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  • IT IS NOW MY HONOR TO WELCOME BACK TO THE "LATE SHOW," "THE

  • FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES, IT IS MY HONOR TO WELCOME BACK

  • MICHELLE OBAMA.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

  • ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

  • >> YEAH!

  • >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

  • >> YOU, TOO.

  • YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!

  • THANK YOU, GUYS.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, I HAVE KNOWN A FEW PEOPLE.

  • I HAVE KNOWN A FEW PEOPLE IN WASHINGTON, D.C., AND NOT ALL OF

  • THEM GET THAT KIND OF RECEPTION WHEN THEY GO SOMEPLACE.

  • SO YOU'RE ALMOST DONE WITH THE EIGHT YEARS IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • >> YES.

  • ALMOST-- WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF THERE!

  • >> Stephen: HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

  • IS IT AT ALL BITTERSWEET?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: OR YOU'RE LIKE, "WHERE'S THE EXIT?"

  • >> IT'S DEFINITELY BITTERSWEET.

  • I MEAN, EVERYTHING IS, LIKE, THE LAST, YOU KNOW.

  • AND I FIND MYSELF CHOKING UP BECAUSE WE HAVE RAISED OUR KIDS

  • IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • WE'VE HAD SO MANY AMAZING EXPERIENCES.

  • WE HAVE A PHENOMENAL STAFF.

  • WE LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE US AND CARE ABOUT US.

  • AND, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING TO BE WALKING AWAY FROM ALL THAT AND

  • IT'S JUST BEEN AN HONOR.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD TO SAY TO THE KIDS, "BE PREPARED.

  • THE NEXT HOUSE IS NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THIS."

  • >> I ACTUALLY MADE MY KIDS START PACKING THEIR ROOMS ALREADY.

  • IT'S LIKE, GET THIS DONE.

  • WELL, YOU KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: YOU DON'T UPON TO KEEP IT TO THE LAST MINUTE.

  • >> MY THING SIF YOU DON'T PACK IT, I'M THROWING IT OUT.

  • THAT'S WHAT I DO.

  • >> Stephen: THEN IT ENDS UP ON E-BAY.

  • >> IT'S ON E-BAY, I SELL IT.

  • YOU KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION I HAVE TO ASK

  • YOU IS WHAT IS BEYONCE REALLY LIKE?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • SHE'S-- SHE'S SO TALENTED THAT I HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING AT HER

  • WITHOUT MY RETINAS BURNING OUT.

  • YOU GUYS ACTUALLY HANG OUT LIKE FRIENDS, RIGHT?

  • >> YOU SHOULDN'T LOOK HER IN THE EYE.

  • SHE'S A SPECIAL PERSON.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE BEYONCE'S BEYONCE?

  • SHE LOOKS UP TO YOU.

  • >> SHE'S A SWEETHEART.

  • SHE'S SMART.

  • SHE'S CREATIVE.

  • SHE'S A GREAT MOTHER.

  • SHE LOVES HER FAMILY.

  • SHE'SA-- YOU KNOW, SHE'S JUST A LOW-KEY LADY.

  • SO WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON IN THAT WAY.

  • EXCEPT I CAN'T SING.

  • I CAN'T DANCE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN DANCE.

  • I'VE SEEN YOU DANCE.

  • >> NOT LIKE BEYONCE.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS "ESSENCE"

  • MAGAZINE.

  • THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL-- ( APPLAUSE )

  • TALKING ABOUT YOUR EIGHT YEARS IN THERE.

  • BUT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS PICTURE, WHICH WHEN IT WAS

  • RELEASED, BURNED THE INTERNET TO GROUND, RIGHT THERE.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) WHAT--

  • >> THAT'S ME AND MY BOO.

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, WE LIKED YOU ALREADY.

  • YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO RELEASE THIS PHOTOGRAPH.

  • WHAT ARE YOU GUYS SAYING TO EACH OTHER THERE?

  • HOW DID THIS MOMENT COME ABOUT?

  • >> YOU KNOW, BARACK IS HORRIBLE IN PHOTO SHOOTS, AND I HATE

  • DOING PHOTO SHOOTS WITH HIM, SO I'M SURE RIGHT THERE I WAS

  • SAYING, "WOULD YOU JUST BE PATIENT AND STOP.

  • DON'T RUSH THE PHOTOGRAPHER."

  • HE'S LIKE, "I THINK WE GOT THE SHOT.

  • I CAN GO, CAN I GO?" "NO, YOU CAN'T GO."

  • THAT WAS EXACTLY-- BARACK HAS TWO SMILES FOR A PHOTO.

  • IT'S LIKE THIS SMILE OR THIS SMILE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND HE JUST SORT OF LIKE, "I

  • THINK WE'RE DONE.

  • WE HAVE IT."

  • AND IT'S LIKE, "NO, WE DIDN'T.

  • THESE PHOTOGRAPHERS THEY HAVE BEEN SETTING UP FOR HOURS."

  • HE COMESES IN AND SAYS, "I THINK I CAN GIVE YOU FIVE MINUTES."

  • I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM TO CHILL OUT AND RELAX, SO THEY

  • CAUGHT THAT DISCUSSION.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT'S

  • HAPPENING RIGHT THERE?

  • >> CHILL OUT.

  • CHILL OUT.

  • >> Stephen: "PLEASE, PLEASE, JUST ONE MORE PHOTOGRAPH."

  • >> AND HE'S LIKE, "REALLY?" >> Stephen: WHO IS IT HARD

  • TORE GET TO STAND FOR A PHOTOGRAPH, YOUR HUSBAND OR YOUR

  • CHILDREN?

  • >> OH, MY HUSBAND, WITHOUT A DOUBT.

  • WELL-- YEAH, HIM.

  • HE'S TOUGH.

  • I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY HIM OR BO AND SONNY.

  • >> Stephen: WELL?

  • >> HIM.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NOW, THAT SMILE,

  • THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD IMPRESSION OF YOUR HUSBAND.

  • DO YOU DO AN IMPRESSION OF YOUR HUSBAND?

  • >> WE ALL THREE OF US HAVE GOOD IMPRESSIONS OF BARACK.

  • >> Stephen: WOULD YOU MIND SHARING A LITTLE BIT?

  • >> IT'S USUALLYT DINNER TABLE BECAUSE YOU KNOW-- MALIA WILL

  • START IT BECAUSE SHE USUALLY ASKS SERIOUS QUESTION.

  • "DAD, TELL US ABOUT YOUR KAY.

  • AND WHAT ABOUT THAT CONVERSATION ON GLOBAL WARMING?"

  • AND SASHA AND I ARE LIKE, "NO, DON'T GET HIM STARTED."

  • AND HE'S LIKE, "WELL, I'M GLAD-- I'M GLAD YOU ASKED THAT.

  • LET ME JUST-- LET ME JUST ANSWER THAT IN THREE POINTS.

  • ONE--" AND THEN ONE-"A," AND ONE-"A" AND "B."

  • AND SASHA AND ARE LIKE OH!

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE LIKE, PROFESSOR, CAN I AUDIT THIS

  • LECTURE?

  • >> BECAUSE SASHA AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT OUR FAVORITE SONG ON

  • THE "LEMONADE" ALBUM.

  • HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO THERE IS THERE I HEARD YOU SAY ABOUT THE

  • PRESIDENT THAT HE LEAVES THE JOB AT THE DOOR WHEN HE COMES INTO

  • THE RESIDENTIAL PART OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • >> HE DOES.

  • >> Stephen: IS THAT REALLY TRUE?

  • I CAN'T LEAVE MY JOB AT THE DOOR.

  • HOW DOES HE LEAVE THAT AT THE DOOR?

  • >> YOU KNOW, AT LEAST OUR TIME TOGETHER.

  • WHEN HE FIRST WALKS IN, WE HAVE DINNER.

  • IT'S USUALLY DINNER TIME.

  • SO THAT'S THE TIME WHEN UNLESS MALIA ASKS HIM ABOUT HIS WORK,

  • WHICH WE TRY NOT TO HAVE HER DO, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS, YOU

  • KNOW.

  • "HOW WERE YOUR DAYS?

  • WHAT'S GOING ON?

  • WHAT'S THE LATEST GOSSIP?" HE'S REALLY INTO GOSSIP, SO YOU

  • CAN GET HIM-- BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A LIFE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NO, BUT HE'S GOT

  • THE N.S.A., AND HE CAN FIND OUT WHAT ANY OF US ARE THINKING.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • SO BEING THE FIRST LADY, BEING THE FIRST LADY, OBVIOUSLY, IS A

  • LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY.

  • IT'S A GREAT HONOR AT THE SAME TIME.

  • DO YOU HAVE ANY FIRST LADY-- WHEN YOU LOOK BACK ON THE LAST

  • EIGHT YEARS-- DO YOU HAVE ANY FIRST LADY FAUX PASS, LIKE "I

  • CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MOMENT?" >> SO MANY OF THEM.

  • THEY USUALLY INVOLVE PRONOUNCING SOMEBODY'S NAME WRONG.

  • I'M SO HORRIBLE.

  • >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU GO ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

  • >> OH, GOD, NAMES ARE SO HARD.

  • AND I PRACTICE AND I TRY TO GET-- AND THEN I GET UP THERE

  • AND I MESS IT UP.

  • EVEN NAMES HERE IN THE UNITED STATES.

  • I MEAN, KIDS THESE DAYS, THEIR NAMES.

  • I MEAN-- I CAN TELL YOU, I THINK I'VE GOT IT RIGHT.

  • I'M LOOKING AT THE NAME CARD, AND IT'S LIKE, NO, IT'S NOT

  • TERRY, IT'S TER-REE.

  • I'M USUALLY JUST LIKE, "HEY, SWEETIE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

  • I HAVE GIVEN UP ON THAT.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S COLBERT, YOU DON'T PRONOUNCE THE "T."

  • >> AND IT'S NOT STEVE.

  • IT'S STEPHEN.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

  • THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING.

  • >> I REMEMBER THAT, I REMEMBER.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

  • >> BECAUSE YOU'RE PRETTY TOUCHY ABOUT THAT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: WAS THERE-- CAN YOU HAVE AN "OH, MY GOD MOMENT.

  • I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

  • THIS FUN THING I GOT TO DO."

  • >> SO MANY.

  • SLEEPOVER AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT?

  • >> YEAH, WHAT?

  • >> Stephen: DID YOU AND THE QUEEN PAINT EACH OTHER'S

  • TOENAILS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

  • >> NO, THEY HOSTED US FOR THE STATE DINNER.

  • WHEN YOU'RE THE GUEST COUNTRY YOU STAY AT THE PALACE.

  • I REMEMBER ORDERING FRENCH FRIES AT THE PALACE.

  • THEY WERE GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU GUYS HAVE FRENCH FRIES AT THE WHITE HOUSE?

  • >> YES, YOU HAVEEG AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • DO YOU THINK -- >> MISS ORGANIC VEGETABLES.

  • >> HEY, HEY, NOT EVERY DAY.

  • BUT YOU KNOW.

  • I LOVE FRENCH FRIES.

  • I AM A BIG FRENCH FRY FANATIC.

  • THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO EAT VEGETABLES BECAUSE --

  • >> JUST TO BALANCE IT OUT.

  • >> TO BALANCE IT OUT, FOR SURE.

  • IT WOULD GET UGLY.

  • >> Stephen: YOU SAID TO OPRAH-- MY GOOD FRIEND OPRAH.

  • PLEASE SAY HI.

  • >> I WILL.

  • >> Stephen: THAT YOUR HUSBAND-- I WANT TO GET THIS

  • RIGHT-- YOU CALLED HIM SCITUATE SWAGGA-LICIOUS.

  • >> I DID.

  • >> Stephen: HOW IS SWAGGA-LICIOUSNESS ACHIEVED?

  • >> IT'S A PERSON THAT HAS A LOT OF SWAG.

  • AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SWAG IS, STEVE, YOU DEFINITELY DON'T

  • HAVE IT.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I THINK-- I THINK

  • IT'S TIME TO GO TO A COMMERCIAL.

  • I'LL WORK ON MY SWAG.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA.

IT IS NOW MY HONOR TO WELCOME BACK TO THE "LATE SHOW," "THE

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