we are BlimeyCow's favorite band, Pompton Lakes,

and you're watching Messy Mondays.

Hi Jordan!

(theme music)

A few weeks ago, we talked about

ten things that you should never say to a girl

(ding)

Because we all know that guys

need all the help that they can get.

But you know, girls say some pretty dumb stuff

to guys too sometimes.

So in the interest of fairness,

here's ten things that you should never say to a guy.

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

No! Tell me what's wrong!

I want to understand!

And I can tell that you might not want to talk about it

right now, but, can't you see that

I'm at least trying to make an effort here?

Give me something!

"Does this make me look fat?"

Lose/lose situation,

the fact that you're asking means

you probably think it does.

So either we confirm how you feel,

or you think we're lying.

When, in actuality, you probably actually

look really good.

"Here - just let me do it."

Nothing defeats a man's spirit more than hearing:

"Here - let me do that."

You think that you're just trying to get a task done

as efficiently and fast as possible,

but what I hear is this:

"Clearly you're unable to do a job as simple as the dishes,

I'll deal with this,

you can walk away and just

think about how incapable you are."

"You are so sweet! How do you not have a girlfriend?"

Because you won't date me!

"You're going to make some girl

really happy someday."

Let me demonstrate what this statement feels like

to a guy when he hears it:

Kelly here is going to act as a metaphor

for this statement entering

into a man's eardrums. Okay.

Watch carefully

(punch)

(strangled moan)

"Does this outfit show too much skin?"

Girls, this one is awkward for us guys,

cause it makes us have to admit that

we notice stuff like that.

There is no right answer!

Just...don't put us in that position.

"You're like a brother to me."

The feeling is not reciprocated.

Because, if we were related,

my feelings for you would be

illegal in forty-nine states

...I looked it up.

"So what are you thinking?"

This can be very dangerous.

Hey, what're you thinking about?

Uh, well, you see...

I just saw that commercial for the museum

that was on TV

and then that made me think about the planetarium,

and then that made me think about Star Wars,

and then that made me think about

if there are going to be real wars in space

like, for real one day,

and then that made me think about

the current conflicts in the Middle East

and then that made me wonder

if those are even justified by-

That commercial was like, two seconds ago...

...I know.

"Um, you don't have to do that for me,

do you think that I'm incapable of

opening the door myself?"

Obvs you are capable of opening a door for yourself.

I'm just trying to be a nice guy!

"My ex used to do that, too."

No one likes hearing about how they compare

to your former flame.

Ugh, are you going skateboarding again?

My ex used to do that all the time.

You know, maybe you should cut your hair,

my ex had long hair,

and I hate him.

I think you wear the same deodorant as my ex.

That's confusing...

This is over!

The end!

So there you go!

Now everyone knows

what not to say to everybody else!

I just fixed communication between the genders.

To recap:

Guys, don't be an idiot,

and girls, give us a break.

You're welcome.

Don't mind us.

We're just playing the most important game of our lives.