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♫ Where in the world is Superwoman today
- Hyderabad, India.
(neighing and hooves beating)
What up, everyone?
It's your girl, Superwoman
and yes I am in India right now for my book tour.
Right off the bat, shameless plug.
I'm also going to all of these other places.
To get your tickets, link is in the description.
Just saying.
Okay, enough of that.
Now because I'm traveling so much,
I've been in airports a lot
and airports are always fun
said no one ever.
They're all right.
I mean I guess it depends
if there's a McDonald's.
Anyways, here are the types of people
you will for sure see in airports.
Number one, the liquid smugglers.
So you're waiting in the security line, right?
Waiting to put your stuff onto the belt
and walk to the machine
which by the way is for sure
giving all of us some sort of disease.
I can't wait until 2050
where we all just have tails for no reason.
But anyways, you're about to walk through this machine
and the most annoying thing about this entire process
is that person who works there
that just sounds like a robot
and is all like, "All right people
"I need laptops out by themselves,
"shoes off, everything out of your pockets.
"No water bottles or liquids in your bags
"and stay with your bin
"and push your bin into the machine."
This person annoys me so much
because they're so monotone and repetitive.
But you know who's more annoying than this person?
The goddamn passenger that ignores
everything this person is saying.
I really don't understand.
Okay, there's a sign that tells you the rules.
There's a real life person yelling out the rules.
How are you confused?
Because straight up everything around you
is just like "Laptops by themselves."
And you step up to the spot like "Ready."
"Shoes off."
"No water bottles."
And without fail, every single time,
the entire line will be held up
because not only will someone
have a water bottle in their backpack,
they're gonna argue about it.
Just like "What do you mean?
"It's just water.
"Nobody told me about the water bottles.
"I was never warned about the water bottles."
And I'm just standing there with my goddamn bin
since you were warned about the water
more than the poor people on the goddamn Titanic.
Get the F out of here.
Hurry up to the lines,
so I'll go through this machine and get a tail,
be mother effing Avatar up the joint.
Okay, the heat is getting to my head.
Number two, evil airline staff.
Here's the thing about airline staff, right?
Is they're either Mother Teresa or Voldemort.
Okay, there's no in-between.
It's either nice or pure evil.
You walk up to the little kiosk in the airport
where you gotta give your bags and check in
and you're in a great mood.
Okay, you're like I'm at the airport,
I'm about to go on a vacay.
Let me go up to this person
and be like "Hi, how are you?"
And then that chick behind the counter's just like
"Welcome to your tape."
Because, straight up, I make it a point
to be really nice to that person
that's checking me in and taking my bags
because I know she's about to weigh my suitcase
and let's be real,
my suitcase is 100% overweight.
My makeup bag alone weighs like 20 pounds.
It's filled with all those lip glosses I never use.
So I'm just like "Hi, great day!
"How was your day?
"Look how personable I am.
"Don't look at the scale, look at me.
"Look how long my hair is."
Now the limit is 50 pounds
and I am overjoyed when I see my suitcase is 50.1
and I'm like, my god, I'm such a light packer
until this chick says to me,
"Ooh, that'll be a hundred dollars overweight charge."
And I'm just like, "A wha?
"Girl, I will open up my suitcase
"and take out a single Q-tip, okay?
"Don't be trippin'.
"You can't let 0.1 slide?"
It's just a fact, some airline staff
want to make your life hell.
Just like, "Yes, Ma'am, here's your boarding pass.
"If you'd like a seatbelt with your seats
"that'll be an additional $60.
"Oh what's that? What's that?
"Sorry, speak up, Sir.
"Oh, you're vegetarian?
"Well, we only serve steak so...
"Oh, you requested a window seat? Okay.
"Here's a middle seat in the middle of the plane
"with a seat that doesn't recline.
"Bye now!"
Number three, doodlers.
So right before you walk into the security line,
you go and give your passport and your boarding pass
to someone who is sitting in that little booth
and they check your documents.
They take a pen and they scribble something
on your boarding pass
and I cannot be the only person
that's wondering, "What the F are you writing?"
They literally circle random things
and now I'm stressed
because the markings on my boarding pass
do not look like my friend's boarding pass
and I'm convinced they 100% have flagged me.
That's right. You know why?
Because of my skin.
It's dry.
But honestly, I don't think it means anything.
I think they just all make it up
and it's a scam to make it look like they have a process
when they really don't.
Straight up they're probably just like,
"Okay. Hi. Yes, Ma'am.
"Circle, circle.
"Let me pretend to look up and match her face
"even though I'm on the wrong page here.
"Okay, dot dot.
"Now I've got my cootie shot.
"Alright. Here you go, Ma'am.
"Actually no, wait one second, sorry.
"Hashtag, that's right.
"Because of the dry skin."
My skin is really dry though with the traveling.
What the hell is this?
Hotels have the weirdest lotions.
Just like cranberry citrus
lemon pepper cotton candy butt hole.
Alright, back to the video.
Number four, baggage bullies.
So you've landed,
you've gone through customs
and now you're going to pick up your luggage.
The moment you touch your suitcase
you can expect 17 porter people, baggage people,
to come and offer you to help with your bags.
Now depending on which country you're in,
these people can be a little bit more persistent
because in some places around the world,
these people will straight up harass you
until you let them help you.
I will just be like, "Oh no, I'm fine.
"It's okay."
And they'll be like, "Ma'am."
"No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't help me."
"Ma'am, bags."
"No, I'm good. I really don't need any help."
"Give me your bags."
And even though I've said no like three, four times
somehow this man is now holding my bag
and I'm like "Fine! Help me with my bags.
"I simply cannot manage."
And even when you try asking them.
Like, "How much is it gonna be?
"What's the fee?"
They will never answer you.
"Oh, don't worry. We'll figure it out."
♫ La la la
♫ La la la
with your bags.
And then straight up,
the person helping me with my bags will be like,
"That'll be $20."
Where was the agreement of sale?
Where was the point of transaction?
Why am I getting robbed right now?
Obviously I'm going to give them the money.
I'm not trying to piss off nobody in no foreign country
and get taken.
My dad ain't Liam Neeson.
Call my dad, just be like "Dad, I've been taken."
He just like, "You getting married?"
Number five, the walking dead.
Now there are two places in the world
I feel like you can find sleep-deprived soulless people.
Number one is in your school library
and number two is in the airport.
These are the people that are catching that six a.m. flight,
had to wake up three a.m.,
walking through the airport,
holding their pillow, wearing their PJs,
not giving a shred of an F.
Not only are they walking like zombies
but they will take every opportunity
to get a nap even if it's for like four minutes
and I cannot stress how much I am this person.
I get to my gate and I'm like
"Yo, hold up, we got 13 minutes to spare, yo.
"Let me catch some REM sleep real quick."
Airports think they're slick.
They put those armrests, dividing the chairs
so that you can't lie down and take a nap.
I'm like, "Bruh, you don't know me, okay?"
I will straight up turn into a contortionist right now
to lie down on these seats.
I've done it before.
Okay let me put my leg
to this armrest right here, okay.
Rest my neck on here, balance,
curve my spine.
Oh my god, I've done this so many times.
This explains a lot.
I'm like this explains a lot.
And if not, if that doesn't work out?
You better believe I will find a creative way to take a nap.
You can catch me at the airport just like--
(Brahms' Lullaby)
But straight up, I love airports
because I love traveling
and I loved meeting all of you on tour.
It is literally my favorite thing to do.
Speaking of which, aside from the tour,
if you haven't got my book yet,
it is available literally
almost everywhere in the world and in bookstores
or you can go to www.LillySinghBook.com.
I'm so happy to announce
it is a New York Times bestseller
for the third week in a row
and I would love to keep this momentum going.
Don't listen to me and read the reviews.
I feel like people really really like the book.
So if you want the book you can get the book.
That's all. Okay, bye.
I hope you enjoyed that video.
If you did, yo, give it a thumbs up.
I'm so sorry I've been missing uploads.
It's really hard with the WiFi and the tour but no excuses.
Last video right over there.
Vlog channel vlog.
Tour vlogs right there.
Make sure you subscribe
'cause I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.
One love, Superwoman.
That is a wrap and super!
I have to go to my show.
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Types of People at Airports

1077 Folder Collection
Francisco published on April 24, 2017
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