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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and life you love.

  • Now, if youve ever hit rock bottom in your relationships or in your life and wondered

  • if you had the strength to come back and make it to the other side, this episode is for

  • you.

  • Glennon Doyle Melton is a New York Times bestselling author, activist, and creator of the wildly

  • popular online community, Momastery.

  • She’s also the founder of Together Rising, a nonprofit that has raised over 4 million

  • dollars for women and children in crisis.

  • In her highly anticipated memoir, Love Warrior, Glennon tells the story of her journey of

  • self discovery after the implosion of her marriage.

  • Glennon.

  • Marie.

  • Oh my God, I’m so excited.

  • I’m so happy youre here.

  • So first of all, congratulations.

  • You guys, Love Warrior, this is amazing.

  • I could not put your book down.

  • I was so excited every single night to come home and read it.

  • And I had it on my bedside table.

  • Congratulations.

  • Thank you.

  • So let’s start with your story and this concept of brutifal, which I know is core

  • to your brand.

  • What does that mean?

  • Brutifal, ok.

  • So, well, I guess the first time I figured brutifal out was when I was 10 years old.

  • So I just kind of was a super sensitive kid and I remember looking out at life and being

  • like, “Woah, this is likeyikes, like, this is hard and scary and there’s too much

  • pain here,” and so I decided to drop out of life into addiction, so I became bulimic

  • when I was 10 years old.

  • And I think addiction is really just like a hiding place.

  • Right?

  • Where sensitive people go to hide from love and pain.

  • Right?

  • Or from beauty and the brutality of being human.

  • So I hid there for a long time and as addictions do, bulimia morphed into alcoholism which

  • morphed into all the other things.

  • And it wasn’t until I was 25 years old and sitting on a cold bathroom floor staring at

  • a positive pregnancy test just shaking from terror and withdrawal and I was so unfit to

  • be a mother.

  • You know?

  • I’d been lost to addiction for 15 years at that point and I just remember thinking

  • there could not be a worse candidate for motherhood than me on the floor shaking.

  • And still something about that invitation just

  • I’m sorry, about that pregnancy test just read as an invitation to come back to life.

  • And I remember looking at theat the little positive sign and thinking, “Oh, I get it.

  • Like, if I want something this beautiful, if I want to be a mother, then I also have

  • to take all the brutal stuff.”

  • Like, if I’m gonna claim the beautiful parts of life then that means I have to show up.

  • Right?

  • Like, vulnerable.

  • I have to show up like without the booze, without the drugs, without all of the crutches

  • I’ve used.

  • If I want to be a mother I have to just show up sober as me and that means I’m gonna

  • have to take all the pain too.

  • Right, so that’s when I figured out that you can’t have one or the other.

  • Like, you can’t have the beautiful parts of life and not have the brutal parts of life.

  • You know, you can’t do what we try to do, which is selectively numb.

  • Right?

  • I’ll just numb the pain away, I’ll just make the valleys not so bad.

  • And you get none of the mountaintops.

  • Right?

  • So that’s when I figured life is not either/or.

  • You know, like, a fully human life is and both.

  • It’s so brutally hard and it’s also so freaking beautiful.

  • And the beautiful is just a little teeny bit more powerful than the brutal.

  • Right?

  • And that little teeny bit just makes it all worth it.

  • So one of the main messages in your book is the power of rock bottoms in our lives.

  • What was the big rock bottom for you that really catapulted the idea to want to write

  • this book?

  • Rock bottom is just a second home to me, Marie.

  • Soso I had my first rock bottom, which was the bathroom floor pregnancy test eviction

  • from my life as a drunken and bulimic.

  • Right?

  • That’s what a rock bottom is to me, it’s like an eviction from your life.

  • You know, it’s whatever happens thatthere’s a before and after.

  • You know?

  • So whether it’s like it’s a diagnosis or it’s an announcement that youof

  • in a marriage.

  • It’s whatever it is that divides your life into before and after.

  • Soso the first one was the bathroom floor and the pregnancy test and then the second

  • one after that first one I got married and had the baby and had 2 more babies and became

  • this, like… a grown up vertical person that I was just amazed.

  • Like, an upstanding citizen.

  • I had got a library card.

  • Amazing.

  • Yeah, which was still so terrifying when I think about it.

  • So I was just kind of going along with life and I started

  • I became a writer and I was kind of out there.

  • I was likelike kind of a relationships expert.

  • Well, that’s what Amazon said.

  • So if Amazon says it it’s true, right?

  • It’s true.

  • Oh my

  • I didn't know that.

  • So that was really the kind of, the framing of your blog in the beginning.

  • Right.

  • Which I never said.

  • Like, I’ve never said

  • I always said I don't know what the hell I’m doing.

  • Right?

  • But that’s what Amazon said.

  • Sobut that made it more awkward when, and terrifying when, I was in therapy with

  • Craig I guess about 10 years into our marriage and Craig revealed to me, I was clueless about

  • this, but he revealed to me that he had been unfaithful to me our entire marriage.

  • So in less of a relationship way and more of like a serial one night stand kind of way.

  • So anyway, that isthat was a big, huge rock bottom for me because it was the most

  • painful day of my life, I think.

  • Which is saying a lot.

  • Because the first timebecause I felt evicted from my life again, but the first time when

  • I was evicted from my life I was a disaster.

  • Right?

  • Like, I was a drunk and I was a bulimic and I was on drugs.

  • So even I was like, “Good call,” like, solid eviction.

  • You know, like, my life sucks.

  • So I’ll just take this invitation to become something else.

  • A good person.

  • Right, right, right.

  • Right.

  • But this second time I was like I’m everything I’ve ever wanted to be now.

  • Right?

  • Like I’m sober and I’m sane-ish and I’m happy-ish and I’m a mom and I’m a friend

  • and I’m a career woman and now?

  • And I’m a relationships expert.

  • So how the hell am I going to be that anymore?

  • Like, I didn't even know my own relationship, you know?

  • So I just felt likeand I think it’s great, I think because women, we define ourselves

  • so much by our roles.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • So we don't even know who we are at a soul level, we justwe grew up by becoming things.

  • Right?

  • I got sober and I’m like, “Oh, I just become stuff.”

  • Like, I’ve got to become a mom and become a… so when all that stuff gets taken away

  • from you and you don't know who you are on a soul level, I was paralyzed.

  • Like, I didn't…

  • I did not know what to do with myself in the morning.

  • Like, I didn't know.

  • If I’m not a mom, if I’m notyou know, my kids fell apart, all of it.

  • And this was like 2 weeks before my first book came out, so then I had to hit the road

  • and

  • Put the smile on.

  • Right.

  • Was that extraordinarily difficult?

  • Like, that internal struggle of knowing that you’d produced this one piece of work and

  • you wanted to see it out in the world and feeling inside like everything has just crumbled.

  • Yeah.

  • Yes, but here’s the good news, when youve been to rock bottom before you also know the

  • power of it.

  • Ok?

  • So the thing about rock bottom isand pain and being evicted from your life, is that

  • you live in the emotional spot of it and the emotional spot of it tells you, well, everything’s

  • over and this is the darkest time in my life and nothing is ever going to be good again.

  • But then you have this wise side of yourself that’s been there before and knows that

  • rock bottom, what it really is is a crisis.

  • Ok?

  • So we all want to avoid crisis, but what crisis literally means is to sift.

  • Ok, so like a child who goes to the beach and lifts up the sand and watches all the

  • sand fall away hoping that there’s treasure left over.

  • Yeah.

  • So that's what crisis does.

  • It sweeps into our life and it forces us to hold up our life and let everything fall away

  • that we thought we needed so that we can find out what’s left over.

  • Right?

  • Like, what can never beand that’s whythat’s why people who have been to rock

  • bottom are the people who are wise and kind and brave and able to laugh at the days to

  • come because these are the people who know that the way this life is designed is that

  • the only things you need are the very things that can never be taken from you.

  • Right?

  • So fear justso it’s sad for me that I’ve been to these individual rock bottom

  • and marriage rock bottom, but oh my God.

  • I wouldn’t change any of it.

  • Because I’m just not freakinscared anymore.

  • That’s amazing.

  • You wrote about “I cannot save my marriage but I can save myself.”

  • Was that just like a download you got?

  • Was that a mantra you kept repeating or was it just like a realization?

  • Youre just like no, no, no.

  • This is how I must move forward.

  • Yeah, it was a download.

  • I love that.

  • I love that term.

  • Because I say that all the time, it feelswisdom often feels like a download.

  • So I was in the van, in my freaking minivan, after I got out of therapy and learned that

  • my minivan life was over.

  • Right?

  • I was like, “I hate this minivan.

  • I need a freaking sports car.”

  • Right?

  • So I remember getting in the minivan and I remember downloading this whatever it is,

  • wisdom, that told me, “Ok.

  • I am not what just happened to me in there but I might be what I do next.”

  • Right?

  • It was like this moment of, oh my God.

  • It’s all about next.

  • Right?

  • So I remember thinking

  • I mean, and there was all the grief that I went through.

  • I mean, I think after you get news like that there’s a shock period.

  • So the shock period came right away.

  • I had that wisdom and then the shock period came.

  • And the shock period is actually amazing.

  • Like, I think of it as a grace period because that’s when I… the grief hadn’t sunk

  • in and I was just, like, gathering what I needed for winter.

  • It was like the fall happened in the therapy and then it was like winter was coming and

  • I knew it.

  • Because when grief takes over

  • It’s like the Game of Thrones.

  • Winter is coming.

  • Winter is coming.

  • Prepare!

  • Prepare!

  • So for me it was like call my sister, rally the troops.

  • Like, get

  • I remember going to my computer and, like, writing down everything that I know.

  • Like questions that I can’t answer.

  • What’s gonna happen to my marriage?

  • What’s gonna happen to my children?

  • What’s gonna happen to my life?

  • Questions I can answer.

  • Am I loved?

  • Yes.

  • Have I survived rock bottom before?

  • Yes.

  • Do I have the people that I need who love me around me?

  • Yes.

  • So everything was like what I can answer, what I can’t answer.

  • And I did, I called my sister.

  • She came.

  • She was on the road the next day to get there.

  • My parents came.

  • But, yeah, I remember thinking this

  • I don't know if this will be a redemption story for my marriage, but this is sure as

  • hell going to be a redemption story for me.

  • Right?

  • Like I’m gonna use this crapbecause pain, I mean, we don't do well with pain.

  • Right?

  • Like, we think pain is something to be fixed or something to be numbed and the second we

  • feel pain we think we did something wrong.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • We think, like, it’s a mistake.

  • And we need to get over it immediately.

  • Get over it.

  • Get rid of it.

  • Numb it.

  • Like, give it to somebody else.

  • Yup.

  • Hot potato.

  • Like, every time someone is unkind to you it’s just because they didn't know how to

  • be still with their pain.

  • Right?

  • So they just passed it on to you real quick.

  • But I don't know.

  • I mean, I’m someone who avoided pain my whole life.

  • Right?

  • I started avoiding pain when I was 10 years old.

  • And now what I’ve learned and what I knew to do with thatwith that pain is pain

  • is likeit’s holy, man.

  • It’s like joy.

  • You know?

  • It’s not something to be numbed, it’s something to be felt and then to use.

  • You know, pain can becomeif you can be still with it, pain can be transformed into

  • this fuel, you know, that you use to get your work done down here.

  • Sobut you have to be still with it.

  • Right?

  • You can’t easy button your way out of it with the million things that I always want

  • to easy button my way out of it.

  • Right?

  • It’s likeit’s like an alchemy.

  • Like you have to sit inside of it.

  • So that’s what I did, I used my pain to save myself.

  • Let me ask you a question from a practical standpoint because I think this is something

  • that a lot of people don't really talk about.

  • They don't really have the opportunity to have a conversation.

  • You were already somewhat of a public figure.

  • I mean, you had your book, you had a blog, you had a growing audience, and then you get

  • this news.

  • Was it hard for you to think about going to write to your audience and discerning how

  • much you could reveal right then and there?

  • And thinking like I need to process this for myself first?

  • Was that hard?

  • Oh, yeah.

  • So I didn't do a lot.

  • And I used used to, like, living out loud.

  • Like living out loud.

  • Which is fine when youre telling your own story.

  • Yeah.

  • And also because I’m usually writing from like, we call it writing from a scar and not

  • a wound.

  • You know, I mean, I’m writing about myself 5 years ago or whatever, but in that time

  • was so different.

  • Like, I remember thinking, “Oh, I can’t process this the way I usedbecause somebody

  • else isthis is not just about me.

  • This is about my husband, this is about my children, this is our story.”

  • So I told enough, I always say, like, try to be brave enough to tell your own story

  • but kind enough not to tell anyone else’s.

  • Right?

  • So I told enough so that people knew that I was, like, having a hard time.

  • Right?

  • Thatbut I was actually secretly writing every morning.

  • Because that’s how I process, right?

  • So I was in my cloffice because I didn't have a room of my

  • I didn't have a room.

  • So I’d go into the dark cloffice and write every single morning and thatmy editor,

  • who is a dear friend, 6 months in said, “How are you doing?

  • What’s… how are you doing?”

  • And I didn't have it in me to explain what was going on so I just sent her a few pages

  • of what I’d been writing.

  • And she wrote back and was like, “Oh my God.

  • You know you have to publish this, right?”

  • And I was like, “No.

  • I don't know that at all, actually.”

  • And so that’s what started this.

  • And so then it was like I was like in this, you know, moral dilemma.

  • Like should I do it?

  • Should I not do it?

  • And then at one point she was like, “Well, you know youre a writer so if you don't

  • youre gonna have to write something else.”

  • And I was like, “Ok, let’s just publish it then.

  • I don't wanna write something else.”

  • And then I figured I was sitting with Craig one night, we were talking about all of it,

  • like the possibility of publishing it, and it was like why wouldn’t I?

  • Ok, what would be the main reason not to tell this story?

  • And the only reason is shame.

  • The

  • I tried to come up with a bunch of other ones.

  • Right?

  • But the bottom line was that I was ashamed.

  • Like I was in this marriage and whatever the stories we tell ourselves.

  • Like I wasn’t enough and heand I’m a fraud and my family’s a fraud.

  • Like, all the stories I was telling and it all comes down to shame.

  • And, Marie, for me, the only thing that I know as a recovering addict is that shame

  • is the kiss of death.

  • Right?

  • Like shame is not true.

  • Right?

  • It’s a lie and it tells us that our experience is different than everyone else’s and that

  • were bad and thatand shame, I have to check my shame levels every day like diabetics

  • check their insulin.

  • You know, that’s why I write because the second something feels dark and scary that’s

  • what I have to get it out.

  • Because truth, it feels scary on the inside and then you get it out and it’s just

  • What’s the big deal?

  • Yeah, it’s nothing.

  • And then everybody goes, “Me too, me too,” and it goes away.

  • Yeah.

  • So really the question for me and for Craig was like is shame true or is it not?

  • Because there’s nothat’s a yes or no question.

  • Right?

  • It’s not like no there’s no shame, but for you because youre an alcoholic, but

  • sex shame.

  • That’s real.

  • No, it’s not true.

  • Like, this stuff isis heavy and it’s scary because we don't talk a lot about sex.

  • We talk a lot about sex, just in bullcrapin ways that aren’t real.

  • Right?

  • In ways that are completely unrealistic and this is actually another question I want to

  • talk about because I felt suchmy shoulders relaxed and I was so relieved when you were

  • telling the story about, you know, being with this man that you loved and obviously you

  • guys had experienced a lot, but this person, feeling repulsed by him and like you didn't

  • want to have sex.

  • And I wanted to ask you, because I talk to so many girlfriends about this who absolutely

  • love the husbands despite the state of their relationship whether there’s infidelity

  • or not.

  • Theyre in a marriage, theyre committed to each other, and yet they don't want to

  • have sex.

  • I mean, it’s something, I’ve talked about this on the show a little bit, sometimes I

  • have so much trouble staying in my feminine.

  • And I’m a person who’s really in my body.

  • So I was curious about your journey, especially going through the forgiveness that has to

  • come after infidelity, but then being able to get yourself turned on again enough for

  • you to be able to be intimate with Craig.

  • Was that difficult?

  • Yeah, so it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  • So it took like, I don't know, 18 months to even consider.

  • I mean, that’s the thing, this process takes so long.

  • I mean, here’s what I think happened to me, what I figured out in therapy because

  • I went back to therapy for the billionth time during this time.

  • Because, you know, you have to dive into it.

  • If youre gonna get the gifts of rock bottom you have to, like, dive the hell into it.

  • You have to go straight towards whatever pain you would prefer to run away from.

  • So I went back into therapy and what we figured out in therapy was that I had all kinds of

  • body issues still, right?

  • Which I kind of knew.

  • I mean, I became bulimic when I was 10 and I’ve struggled with body image and body

  • stuff forever.

  • So, like, I used to use food to numb, now I exercise too much.

  • It’s like I can’t freaking figure it out.

  • You know?

  • I will die not figuring it out.

  • Most of us.

  • I mean, youre not alone with that.

  • I mean, almost every woman regardless of her size or shape, it does not matter.

  • You know, we were talking about this off camera, sometimes Elsa and I will talk about this,

  • and how, you know, nuts we can make ourselves.

  • It’s exhausting.

  • It is exhausting.

  • It’s so freaking annoying.

  • And it’s because were poisoned.

  • Right?

  • So I used to think, “Oh, I’m broken.

  • What’s wrong with me?”

  • Well, it’s because, you know, we get messages every freaking day from the time were zero

  • to now saying, you know

  • Beauty looks this way.

  • We can be successfulwomen can be successful if theyre beautiful, and this is the one

  • way that you need to look beautiful.

  • And so what you have to do is you have to spend your entire life becoming smaller and

  • smaller and smaller in voice and in being.

  • Like, justif you could just almost disappear, that would be perfect.

  • That would be perfect.

  • It’d be great!

  • But if you can’t disappear just shh.

  • Right?

  • And takeso anyway.

  • The interesting thing that I learned in therapy is thatso if were trinities, right,

  • were body, mind, and spirit, which I think we are, then the healthythe healthiest

  • of us live out lives of the mind, lives of the spirit, and lives of the body.

  • Right?

  • Physical lives.

  • But women and girls, we get shamed so early for our bodies and we get so many confusing

  • messages about our bodies that what actually takes place is it’s almost like we vote

  • our bodies off the island.

  • Right?

  • Like were like I’m just going to live in this mind and feeling and sometimes spirit

  • space, but this stuff?

  • Likebecause were objectified.

  • Right?

  • So we don't even care how we feel, we care how we look.

  • Like, we don't care what we desire, we care that were desired.

  • We are constantly objectified so ourso of course our bodies would become objects

  • even to us.

  • So were not living out this life, were not feeling.

  • Were justso that’s what happened to me.

  • I voted my body off the island and so that’s why sex for me feels like I’m being used.

  • Because I’m notthis isn’t even me.

  • Like, I don't know what this is, I’ve been shaping it into this thing that is as acceptable

  • asbut then I’m angry about it.

  • Right?

  • There’s a part of me that’s really pissed, that knows that I should be doing something

  • different with my body and feeling differently about it and caring how I feel instead of

  • how I look and caring what I desire and what I want instead of being wanted.

  • Soso my therapist and I figured, she said we need to have a reunion.

  • Like, we need to, like, vote your body back on the island.

  • And I remember saying, “That sounds really hard.

  • Do you have another pill?”

  • And she goes, “No, were gonna do the work.

  • Were gonna do the work, Glennon.”

  • So I ended up in yoga.

  • So, Marie, this yoga thing freaking saved my life because there’s like a bunch of

  • stuff you have to do before the sex.

  • Right?

  • Like, you can’t just be in your body if youre someone who’s lived in your mind

  • your whole life.

  • I mean, I started reading obsessively when I was 3, then I became bulimic, then, I mean,

  • my whole life has been a retreat into my mind.

  • Right?

  • So when you say I’m someone who lives in my body, I can tell that about you.

  • I’ve always been able to tell that.

  • That is not me.

  • Right?

  • I’m just not even here.

  • So what would happen during sex is I would be like planning dinner.

  • And I’d be like, “Is thisare we done?

  • Like, are you done?”

  • Are you done yet?

  • No.

  • Soso I had to practice in yoga.

  • Like, I had to practice

  • I remember sitting there and being like, “Oh…” like, they would tell me to move and they

  • would say something.

  • I remember being about balance one time and they were like, “Push in with your leg in

  • the front and push in with your leg in the back.

  • That’s how balance happens.

  • It’s 2 opposing forces pushing in on an object.”

  • And I remember being like, “Oh my God.

  • I thought you became more balanced by eliminating pressure.

  • So youre saying pressure keeps us grounded.

  • Like, these pressures in our lives, like love and family and friends, this is what’s,

  • like, keeping me grounded.”

  • It was like this downloading of, like, “Oh my God, my body is teaching my mind.”

  • That’s great.

  • Body is teaching mind, that’s crazy.

  • Like, I could have this whole life of the body, which is, of course, what we have to

  • get to at sex.

  • Right?

  • We have to be fully present and let our bodies take over.

  • So it’s still a process for me and sex still isn’t easy for me.

  • I don't think it’s easy for most of us.

  • I know it’s gotten harder as I’ve gotten older, but I love talking about this again

  • because it’s something that we don't get a chance to talk about.

  • We don't get a chance to talk about publicly and there’s so much shame around it.

  • So thank you for entertaining that question for me and for sharing that.

  • You know, there was something in the book that you wrote about when you were digging

  • deeper into the Bible about the idea that women are helpers.

  • Tell us about the discovery that you made with the Hebrew word ezer and what that means.

  • Yeah, so like sex, religion is something that I’ve struggled with for a long time.

  • So I’m…

  • I’d say I’m like a God freak.

  • Like, I’m obsessed with God even when I was just, like, just drunk all the time.

  • I just felt like there’s this force loving me and holding me.

  • I always felt held, you know?

  • And I’m a Sunday school teacher.

  • I’m like a church lady.

  • But I’m always, like, pissed about church too because, I don't know, probably because

  • of the messages to women.

  • You know, in the Christian church just make me crazier.

  • And soso I remember going throughwhen I was going through the separation, I was

  • at church and this woman walked up to me and she saidthis is what the Christian ladies

  • say when theyre gossiping about you.

  • Theyre like, “So, we were talking about you at prayer group.

  • And everyone’s just really praying for you and Craig.

  • Weve requested prayers.”

  • And I’m like, “Oh, my God.

  • Just tell me that youre gossipping.”

  • Ok?

  • Soso she goes, “We just want to remind you that, you know, you are here to help Craig

  • through this time.

  • You were given to Craig as a helper.”

  • So this is a Christian thing that were told that the word ezer, that God uses to

  • describe Woman, means helper.

  • Ok, so that’s what I was taught as a child.

  • God made man and then God man a helper.

  • Ok?

  • So that’s nice and helpful.

  • Not.

  • Soright.

  • So that has always just pissed the living hell out of me but it’s scary to raise your

  • hand in church.

  • Right?

  • So I quit going to church after that woman said that to me.

  • Because I thought, “Oh, ok, so now I’m not only supposed to deal with this infidelity

  • and all this crap.

  • I’m supposed to help him through it because…”

  • Not so much.

  • Right.

  • So I’ll just skip all the other things that I thought during that time.

  • So I quit for a while.

  • So I remember sitting in my

  • I had just got into this breathing class, which was so amazing.

  • This woman

  • I was having all these, like, spiritual experiences that were kind of making me doubt a lot of

  • things that I’ve been taught in church.

  • And so I… this woman that I had been talking to kept saying go to the source.

  • Like, you need to get rid of all the middlemen between you and God.

  • Right?

  • You need to just start going to the source.

  • And that kept going back to me in my head and I came home one night and so I went, I

  • picked up my Bible, which I hadn’t picked up for a while because I just was so mad about

  • all of it, and I looked up the word that God used to describe woman and then I started

  • researching myself.

  • Right?

  • I got on the internet and I got on a bunch of, like, really reputable sites and started

  • learning.

  • So, Marie, interestingly enough it turns out that ezer doesn’t frigginmean helpful

  • helper.

  • Ok?

  • Ezer means warrior.

  • Right?

  • Ezer means strong and benevolent.

  • Right?

  • So ezer is used in the Bible to describe really, really strong military forces, God herself,

  • and woman.

  • So can you just tell me how from strong benevolent warrior they got helper?

  • Right?

  • Wishful thinking.

  • Like, it’s a… because it was a bunch of men at a table they decide theyre like,

  • Well, we have to freaking get the laundry done.

  • Ok?

  • So were just gonna say it means helper.”

  • That’s why you have to be at the table.

  • That’s why there has to be women at every single table because if youre not at the

  • table youre on the menu.

  • Yeah.

  • Right?

  • So that just changed everything to me, man.

  • I was like, “Oh, this is not like

  • God put me here as, like, a freaking love warrior.”

  • That’s where love warrior came from.

  • Like, what God cares about is peace and love and beauty and caring for hurting people.

  • And so God put woman here as someone who cares about peace and love and beauty and caring

  • for hurting people.

  • This leads us exactly where I wanted to go next, which is sistering.

  • There’s two more things I want to cover before we wrap up, but sistering is something

  • I saw you post about on Facebook and I loved it.

  • Can you share a little bit about your philosophy of sistering?

  • Yeah.

  • So it’s this idea that life gets hard sometimes, gets really heavy, and what do we do with

  • that.

  • So there’s this term in carpentry, so what carpenters do is they build.

  • Right?

  • And theythe building block of carpentry is the joist.

  • And so joist is just a corner.

  • I don't know if this is right, but whatever.

  • I like it.

  • Keep going.

  • So joist, it’s a corner.

  • And so what sometimes what happens is that there’s too heavy of a load on top of the

  • joist and so it starts to weaken.

  • And so when the joist starts to weaken the carpenters bring another board to the left

  • of the joist to shore it up.

  • And if that doesn't strengthen it enough the carpenters bring in another board to the right

  • of that board.

  • And then it’s so solid with a board to the left and the board to the right that it can

  • handle any kind of load.

  • And so that process is called sistering, which I feel like is the most perfect description

  • of how I’ve gotten through life.

  • I can’t even.

  • Like, we think... like sometimes life just gets too heavy.

  • Like the load on us gets tooand the mistake we make is to think it’s a mistake.

  • Right?

  • We think, “Oh my God, I did something wrong.”

  • But I think life gets too heavy and too hard because it’s supposed to.

  • Right?

  • Because when it gets too heavy that’s when we have to call for a sister to the left and

  • we have to call for a sister to the right and that’s the best part of life.

  • It’s not getting through it so perfectly andit’s needing people and being needed.

  • Yeah.

  • Right, so I just want my whole life to just be a dance between being sistered and sistering.

  • And the best part is you don't have to, like, say the right thing or do the right thing

  • or bring the right thing to be a good sister.

  • You just have to show up and just stand there and be strong.

  • That’s my whole plan.

  • Which we can do.

  • Yeah, I can stand there.

  • I loved that.

  • I reallythat video brought me to tears.

  • It was awesome.

  • And speaking of sistering, I was so, so honored and so excited that we got a chance to play

  • together earlier this year with The Compassion Collective.

  • So I know so many people in our audience loved being a part of that campaign and loved being

  • a part of the collective.

  • So I was curious if you have any updates for us because I know everybody would love to

  • hear.

  • Yeah, I do.

  • First of all, thank you to your community, you guys are an amazing army of love warriors.

  • You really are.

  • So, yeah, I mean, The Compassion Collective, this is this idea that, I mean, I guess when

  • you figure out that all of the magic in your personal life happens when you rush towards

  • the pain instead of away from it, you kind of take that to the universal and you think,

  • Oh, my God.

  • Like, what if I rushed towards the pain of the world instead of turning away from it?

  • Right?

  • Like, what if heartbreak, what breaks my heart, is actually not something to be numbed or

  • avoided or be silent about either?

  • What if what breaks my heart is a message to me?

  • Like, is a wake up?

  • Is like a shining arrow that is pointing me directly towards my purpose?

  • Right?

  • Because that’s what were freaking here to do.

  • Yes.

  • That’s it is to, like, heal ourselves and heal the world.

  • And you don't heal yourself completely before you heal the world.

  • Yes.

  • That’s the other thing people think, like, I’ll just wait till I’m done then I’ll

  • get started.

  • Well, good luck.

  • Ok?

  • Because no, that’s never gonna happen.

  • It’s just this constant of both.

  • So when we figured that out we thought, alright, were just going towhat breaks our heart,

  • man?

  • Whatthis year, what is…?

  • And so the refugees, of course.

  • We have

  • I have this friend Amy who I work with and she’s… her heart for the refugees is so

  • huge.

  • So then the best thing you can do when your heart breaks for something is assume that

  • other peoplesare going to also because were all exactly the same.

  • Right?

  • So then the best thing you can do is just invite people into the story.

  • So that’s what we do with The Compassion Collective.

  • So it was you and Brené and Liz and Rob and Cheryl and then this year we had Valerie and

  • Laverne Cox too.

  • And, God, I don't know, it was the best thing in the world.

  • But, I mean, I’m a writer so I just write the freaking story.

  • Right?

  • So, I mean, we all have these gifts.

  • I think writing is a gift for me.

  • And the only use for it is service.

  • Right?

  • It’s like what are we gonna do?

  • Where are our gifts gonna take us?

  • It’s always gonna take us right to the service lane.

  • Right?

  • It’s not a mystery, that’s why anyone doing anything awesome always ends up in the

  • same river.

  • Right?

  • And all the cool people are there.

  • Right?

  • Everyone awesome is in that river, like in the service river.

  • So this, I don't know, I think were up to like 2 and a half million dollars for the

  • refugees.

  • The best part of The Compassion Collective and the love flash mobs is that no one’s

  • allowed to give more than 25 dollars so it just creates this feeling of community and,

  • you know, it totally dispels the idea that you have to be, like, rich to be a giver.

  • Absolutely.

  • Because giving isn’t about how much you give, it’s about what changes inside of

  • you when you do it no matter how much it is.

  • So these efforts are not, you know, it’s not just for the refugees, it’s forit’s

  • for us.

  • And also for the

  • I love that for this particular campaign that it was about homeless youth in America as

  • well.

  • I thought that was a really beautiful component.

  • And that’s the biggest update we have now.

  • So just amazing things are going on right now in 16 different cities all with homeless

  • shelters who areor homeless shelters or programs who are serving youth.

  • So weve learned so much, one of which is youth homelessness is the fastest growing

  • population of homeless people in America.

  • Also the LGBTQ community is the largest growing population of that homeless group because

  • because of a lot of reasons mainly being rejection from family.

  • Ok?

  • Soso that makes me want to, like, stick a knife in my eyeball.

  • Right?

  • That makes me want to explode because for so many reasons.

  • And so what that tells me is that’s where I need to be.

  • Right?

  • Yeah.

  • Soso now were just in it, man.

  • Were just like

  • I mean, just creating all of these programs for these LGBTQwell give you all the

  • updates too.

  • Were working on them right now.

  • Well put links too below the show.

  • Just so you guys have them.

  • Yeah, but what’s better on earth than, like, seeing some kids who have been rejected from

  • family and being like well be your family.

  • It wasit’s such a beautiful thing and I’m so excited to continue and to bring

  • the work to even more people and to see how much more goodness we can bring to the world.

  • Glennon, you are amazing.

  • Thank you for the work that you're doing.

  • Thank you for this beautiful book and for making the time to come on the show.

  • I adore you.

  • I adore you too.

  • Thank you for you and your work and thank you for trusting me with your people.

  • Now Glennon and I would love to hear from you.

  • What’s the single biggest insight that youre taking away from this conversation today?

  • Leave a comment below and let us know.

  • Now, as always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com,

  • so go there and leave a comment now.

  • And when youre there, be sure to sign up and become an MF insider, that means youre

  • just gonna join our email list.

  • And the moment you do youll get access to a powerful audio I created called How to

  • Get Anything You Want.

  • Youre gonna love it.

  • Youll also get access to some exclusive content and special giveaways and insights

  • from me that I don't share anywhere else.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special

  • gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time on MarieTV.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • Oh snap.

  • Damn.

  • Smack it, smack it, damn.

  • In the air.

  • Oh, you think I don't have that level of coordination like that?

  • Oh yeah.

  • I know how to do book choreography better than anybody else.

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

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