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  • I'm here with Hans and Simon.

  • Is that right?

  • Which one are you? (laughs) No, no.

  • What? I'm Franz.

  • Franz, I thought you were Hans.

  • No, Franz.

  • And you're, what are you, you're Dietrich?

  • You're Simon.

  • Simon...

  • Hans. Hans.

  • No, Franz.

  • Franz.

  • What?

  • Franz.

  • Arrgh.

  • I've had a lot of these.

  • Today I want to learn traditional Bavarian dance.

  • You guys are experts.

  • We are.

  • You are brothers.

  • This is the, what is happening now?

  • There's a vest here.

  • That's a vest, yes.

  • This is like sort of like a leprechaun thing.

  • And then you have-

  • These are lederhosen.

  • Well, they're bondage shorts.

  • What's going on with the socks?

  • [Franz] It's called loferl.

  • I'm sure that's German for pieces of socks.

  • (audience laughing)

  • What's going on here?

  • You've got two spoons in your pocket,

  • what do you use those for?

  • (spoons tapping) (folk music)

  • (audience applause)

  • It hurts!

  • It's painful.

  • You brought a musician with you?

  • Appreciate you leaving your cuckoo clock to be here.

  • (audience laughing)

  • It's a big house.

  • How do you say "zing" in German?

  • Zing, got him.

  • Right?

  • Yeah.

  • You guys have worked together before?

  • Yes, we, have.

  • Are you their father?

  • (audience laughing)

  • You're the father.

  • No one told me that!

  • What the hell?

  • You just found out that this is your father?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Suddenly I'm the German Maury Povich.

  • I deserve a swig after that.

  • I think I should begin, learn some dance,

  • we're gonna learn some, what kind of dancing is it called?

  • Schuhplattler.

  • Schuhplattler.

  • Schuhplattler.

  • You can't learn the Schuhplattler

  • when you don't look like a Bavarian.

  • (accordion fanfare)

  • (audience cheers and claps)

  • I’m ready to learn. Looking good.

  • Good to see you.

  • Groupa, schtarmia, let us begin.

  • (singing in foreign language)

  • (Conan holds a high note)

  • (Conan sings in foreign language)

  • (audience cheers)

  • We're gonna show you what you got yourself into.

  • Okay.

  • (shoes tapping)

  • (folk music)

  • (shrieking)

  • You think I could learn this?

  • But I'm not like your sons, you can't beat me

  • with a wooden stick to make me dance.

  • They didn't want this, this isn't what they wanted.

  • They wanted to work with computers.

  • (audience laughing)

  • No, no!

  • They can do both.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Come on. Come on.

  • The guy's a monster.

  • One, two, three, four, onetzee, pantzee, badampampam.

  • I mean close enough.

  • Closer, please.

  • Closer.

  • Stick.

  • You guys know what I'm talking about.

  • So one, two, three, four, pa-

  • Where are your hands?

  • Exactly.

  • You knew where my hands were.

  • Don't be a dick and say "Where are they?"

  • I think we know where they are.

  • How come you have no accent?

  • I don't understand what's happening here.

  • First of all you are, I mean, clearly

  • you were carved out of a sausage.

  • (audience laughing)

  • And then you actually seem like a German guy.

  • This guy is like,

  • "Dude, let's wax up the board, let's catch some rays."

  • What's happened to him?

  • Do you know Billy Joel's the piano man?

  • Yeah, I've heard about.

  • (speaks in German)

  • We're not talking about that.

  • I'm just asking if you knew Billy Joe's the piano man,

  • that's all.

  • Later on.

  • First work, then the fun.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Fun childhood for both of you.

  • Two, three, hit it.

  • Hey, one second.

  • Again, ah?

  • So you play-

  • I think you started a little early.

  • No, I just gave you the chance to be in the right spot.

  • [Franz] So Conan, come on.

  • Does he ever admit he's wrong?

  • No.

  • One recommendation, group therapy.

  • Would you think about it, with your two sons?

  • (audience laughing)

  • So you're saying no therapy, let's just keep

  • with this insane scheme of yours,

  • to make your children dance and dance and dance

  • until the grave.

  • Ready?

  • Just one suggestion.

  • Don't spread your fingers like this.

  • We know you have 10 fingers.

  • It looks better to do that.

  • (audience laughing)

  • (audience applause)

  • Two, three, four.

  • (hands and shoes tapping) (folk music)

  • (shrieking)

  • (audience cheering and clapping)

  • Pretty good.

  • You know, I'm only in town for a couple days.

  • I think this is pretty good.

  • Now, I know not by this guy's standards.

  • There are certainly a few things which we could improve.

  • You just do like, you just hit us.

  • Got it?

  • (hands tapping)

  • Oh.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Hey!

  • Which one hit me in the face?

  • Who did that?

  • You guys have been doing this since you were fetuses.

  • I mean, literally you were born,

  • your dad squeezed you into some leather pants,

  • started hitting you with the wooden spoons,

  • and making you live out this sick dream.

  • And now you're ganging up on me.

  • And I don't like it.

  • I wanna bring in someone who's the most German guy I know.

  • Could you come in here, please?

  • Wie geht es, boys.

  • Andy.

  • What are you doing here?

  • Well, this is the only place

  • I can really be in my natural state

  • without breaking up too many marriages (laughs).

  • Hear these?

  • This is like the reason you put a bell on a cat.

  • So it can't catch too many birds.

  • Ladies gonna be sneaking up on us.

  • Because of your German roots,

  • I think this is gonna come very natural for you.

  • Alright, let's give it a try.

  • Okay.