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  • Adam, you got me into this,

  • now you get me out!

  • I promise, I have someone working on it.

  • But in the meantime, this is a great opportunity to explain why our nation's prison system is a failure on every level.

  • Ha! So you know a lot about prison?

  • I bet you watch a lot of PBS documentaries, huh?

  • I guess you're right.

  • I do lack firsthand knowledge.

  • Ooh, maybe you could help me do this episode?

  • Sure. Nothing better to do.

  • (snaps fingers)

  • Whoa!

  • Do you have magic TV powers like Adam?

  • Nope, but I got a lot of favors.

  • Early lunch today.

  • Early lunch today, everyone.

  • America's prison system is a total mess.

  • Whatever purpose you think it serves, it ain't doing it.

  • Well, the point of prison is to reduce crime.

  • It's definitely not doing that.

  • There are 2.2 million people incarcerated in the U.S.,

  • ten times more than 50 years ago.

  • Two million is more than the population of some states.

  • Welcome to Mass-Incarceration- Achusetts.

  • Our primary export-- shivs.

  • Our secondary export-- cod!

  • Hey! That's cod-traband.

  • (laughing)

  • But despite this massive increase in the prison population,

  • a study conducted by the NYU School of Law

  • found that the effect on the crime rate has been essentially zero.

  • Zero? Then why do we lock so many people up?

  • Well, I can't speak for all prisons,

  • but this one is here to make money.

  • Make money?

  • You mean someone is profiting from all this?

  • Yep, these guys are.

  • It all started in the "tough on crime" '80s,

  • when the war on drugs meant state and federal prisons were bursting at the seams.

  • So many prisoners? What do we do?

  • Let corporate America handle your prisons.

  • We'll take care of everything.

  • Save you a few bucks and skim a little off the top.

  • Businesses running prisons?

  • That sounds a little fishy.

  • (laughing) Just kidding!

  • I mean, hey, if it saves money, right?

  • And so the Corrections Corporation of America, or CCA, was born.

  • Okay, hold on. You can't just sell prisons like they're cars or real estate or hamburgers.

  • Hmph! Then why don't you tell that to Tom Beasley

  • the co-founder of CCA who once said..."YOU JUST SELL PRISONS LIKE YOU WERE SELLING CARS, OR REAL ESTATE, OR HAMBURGERS."

  • CCA, can I take your order?

  • I'll have a number seven with extra solitary cells,

  • electric fence, and small onion rings.

  • Like to supermax that?

  • Yeah, I'll supermax it.

  • And they rake in a ton of scratch.

  • Last year, CCA took in $1.7 billion.

  • Business is so good it's criminal.

  • (laughter)

  • Well, you know, maybe it's okay.

  • Because they're saving the taxpayer money.

  • Sorry! The sales pitch was wrong.

  • The data shows that private prisons cost the taxpayers just as much as regular prisons.

  • And today, nearly one-fifth of federal prisoners are held in a for-profit facility.

  • Okay, no--

  • Ah, graffiti! That's an infraction.

  • A beautiful one. Are you Banksy?

  • Oh, my gosh, I already got an infraction.

  • They must give out a lot of these.

  • Oh, yeah, that's not a coincidence.

  • One study showed that private prisons dole out twice as many infractions as government prisons.

  • Not having enough infractions.

  • That's an infraction.

  • These penalties can lengthen your sentence,

  • which earns the company even more cash.

  • Oh, so the more people that are in prison,

  • the more money they make.

  • Ooh, that's dirty!

  • Yep, that's why private prisons sneak occupancy clauses into their contracts,

  • which actually require states to keep prisons full.

  • Last year, a private prison in Arizona didn't make their 97% capacity quota,

  • so the state government had to pay them a $3 million fine.

  • Fines like that incentivize cash-strapped states to keep people in prison as long as possible.

  • Your parole forms are in order and you've been a model prisoner,

  • so we're going to--

  • (clears throat)

  • Lock you back up.

  • We really can't afford to pay another fine.

  • That's reprehensible.

  • Look, not all prisons are private prisons,

  • but this one is. So no,

  • it's purpose isn't to stop crime.

  • It's the dollar-dollar bills, y'all!

  • Whoo!

  • I can't believe all this has been happening and I didn't even know.

  • I mean, I never thought about prison, like, at all.

  • Hey, pulling back the curtain on our disturbing business practices,

  • that's an infraction.

  • Hey, that makes three infractions.

  • You're gonna go to solitary.

  • Okay, that doesn't sound so bad.

  • You know, peace and quiet, do some meditating.

  • No, solitary confinement is a cruel and inhumane punishment

  • that has no place in modern society.

  • Wait, what?

  • Eh, we'll tell you about it after you get settled in the hole.

  • No, tell me now!

Adam, you got me into this,

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