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  • hello my name's Davie I'm a police sergeant currently based in community policing in Falkirk

  • my name's Malcolm I'm a special constable in Perthshire currently working out of Pitlochry

  • I'm Carol Mapely I'm from the National Trans Police Association

  • my name's Frazer Robertson I'm an acting sergeant working in the Edinburgh area

  • I'm Wendy Callan and I'm a special police constable and I work in the Falkirk area

  • hello I'm Graham Thomson I'm a police constable working in Dundee

  • my name's Elliot and I'm a community police officer working in Edinburgh

  • my name's Becky I'm a police officer and I work in Edinburgh

  • hello my name's Stuart I'm a sergeant in the CPT in the west end of Glasgow

  • hi I'm Graham I work in IT for the Scottish Police I'm based in Glasgow

  • when I grew up at school I was a bit of a swaty kid

  • I was always the quiet kid

  • I did everything I could to fit in to be honest

  • maybe more boyish activities I suppose

  • my dad died when I was quite young so growing up with just my mum looking after me could

  • be quite a struggle at times

  • I was quite academic I was very into school and I liked going to school

  • growing up I was always really active always out and about

  • my home town was very a rural place only about three thousand people stayed there

  • I think I've always known I've been a bit different from my early teens

  • I suppose I really knew that I was gay when about the time that I went to move up to secondary

  • school

  • I first suspected I was a bit different when I was about seven or eight and I began to

  • feel very very uneasy about being a boy thought actually perhaps I should have been a girl

  • I've always known certainly not maybe that I was gay but I've certainly always known

  • that I was slightly different

  • I started suspecting that I might be gay in my early teens

  • I think I realised I was gay when I was around about eleven

  • I think in my heart of hearts I always knew that I was gay but it wasn't until I was about

  • fourteen that I'd started to accept that

  • I started to realise that maybe I was a little bit different at quite a young age I just

  • wasn't ever interested in chasing after the boys in the playground

  • I first knew I was gay around about second or third year of secondary school

  • I guess I knew I was gay when I started High school

  • I always used to laugh growing up because still to this day my gran knits shawls for

  • the grandchild she is hoping to have

  • I suppose the expectations from family and friends when I was growing up was that just

  • to fit in and just to be normal

  • go to Kirk every Sunday that was one of the things that was expected of me I had a very

  • very strict childhood

  • there was an expectation that I would grow up and I would have a wife and kids and the

  • dog and the white picket fence and that was what was expected

  • I was also expected to have a boyfriend and probably by this time was expected to be married

  • and maybe with kids

  • mum would always talk about having grandchildren and getting married and settling down

  • while I was growing up my sister would often bring boyfriends home and that would prompt

  • my family particularly my grandma she'd be like when are you going to bring a boyfriend

  • home

  • I didn't really know anyone else who was gay when I was growing up the only people I knew

  • who were gay were off the television

  • there was quite derogatory, negative images

  • overly effeminate males and probably what can be described as butch females

  • the perception I had of gay people when I was younger it was almost like joke characters

  • they were quite effeminate

  • there weren't any role models there weren't any normal people normal famous people who

  • also happened to be gay

  • when I was growing up I though that all lesbians were sort of big butch horrible people who

  • just didn't have any friends and that's how they were how they were

  • when I grew up I never knew any other gay people my only images of gay people were those

  • on the television chat show hosts comedians etcetera

  • when I did know finally that I was gay I was quite cross with myself and disappointed in

  • myself because I felt like I couldn't fit in with everyone else

  • when my feelings about it became more overt in the end it was like living in a pressure

  • cooker I couldn't keep the lid on it anymore

  • I was incredibly ashamed I think that's the one word I would use

  • I think I felt being gay was going to separate me from everybody that I loved

  • it was something that I had always been it didn't change my outlook on life I've never

  • known what its like to be a straight person

  • I kept thinking about being gay why me

  • I didn't set out to tell people it sort of crept out by dribs and drabs I've always lived

  • in quite small communities and in the smaller community you've got no secrets

  • I was incredibly worried that my parents were going to abandon me and say that we are ashamed

  • of you and don't want you to be part of the family

  • my girlfriend my very first girlfriend outed me to my parents

  • it was quite a weird day I had finally got so worked up and decided I was going to tell

  • mum I had her down to the house I was in an absolute state decided to tell her and once

  • I'd told her that I was gay her words to me were do you want a cup of tea son

  • because I think it's important with something like that that can be big news to somebody

  • that it was me who told them and it wasn't a rumour and they didn't hear from someone

  • else

  • I just blurted it out and that was that

  • I never got to tell my father he died when I was quite young so never got to tell him

  • I told my mother she didn't speak to me for the best past of fifteen years I told my divisional

  • commander in the police all he did was threw me out of his office and kicked me as I went

  • out the door

  • my parents initial reaction was quite negative and it was a big shock to everyone I think

  • I'd hid that part of my life quite well up until that point

  • I'm kind of lucky that I think I grew up in a time where there wasn't a huge problem I

  • grew up in the city and people's attitudes were very liberal

  • when I told my mum who was the first person I came out to she just looked at me and said

  • ah well tell me something I don't know everybody know it's quite obvious and I thought someone

  • could have told me it would have made things a lot easier

  • nothing really changed in the coming out process I still had my life still had my job one thing

  • that was positive and was really good for me was I was able to talk about my life talk

  • about what I was doing at home in my personal life at work with friends I wouldn't have

  • to lie to them and that felt so much better

  • when I did finally come out and tell people I found it a lot better I found I was a lot

  • more confident in myself It wasn't really a big deal nobody was really caring but it

  • meant I could have proper conversations with people about what I was up to at the weekend

  • about stuff outside my work what I was doing with my own life without having to think about

  • what I was saying without tripping myself up

  • I had to leave my job in fact I was sort of told to leave the police It was just one totally

  • horrible experience but that was then

  • my parents treated me quite differently after they found out I was gay at least initially

  • they weren't quite as touchy feely with me as they were before they avoided talking about

  • my romantic life at all

  • after I told mum our relationship didn't really change we were always very close and that

  • continued but I felt better in myself as I was no longer hiding the fact that I had a

  • partner or what I'd been doing at the weekend or who I was going on holiday with

  • I think I'm lucky having come out so young that nothing did change because there was

  • nothing to change this is what I've been since I was so young and for so long no there was

  • nothing to change

  • I think some members of my family were quite shocked but they were all quite understanding

  • so I was lucky in that respect but unfortunately I did end up losing a lot of my friends at

  • school who just didn't seem willing to accept the fact that apparently I had suddenly changed

  • by telling them who I really was

  • well all I can say is that I work with officers today who are Trans has it changed it's amazing

  • I look back at what happened to me back then it was appalling and I look at things now

  • I'm just gob-smacked things have changed so much and it's so positive now

  • I'm a lot happier content confident proud of who I am I think having gone from one end

  • of the spectrum to being deeply ashamed of being gay to the complete opposite where I

  • almost wear it like a badge of honour and if someone was to challenge that I'd be really

  • incensed by it and would fight that corner

  • thankfully my family have come round to the idea of me being gay and they are incredibly

  • supportive now it did take quite a few years and meeting

  • a partner of mine to understand that I can still have the life that they wanted for me

  • when I was little

  • things weren't great prior to me telling my family my parents in particular the day I

  • told them things started to get a lot better

  • if someone's bullying or harassing you deal with it its not to be tolerated it's not acceptable

  • choose someone you know and trust a teacher a youth worker a family member a friend

  • if you are experiencing homophobia you need to talk to someone speak to anyone you're

  • not alone speak to your teachers speak to us we're here to help

  • you need to talk to somebody you're not the only person

  • don't be ashamed don't take it to heart too much the people bullying you they're the people

  • with the issue

  • if somebody is suffering from bullying tell someone tell a friend tell a teacher tell

  • a relative tell me

  • it does get better

  • and it definitely does get better

  • it gets better

  • it gets better

  • it gets better

  • it does get better

  • it'll definitely get better

  • it really does get better

  • it does get better

  • it gets better in fact it gets a whole lot better

hello my name's Davie I'm a police sergeant currently based in community policing in Falkirk

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A2 gay police mum growing people told

It Gets Better: Gay Police Association Scotland

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    光仕進 posted on 2013/06/24
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