Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Why Tea is Better Than Coffee Tea is filled with health benefits. Including the ability to possibly help prevent CANCER. What do you got coffee? You punk ass B**ch! Did you know that tea originated 3,000 years before coffee? You need to respect your elders, son! Drinking tea can help calm you down. While drinking coffee turns you into a caffeinated lunatic hell-bent on eating babies. People on coffee crash HARD. But tea drinkers are just like, "Alright, I guess I'll just have some more tea". SUCK IT COFFEE! There's a broad spectrum of tea from white to black to friggin' flowers! Look at that! I just made tea, B**ches! Out of FLOWERS! What does coffee have? Oh, it's just brown bean water! Coffee yellows your teeth, whereas most teas actually contain fluoride to help fight plaque. DAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN Making loose leaf tea is a big deal in East Asian countries which is why they have tea ceremonies. They rock that s**t! And it beautiful as hell! Look at that tea unfurl! Mmmm! I feel myself reconnecting with nature with every sip. Coffee grinds just look like poop. Poopy. Poopy. Caca. Look, tea is not just about old ladies and tea parties and old lady tea parties! F**K! In conclusion, tea is the nectar of the GODS and will keep you alive and happy forever. And coffee...well... (fart noise) And coffee, can go f**k itself!