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  • - Basically all my friends parents

  • were like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.

  • My parents are great now, and were so strict growing up.

  • - They are both very religious, Catholic believers.

  • - First of all, my dad is the cleanest man alive.

  • His house is a museum.

  • - I wasn't even allowed to say freaking,

  • because it sounded like fuck.

  • - I realized my parents were strict,

  • probably some time in elementary school

  • when other kids got to have sleepovers and I did not.

  • - Unless they knew the kid's parents

  • I wasn't allowed to hang out with them

  • or they were not allowed to come over.

  • - My mom would let me stay at other people's houses,

  • but then as they were going to sleep she would just show up

  • and be like, time to go.

  • - I wasn't really allowed to go out after school

  • until I was like 18.

  • But I would anyway.

  • I thought I was being like super cool and rebellious,

  • but I'd just like go skateboarding with friends.

  • - I would bring over my friends who were

  • like clearly gay men and my parents would like

  • flip out that I was gonna get impregnated

  • in the time that we were playing Wii U.

  • - Every summer my mom would like sit me down

  • and make me learn like half of my math class

  • for the next year.

  • - I went to public school, then at night

  • I had to go to Catholic school.

  • Basically all day I was in school.

  • - Every Friday night my mom would allow me

  • to go upstairs to play video games for one hour, exactly.

  • And then I would have to go down

  • and do math homework with her.

  • And I would pray that she would just forget.

  • She never did.

  • - One rule was you have to be home by sunset.

  • There's a period of time during the fall

  • that the sun goes down at four,

  • and then I wasn't out of school

  • and I had to explain that to my dad

  • and he was just like, when the sun is down, you are home.

  • - When I was a kid and I lived with my father

  • it was a little tough.

  • You know, you kick off your shoes, you're watching T.V.

  • the end of the night and then you forget and you go to bed.

  • The next morning they'll be in the trash.

  • He wouldn't throw them in the trash inside the house.

  • He would throw them in the trash outside of the house.

  • - More times than one my parents caught me masturbating.

  • They basically just told me to not do it again.

  • Like literally for the rest of my life

  • to never jack off again.

  • - My brother was allowed to do whatever he want.

  • He could be out when the sun was down.

  • He could be in the room with a girl in our house.

  • I feel like my brother, if you asked him,

  • would be like, there were no rules.

  • - I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16.

  • I started dating at 13 and I didn't care,

  • but I got pulled out of school for that.

  • - My mom was very against dating in general.

  • And so my counterargument would be like,

  • so you want me to die an old spinster?

  • And she just be like, no,I'll just choose

  • your husband for you.

  • - One of the biggest fights me and my dad ever got in

  • was that I was not allowed to wear short shorts.

  • - Or short skirts.

  • So I had these pair of leggings

  • that I wouldwear out of the house

  • and then as soon as I got to school or wherever else,

  • I would take the leggings off.

  • But I had to remember to put the leggings on

  • when I got home.

  • And sometimes I would forget,

  • but I would just run upstairs to my room

  • and hope that nobody noticed.

  • - And then one time I pierced my ear

  • and I just came to his house with a pierced ear.

  • He looked like I slapped my grandmother or something.

  • That was just an expression,

  • like he couldn't believe I had done something like that.

  • - I think as I've gotten older

  • my relationship with my parents

  • has become more reasonable.

  • - I think my parents could have laid back

  • on the idea that if I got a B on one class

  • my life would just be over.

  • - I appreciate that they sheltered me.

  • It gave me structure to my life,

  • and it made me more responsible.

  • And I maybe didn't get into as much trouble

  • as I would have.

  • - It makes you appreciate all the stuff that you earned.

  • It feels like you earned every privilege.

  • - Yeah, I get why my parents were strict.

  • If I had a kid like me when I was a kid,

  • that's like my worst fear.

  • - Even though I wish my parents were less strict,

  • I feel like I'm gonna be more strict than my parents.

  • Mainly I want funny kids.

  • I want them to be Vine famous when they're toddlers,

  • or they're useless to me.

- Basically all my friends parents

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