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  • Today I want to talk with you,

  • About the five signs of emotional abuse.

  • So stay tuned.

  • So like I said,

  • Today I want to talk with you about emotional abuse.

  • I heard from many of you

  • That this was a topic that you really wanted me to dive deeper into.

  • And the thing about emotional abuse.

  • That I think is important to note.

  • Is the fact that it's really elusive.

  • It can happen for a long period of time.

  • Without us even knowing it's going on.

  • And it can damage us.

  • Sometimes, and some therapists and researchers believe.

  • That it can be more damaging than

  • Actual physical abuse.

  • Because it can undermine what we really think about ourselves.

  • How we feel about ourselves.

  • Our whole belief about who we are, and what we're going to do with our lives.

  • And so it can leave these wounds.

  • For years.

  • Without us sometimes even recognising that they are there.

  • The first sign or symptom of emotional abuse is:

  • Are they degrading you?

  • Ask yourself that question.

  • Like I said, often times we don't notice these things are happening.

  • The way to know if this is happening.

  • Is, are they putting you down in front of others?

  • Do they use sarcasm as a way to hurt you?

  • And then when you speak up and say,

  • 'Hey, that really hurt'

  • They tell you that you are being too sensitive.

  • Do they make jokes at your expense?

  • Do they ever negate how you feel?

  • Like when you tell them that certain things have made you feel a certain way.

  • They tell you that you are completely wrong or off base.

  • Because each of these little things that can happen.

  • Add up to a really poor confidence.

  • It can really eat away at how we feel about ourselves.

  • And our confidence when we walk into a room.

  • Because we are being put down in front of people all the time.

  • And humiliated.

  • The second sign or symptom of emotional abuse is:

  • When someone is dominating or controlling your life.

  • Now to that end.

  • I don't mean someone who is just 'controlling'.

  • I mean someone who belittles you.

  • Who treats you like a child.

  • Who may even control your spending.

  • And they will, when you tell them about plans that you have.

  • And aspirations.

  • They put them down.

  • And make them seem so stupid and small.

  • And they act like they are just superior to you.

  • And everything that you do.

  • Is something that they have control over.

  • You often feel.

  • Sometimes I have patients who have told me,

  • That after time they even struggled

  • To make very small decisions without calling that person.

  • Or getting a hold of that person.

  • Because they've been under their control for so long.

  • They can forget how to even think for themselves.

  • The third sign or symptom of emotional abuse is:

  • Accusing and blaming.

  • Does the person in your life,

  • Struggle to laugh at themselves?

  • They never apologise.

  • That would be ridiculous to ask them to do so.

  • Often these people will blame all of their problems onto other people.

  • They are never to blame.

  • Never.

  • They have no short comings.

  • And they tend to highlight your short comings.

  • And make you apologise when you've done nothing wrong.

  • These people just tend to feel that they do everything best.

  • And if anybody questions that.

  • Or puts them down.

  • Or says anything criticising to them.

  • They freak out.

  • They completely lose it.

  • The fourth sign or symptom of emotional abuse is:

  • Neglect.

  • We all know these people.

  • They give us the cold shoulder.

  • They stone wall us.

  • They give us the 'silent treatment' when we have done something bad.

  • Or we might not even know what we have done wrong.

  • And that is most often the case when it's emotional abuse.

  • And I find this to be most common,

  • In parent child relationships.

  • Where the parent will ice out the kid.

  • They will not meet their needs.

  • Basic needs.

  • They will stay in a locked bedroom in the back.

  • They wont come out.

  • They will withhold affection or attention.

  • Or sometimes I've even had parents say

  • They are going to show up for a play or something.

  • And they don't.

  • Because they have done something wrong.

  • And so this is how they manage it.

  • And know that this is not a normal type of punishment.

  • This isn't an okay way to treat a child.

  • This isn't a way to parent.

  • This is emotional abuse.

  • The fifth sign or symptom of emotional abuse is:

  • Emeshment or codependence.

  • Now the way to know that is happening.

  • Is when someone doesn't treat you like a whole other person.

  • They treat you as an extension of themselves.

  • They may make choices for you.

  • They may make choices for you as a whole cohesive group.

  • They may share information with you,

  • that is completely going through boundaries that you've set up.

  • It may be a parent that over shares about their relationship with your step father.

  • Or your father.

  • Or your mother.

  • Or somebody.

  • They are sharing their sexual relationship, possibly.

  • I've had parents do this to clients of mine.

  • And it can be really difficult to take.

  • Also this person tends to not take into consideration what you want or need.

  • They'll say, 'I'm doing what's best for you'.

  • Now I know parents will do that sometimes.

  • And I don't want this to be confused with parents saying,

  • 'I'm not going to buy you that $200 pair of shoes.'

  • 'Because I know what's best for you. You're going to be fine with this $50 pair of shoes.'

  • That's not what I'm talking about.

  • What I'm talking about is you actually have needs or wants.

  • Like, 'I really would like to take this class.'

  • Or, 'It's really important for me, that I go to this university.'

  • Or see this friend.

  • And they are like, No no.

  • I know what's best for you and you are going to hang out with me all day.

  • We're going to do things together, all day long.

  • And these people have no boundaries for like a parent child relationship.

  • Or a friend to friend relationship.

  • They tend to not see any seperation.

  • They treat you as if you're them.

  • And you are one.

  • And it can be really unhealthy.

  • And really difficult for us to get out of these relationships.

  • Because it's so palpable.

  • They're everywhere.

  • They are in all of our business.

  • And these people can even share our business with other people.

  • Because they feel it's okay.

  • Without going through us and making sure we're okay with it.

  • They can share personal information with others because, you know,

  • We're the same.

  • So I figured since I thought it was okay, you'd think it's okay.

  • Right.

  • So there is no division.

  • Now I hope this helps clear it up.

  • I tried to break this down into sections,

  • Because emotional abuse is this huge vast bucket of things that can happen to us.

  • And if you are worried.

  • Or you think that this has happened to you.

  • The most important thing you can do, if you are under 18.

  • Is speak up about it.

  • Because emotional abuse is not something that you have to tolerate.

  • And it's something that is reportable.

  • I'm a mandated reporter for things like this.

  • Because, especially under the neglect.

  • And the blaming and the shaming.

  • And the enmeshment.

  • The unhealthy relationships that parents can have with their children.

  • Can be detrimental to us in the future.

  • So the sooner you speak up and get support, the better.

  • Now if you are a survivor of this.

  • I hope that you are seeking therapy.

  • And you are getting your own support for this.

  • Because we can overcome it.

  • This doesn't define who we are.

  • Because this has happened to us.

  • That doesn't mean that our whole world is sucked into it.

  • And that we'll do this to other people.

  • Or we'll only be in abusive relationships.

  • We can get through it.

  • The more we talk about it.

  • The more honest we are about it.

  • And talking about the details.

  • And how hurtful things were for us.

  • The faster we will over come it.

  • I hope that you found this helpful.

  • Don't forget to subscribe to my channel.

  • I put out videos five days a week.

  • And you don't want to miss them.

  • Right.

  • And as always.

  • Leave your comments below.

  • Let me know what you liked, didn't like.

  • Things that you want me to talk about more.

  • And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up.

  • And wherever you are on the internet.

  • You can find me.

  • So make sure you follow me on twitter, tumblr, instagram,

  • Whatever.

  • Wherever you need me,

  • I'm there.

  • I'll see you next time.

  • Subtitles by the Amara.org community

Today I want to talk with you,

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