into the green thing, the dull thing will turn into a sharp thing.

  • He will then proceed to jump behind his target while she is pre-occupied,

  • and apply a fatal impending weapon into her jugular artery!

  • - There you go.

  • - Give the sharpener back.

  • - What's your problem?

  • - What do you take me for, a fresh--man?

  • Give the sharpener back.

  • - Jose, what are you doing?

  • - Fine, Jeez.

  • - What was that all about Jose?

  • - Don't worry, I got you. "Hose B".

  • - Alright, class, that's it.

  • Remember, Chapter 15! Read it... or not, it's your future.

  • Oh by the way, pop quiz next week! You guys know the drill.

  • Oh, Taylor, I'll need to speak with you after class, if you have a moment.

  • Good work today, guys. I was kidding.

  • Remember these days, kids. You will miss them.

  • See you tomorrow!

  • Hey, Taylor, I want to talk to you about the... the homecoming dance.

  • I know it is kinda a thing that you are planning with the student council.

  • But we do have a lot of volunteering that is coming up, you know,

  • make sure you still have time to do that.

  • - No, definitely, it should be fine.

  • We are almost done planning.

  • - Okay alright, I trust you. You're not like the other bastards in this class.

  • You're the good one.

  • - Thanks, I appreciate it. Is that it?

  • - Alright I'll see you later. - Bye.

  • - Don't you ever do that again.

  • - Excuse me?

  • - I said, don't you ever do that again.

  • Keeping Taylor in the room alone is not safe.

  • - Oh yea, I forgot, you are right.

  • I didn't know what I was thinking otherwise I'll be... Who the hell are you?

  • - Well, I am the new kid, remember?

  • You just introduced me.

  • - Get the hell out of my class!

  • - I am glad that we had this talk.

  • - Hey there, son.

  • I am glad I found you.

  • I hope you enjoyed your first day of school so far.

  • I just wanted to give you your new locker assignment.

  • Actually, you are quite lucky, a new one just opened up the other day.

  • - Oh, hey!

  • Wow, your locker is next to mine.

  • I wonder where Billy went.

  • - Yea, strange huh, Ha ha ha ha...

  • - Well if we gonna see each other this much,

  • why don't we just start over?

  • Hi, Jose, I'm Taylor. Nice to meet you.

  • - Nice to meet you too.

  • - It's called a handshake, Jose.

  • You're so silly, it's like you've never made a friend before.

  • - "You will follow orders!" - "Ahhh..."

  • - Hey Taylor!

  • - Oh hey, what's up, how are you?

  • - I'm good. Did you finish that paper in English?

  • - No, not yet, it is due soon? In two days...

  • Suspect from across the hall examines his target, his eyes indicate he is aiming for the most exposed and vital area, her chest.

  • Only 3 steps away from pumping her with barrages of bullet punches straight to her ribcages that will no doubt stop her heart forever for life!

  • - What are you looking at?!

  • - Bye Jose!

  • - Bye!

  • - I said, what were you looking at?

  • - Chill out, Man, I'm just checking out Taylor's rack, she is looking especially hot today.

  • - Her rack?

  • - Yea, man, her knockers.

  • - So you were trying to knock her!

  • - No, man, I am talking about her boobs!

  • - You know, these things?

  • - Oh, okay then, as long as you were not looking at that ribcage.

  • You stay the hell away from that ribcage!

  • - Bryson! New guy!

  • - I'm gonna destroy you!

  • Your face is gonna be so ugly when I am done with your face, cause... it's kinda handsome right now.

  • Ah.....!

  • - I wasn't ready! I want a rematch!

  • Target is greatly outnumbered by opposition, each of them possesses some sort of netted-stick weapon.

  • Surrounded and unaware, she is vulnerable to attacks from all directions!

  • - Jose? Where did you come from?

  • - You almost took a shuttlecock to the face.

  • - But how did you...?

  • - What are you doing?! Come on! Let me go!

  • How did I even get here?! Let me go! Come on!

  • - How did you do that?

  • - He's like... incredibly fast and strong.

  • - He's like a mystical creature that is fast and strong.

  • - I know, right? He's like a... a unicorn!

  • - But a human... a "humacorn".

  • - Stop it guys, he's just different.

  • - He's a freak.

  • - I don't know, I think he is kinda cute the way he takes everything so seriously.

  • - It's kinda creepy... don't you think?

  • - He's harmless, he's like a little puppy that just wants all your attention.

  • - A "humacoruppy"!

  • - You girls are ridiculous. Let's go.

  • - I think Taylor has a crush.

  • "High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!"

  • - What happened?

  • - Slippery floors...

  • - What?

  • - Probably didn't see the "Piso Mojado" sign...

  • - What?

  • - Yea, let's just...

  • - But what about my...

  • - Uhh... yea, so I hope you have a good first day at school.

  • - You're still alive, so it's a great day.

  • - Okay, I'll see you later.

  • Oh, are you coming this way too?

  • - Hey, so I was talking to Mr. Anderson about the event coming right after homecoming.

  • I am gonna need a lot of help planing that event. I don't know how...

  • - No...!

  • - Ah..! Oh my god!

  • Get out of my room!

  • - Don't throw things... No!

  • - Get away from me! Ah...!

  • - Alright, I am not gonna hurt you.

  • You just need to... just calm down, Okay?

  • - Okay...

  • - Are you trying to get yourself killed?

  • Did you know what you just almost did but didn't do because I didn't let you do what you wanted to do?

  • - Yes?

  • - No! You don't!

  • Do you know what this is?

  • This is Little Miss Double Rainbow Girly Cookies and you almost eat them all the way.

  • You don't even know who has handled this or who could have poisoned this.

  • - What?

  • - Look, I've been trying to stay undercover but you are making this too damn difficult.

  • First, first you handed over a pencil sharpener to someone with a pencil.

  • Do you wanna get stab in the neck?

  • And then, you almost took a shuttle cock to your face. Do you know how much that hurts?

  • Have you ever have a shuttle cock to your face before? No, you haven't. It hurts, I know.

  • Now you are eating cookies, you're eating cookies! Do you wanna get poisoned?...And fat?

  • Your carelessness is driving me insane!

  • - I am driving you insane?

  • My friends are right.. you are a freak...

  • I know exactly what you are...

  • - Oh you do, alright then say it, say it out loud.

  • - Unicorn...

  • - What? Unicorns don't even exist, in North America, probably.

  • - Then who... What are you?

  • - Alright look, I am gonna be completely honest with you.

  • I'm not really a Mexican. My name is not Jose, it's Aiden.

  • And I'm an A.S.S.

  • - Yea, you are.

  • - No, you don't understand. Look, I am in the final stages of becoming an Agent of Secret Stuff.

  • And my last mission was to come here and protect you.

  • - Protect me? From who?

  • - The S.I.N.S.!

  • - Is this all just to get me to go to church?

  • - Oh my god... You're stupid.

  • Alright, okay, here, here is the whole story.

  • Back in WWII, a group of fleeing Nazi special agents formed a society of assassins to secretly revenge the Axis of power. This group is called the Society Involving No-so-good Stuff.

  • One of the assassins only known as X when he could no longer support such a war in the world... fled the S.I.N.S. and started his own group of killers to battle all the S.I.N.S. plans.

  • They were known as the Agent of Secret Stuff. That's me.

  • The battle between A.S.S. and S.I.N.S. still continues today,

  • and you are the S.I.N.S.'s latest target, to which I am assigned to prevent you from being killed.

  • - But why me?

  • - I have no idea why, but I never question my orders.

  • "But why? I already did all the hard stuff."

  • - Wow...

  • You are seriously out of your mind. Can you leave?

  • - But Taylor, you are in danger.

  • - Stop! No I am not!

  • I am a normal girl that goes to a normal high school and nothing is going to happen.

  • The more you say that, the more it freaks me out, so please just stay out of my life!

  • - But I am trying to..

  • - No! just leave! Please just go!

  • - I'm sorry, I never meant to upset you. I don't know what it is like to be a normal kid.

  • Ever since I was young, I was taught to never trust people, and to kill them instead.

  • - That's really sad.

  • - I've already failed my mission anyways... So, I'll stay out of your life.

  • - Wait, Aiden. I am sorry.

  • I know you meant well, but there is really no reason to be worried for me.

  • Look, I think you are a cool guy and I'd rather just learn to have fun and instead of being scared of secret agents and stuff.

  • Do you trust me?

  • - No, didn't you hear everything I just said?

  • - You know what, never mind, just come with me.

  • - Did you hear, Scott asked me to the dance?

  • - Oh my god! That's so cute!

  • I feel like I've been waiting for this dance forever!

  • - Okay so DJ's set, the photographer's set, good job on the ticket sales, girls, I think we are ready for tonight!

  • - But there is one thing that isn't set.

  • - What, what did I miss?!

  • - A date!

  • - Guys...

  • - Maybe Aiden can help you out with that...

  • - So... um... that dance sounds pretty interesting.

  • - Yea, it's been a lot of work to plan.

  • - You don't have anyone to go with?

  • - No, not yet, I guess I've just been too busy.

  • - Right, I see.

  • Okay... Bye!

  • - Hi Taylor!

  • - Oh, Hey Melvin!

  • - Well, the dance is tonight. God, you know the dance is tonight,

  • You're planning it...

  • Anyways, I just want to ask you, you would go to the dance with me?

  • - Oh that is so sweet! But I don't know if I can because I have to...

  • - But you don't even have a date yet!

  • - Yea, but I am planning it...

  • Stop it... Stop it!

  • What are you doing?

  • - He was gonna attack you! with this!

  • - Are you crazy, this a flower!

  • - I swear there was a blade, right here!

  • - Have you not taught you anything? You still don't trust me!

  • You know, I thought you changed.

  • But you are still in your stupid crazy world.

  • Now you are just hurting innocent people.

  • - But I swear...

  • - No just stop it... Just stay away... Just leave me alone.

  • I tried, Aiden. I really did.

  • You know what Melvin, I will go to the dance with you.

  • Great...going Aiden.

  • Maybe Taylor was right, I don't belong here.

  • This whole mission is just stupid.

  • This is what it takes to get my A.S.S.H.O.L.E.? Maybe I don't even want it!

  • Taylor!

  • He is escaping to secret warehouse. Turn left.

  • Melvin getting away, hurry the hell up, dude.

  • - Where are they?

  • - What?

  • - Tell me where the training wheels are!

  • - What are you talking about, man, I go to high school, I don't use training wheels.

  • - Aiden!

  • - What...

  • - It's too late Aiden!

  • - No...!

  • - No, it's not!

  • - Oh, okay.

  • - But it's a trap.

  • - No...!

  • - No it's not, don't listen to her.

  • - Oh, okay.

  • - No listen to me, it's a trap. Right there!

  • - A trap?

  • - I destroyed your trap, Melvin, it's over!

  • - Oh is it? I beg to differ. If anything, it's the exact opposite of over...

  • It's "under"...

  • Anyway, see we've already won.

  • Now that we have Taylor, we S.I.N.S. have everything to overthrow you,

  • stinky A.S.S.es.

  • - Wait... Taylor... Wait, what?

  • - You don't know about her?

  • - Well... I know some things...

  • I know that she can only read from left to right, that she's really good at hitting shuttle cocks with a netted-stick,

  • that she's really smart, funny and cute, that she's my best friend, my only friend.

  • - Aw... Aden...

  • - Aw... Aden... I mean... But I was thinking along the line of... She's the future of all the A.S.S.es.

  • - She is?

  • - I am?

  • - Jeez, don't they teach anything over there?

  • You are one dumb ass!

  • - Nobody calls me dumb!

  • - Aiden.. No!

  • - Mouse trap...

  • Good night, Aiden.

  • That's cute, Taylor.

  • Real cute. Now get back in your...

  • Fix your chair, and get back in it!

  • - How could you do this Melvin. We've been friends for years!

  • - Every year I've been trying to kill you.

  • - Because of people like you that Aiden can't live a normal life.

  • You made me miss my own homecoming dance.

  • - Ha, don't you mean home-no-one's-coming dance?

  • 1-0 Melvin!

  • Anyways, me and the kids have been talking about how your little dance and how we are not gonna go cause we are pretty sure that it's gonna suck!

  • - What the hell, Taylor.

  • - I thought you wanna dance, Melvin.

  • - Aiden, are you okay?

  • - No! It hurts real bad.

  • - Thanks for coming after me.

  • - Can I tell you something?

  • - What?

  • - I told you so. - Shut up.

  • - Ruining the moment!

  • - Death chop!

  • - Tracy? What are you doing here?

  • - I was informed you were in danger.

  • - By who?

  • - By me.

  • - Who are you?

  • - I am your...

  • - My father?

  • - What? No... How is that even possible, I am like the same age as you, that's disgusting.

  • I am your step-step-brother-in-law.

  • You know what, don't worry about it. Your dad was really promiscuous, forget it, long story.

  • - He's been watching over you, Aiden. We all have.

  • - Then you know that I failed. Taylor was in great danger and I couldn't even protect her.

  • - On the contrary, you have succeeded.

  • Not only have you discovered the S.I.N.S. agent within the high school but you have brought out Taylor's full potential,

  • enriching what she's destined to become.

  • - I did? Okay, cool.

  • - Me? what does that mean?

  • - Taylor...

  • - Where are all these people coming from?

  • - Have you ever wondered why your parents are black?

  • - I was adopted...

  • - And why you speak 10 languages?

  • - "Je ne sais pas?"

  • - Straight A student and very good at first person shooters.

  • And now you have defeated a S.I.N.S. agent with no training ever!

  • - Because I'm...awesome?

  • - Well, I could have done that too... If I wanted...

  • - It is in your blood, Taylor...

  • to be an amazing A.S.S.!

  • You are the daughter of Agent X, the founder of all the A.S.S.es.

  • Taylor, you are my daughter.

  • - But you are so old...

  • - But your mama was so young...

  • - Aiden, I am...

  • - My father?

  • - No.. no, Aiden, no one here is your freaking father!

  • I mean he abandoned you at birth.

  • He is not coming back.

  • - Aiden, I am very proud to present you with the H.O.L.E.

  • You are now an official Agent of Secret Stuff.

  • My A.S.S.H.O.L.E.

  • - Congratulations, kid.

  • - So now what.

  • - And now... you are part of our world.

  • The S.I.N.S. will be following you and Aiden more intensely than ever before...

  • - The dance is ending right now!

  • - Oh yea, speaking of the dance, I was wondering if I can

  • - Aiden you wanna come to the homecoming dance with me?

  • - Yea sure, I got nothing better to do...

  • - Let's go.

  • No...

  • We're too late... we missed it.

  • - Sorry we missed your dance.

  • Being a secret agent is really hard.

  • - It's okay, it's not your fault.

  • Will you move to the musical notes with me?

  • - So Aiden, you have all the gagdets.

  • You can fight, you are brave, you are smart, and now you have your H.O.L.E

  • But you know you still have one thing missing if you want to be a secret agent.

  • - Wait, what? That's impossible, what could I be missing?

  • - Well, everyone knows the real secret agent always gets the girl in the end.

  • - I've honestly never heard that before. That sounds ridiculous.

  • But.. um... Maybe... maybe you can help me with that.

  • - Bush!

  • - Somebody's there.

  • - I'll go left. - I'll go right.

  • - Ready? One, two...

  • - Wait! There's one more thing...

I know what you're thinking.

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