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  • [ROCK MUSIC]

  • ♪ ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • >> John: WELCOME

  • WELCOME, WELCOME

  • TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT."

  • I'M JOHN OLIVER.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH

  • FOR JOINING US.

  • AND LET'S BEGIN

  • WITH OUR FIRST AND ONLY STORY:

  • THE 2016 ELECTION OR,

  • AS YOU MAY KNOW IT,

  • "I THOUGHT I WANTED IT TO BE

  • OVER BUT NOW THAT IT'S OVER

  • I WISH IT WAS STILL GOING ON

  • BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT

  • THE ENDING IS EVEN WORSE..."

  • 20-FUCKING-16.

  • THE RESULTS ON TUESDAY

  • WERE A LITTLE DIFFERENT

  • THAN WHAT JUST OVER HALF

  • THE VOTERS WANTED.

  • >> WE CAN NOW PROJECT THE WINNER

  • OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE.

  • CNN PROJECTS DONALD TRUMP

  • WINS THE PRESIDENCY.

  • DONALD J. TRUMP WILL BECOME

  • THE 45TH PRESIDENT

  • OF THE UNITED STATES.

  • >> John: IT'S TRUE!

  • THAT HAPPENED!

  • IT TURNS OUT, INSTEAD OF SHOWING

  • OUR DAUGHTERS THEY COULD SOMEDAY

  • BE PRESIDENT, AMERICA PROVED

  • THAT NO GRANDPA IS TOO RACIST

  • TO BECOME THE LEADER

  • OF THE FREE WORLD.

  • "LOOK PAPA.

  • SOMEDAY THAT COULD BE YOU!"

  • IF YOU'RE LIKE ME,

  • THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS

  • HAVE BEEN HITTING YOU IN WAVES.

  • ONE MINUTE YOU'RE NUMB AND THE

  • NEXT MINUTE YOU REALIZE

  • DONALD TRUMP -- THIS MAN --

  • WILL SOON HAVE ACCESS

  • TO THE NUCLEAR CODES.

  • AND THEN MAYBE YOU GET

  • DISTRACTED BY DAILY LIFE

  • UNTIL IT HITS YOU.

  • OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT

  • WAS SUPPORTED BY A FORMER

  • GRAND WIZARD OF THE KLAN,

  • AND 60 MILLION PEOPLE

  • VOTED FOR HIM DESPITE THAT

  • AND THEN MAYBE YOU FINALLY

  • MANAGE TO GET SOME SLEEP.

  • BUT WAKE UP REALIZING,

  • "OH, SHIT.

  • THE SUPREME COURT!"

  • BECAUSE REMEMBER

  • MERRICK GARLAND?

  • WHO THE REPUBLICANS HAVE REFUSED

  • TO CONFIRM ALL YEAR?

  • THE GUY WHOM WE ASKED YOU

  • TO CHOOSE A SUPREME COURT DOG?

  • YOU PICKED THIS ONE, BY THE WAY.

  • WE NEVER ANNOUNCED IT,

  • BECAUSE WE FIGURED WE'D TELL YOU

  • WHEN HE WAS CONFIRMED.

  • WELL, HE'S NOT GETTING

  • CONFIRMED, AND THAT DOG

  • IS DEAD NOW.

  • ACTUALLY NOT REALLY.

  • SHE'S ACTUALLY FINE.

  • BUT SHE'S NOT GETTING

  • ON THE COURT.

  • >> DONALD TRUMP WILL FILL

  • THAT SEAT AND MAYBE MORE.

  • RUTH BADER GINSBURG

  • IS IN HER 80s.

  • ANTHONY KENNEDY IS OVER 80.

  • AND THERE ARE OTHER JUSTICES

  • WHO HAVE TALKED,

  • BANDIED ABOUT THE IDEA

  • OF RETIRING.

  • BOTTOM LINE, DONALD TRUMP

  • IS GOING TO SHAPE

  • THE SUPREME COURT

  • FOR DECADES TO COME.

  • >> John: WOW.

  • THAT IS ONE OF THOSE PHRASES

  • YOU JUST ASSUMED YOU WOULD NEVER

  • HAVE TO HEAR.

  • LIKE "VANILLA ICE IS

  • PICKING UP HIS NOBEL PRIZE

  • IN PHYSICS"

  • OR "HENRY KISSINGER

  • JUST CAME OUT WITH A LINE

  • OF SKINNY JEANS.

  • THEY GO WITH ANYTHING."

  • IT'S BEEN WAVE AFTER WAVE

  • OF NAUSEA ALL WEEK.

  • I WOKE UP ON THURSDAY

  • FEELING SLIGHTLY BETTER

  • BUT THEN TURNED ON THE TV

  • AND SAW TRUMP IN THE OVAL OFFICE

  • WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA.

  • JUST LOOK AT PRESIDENT

  • OBAMA'S FACE.

  • HE CAN'T BELIEVE

  • WHAT HE'S LOOKING AT EITHER.

  • JUST LISTEN TO THE ACTUAL AUDIO

  • IN THE ROOM.

  • ♪ ♪

  • FUN FACT:

  • THAT'S THE NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM.

  • SEE?

  • WE'RE LAUGHING!

  • WE'RE HAVING FUN!

  • AND THEN YOU REMEMBER:

  • TRUMP'S GOING TO BE IN CHARGE

  • OF THE MILITARY AND LEADERS

  • THERE DO NOT KNOW

  • WHAT TO EXPECT.

  • >> THEY HAVE SEEN DONALD TRUMP'S

  • STATEMENTS ON THE CAMPAIGN

  • TRAIL, TALKING ABOUT

  • WATERBOARDING, TALKING ABOUT

  • BOMBING WITH LITTLE REGARD

  • TO CIVILIAN CASUALTIES,

  • TALKING ABOUT TAKING THE OIL

  • IN IRAQ.

  • ALL OF THESE THINGS POTENTIALLY

  • VERY SERIOUS VIOLATIONS

  • OF INTERNATIONAL LAW,

  • VIOLATIONS OF THE GENEVA

  • CONVENTION.

  • >> John: YES.

  • OUR PRESIDENT-ELECT HAS,

  • AT VARIOUS TIMES,

  • SAID HE'D BOMB CIVILIANS,

  • LOOT OIL, AND WATERBOARD,

  • WHICH ISN'T A MILITARY STRATEGY

  • SO MUCH AS THE SERIES OF WORDS

  • DONALD RUMSFELD MUTTERS

  • SO HE CAN STAY HARD

  • WHILE HE'S MASTURBATING.

  • AND LOOK.

  • TRUMP WON THIS ELECTION,

  • BY WHICH I MEAN HE WON

  • THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE, WHICH,

  • FOR REASONS I WILL NEVER

  • UNDERSTAND NO MATTER HOW MANY

  • TIMES IT'S EXPLAINED TO ME,

  • IS HOW THINGS ARE DONE.

  • AND MANY PEOPLE ARE HAPPY

  • TO SEE HIM IN OFFICE.

  • SOME ARE VOTERS WHO THINK

  • HE'LL BRING JOBS BACK

  • AND SHAKE UP WASHINGTON.

  • OTHERS ARE HAPPY SIMPLY BECAUSE

  • HE ISN'T HILLARY CLINTON.

  • AND OTHERS, OF COURSE,

  • ARE VLADIMIR PUTIN

  • AND SCOTT BAIO.

  • BUT FOR THE REST OF US,

  • WE ARE FACED WITH THE SAME

  • QUESTIONS AS A GUY THAT WOKE UP

  • THE DAY AFTER A VEGAS

  • BACHELOR PARTY

  • DEEP IN THE DESERT, NAKED,

  • TIED TO A CACTUS

  • AND A DEAD CLOWN,

  • NAMELY "HOW THE FUCK

  • DID WE GET HERE?"

  • AND "WHAT THE FUCK

  • DO WE DO NOW?"

  • BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP

  • WILL BE PRESIDENT.

  • AND RESPECTING DEMOCRACY

  • MEANS ACCEPTING THAT.

  • ALTHOUGH THERE'S ONE SENTIMENT

  • THAT I'D ARGUE TAKES THAT

  • A LITTLE TOO FAR.

  • >> THE MAN HASN'T EVEN BEEN

  • A PRESIDENT FOR A DAY YET.

  • LET'S GIVE HIM A CHANCE

  • TO BE THE PRESIDENT.

  • >> GIVE DONALD TRUMP A CHANCE.

  • >> WE NOW HAVE TO GIVE HIM

  • A CHANCE AND SEE HOW

  • HE'LL GOVERN.

  • >> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SHOULD

  • GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO GOVERN

  • BECAUSE IF HE SUCCEEDS,

  • WE SUCCEED.

  • >> John: NOW, IN THE BROADEST

  • SENSE, I GET THAT IMPULSE.

  • HOPE FOR THE BEST IN THE FACE

  • OF VERY LONG ODDS.

  • IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON A PLANE

  • AND WE JUST FOUND OUT

  • OUR PILOT IS A WOMBAT.

  • I DON'T LIKE THIS,

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT

  • HAPPENED, AND I'M PRETTY SURE

  • WE'RE HEADED FOR DISASTER,

  • BUT WHAT THE HELL.

  • COME ON, BATTY!

  • PROVE ME WRONG!

  • AND OPTIMISM IS NICE

  • IF YOU CAN SWING IT.

  • BUT YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL

  • BECAUSE IT CAN FEED

  • INTO THE NORMALIZATION OF

  • DONALD TRUMP.

  • AND HE IS NOT NORMAL.

  • HE IS ABNORMAL.

  • HE IS A HUMAN "WHAT IS WRONG

  • WITH THIS PICTURE?"

  • HE STICKS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB

  • AND FRANKLY HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE

  • A SORE THUMB.

  • SO GIVING HIM A CHANCE

  • IN THE SENSE OF NOT SPEAKING OUT

  • IMMEDIATELY AGAINST POLICIES

  • HE'S PROPOSED IS DANGEROUS.

  • BECAUSE SOME OF THEM

  • ARE ALARMING.

  • >> JUST SOME OF TRUMP'S

  • PROMISES: REPEAL AND REPLACE

  • OBAMACARE, BUILD A WALL ALONG

  • THE SOUTHERN BORDER WITH MEXICO

  • AND GET MEXICO TO PAY FOR

  • SAID WALL, DEPORT ALL

  • 11 TO 12 MILLION UNDOCUMENTED

  • IMMIGRANTS IN THIS COUNTRY,

  • INCLUDING CHILDREN,

  • APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR

  • TO INVESTIGATE

  • AND POTENTIALLY JAIL

  • HILLARY CLINTON,

  • TEMPORARILY BAN MUSLIMS

  • AND IMMIGRANTS FROM TERROR-PRONE

  • NATIONS FROM COMING INTO

  • THE UNITED STATES.

  • >> John: OKAY, STOP.

  • BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE

  • READING THE TO-DO LIST

  • ON SATAN'S REFRIGERATOR,

  • WHICH, OF COURSE,

  • SATAN NO LONGER NEEDS

  • NOW THAT HELL HAS FROZEN OVER.

  • AND WHILE SOME ARE ARGUING

  • TRUMP MIGHT NOT HAVE MEANT

  • ALL THOSE THINGS,

  • THAT LEAVES US WITH

  • TWO DEVASTATING OPTIONS:

  • EITHER WE JUST ELECTED

  • A PRESIDENT WHO DIDN'T MEAN

  • A SINGLE WORD HE SAID

  • OR WE ELECTED ONE WHO DID.

  • AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

  • TO KNOW WHICH ONE.

  • EARLIER TONIGHT,

  • HE DID HIS FIRST MAJOR

  • POST-ELECTION INTERVIEW

  • AND WAS ASKED ABOUT OBAMACARE

  • WHICH, REMEMBER, HE HAD LABELED

  • A DISASTER.

  • >> WHEN YOU REPLACE IT,

  • ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE SURE

  • THAT PEOPLE WITH PRE-CONDITIONS

  • ARE STILL COVERED?

  • >> YES.

  • BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO BE

  • ONE OF THE STRONGEST ASSETS.

  • >> YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP IT?

  • >> ALSO WITH THE CHILDREN

  • LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS

  • FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD,

  • WE'RE GOING TO...

  • >> YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THAT?

  • >> VERY MUCH TRY AND KEEP THAT.

  • >> John: OKAY.

  • GET READY FOR A BARELY CHANGED

  • VERSION OF OBAMACARE CALLED

  • "TRUMPCARE," WHICH SOUNDS LIKE

  • A HEALTH CARE PLAN WHERE

  • DOCTORS FEEL YOUR BREASTS

  • FOR LUMPS WHETHER YOU ASKED THEM

  • TO OR NOT.

  • BUT DON'T GET COMPLACENT

  • THAT HE'S GOING TO KEEP

  • THOSE ASPECTS OF OBAMACARE.

  • HE MIGHT CHANGE HIS MIND

  • ON THAT AGAIN.

  • TRUMP IS LIKE A MAGIC 8 BALL.

  • EVERY TIME YOU SHAKE HIM

  • HE GIVES YOU A DIFFERENT ANSWER

  • AND SOMETIMES THE ANSWER

  • IS JUST "BIG LEAGUE"

  • OR "THAT'S SOME BODY

  • ON MY DAUGHTER, RIGHT?"

  • SO WE HAVE TO TAKE ALL OF

  • TRUMP'S PROMISES SERIOUSLY.

  • AND THE TRUTH IS,

  • THEY WERE NOT UNIVERSALLY BAD.

  • FOR INSTANCE,

  • HE RAN ON A PROMISE

  • TO "DRAIN THE SWAMP,"

  • CRACKING DOWN ON CORRUPTION

  • AND ENDING THE REIGN OF

  • WASHINGTON INSIDERS,

  • WHICH SOUNDS GREAT.

  • SO LET'S TRY AND BE POSITIVE.

  • WHAT ARE THE EARLY SIGNS

  • ON THAT?

  • >> SOME OF THE POTENTIAL CABINET

  • MEMBERS BEING REPORTED BY CNN

  • THAT ARE UNDER CONSIDERATION.

  • RUDY GIULIANI, NEWT GINGRICH,

  • CHRIS CHRISTIE, REINCE PRIEBUS.

  • >> John: RIGHT.

  • SO THAT'S

  • THE LONG-TIME HEAD OF THE RNC,

  • A FORMER SPEAKER WHO ENTERED

  • CONGRESS IN 1979,

  • A FORMER MAYOR TURNED

  • PROFESSIONAL ASSHOLE,

  • AND A MAN WHOSE NAME IS MORE

  • SYNONYMOUS WITH SCANDAL

  • THAN SHONDA FUCKING RHIMES.

  • THAT'S SO SWAMPY,

  • YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO SWAP OUT

  • AIR FORCE ONE FOR ONE OF THOSE

  • SHALLOW-BOTTOM BOATS

  • WITH A BIG FAN ON THE BACK.

  • AND IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE

  • FOR TRUMP TO APPOINT PEOPLE

  • WITH SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE

  • IN GOVERNMENT.

  • UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO,

  • THE HIGHEST OFFICE

  • HE'D EVER HELD WAS ON

  • THE 26TH FLOOR OF

  • A SHITTY BUILDING

  • ON FIFTH AVENUE.

  • BUT SOME OF THE PEOPLE

  • HE'S BRINGING IN ARE HORRIFYING.

  • HIS TRANSITION TEAM

  • INCLUDES PEOPLE LIKE

  • KEN BLACKWELL,

  • WHO'S ARGUED THAT HOMOSEXUALITY

  • IS A CHOICE, AND HE'S NAMED

  • MYRON EBELL TO LEAD HIS EPA

  • TRANSITION TEAM, MAKING HIM

  • A FRONTRUNNER FOR ADMINISTRATOR,

  • DESPITE THIS...

  • >> THE WHOLE CASE FOR GLOBAL

  • WARMING I BELIEVE IS SILLY,

  • AND I BELIEVE THE VAST MAJORITY

  • OF SCIENTISTS THINK IT'S SILLY,

  • AND THEREFORE I'M A LITTLE BIT

  • EMBARRASSED THAT I WASTE MY TIME

  • ON A SILLY ISSUE.

  • >> John: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

  • THE VAST MAJORITY OF SCIENTISTS

  • BELIEVE HUMANS ARE CONTRIBUTING

  • TO CLIMATE CHANGE.

  • SECONDLY, THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE

  • A SCIENCE DEGREE.

  • HE WOULDN'T EVEN BE QUALIFIED

  • TO HEAD THE AGENCY

  • OF BAKING SODA VOLCANOES.

  • SO HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE?

  • WELL, CLEARLY, THERE ARE MANY

  • POSSIBLE ANSWERS

  • TO THAT QUESTION,

  • INCLUDING MISLEADING

  • FORECASTS THAT BRED COMPLACENCY,

  • A FLAWED CANDIDATE WHO FAILED

  • TO APPEAL TO WHITE RURAL

  • AND WORKING-CLASS VOTERS,

  • AND -- AND THIS IS

  • WORTH REPEATING --

  • DEEP RACISM AND/OR INDIFFERENCE

  • TO IT.

  • AND FOR THOSE, INCLUDING US,

  • WHO WERE SHOCKED BY TUESDAY,

  • WE'RE GOING TO BE EXAMINING

  • ALL OF THIS FOR YEARS.

  • BUT FOR TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK

  • AT ONE NARROW ELEMENT THAT

  • MAY HAVE HELPED BRING US HERE,

  • BECAUSE IT WILL BE IMPORTANT

  • GOING FORWARD:

  • THAT IS OUR MEDIA.

  • SPECIFICALLY, HOW A SYSTEM

  • THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CATCH

  • A SERIAL LIAR FAILED.

  • AND I'M NOT JUST REFERRING

  • TO MAINSTREAM TV NEWS,

  • ALTHOUGH SOME DID WAIT

  • FAR TOO LONG TO TAKE TRUMP

  • SERIOUSLY, GIVING HIM BILLIONS

  • OF DOLLARS' WORTH OF FREE MEDIA.

  • CNN SOMETIMES RAN HIS SPEECHES

  • ALMOST IN THEIR ENTIRETY,

  • AND THEIR PRESIDENT JEFF ZUCKER

  • NOW ADMITS THAT MIGHT NOT HAVE

  • BEEN A GOOD IDEA.

  • >> I'D SAY THAT IF WE MADE

  • A MISTAKE LAST YEAR, IT'S THAT

  • WE PROBABLY DID PUT ON TOO MANY

  • OF HIS CAMPAIGN RALLIES IN THOSE

  • EARLY MONTHS, UNEDITED

  • AND JUST LET THEM RUN.

  • AND I THINK, IN HINDSIGHT,

  • WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE

  • THAT AS MUCH.

  • >> John: YEAH.

  • IT TURNS OUT HINDSIGHT,

  • MUCH LIKE THE YEAR WE'RE ALL

  • NOW DESPERATELY LOOKING FORWARD

  • TO, IS 20/20.

  • AND THAT'S NOT TO SAY THERE

  • WASN'T SOME GREAT COVERAGE

  • OF TRUMP IN THIS ELECTION,

  • FROM OUTLETS LIKE

  • THE WASHINGTON POST

  • AND THE NEW YORK TIMES.

  • EVEN CNN EVENTUALLY PIVOTED

  • AND BEGAN CORRECTING TRUMP IN

  • LOWER-THIRD GRAPHICS, SUCH AS:

  • "TRUMP: I NEVER SAID JAPAN

  • SHOULD HAVE NUKES.

  • PARENTHESIS, HE DID."

  • AND THAT'S GOOD JOURNALISM.

  • IF I GAVE A SPEECH SAYING

  • I'M THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE,

  • IT WOULD BE FAIR TO TAG

  • THAT WITH

  • "PARENTHESIS, LOOK AT HIM."

  • THAT'S A MEAN JOKE TO LAUGH AT.

  • THE PROBLEM IS, THE IMPACT

  • OF CORRECTIONS LIKE THAT

  • WHICH MIGHT HAVE SUNK

  • A CANDIDATE IN ANOTHER ERA

  • WAS COMPROMISED.

  • BECAUSE THERE IS NO LONGER

  • A CONSENSUS ON WHAT A FACT IS.

  • TRUST IN MAINSTREAM MEDIA

  • OUTLETS HAS BEEN FALLING,

  • AND PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE TO GET

  • THEIR NEWS FROM ECHO CHAMBERS

  • THAT VALIDATE THEIR VIEWS.

  • AND THERE'S NOTHING INHERENTLY

  • WRONG WITH MEDIA THAT HAS

  • A VIEWPOINT.

  • THIS SHOW HAS A VIEWPOINT.

  • WE FACT-CHECK EVERYTHING WE SAY,

  • BUT I DON'T PRETEND TO BE

  • NEUTRAL ON THINGS LIKE

  • CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM --

  • I'M FOR IT,

  • COLDPLAY --

  • I'M AGAINST IT,

  • OR DEWALT LADDERS --

  • THEY'RE A SEAMLESS BLEND

  • OF STYLE AND PERFORMANCE.

  • WALKING UP ONE IS LIKE ASCENDING

  • TO HEAVEN ON A GOLDEN CLOUD.

  • I'M NOT BEING PAID TO SAY THAT.

  • I'M JUST A FAN.

  • BUT A HEALTHY MEDIA DIET

  • HAS TO BE BROADER.

  • UNFORTUNATELY, THE WAY

  • MANY OF US CONSUME NEWS NOW

  • IS MICRO-TARGETED.

  • >> THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS,

  • 62%, SAY THEY GET THEIR NEWS

  • FROM SOCIAL MEDIA,

  • ACCORDING TO PEW RESEARCH.

  • 44% OF ALL ADULTS SAY THEY GET

  • NEWS SPECIFICALLY FROM FACEBOOK.

  • >> John: IT'S TRUE.

  • NEWS IS NOW ONE OF THE THREE

  • THINGS WE GET FROM SOCIAL MEDIA,

  • THE OTHER TWO BEING OUR ENTIRE

  • SENSE OF SELF-WORTH

  • AND PICTURES OF SHAVED ALPACAS.

  • AND FAKE FACTS CIRCULATE

  • ON SOCIAL MEDIA

  • TO A FRIGHTENING EXTENT.

  • YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS QUOTE

  • FROM DONALD TRUMP ONLINE

  • ABOUT REPUBLICANS BEING DUMB.

  • HE NEVER SAID THAT.

  • IT'S NOT TRUE.

  • JUST AS IT'S NOT TRUE THAT

  • THE POPE ENDORSED TRUMP.

  • OF COURSE HE DIDN'T.

  • BUT THAT STORY WAS SHARED

  • ALMOST A MILLION TIMES,

  • WHICH IS ABSURD.

  • EVERYONE KNOWS THE CANDIDATE

  • THE POPE ENDORSED

  • WAS JOE EXOTIC.

  • THEY HAVE VERY SIMILAR VIEWS

  • ON DEREGULATING TIGER PRESERVES.

  • PLEASE SHARE THIS NEWS

  • A MILLION TIMES.

  • THERE'S NOW A WHOLE COTTAGE

  • INDUSTRY SPECIALIZING IN

  • HYPER-PARTISAN, SOMETIMES

  • WILDLY DISTORTED CLICKBAIT.

  • BUZZFEED NEWS RESEARCHED

  • SITES LIKE ADDICTING INFO

  • ON THE LEFT AND FREEDOM DAILY

  • ON THE RIGHT, BOTH OF WHICH HAVE

  • OVER A MILLION FOLLOWERS ON

  • FACEBOOK, PUTTING THEM

  • IN THE SAME RANGE AS

  • ANDERSON COOPER 360

  • AND FOUND THEM TO BE PUBLISHING

  • MANY VIRAL ARTICLES CONTAINING

  • FLAT-OUT FALSEHOODS.

  • >> OVER TWO WEEKS, 38% OF NEWS

  • ON SOME REPUBLICAN-LEANING

  • FACEBOOK PAGES WAS PARTLY

  • OR COMPLETELY FALSE,

  • COMPARED TO 19% OF NEWS

  • SHARED ON SOME DEMOCRAT-LEANING

  • FACEBOOK PAGES.

  • >> John: AND BEFORE YOU SAY,

  • "REPUBLICANS ARE TWICE AS BAD,"

  • 19% IS STILL TERRIBLE.

  • AND IT'S NOT NEWS THERE'S

  • MISINFORMATION ON FACEBOOK.

  • JUST LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP

  • STATUS "IT'S COMPLICATED,"

  • THE ACCURATE VERSION OF WHICH

  • WOULD BE,

  • "IN THREE WEEKS I'LL BE SINGLE,

  • BUT I CAN'T ADMIT IT YET."

  • BUT THESE SITES CAN WARP

  • YOUR VIEWS PRETTY FAST.

  • YOUR NEWS FEED MAY HAVE BEEN

  • FULL OF "THE TIMES"

  • AND "POST" STORIES ABOUT

  • DONALD TRUMP'S ACTUAL SCANDALS,

  • BUT MANY AMERICANS LOGGED

  • ONTO FACEBOOK EVERY DAY

  • AND SAW SHIT LIKE THIS.

  • AND THIS CESSPOOL OF NONSENSE

  • WOULD BE A PROBLEM ANYWAY

  • WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT

  • THAT ONE OF THE PEOPLE

  • IN THRALL TO IT IS

  • OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT.

  • BACK IN MARCH, HE CLAIMED THAT

  • A MAN WHO'D RUSHED THE STAGE

  • AT ONE OF HIS RALLIES

  • HAD TIES TO ISIS, SOMETHING THAT

  • HAD CIRCULATED ONLINE

  • AND HAD BEEN FOUND TO BE UNTRUE.

  • AND WHEN THAT WAS POINTED OUT

  • TO HIM, THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE.

  • >> THERE'S NO TIES TO ISIS

  • FOR THIS MAN, NO LAW ENFORCEMENT

  • OFFICIAL, AND THIS VIDEO THAT

  • YOU LINK TO APPEARS TO BE

  • A HOAX.

  • >> WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT IT?

  • ALL I KNOW IS WHAT'S ON

  • THE INTERNET.

  • >> John: OKAY,

  • BEING ON THE INTERNET

  • IS NOT A HIGH BAR FOR ACCURACY.

  • IF I EDITED WIKIPEDIA TO SAY

  • THAT DIANNE WIEST'S REAL NAME

  • IS DIANNE FROSTED MINI-WIEST,

  • OUR NEXT PRESIDENT WOULD BELIEVE

  • THAT TO BE TRUE.

  • IN FACT, DURING THE CAMPAIGN,

  • TRUMP ROUTINELY USED HIS

  • PLATFORM TO SHARE WILDLY

  • INCORRECT INFORMATION.

  • AND EVEN FELLOW CONSERVATIVES

  • TRIED TO POINT OUT

  • HOW IRRESPONSIBLE THIS WAS.

  • >> YOU TWEETED OUT THAT WHITES

  • KILLED BY BLACKS, THESE ARE

  • STATISTICS YOU PICKED UP FROM

  • SOMEWHERE, AT A RATE OF 81%.

  • AND THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG.

  • WHITES KILLED BY BLACKS IS 15%.

  • >> HEY, BILL, AM I GONNA CHECK

  • EVERY STATISTIC?

  • I GET MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF

  • PEOPLE @RealDonaldTrump,

  • BY THE WAY.

  • >> YOU'VE GOT TO.

  • YOU'RE A PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER.

  • YOU GOT TO CHECK IT.

  • >> I HAVE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE --

  • YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • FINE, BUT THIS CAME OUT OF

  • RADIO SHOWS AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

  • >> John: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

  • "I GOT IT FROM RADIO"

  • IS MAYBE THE WEIRDEST NONSENSE

  • EXPLANATION I'VE EVER HEARD,

  • LIKE IF SOMEONE SAID,

  • "THIS SANDWICH TASTES WEIRD"

  • AND YOU SAID, "BUT I FOUND IT

  • IN A HOLE!

  • IF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG

  • WITH IT, THEN WHAT WAS IT DOING

  • SITTING IN A HOLE?"

  • AND THAT'S THE EVIL GENIUS

  • AT WORK HERE.

  • WEIRD CONSPIRACY BULLSHIT HAS

  • ALWAYS BEEN BUBBLING UNDER THE

  • SURFACE, BUT TRUMP WAS THE FIRST

  • MAJOR CANDIDATE TO HARNESS

  • AND FULLY LEGITIMIZE IT.

  • IT'S OBVIOUS IN HINDSIGHT.

  • HE CAME ALONG AND TOLD MILLIONS

  • OF PEOPLE, "EVERY CRAZY EMAIL

  • YOU'VE EVER FORWARDED WAS TRUE."

  • AND THAT IS, AT LEAST IN PART,

  • WHY HE WILL BE

  • OUR NEXT PRESIDENT.

  • AND TO THEIR CREDIT,

  • SOME REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS WERE

  • CALLING HIM OUT ON THIS DURING

  • THE CAMPAIGN.

  • >> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT

  • I REALLY THINK OF DONALD TRUMP.

  • THIS MAN IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.

  • HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

  • BETWEEN TRUTH AND LIES.

  • >> John: HE WAS RIGHT.

  • HE WAS JUST RIGHT.

  • BUT BEFORE YOU THINK REPUBLICANS

  • MIGHT STAND UP TO TRUMP,

  • I'LL REMIND YOU

  • BY THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN,

  • TED CRUZ, LIKE MANY OTHERS,

  • NOT ONLY SAID HE'D VOTE FOR HIM,

  • BUT WAS DOING THIS:

  • >> HI, THIS IS TED CRUZ CALLING.

  • I WAS CALLING TO ENCOURAGE YOU

  • TO COME OUT AND VOTE

  • ON ELECTION DAY.

  • >> John: WOW,

  • THAT IS HARD TO WATCH.

  • "HI, THIS IS TED CRUZ, JUST

  • CALLING TO REMIND YOU TO VOTE

  • FOR A MAN WHO INSULTED MY WIFE

  • AND SAID MY DAD HELPED KILL JFK.

  • ANYWAY, LIFE HAS NO MEANING,

  • THANK YOU, AND I WANT TO DIE.

  • TAKE CARE NOW!

  • GOD IS DEAD!"

  • GOOD-BYE NOW.

  • GOOD-BYE.

  • SO THERE IS VERY LITTLE

  • HOLDING TRUMP BACK.

  • AND REMEMBER IN JANUARY,

  • HE WILL BE

  • SWORN INTO OFFICE.

  • AND THERE'S ANOTHER WAVE

  • OF NAUSEA.

  • IT HITS YOU IN SMALL WAYS

  • AND LARGE.

  • FOR INSTANCE, HAD YOU CONSIDERED

  • THE FACT PORTRAITS OF TRUMP ARE

  • GOING TO BE HANGING IN AIRPORTS?

  • OR THAT THE MAN WHO DISPARAGED

  • A GOLD STAR FAMILY WILL NOW BE

  • EXPECTED TO COMFORT THE FAMILIES

  • OF FALLEN SOLDIERS?

  • AND MAYBE YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE

  • YOURSELF FEEL BETTER,

  • FANTASIZING THAT HE MIGHT GOOGLE

  • "HOW MUCH DOES THE PRESIDENT

  • GET PAID," GET DEPRESSED,

  • AND RESIGN.

  • BUT THAT'S WHEN YOU REMEMBER

  • MIKE FUCKING PENCE,

  • WHO MIGHT BE EVEN WORSE.

  • BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FROM

  • THE 1950s, BUT HE THINKS LIKE

  • HE'S FROM THE 1650s.

  • "OH, WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

  • HER PREGNANCY WAS TERMINATED

  • BEFORE BIRTH?

  • CLEARLY SHE IS A WITCH.

  • HOLD A FUNERAL FOR THE FETUS

  • AND THROW THE MOTHER IN A LAKE."

  • AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL

  • DEPRESSING, BUT IT DOES BRING US

  • BACK TO THE IMPORTANT QUESTION:

  • "WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW?"

  • AND FOR THE RECORD,

  • THE ANSWER IS NOT

  • "MOVE TO CANADA."

  • LITERALLY THE ONLY EXCUSE TO

  • EVER MIGRATE TO CANADA IS IF YOU

  • WERE BORN THERE ORIGINALLY,

  • IT'S SPRINGTIME,

  • AND YOU ARE A GOOSE.

  • THAT'S IT.

  • THAT IS IT.

  • NO, WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO STAY

  • HERE AND FIGHT.

  • AND NOT JUST POLITICALLY

  • IN FOUR YEARS, WHEN HE'S UP FOR

  • RE-ELECTION, BUT CONSTANTLY,

  • MONITORING LEGISLATION

  • AS IT MOVES THROUGH CONGRESS,

  • AND FUCKING VOTING WHEN

  • YOUR LEGISLATORS COME UP

  • FOR RE-ELECTION IN TWO YEARS.

  • BUT THAT'S STILL BELOW

  • THE BAREST MINIMUM

  • OF WHAT'S GOING TO BE NEEDED.

  • BECAUSE FOR THE LAST

  • EIGHT YEARS, WE'VE HAD

  • A PRESIDENT WE COULD ASSUME

  • WOULD GENERALLY STAND UP

  • FOR THE RIGHTS OF ALL AMERICANS.

  • BUT THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE NOW.

  • SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

  • ACTIVELY STAND UP

  • FOR ONE ANOTHER.

  • AND IT CAN'T BE SOUNDING OFF

  • ON THE INTERNET OR SHARING

  • THINKPIECES OR VIDEOS LIKE THIS

  • ONE THAT ECHO AROUND YOUR

  • BUBBLE.

  • I'M TALKING ABOUT ACTUAL

  • SACRIFICE TO SUPPORT PEOPLE

  • WHO ARE NOW UNDER THREAT.

  • IF YOU CAN AFFORD THE TIME

  • OR MONEY, SUPPORT ORGANIZATIONS

  • THAT ARE GOING TO NEED HELP

  • UNDER A TRUMP ADMINISTRATION.

  • FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU'RE

  • CONCERNED ABOUT WOMEN'S HEALTH,

  • DONATE TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD

  • OR THE CENTER

  • FOR REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS.

  • IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE MANMADE

  • GLOBAL WARMING IS A SILLY ISSUE,

  • DONATE TO THE NATURAL RESOURCES

  • DEFENSE COUNCIL.

  • IF YOU DON'T THINK REFUGEES

  • ARE A TERRORIST ARMY

  • IN DISGUISE,

  • DONATE TO THE INTERNATIONAL

  • REFUGEE ASSISTANCE PROJECT.

  • OH, AND GIVEN THESE GUYS'

  • TRACK RECORD, I'D ALSO RECOMMEND

  • DONATIONS TO THE NAACP

  • LEGAL DEFENSE FUND,

  • THE TREVOR PROJECT

  • FOR LGBTQ YOUTH,

  • AND THE MEXICAN AMERICAN

  • LEGAL DEFENSE

  • AND EDUCATIONAL FUND.

  • THAT LAST ONE WOULD BE PERFECT

  • IF YOUR COMPASSION FOR LATINOS

  • GOES BEYOND, SAY, OCCASIONALLY

  • EATING A FUCKING TACO BOWL.

  • AND DO CHECK THE BOX

  • FOR RECURRING DONATIONS

  • IF YOU CAN, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT

  • A SHORT-TERM PROBLEM.

  • ALSO, FOR A DASH OF FUN,

  • I'LL POINT OUT IF YOU HAVE

  • RELATIVES WHO SUPPORTED TRUMP,

  • YOU CAN GIVE MONEY

  • IN THEIR NAME.

  • SO CONSIDER YOUR HOLIDAY

  • SHOPPING THIS YEAR DONE.

  • HAPPY HOLIDAYS, NANA.

  • THE TREVOR PROJECT THANKS YOU.

  • AND THERE'S ONE MORE GROUP

  • I WOULD SINGLE OUT FOR HELP,

  • AND THAT'S THE PRESS.

  • BECAUSE, AS WE'VE SEEN, TRUMP IS

  • A MASTERFUL DENIER OF BOTH

  • REALITY AND RESPONSIBILITY.

  • HE IS A MAN WHO WOULD

  • KICK YOU IN THE NUTS AND THEN

  • TELL YOU THAT YOUR PENIS DID IT.

  • SO THE PRESS IS GOING TO FACE

  • CHALLENGES NOT JUST BECAUSE

  • TRUMP'S CHIEF STRATEGIST IS

  • STEVE BANNON OF BREITBART NEWS

  • BUT ALSO BECAUSE OF YET ANOTHER

  • PROMISE TRUMP MADE.

  • >> IF I BECOME PRESIDENT

  • THEY'RE GONNA HAVE PROBLEMS.

  • OH, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE

  • SUCH PROBLEMS.

  • I'M GOING TO OPEN UP

  • OUR LIBEL LAWS SO WHEN THEY

  • WRITE PURPOSELY NEGATIVE

  • AND HORRIBLE AND FALSE ARTICLES,

  • WE CAN SUE THEM AND WIN LOTS

  • OF MONEY.

  • WE'RE GOING TO OPEN UP

  • THOSE LIBEL LAWS.

  • >> John: OKAY, WELL, FIRST,

  • THERE IS NO FEDERAL LIBEL LAWS.

  • FOR TRUMP TO OPEN UP.

  • AND AS MANY SUPPOSED RECIPIENTS

  • OF TRUMP'S CHARITABLE GIFTS

  • WILL TELL YOU, YOU CAN'T OPEN

  • SOMETHING UP IF IT

  • DOESN'T EXIST.

  • BUT THAT ATTITUDE OF PUNISHING

  • THE PRESS IS GENUINELY WORRISOME

  • NOW THAT HE'S PRESIDENT.

  • SO INSTEAD OF SHARING

  • PARTISAN MEMES YOU FOUND ON

  • Republigoofs.redneck

  • AND Democrappy.cuck

  • YOU NEED TO SUPPORT ACTUAL

  • JOURNALISM BY BUYING

  • A SUBSCRIPTION TO OUTLETS

  • LIKE THE TIMES OR THE POST

  • OR YOUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER.

  • OR DONATING TO GROUPS LIKE

  • PROPUBLICA, A NONPROFIT WHICH

  • DOES GREAT INVESTIGATIVE

  • JOURNALISM.

  • THE POINT IS, IF WE DON'T GET

  • ACTIVELY INVOLVED TO AT LEAST

  • MITIGATE TRUMP'S DAMAGE,

  • THINGS WILL NOT BE OKAY.

  • AND YES, THE SUN WILL RISE

  • EACH DAY, BUT THE CONTINUING

  • ROTATION OF THE EARTH SHOULD NOT

  • BE YOUR BASELINE EXPECTATION

  • OF AMERICAN SOCIETY.

  • AND I JUST NEED TO ASK YOU

  • ONE MORE THING.

  • IT'S GOING TO BE TOO EASY FOR

  • THINGS TO START FEELING NORMAL,

  • ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SOMEONE

  • WHO IS NOT DIRECTLY IMPACTED

  • BY HIS ACTIONS.

  • SO KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF

  • THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

  • WRITE IT ON A POST-IT NOTE

  • AND STICK IT

  • ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR.

  • HIRE A SKY WRITER

  • ONCE A MONTH.

  • TATTOO IT ON YOUR ASS.

  • BECAUSE A KLAN-BACKED,

  • MISOGYNIST INTERNET TROLL

  • IS GOING TO BE DELIVERING

  • THE NEXT

  • STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.

  • AND THAT'S NOT NORMAL.

  • IT'S FUCKED UP.

  • AND THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME

  • ONE DEGREE OF COMFORT IS THAT

  • I THINK PART OF TRUMP MIGHT BE

  • REALIZING THAT NOW TOO.

  • JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE

  • AFTER MEETING WITH PAUL RYAN

  • AND GETTING A GLIMPSE OF

  • WHAT THE JOB ENTAILS.

  • HERE'S THE ACTUAL AUDIO

  • FROM THAT.

  • ♪ ♪

  • I FEEL THE SAME.

  • LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

  • FROM HERE.

  • AND THIS IS ACTUALLY

  • OUR FINAL SHOW OF THE YEAR.

  • AND NORMALLY, ON OUR LAST SHOW,

  • WE MASH UP ELEMENTS

  • FROM THE SEASON AND DANCE AROUND

  • IN THE STUDIO.

  • BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM

  • APPROPRIATE.

  • NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE ELECTION

  • BUT BECAUSE 2016 HAS BEEN

  • AN UNCOMMONLY SHITTY YEAR.

  • FROM THE ONGOING CRISIS

  • IN SYRIA TO ZIKA

  • TO RYAN LOCHTE BEING A DOUCHE

  • TO A SEEMINGLY ENDLESS

  • STRING OF CELEBRITY DEATHS,

  • INCLUDING JUST THIS WEEK

  • LEONARD COHEN.

  • SO WE'VE PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER

  • ABOUT HOW AWFUL THIS YEAR

  • HAS BEEN.

  • WE STARTED IT A LITTLE WHILE

  • AGO, BUT IT NOW FEELS MORE

  • PRESCIENT THAN EVER.

  • BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THIS YEAR

  • STILL HAS SEVEN WEEKS LEFT,

  • I'M CALLING IT EARLY.

  • 2016 HAS BEEN THE FUCKING WORST.

  • SO THANKS FOR WATCHING.

  • PLEASE ENJOY THIS TRIBUTE

  • TO A TRULY TERRIBLE YEAR.

  • >> 2016 HAS BEEN ONE CALAMITY

  • AFTER ANOTHER.

  • REMEMBERED FOR THE GIANT

  • CALAMITY WE ALL JUST WITNESSED.

  • WE SHOULDN'T LOSE SIGHT OF THE

  • OTHER MULTIPLE WAYS THIS HAS

  • BEEN A SHIT YEAR.

  • >> ARRAYS 2016 OFF THE CALENDAR.

  • >> A ROTTEN YEAR.

  • >> IT BLEW.

  • IT WAS AWFUL.

  • >> FOR THE EU, IT WAS A CRABBY

  • YEAR.

  • >> BREXIT, A MESS.

  • >> SYRIAN REFUGEE CRISIS,

  • TERRIBLE.

  • >> LOTS OF SEXISM BEING BLATANT.

  • >> IT'S DISGUSTING.

  • >> THE NEW YORK JETS SOCKET.

  • THE YANKEES MISSED THE PLAYOFFS.

  • >> I DON'T LIKE KEVIN DURANT

  • GOING TO GOLDEN STATE.

  • THAT WAS A CHICKEN SHIT MOVE.

  • >> I GOT BROKEN UP WITH.

  • >> HAD A GIRLFRIEND, BROKE UP

  • WITH ME TWO MONTHS AGO.

  • >> MY LANDLORD SAID.

  • [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

  • SPEAK

  • YOU >> SB 17 YEAR.

  • >> TOO MANY DEATHS.

  • >> PRINCE.

  • >> DAVID BOWIE.

  • >> DAVID BOWIE.

  • >> MY DOG.

  • >> TRIBE CALLED QUEST.

  • I GREW UP ON THAT.

  • >> WHAT HE REPRESENTS FOR BLACK

  • PEOPLE IN AMERICA.

  • >> FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING

  • LIKE A BEE.

  • >> GENE WILDER.

  • >> ALAN RICKMAN.

  • >> THIS YEAR DID SUCK.

  • >> FUCK YOU, 2016.

  • >> BAD YEAR.

  • >> SHIT YEAR.

  • >> FUCK U, 2016.

  • >> FUCK, 2016.

  • >> FUCK YOU, 2016.

  • >> 2016, FUCK OFF.

  • >> WELL BELOW MY STANDARDS OF

  • QUALITY.

  • >> FUCK YOU, 2016.

  • >> HEY, 2016, GO PUNCH YOURSELF

  • IN THE DICK.

  • >> FUCK YOU, 2016.

  • >> HEY,

  • FUCK YOU,

  • 2016

  • >>

  • >> FUCK, 2016.

  • >> 2016, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY

  • HEART, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

  • >> FUCK YOU, 2016.

  • FUCK YOU.

  • ♪ ♪

  • >> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

  • THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

  • LET'S ALL TRY HARDER NEXT YEAR.

  • GOOD NIGHT.

[ROCK MUSIC]

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