So today, I’m going to Draw My Life

It all began on August 31st, 1994

I was born in the small French city of Montreal in Canada

which is also where both of my parents met

I have an older sister named Karen

which completes my entire family of 4

Before I get into more details, I want to rewind a little

My dad is from Hong Kong so growing up

He spoke Cantonese

And my mom…

She’s from Madagascar

She also spoke Cantonese but she was even more fluent in French

since that’s what a lot of people spoke there

Because of that, I grew up speaking Cantonese but mainly French

That’s the language people speak here in Montreal

so my parents wanted me and my sister to adapt

The things is, MOST Asian parents didn’t speak French

So during my childhood, I hung out with EVERY ethnicity

EXCEPT Asians…

Because most of them usually hung out together and spoke Chinese

And… I couldn’t relate to that

Nonetheless, I made a lot of cool friends during Elementary School

One of my best friends invited over

And showed me his Game Cube & Nintendo 64

Yup! He had BOTH gaming consoles

I thought it was so fun I asked my parents to get me one

But they couldn’t afford that

So they would often drop me off at my friends just to play games

I didn’t really mind it. My friend was really good

And It was almost more fun watching him play and have him teach me

Later on, I found out my classmate Ralph lived across the street from me

He had this Basketball hoop

Joshua, another friend from school, just moved nearby at that time too

I’d often look outside my window to see if they were playing Basketball

And when I saw them, I’d go join and we’d play until sunset

When I didn’t hang out with friends though, I’d watch TV Shows

Animes to be exact

I found them so cool, I would draw them out

My parents only purchased English TV Channels

And that’s how they made me learn how to speak English

In school however, I wasn’t doing too well…

My grades were below average while my sister Karen always had straight A’s…

My sister was only 2 years older than me but she was really mature for her age

She was smart, well-mannered, talkative…

And because of that, my parents always compared me to her…

I quietly envied her…

In the meanwhile, my parents took ballroom dance classes every week as a hobby

Since they didn’t want to pay for a babysitter, they’d bring me along

I’d be on the side watching while doing this thing called: Origami

A friend taught me how to do that in school so that’s what I did to pass time

Since I wasn’t doing too well with my grades

My parents secretly enrolled me into ballroom dance classes to see if I could be better at that

When I learned the news, I cried for literally 48 hours

[Cry]

Je ne veux pas… [I don’t want to…]

To me, even though I was 8 years old, ballroom dancing was the LEAST manly sport out there

My friends played Hockey or Basketball so I never told them I danced

I was embarrassed…

After a few classes though, I was performing really well…

I started entering dance competitions and won 1st place… Almost every time

[Applause]

Félicitation! [Congratulations!]

I was finally good at something and for once, it felt like my parents were proud of me

For High School, my parents enrolled me into a Private School

It was predominantly Caucasian

Yup! Majority of the students were White

It made no difference to me though since I was so used to hanging out with Non-Asians anyways…

But for many of them, having ME around…

Was different…

So… I got bullied

Verbally and Physically

During breaks or recess, students insulted me, Pushed me around…

I tried not to let that bother me

I fell in love with this girl at the time and that really helped cope with things

We were really close

SO close, people teased me about making it “Facebook Official”

But days later, she started dating this other guys who…

I guess was more popular

It broke my heart

To make matters worse, the boyfriend somehow learned I had a crush on her

He stopped me in the hallway and publicly shouted:

YOU’RE ASIAN! LOOK AROUND!

You will NEVER amount to ANYTHING!

Pfff… I… I didn’t cry or anything but

For some reason, I concluded that what he said was the reason why girls wouldn’t date me

During weekends, Joshua, Ralph and I still met up to play Basketball

Ralph’s parents just got a camera and he asked his sister to film us do Basketball tricks

He said he’ll upload the video on this site called YOUTUBE and send a link to me later

It was my 1st time hearing about this website

A few days later, Ralph sent me the video and I… LOVED IT

[Mouse click]

I immediately met up with the boys to tell’em and

they suggested me to watch these 2 other funny guys they just discovered

The 1st one was called: RYAN HIGA

And the second: KEVJUMBA

So I did… And I was BLOWN AWAY

Yeah! They were really funny…

But there was something EVEN MORE captivating that made me keep watching

It was the FIRST time I ever saw other Asians fluently speak English in all of my 12 years

So they became my Role Models

Until this point, I never told anyone I was a Ballroom Dancer

One day, my grades weren’t doing well so I had to stay after History class

The teacher asked if I had any hobbies and after hesitating…

I said I was a Competitive Ballroom Dancer outside of school

She seemed really passionate about it so I opened up even more

Few days later, in the middle of my French class, the intercom rang and my name was called

I thought I was in trouble

But it was actually to tell me that my history teacher

secretly signed me up to our school talent show

I immediately said “NO THANKS!” out of fear

All of a sudden, I was surrounded by the girls that were organizing the show

They insisted that I should so… I gave in

My sister attended the same school so I asked her to perform with me

People LOVED it

From then on, I was labelled as: The DANCER

Which I didn’t mind

Sadly, that gave my bullies another reason to mock me

Saying I was a girl for dancing but

Although their words were degrading, I noticed I wasn’t physically bullied anymore

So I guess things were getting better

I still had trouble finding my crowd though

One day, this guy I wanted to be friends with

pushed another student in front of me because he was in his way

Everyone around laughed…

I was confused but…

I concluded that, that’s what I had to do to be acknowledged

So gradually…

I became a bully…

A guy joked about me once so I pushed him so hard against the locker shouting:

SAY THAT AGAIN AND I’LL BEAT YOU UP!

He almost teared up…

I thought acting tough and cocky was what made people cool

I think deep inside I just wanted to prove myself or others

That I could be loved…

But, I was wrong…

Honestly, I was more scared that people would see through my fake image and fight back

Ironically, instead of making more friends

I pushed the ones I already had and other students didn’t want to be near me

Even this girl I had a crush on avoided me

So one night, I messaged her asking:

Can you be honest and tell me what’s wrong with me?

She answered:

You’re just not a nice person anymore…

You’re not being yourself…

That left me speechless

Truth is…

I didn’t know who I was…

I just wanted to fit in…

I thought the person I was before was the reason I was rejected in the 1st place

What I thought defined me…

Well… My bullies ridiculed

I didn’t know how to express myself anymore

From that point on, I thought if I couldn’t make myself happy

I’d try to make others happy

I started to socialize and say Hi to people I found more quiet, bullied or rejected...

Unexpectedly, that was the first time I ever saw any of them smile

Seeing that made me really happy for some reason

So I kept doing it just for that…

To see them smile

I didn’t realize the impact at the time

But at the year end Gala

I was voted as the “Most Respectful and Social Person” by my classmates

Maybe that’s what life’s all about…

Happiness doesn’t always come from Receiving but… from Giving

When I turned 15, my sister kept nagging me about getting a job and

to start paying for my own things

It was annoying but I admired her for being responsible

So I applied around and got my 1st job at a restaurant as a “Salad Boy”

I made soup, cut fruits and made salads

I worked there during the summertime until school restarted

In my last year of High school, a friend told me to audition for the school musical

because he didn’t want to do it alone

I never sang in front of people before but auditioned anyways to try something new

I’ve never been so nervous but

Eventually, I was chosen as the 2nd lead role

and my friend, he got the Lead

The experience was life changing

I found out I loved singing

Simon, a friend in my school bus, heard I liked to sing

so he invited me over to his house where he had built his own little music studio

He started improvising some crazy jazzy music on his keyboard

I was FASCINATED

Turns out, he was ranked as the best piano player in Canada within his age category

While he was playing, I would sing on top of the music

and he would always yell at me saying:

WOW! This could be a HIT on the radio. Keep going!

Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing but his comments made me feel good

So almost every night, I’d go over to his place and we’d play music

While I was in the musical, I met this girl...

I thought she was out of my league so I didn’t think much of it

But we got along so well, we started dating and

she became my first girlfriend…

An amazing one too

She did a really good job at making me feel loved

and I thought our relationship would last a very long time

However, I too often let my insecurities get the best of me

which led to unnecessary conflicts

So after a few months…

We broke up…

I learned Love is a HUGE responsibility

So from that point on, I told myself

I’d make sure to heal my wounds before getting into another relationship

Now throughout my entire High School years

I never had a dedicated group of friends I’d hang out with

From math class to lunch, recess and even outside of school

I’d jump from one group of friends to the other

I was always the guy on the side listening on conversations

And have that occasional awkward smile when I saw the others laugh

I never had a voice…

I was always…

The follower…

I think that’s why by the end of the school year, I yearned to express myself

So, with the money I saved up from working at the restaurant

I bought my 1st HD Camera

and decided to start making videos on YouTube for just myself to watch

Days later,

Comments from people I didn’t know started coming in

I couldn’t believe being myself was okay for once

I couldn’t believe people listened

I started to imagine people smiling from watching my videos

Just like the students I’d say Hi to

That made me really happy

So yeah! Through these videos,

I slowly healed my scars and accepted myself again

Joking and talking about my insecurities always felt like 1000 pounds lifted off my shoulders

Call me weird but watching myself felt like I was meeting the REAL Jeffrey for the 1st time

And that’s what motivated me to keep going

I just wanted to know more about me

Thats why, you might have seen a common theme throughout ALL my videos

They’re either personal stories I connect to OR insecurities I’ve encountered

For college, I didn’t really want to sign up