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- HAPPY SEASON 11, EVERYBODY.
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[cheers and applause]
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IT'S A GOOD NUMBER.
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THIS IS OUR FIRST SHOW OF OUR BRAND-NEW SEASON,
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AND I HAVE A PROMISE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
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RIGHT UP FRONT, I'M GONNA SAY IT.
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THIS SEASON, I'M GONNA WORK IT WHILE I TWERK IT.
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[cheers and applause]
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I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
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AH, DID YOU HAVE A GOOD SUMMER, EVERYBODY?
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GOOD SUMMER, YEAH?
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GREAT.
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WHAT DID YOU DO?
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[laughter]
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ALL RIGHT, MY TURN.
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I HAD A GREAT SUMMER. I HAD A WONDERFUL SUMMER.
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I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE BACK, THOUGH.
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BUT I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SUN. I RELAXED.
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I READ A LOT OF SANGRIA RECIPES.
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AND I WENT TO TWO DIFFERENT WEDDINGS,
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WHICH ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL.
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I LOVE WEDDINGS. MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED.
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MY BROTHER, VANCE, GOT MARRIED,
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AND THIS IS, UM, HIM.
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THAT'S THEM.
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WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BRIDE,
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AND IT WAS A SURPRISE FOR EVERYBODY,
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BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.
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LIKE, I DON'T KNOW-- 10, 12 YEARS.
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SOMETHING LIKE THAT. A LONG TIME, SO...
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I FORGET HER NAME, BUT SHE IS A LOVELY WOMAN.
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STARTS WITH AN R OR A Q, BUT SHE IS SO SWEET.
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SHE'S, UH--NO, IT'S JOANN, AND I LOVE JOANN,
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SO SHE'S MY SISTER-IN-LAW, AND THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM, AND IT WAS FANTASTIC,
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AND WE DANCED FOR HOURS ALL NIGHT LONG.
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THIS IS A PHOTO I BROUGHT OF PORSH AND I DANCING.
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AND IT WAS--I KNOW.
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I KNOW.
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I HAVE TO PHOTO CROP HER-- I DON'T KNOW WHO--
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[laughter]
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I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS.
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BUT IT LOOKS ROMANTIC.
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WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING, "DO I HAVE BROCCOLI IN MY TEETH?"
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"NO, DO YOU HAVE"--
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WE'RE LOOKING FOR BROCCOLI.
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SO THAT WAS MY BROTHER'S WEDDING.
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AND THEN WE WENT TO--
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MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL GOT MARRIED,
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SO WE WENT TO JIMMY'S WEDDING.
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[cheers and applause]
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THEY GOT MARRIED THE SAME PLACE MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED.
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THEY GOT MARRIED AT THE OJAI VALLEY INN.
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AND THAT'S MOLLY, OF COURSE.
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE, OJAI.
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LET'S PAN OUT, IF WE CAN.
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I'LL SHOW YOU HOW PRETTY IT IS.
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OH, THERE SHE IS AGAIN.
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HOW DID SHE GET--BOTH WEDDINGS. THAT'S CRAZY.
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WE HAD A GREAT TIME AT THAT WEDDING AS WELL.
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WE HUNG OUT WITH OUR FRIENDS JEN AND JUSTIN,
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AND SO THEY WERE...
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[cheers and applause]
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NOW...
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NOBODY WAS IMPRESSED. THAT WAS OUR TABLE CARD.
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I PULLED IT OUT OF JEN'S EAR,
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AND NO ONE WAS IMPRESSED AS I THOUGHT THEY WOULD'VE BEEN.
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I WENT THE HAMPTONS, AND I HAD FUN IN THE HAMPTONS.
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I DID SOME DANCING AND SOME SINGING.
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HERE I AM WITH JAMIE FOXX AND PHARRELL RIGHT THERE.
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[cheers and applause]
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YEP.
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THAT'S ME IN THE MIDDLE.
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AND...
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WE WERE SINGING PHARRELL'S HIT SONG "GET LUCKY."
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AND THEY WERE ALL UP ALL NIGHT TO GET LUCKY.
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I WENT TO BED AROUND 8:30, SO...
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AND I ALSO--IT WAS A STAR-STUDDED SUMMER.
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I HUNG OUT WITH OPRAH,
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BECAUSE I MOVED INTO A NEIGHBORHOOD--
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I'M RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM WHERE OPRAH LIVES,
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AND SHE KNEW THAT I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
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SHE WAS SO NICE, SHE BROUGHT OVER A BEAUTIFUL BASKET
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OF, LIKE, FRUITS AND VEGETABLES FROM HER GARDEN.
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AND THAT'S HER BRINGING US--
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AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT OPRAH,
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BUT WHEN I EMPTIED THE BASKET,
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I FOUND A TRADER JOE'S RECEIPT AT THE BOTTOM.
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SO I WAS LIKE, "OH, I WANT TO SEE THE GARDEN."
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SHE GOES, "NOT TODAY."
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I DON'T THINK SHE HAS A GARDEN.
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IT'S GREAT TO BE FRIENDS WITH OPRAH, NEIGHBORS WITH OPRAH.
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IT'S WONDERFUL.
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ONE DAY SHE CAME OVER, SHE DID MY HAIR,
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WHICH WAS REALLY SWEET OF HER, SO THANK YOU FOR THAT.
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THANKS, OPRAH.
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[cheers and applause]